"Why is everyone so solemn?" Kurt asked, entering the room carrying a large wooden box.
“Oh, we were discussing Andrea's future. I'm sure between the two of us, we'll be able to get her strong and healthy once again," she smiled.
"Andrea, you'll be happy to know your best friend, Emily, will be here sometime tomorrow from New York."
"Emily." Emily had a vague familiarity but it was a common name. It disturbed Andrea that she couldn't put a face to the name. She turned away and tried to choke back her sobs. Who am I? What kind of person am I? Was the accident my fault? Was anyone else hurt? Or was I the victim of someone else's neglect? She rested her head back and closed her eyes. She racked her mind and found nothing. Panic seized her and she wanted to scream. Give me back my life.
Kurt had seen all types of human frailty during the war, but there was nothing so fearful or so bizarre as he watched his wife live through this blank turmoil.
He walked over to the bed and looked down at her. "Andrea, the police found this in the trunk of the rental car. I took the liberty of bringing it in to you. Do you want me to open it for you?"
"I’d like that," Andrea said. A small recollection nagged at her when she saw what was in the box. "Am I an artist?" she asked, looking at a small canvas, brushes and tubes of paint.
"Yes," Grayson answered.
Her eyes grew huge and her lips began to tremble. "I can't remember," she cried.
"This is only temporary,” Kurt replied. “ Dr. Reynolds said you should be back to normal in a few weeks, a month at the most."
"I don't know if I can tolerate this nothingness for that long," she moaned. "Tell me who I am, and why I'm in Santa Fe if I live in New York?" she whispered, falling against her pillows in defeat.
"Turn over and I'll give you a back massage," he said lovingly.
She looked at him through blank eyes. "Did I know you before?
"Why? Am I familiar to you?"
"Yes, no . . . I don't know. I feel as if I'm in a dream." She stared at Kurt. For all that her memory held, she could have sprung into existence right here in this hospital bed. But someone knew her! Grayson.
Grayson stepped close to Kurt and touched his arm. "Kurt, we better leave now. I think Andrea should get some sleep. She needs her rest."
"Please, not yet. Kurt said he would give me a back massage first." Andrea turned on her side as far as her injuries allowed. At first touch the cream was cold. As she felt his fingers knead her muscles and his hands run across her back, she was horrified to feel her body respond to his touch. "What's wrong with me?" she wondered. She drifted off to a dreamless sleep that not even fears could stop.
She awoke with a start.
A nurse stood above her injecting, medication into her intravenous bottle.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
"Good morning," Nurse Hansen said. "How are you feeling?"
"I seem to hurt more today," Andrea moaned, when she tried to turn over on her side.
"You've had a nasty time of it, but this should make you feel better in a few minutes."
"Thank you."
"You remember me from yesterday?"
Andrea smiled. "I guess I do." The moment passed and the urgency of the present overtook her. She looked around the room and saw the basket of violets. She remembered the male nurse had brought her the violets. She searched for his name, but couldn't draw it out of the maze which clouded her mind. She closed her eyes as the medication did its job.
"Andrea, wake up. It's lunch time."
"Lunch time? It can't be. I just closed my eyes."
"You must have been dreaming,” the nurse announced. “You were calling out to someone, but I couldn't make out the name."
She stared at the nurse.
"Do you remember something?" Nurse Hanson asked, excitedly.
Andrea lowered her eyes. "No," she lied. But, she did remember.
She saw herself in a lovely suite. In another room of the suite, she could hear doors slamming and glasses clinking. Someone was with her. Who? When she walked into the adjoining room she could see a man. His figure stole away in a mist. He seemed to be pouring himself a glass of something. He was just about to turn around when Nurse Hansen gently woke her.
"Where's the other nurse?"
Nurse Hansen looked at her. "Who, Kurt? He stopped in while you were asleep."
"Will he be back?"
"Yes, I'm sure he will. He was talking with some lady."
Andrea turned and watched the snow fall in thick white clusters. She wished she could be out there. For a moment, she saw a flash of light. "Oh, God." She closed her eyes and held her breath.
Nurse Hansen leaned forward a little, watching Andrea, seeing the light in her face. "You do remember something!" she said.
Andrea couldn't explain it wasn't memory that changed her, but a dissolving of fear in one of the sharpest forms.
The nurse looked intently at her.
"No," Andrea whispered. "No."
Disappointed, Hansen placed the lunch tray in front of her. "It's only been three days. It'll come."
Andrea gingerly nodded her head.
There was a gentle knock and the door swung open. A pretty redhead with green eyes walked in. She wore a smile the sun would light up for. She had a great figure, and the forest green wool dress fit her like a silk stocking. She had happy eyes and soft full lips.
"Emily?"
She nodded and her face broke out in a smile of delight. "Andrea! You look great considering what you've been through." Emily bent down and kissed her. "Do you remember me?"
Nothing about the woman aroused the slightest recall. "Sorry to say, I don't. But," Andrea seized on a brilliant hope, "now that you're here . . . ."
Kurt walked in just as she and Emily were getting acquainted. "Andrea, I have a couple of people who want to see you."
Behind Kurt stood a middle-aged man and a boy in his late teens. The man had a full face, long nose, wide mouth, and the shaggiest eyebrows she’d ever seen. He had to weigh about two hundred pounds, but without an ounce of fat. When he made eye contact with Andrea, his face brightened like a child seeing snow for the first time. The young boy had on a baseball cap worn backwards, a gold looped earring in his right ear, and jeans which were so wide and baggy that the slightest movement could send them falling around his ankles.
"Hi, Ms. Purcell."
"Hi." Andrea returned their greetings, looking to Kurt for some explanation.
"Andrea, I like you to meet Jake Frankowiak and TJ, Terry Jones. If it weren’t for them, you wouldn't be here today. They performed CPR on you. They saved your life.”
Andrea choked back the tears which flooded her eyes. "What can I say?"
"No need to say anything. I’m happy I could help, but I know I couldn't have done it without TJ here," he said modestly and turned to bring Terry closer.
Terry walked over to the bed and took Andrea's hand. "No, thank you,” he muttered. “You've changed my life. I never knew I could be of such importance to someone."
Andrea's tears flowed freely now. When she looked at all the others, they too let the tears flow.
"Can you tell me what happened?" She looked to them for an explanation. She needed to know if she was to blame.
The trucker lowered his head and walked over to the bed. "Are you sure you want to know right now?"
"Yes, I do." She looked from Terry to Jake, a plea in her eyes.
"Well, by late Friday afternoon the snow had accumulated to about six inches. It was the flesh-cutting kind of snow and the roads were greasy. You were comin' around a bend going about thirty miles an hour. I was comin' in the opposite direction goin' about the same speed. I didn't take my eyes off the road but one second. My windshield had fogged up and I needed to get a towel off the seat. When I looked up, you were there, right in front of me. I couldn't stop. I hit you head on. I couldn't believe you didn't see me comin'."
She blinked and the muscles in her neck tightened.
She closed her eyes in order to visualize the scene. Then suddenly it became real, a flash sharper and more frightening than anything her imagination had called up; moments of anger and then terror, leaving her trembling and sick to her stomach. "The only things I can remember are bright lights and the smell of burning rubber and gas. I also remember being angry. I guess," she choked, "that was before I saw the lights."
"Well, Ma'am, I tried to stop when I saw you, but the ice . . . . there was so much ice under the fresh snow."
"By the looks of you, you weren't hurt. Were there any other people involved?"
"Sorry to say, yes. But all with minor injuries."
Andrea signed with relief. "I have a lot to be grateful for. How in the world can I ever repay you both for what you've done? You saved my life. I'm going to make sure the proper people are informed of your heroism," she said and smiled at them.
"Oh don't worry about that," TJ said, as he unfolded the Sante Fe News.
The headlines read, "Artist Saved by Trucker and Rapper."
Under the heading was a picture of someone lying on a mound of snow next to something that resembled a car. Two people knelt by her. Jake was leaning over her while TJ was pumping her chest. The photographer captured TJ as he looked directly into the camera lens. Fear has the same look, as pain does, she thought.
"Is that us?"
"Sure is, Ma'am," they answered in unison.
Jake was the first to speak. "Next week, the Sheriff's Department is holding a ceremony to commend TJ here, and me, for what we done," he said, his gaze falling to rest deep within her shining eyes.
Andrea felt his eyes penetrate her being. They had saved her life, and were a part of her now and she knew. No matter what, this man and boy would be a part of her life forever.
"I have some good news," Kurt announced. "Dr. Reynolds said you'll be able to leave in another day or two. He feels you're progressing nicely and can recuperate at Grayson's."
"Do you think it'll be possible for us to see you after you're released?"
"Of course it would be, TJ. I'll be recuperating at La Wyndemere de Taos. My friend is the proprietress and she has set aside a suite for me. Do you know where it's located?"
He nodded. "Then we'll see you in a couple of weeks. We'll give you time to get some strength back before we come and see you, won't we Jake?" He turned to Jake for confirmation.
"Wouldn't miss it for nothin’. Well Ma'am, I gotta get back to work. Take care of yourself. He leaned down. "May I?"
"You'd better," she said, and he kissed her cheek.
Andrea looked at TJ. "Aren't you going to give me a kiss?"
TJ's face turned scarlet as he bent down and kissed Andrea.
"Thank you,” she whispered in his ear. “ I owe you my life."
CHAPTER FORTY
Emily stayed after every one had left, and pulled up a chair next to the bed.
Andrea watched Emily’s every movement, the way she walked, the way her eyes smiled, and the way she frowned. Andrea’s face flickered for an instant with a look of remembrance.
"Andrea. What is it? Do you remember me?”.
"I can't seem to put it together. I'm at a party with you and there are a lot of people there. I hear Christmas music. Its funny, I can even see what I'm wearing. An emerald green cocktail dress and I'm talking with a man, but I can't seem to pull out anything more."
Emily leaped up from her chair and gave Andrea a hug. "What you're remembering is a Christmas party I had about seven years ago."
"Was I with anyone?"
"Yes, you were. His name was Jason."
"Was?"
"Yes. You and Jason lived together for about five years."
Andrea rubbed her hand across her forehead. "How can I live with someone for five years but not remember a moment of it."
"Could it be you only want to remember the happy times? Like my Christmas party."
She nodded her head in agreement. "I must have had some happy times with Jason. Tell me something about him."
"Andrea, the doctor doesn't want us to plant ideas in your head. He wants you to regain your memory naturally. It'll happen. You and I both know it will."
"Can you tell me how we met and how long we've been friends?"
"Well." She leaned closer and took Andrea's hand. "Let's see. About ten years ago, we both took classes at our community college. It just so happened. We had a class together. We became friends instantly. It was as if we had known each other forever. You insisted I join your health spa, and I insisted you join my book club. And eventually we became neighbors."
Andrea shook her head in bewilderment. "Grayson mentioned that you were a teacher."
"Yes," she smiled. "I teach at that same community college."
"Are you married?"
"Oh yes," she beamed. "His name is Michael."
"By the look on your face you must be happy."
"I'm extremely happy, but I'll be happier when I know you’re completely better."
"Do you have children, Emily?"
Emily paused a moment.. "No, why do you ask?"
"I don't know. It seems we may have had some discussions about children. I don't know."
Andrea closed her eyes and rested her head against the pillow. Andrea turned away, trying to hide a thick swallow.
"I think you've had enough excitement for one day. Get some rest and I'll see you later."
“I am tired,” Andrea said.
Troubled and feeling a deep inadequacy, Emily sought out her brother. She found him in the hospital chapel. The sun glared through the stained glassed windows, throwing sparkles of color across the white linen altar cloth. She tiptoed across the marble floor and knelt next to Kurt. His face was buried in his hands and he didn’t notice she had knelt beside him.
She touched him gently. “Are you okay?”
He nodded. "How’s Andrea,” he whispered.
"Physically, she's doing great, but mentally . . . . I don't know. I think you need to help her along."
"What on earth do you want me to do?"
"Tell her who you are. Tell her she's pregnant."
"That's what Dr. Reynolds advised, but I'm not ready for the confrontation. Not yet."
"Do you know, she remembers the first time you met?"
He stared at his sister. "Then she knows who I am?"
"No. She remembers the party and also talking to a man. She said she has dreams about this person, but every time she gets ready to see his face she wakes up."
He took Emily's hand. "I'll tell her when we get to Grayson's.”
“Kurt, Andrea can’t go on like this. She needs to know who she is and what really happened.”
“I can’t, Em.”
“You’re a strong man. You’re good, you’re kind, and you’re in love with Andrea. The longer you wait the harder it’s going to be to tell her what happened at the hotel.”
“The feeling I have now is not how I felt that last day we saw our father. When I pointed the gun at him . . . .” He paused. “That was rage, hatred.”
Emily took her brother in her arms and kissed him. “You were fighting not only for your life that day. You were fighting for our mother and for me.” She began to cry. “You had every right to fire that pistol. You know that as well as I do.”
“I never felt rage of hatred toward Andrea. I felt betrayal. I can’t take back what I said to her. The only thing I can hope for is her forgiveness.”
She stood and took her brother’s hand. "Come on. Let's go get a cup of coffee. I'm sure Andrea will be awake shortly."
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
Emily had stayed for two more days. She, Kurt, and Grayson filled Andrea's days with laughter.
"I can't bear to see you leave," Andrea said, controlling her tears.
"I'll plan to come back during Easter recess. It's only about five weeks away. By then the cast will be off and we'll go dancing," Emily joked.
After Emily left, Andrea and Dr. Reynolds continued their
hourly sessions. On the day of her discharge, they were having their last session. "Andrea? Are you listening to anything I’m saying,” Dr. Reynolds said.
She was totally absorbed as she watched a nurse wheel the medicine cart past her doorway.
"Andrea!" Dr. Reynolds called.
For a wild moment memories surged back at her. She saw in her mind a girl about seventeen, with light brown hair, sitting in a waiting room, not so different from the one at this hospital. She was with a man and woman. The woman looked like a young Grayson. She couldn’t see the man that well. It was a memory of sadness, of danger. Was she remembering her childhood? Suddenly it was gone. She fought to focus on it, to add to it in more detail, but nothing transpired. It was here and now and she was an adult, in a hospital in New Mexico.
For the third time Dr. Reynolds called her. "Andrea, do you remember something?"
Andrea rubbed her eyes. "I don't know. I just don't know," she sighed.
"Once you're out of here, your thoughts will begin to collect, like a collage. Slowly the collage will begin to make sense.
"Will that happen, Doctor?"
He nodded his reassurance. "Come now, Kurt and Grayson are waiting for you to be discharged. A nurse should be here in a few minutes with a wheelchair."
"I don't want another nurse. I thought Kurt was going to come with me to La Wyndemere de Taos?"
"He is, but while the nurse is taking you down to the car, I need to go over a few details with him and Grayson."
Andrea smiled. "When will I need to come back for another session?"
"Why don't we give you a few weeks at Grayson’s? Once you start painting again, you may start to remember things."
"I hope you're right."
Andrea was sitting in an armchair by the window with her leg propped up in a shocking-pink cast. She wore a black and white hounds- tooth wool skirt and black sweater. The warmth of the sun shining through the windows made her feel good. She rested her head against the back of the chair, and felt the heat on her face. She picked up a hand mirror that Nurse Hansen had delivered to her earlier. She studied her makeup and the shine in her hair. She felt good and was happy to be leaving the hospital. When Nurse Hansen arrived with the wheelchair, Kurt and Grayson were at her heels.
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