More Than Forever

by Jay McLean

  With everyone working, it only takes ten minutes.

  We stick the open cans of tuna under the seats and hide them in the air vents. Lucas sits the mannequin in the driver's seat and superglues the seatbelt in place while Ethan blows up the kiddy pool and sets it on the roof, the statue being the centerpiece. The girls fill it with Jell-O and pudding, and whatever's left of the pudding is smeared into the car seats. I think Lucy enjoys that part the most. When we've completed the inside, Jake and Logan lock the statue and kiddy pool in place with the bike locks. And when they're done with that, Lucas and I cover the entire car, statue and all, with the aluminum foil.

  We all struggle not to cackle with laughter, but it's so damn hard.

  Standing back, we all take in the masterpiece. "This is our best one yet," Jake announces.

  "Dylan would be proud," Logan muses.

  We bow our heads for a moment of silence. And then we erupt with laughter.

  "Why—" Lucas starts, but Lucy cuts in, "Shut it, slutslave."

  "Fuck this is good times," Logan says. "I miss this shit!"

  Jake pats Lucas on the back. "Leave your car here." He hands him a beer. "Crash at our place and get it in the morning. It's too late to drive home."

  We take one more look at what was Roxy's car, laugh some more, and then start the walk back to Jake and Micky's.

  Lucy holds my hand. "I love you, baby." She reaches up and kisses my cheek. "Thank you."

  "For what?"

  "For letting me have this—closure."

  ***

  I walk with my hands in my pockets, watching Lucas and Lucy in front of me with her hand on the crook of his elbow.

  "Lachy got suspended from school today," he tells her.

  "Again?"

  "Yeah. You know that song from Frozen, Let it Go?"

  "Yeah?"

  "He kept singing it to his teacher."

  "Well that's cute, right?"

  "Yeah, only he changed the words. He keeps singing, 'Let it gooo, filthy hoooo," he sings.

  Her head throws back in laughter. "That's all Little Logan."

  "I know," he agrees. "Sometimes I wonder what Mom would think if she knew."

  She shrugs. "She'd probably tell him to stop, but laugh about it when she was alone. She didn't care much for punishment."

  "That's true," he says. "We're lucky to have you around to remind us of her. You're getting more and more like her."

  "No." She shakes her head. "Mom was beautiful."

  I want to cut in—tell her she's beautiful, too, but Lucas says it for me.

  She leans up and kisses his cheek. "She had fire too. Remember that time Dad got the new kitchen and he measured it wrong? Everything was higher than it was supposed to be. She had to use a step ladder to open the top cupboards."

  I smile.

  Lucas laughs. "She was so mad. She'd always mumble curses whenever she was in there."

  "I know," Lucy giggles. "But she never really cursed. She'd just put two random words together, but it was her tone that made it sound like that."

  "That's right," he says, like it's a lost memory. "What was that one she'd say every time she opened the cupboards?"

  Lucy's head tilts back, as if asking the skies for an answer. "Oh yeah. Balah chicken."

  Lucas chuckles. "What the hell is a balah chicken?"

  "I don't know," Lucy replies through her laugh. "Dad kept telling her he'd fix it but he never did."

  "Yeah, I think Dad liked to feel needed, you know? Like he had a purpose with her... every time she asked him to reach something... I'd catch them smiling at each other when they were in there. Like it was their own private joke."

  Lucy sighs. "They loved each other a lot. And they showed it, too. I don't remember a time they were ever apart when he wasn't at work. They always needed to be together, you know? Even if they weren't doing the same things, they were always in the same room... just... loving each other."

  He laughs once. "Reminds me of you and Cam."

  She turns and glances at me quickly, a slight smile on her lips. "Yeah, like me and Cam."

  Logan comes up next to me and nudges my elbow with his. "It's kind of perfect isn't it?"

  "What is?" I ask him, my eyes still on Lucy.

  I watch as her head throws back in laughter. The sound still so powerful it drowns out all other sounds.

  "The universe," he says.

  I smile and turn to him, but he's watching Amanda laughing with Micky. "Yeah, man. It really is."

  ***

  We get back to Jake and Micky's, with everyone on a high from Operation Mayhem. Everyone but Lucas. "Seriously, Luce. You broke skin when you bit me. It better not scar. I've gone eighteen years without a single mark on me."

  She scoffs. "Seriously, Luke? You have a birthmark on your skull the size of Cam's balls!"

  I roar with laughter. I think we all do.

  "I do not," he says defensively.

  "Yeah you do. You're lucky your hair’s so thick it covers it. Did you seriously not know?"

  He runs a hand through his hair. "Are you fucking kidding right now?"

  She shakes her head slowly. "Don't ever shave your hair. Unless you want birthballs to be your nickname for life."

  That gets another round of laughs.

  "Wait," Jake says. "You don't have any scars? No falling off shit... smashing your head on a table... nothing?"

  "Nope," Lucas replies, popping the 'p'. He runs both hands down his chest. "I'm flawless."

  "I have small ones, but no broken bones or anything," Micky adds.

  For the next ten minutes, we share and show each other's stories.

  "I win," Ethan shouts. "I have pins in my leg and a huge fucking scar from when I broke my leg."

  Amanda pouts. "I'm so sorry, E, you shou—"

  He raises his finger to shush her. "Dylan," he deadpans.

  And we bow our heads, chuckling as we do.

  "I have a scar," Lucy says quietly. "From the lapra—latra—"

  "Laparotomy," I tell her. But my eyes widen when I hear others say it too.

  Her face falls. "What?" she breathes out, looking at everyone. "How do you guys know?"

  Micky shrugs. "Jake and I researched it after you told me about it."

  She looks to Logan for an answer. "I already knew what it was, but I kind of looked up how it affected you," he says.

  She turns to me. I try to smile, but I don't know if it shows. Then one by one, she looks at each of our friends. And then she sniffs, and I know she's on the verge of tears. "You guys," she cries. She inhales a shaky breath before attempting to speak. "You—" Her sob cuts her off. She covers her face with her hands and raises a finger, asking us to wait.

  I put my hand under her tank and rub her back. And when she's ready, she starts again, "You guys are amazing. You're the bestest friends I could have ever asked for." She struggles to speak through her cries. "I mean, after my mom died, and Claudia left, I had no one. I hated the thought of going to school every day with no one there. And then—" She pauses for a moment to try to level her breathing.

  "Babe," I say, "It's okay."

  She shakes her head. "I need to say this." She turns to the group. "And then Cameron came along, and he made..." She presses a hand to her heart. "He made it hurt less, and then you guys, you became my friends, and you took me in without any question. You made me feel like part of the group and there was no reason behind it... you just did it."

  Micky holds Jake's hand and sniffs into his arm.

  "You guys, all of you, you became my family. And you've always been there for me no matter what."

  I don't really know if it's the alcohol talking, but I let her speak. I let her say what she needs to say.

  "And after what happened with me and Cam... you helped us get through it. I can't even..." She drops her head in her hands and cries, harder than I've seen her cry in a long time.

  The other girls are crying now, and so am I, but I try to hide my tears
and lower my cap.

  "Are you okay, baby?" I whisper.

  She nods. "I'm okay," she says, her voice level. "I'm okay, Cameron." She turns and looks around the group again. "It's been almost a year and I'm healed. You all helped me heal. And it's not so bad." She shrugs. "I mean the doctors—they said that we couldn't conceive naturally. It doesn't mean anything. We still have options."

  I bring her closer, not for her, but for me.

  She sniffs a few times and wipes her tears. "We can always do IVF treatment, or even surrogacy. But I don't know, I think..." She glances at me quickly. "I think I'd really like to look into adoption, too."

  "Fuck yeah, adoption!" Logan shouts.

  It brings on a mix of cries and laughter.

  He leans forward, his fist out ready for a bump. She laughs as their fists make contact.

  I bring her even closer, pull my cap off and use it to hide our faces. "I'm so proud of you. I love you, Lucy," I tell her, because I've never felt it more than I do right now.

  "Forever, Cameron."

  CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

  -CAMERON-

  I leave Lucy in bed, quietly snoring. She had a lot to drink last night and we got home pretty late. I tell her that I'll be back in a few hours and that I want to get some work done at the studio. She mumbles an I love you and pulls the covers above her head.

  I get in my car, drive past my studio, and with each passing minute I let the nerves build.

  *

  I rub my palms down my shorts and inhale deeply. I close my eyes and count to five in my head, then I open them and knock on the door before I wuss out.

  Tom answers with a smile when he sees me, but then his brows furrow. "Everything okay?" he asks, looking over my shoulder.

  I can understand why he'd be concerned. It's rare that I show up without Lucy, or that I even knock these days.

  His gaze comes back to me as he looks me up and down, and whatever he sees in my face has him smiling again.

  "Come in," he says, jerking his head inside the house.

  It's quiet, quieter than I've ever heard it. I look around, but I can't see any of the boys. He must read my mind, because he informs, "Virginia took the boys to the lake for the afternoon."

  I nod, even though he can't see me.

  He leads me to his office where he motions for me to take a seat. He sits on the other side of the desk I designed for him. He's still smiling and I don't know why. I haven't said a word. I've tried. When he opened the door, I tried. I tried again as he was leading me down the hallway into this room. I even opened my mouth, but nothing came out.

  I squirm in the seat, trying to adjust my position. I want to look tough, like I'm in control. I square my shoulders and lift my chin. Then I open my mouth... nothing.

  His smile gets wider. He unlocks his desk drawer and pulls out a little black box.

  "I was wondering when you'd come around," he says.

  I still can't speak.

  "This is her mom's."

  And my heart beats out of my chest.

  "When do you plan on doing it?"

  I swallow down my nerves and man up.

  "I was hoping to do it September twenty-fifth, sir."

  His eyes go wide.

  "I thought it would be nice if you and the boys, and your wife were there to witness it."

  His eyes glaze over as he nods once. "It sounds perfect, son."

  SEPTEMBER TWENTY-FIFTH

  I'm so fucking nervous my eye begins to twitch. Twitchy, that's probably what the boys would nickname me for a year.

  I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to get it to stop. Surely I must look crazy right now—suited up, standing under a random tree, yards away from a huge family paying respect to their lost mother and wife.

  I blow out a breath. I need to calm down.

  Pressing my palm against my chest, I close my eyes and start counting in my head. It doesn't seem to get better.

  Then I feel a tiny hand brush against my leg and fingers wrap around mine.

  I open one eye and look down at Lachlan. He beams up at me, with crooked teeth on display. He's just started getting his adult teeth through. "Daddy says it's time," he whispers. Kid's cute. He won't be much longer. His older brothers have already started talking him into doing and saying some stupid shit, but I'd virtually watched him grow from a tiny baby into this boy, and soon enough, he'd be a teenager. I bet he'll be like Little Logan. That kid's a punk; his name suits him.

  We walk hand in hand over to his mother's headstone.

  I wanted to give them all time to pay their respects as a family. She waits at the front of the others with that same sad smile I'd gotten used to over the last six years. Six years. Holy shit.

  "It'll be okay," Lachlan whispers. Then he takes off, running toward his dad. And it starts again. The nerves. The sweaty palms. The racing heart. The fucking eye twitch.

  I stand in front of her, my ribs aching from the pounding of my heart against it. It feels like it could break bone and skin and rip through me at any second. I place my hand in my pocket and feel around for what I need.

  "Are you okay, Cam?" Her voice drips with concern. "You look kind of pale."

  I gaze up at her dad. He just nods and tries to smile. He fails, but I get it. I can't even imagine what this must feel like for him. Maybe he feels like he's about to lose the only woman left in his life, but he knows me better than that. He knows I'd never take her away.

  I eye all her brothers one by one, almost as if asking for permission. No one gives me an out. I finish on Lachlan, whose smile's unchanged. He nods his head with as much enthusiasm as his seven-year-old body can muster.

  Then I give all my attention to the girl in front of me.

  Lucy.

  She must've been following my gaze because her head slowly turns from her brothers behind her to me.

  Eyes narrowed, she asks, "What's going on?"

  Her gaze searches me from head to toe, and then back up again. But she doesn't get all the way up—her eyes fixate on what I'm holding. They widen. As if in slow motion, her hand comes up to cover her mouth.

  I suck in a breath.

  Let it out in a whoosh.

  And then it happens.

  I drop down on one knee. "Lucy..."

  She squeals something similar to a yes before I even get a chance to ask. Lunging forward, she throws her arms around my neck—the power of her push so strong that I have to catch myself with my outstretched arm.

  She's crying, and laughing.

  And so am I.

  "Did he even ask her?" Lachlan says.

  Tom shakes his head. "I don't think there was ever really a question."

  ***

  "I can't believe I'm wearing my mom's ring. It's so surreal."

  I glance at her quickly while I drive us to Mark and Mom's house. "So I need you to do something for me."

  "Anything," she says, distracted by the giant rock on her finger.

  "I didn't tell them what I was planning. I was hoping for it to be a surprise."

  "Okay?"

  I smile. "So let's mess with Mom a little."

  *

  Mom opens the door and grins from ear to ear. "An unexpected visit from the prodigal son," she muses. "Come in."

  "Do you have any aspirin?" Lucy asks, before stepping inside. She rubs her forehead with her left hand. "I have this giant headache that won't go away."

  "Sure." Mom looks at her like moms are supposed to; concerned. But she doesn't notice the ring on her finger.

  "Yeah," Lucy feigns, "and there's this ache in my chest, too." She rubs her chest with her hand.

  "Oh, sweetheart," Mom coos. "Is Cameron taking care of you?"

  "Uh huh." She nods and over exaggerates a yawn, covering her mouth. "I'm just tired all the time."

  Still... nothing.

  A frown pulls on Mom's lips as she leads us to the kitchen. We sit at the island counter while Mom busies herself with the unneeded aspirin. Lucy takes it anyway,
along with the glass of water Mom set down in front of her. She turns to her side while she drinks, just so Mom has a better view of the ring.

  "You look a little pale, sweetie."

  Lucy's chokes on her laugh.

  I shake my head at both of them. "So Mom, I tried calling Mark before we got here but his phone was engaged."

  "He should be on his way home now. He had to go into the dealership real quick. I've been trying to get him to take weekends off but he won't listen." She pauses for a beat. "What's that noise?" she asks.

  Lucy's clanking the ring against her glass.

  "I must have a coin in the dryer, I'll be back."

  We wait until she leaves the room before bursting out laughing. "How does she not see it?" Lucy asks in disbelief.

  "I have no idea."

  "Hey," she says, serious all of a sudden. "You didn't tell your mom?" She raises her hand and cups the side of my face. "What if she doesn't like me? Or likes me but doesn't want you to marry me?" She pouts. "What if she wants grandchil—"

  "Dylan!" I snap.

  She clamps her mouth shut and drops her gaze.

  "Don't ever bring that up again, Luce." I pull on her legs until she swivels in her seat and her entire body is facing me. "Don't ever question the way my mom feels for you. She loves you as much as I do."

  Her eyes lift to mine, before she leans up and kisses me. Soft at first, but it quickly turns to something more. Her head tilts to the side as her tongue skims my lips. She opens her mouth, giving me access. I almost forget where we are and why we're here. Almost—until Mom's scream reminds me. We both turn to her, Lucy's hand still cupping my face.

  Mom's on her knees, her hands covering her face. Her shoulders lift with each silent sob.

  "Are you okay, Ma?" I laugh out. "What happened?"

  Lucy swats my chest and gets off her stool. "Heather?"

  Mom looks up now, her eyes red and filled with tears.

  Mark walks in through the door that leads to the garage. "I heard a scream! What happened?"

  Mom cries heavier, waving her hand at us.

  Mark sees us for the first time. Then his eyes trail back to Mom. "What happened?" he asks again.

  "She—he—they—prop—wed—"

  His gaze moves back to us, his brows bunched in confusion. Standing over her, he asks, "Honey, have you been drinking with the girls again?"