"I have taken all the steps I can in healing myself. Please believe me. Honey, I want children, I just had trouble believing what the doctors have been telling me right along. Just because my father was a child abuser, doesn't mean I will be one.
“I fully understand that now." He got up from the sofa and sat down beside her.
"I've done things that have hurt you a lot and I'm ashamed. I had no right to accuse you of lying to me. You didn't do anything to deserve that. You're wonderful, Andrea. It was me, all me."
"Do you want to talk about it to me, now?" Andrea asked.
"Yes. You see, my father was a total maniac, and this particular night haunts me. It was early afternoon when he came home after being on the road for three weeks. My mother had planned a nice dinner for all of us. Em had just gotten home from a friend’s house. When dinner was ready she called to my father, to shut off the television and to come and sit at the table with us.
"As he walked to the table with a glass of bourbon in his hand, nothing revealed his mood. He sat down and slammed the glass on the table so hard some of the liquor spilled on the tablecloth. I couldn't see his eyes, but I saw his back stiffen. He shouted at my mother not to tell him what to do. He got up from the table and walked into the kitchen. My mother following him.
“We could hear my mother begging him not to hit her.” Kurt paused and took Andrea’s hand. “My father dragged my mother into the dining room, and Em and I watched as my father hit her over and over again. He grabbed her hair and pulled until a handful came out in his hand. He looked at us, daring us to say something or do something. When he dragged her back into the kitchen shouting at her to put the food on the table, I went to find his gun. I didn't make it back to the table before him, so, in his fatherly way, he started on Emily.
“When I returned to the table, with the gun tucked in my belt, I saw my sister, in a corner, rolled into a fetal position, with blood oozing from her mouth.
"My mother ran to her and the two of them wept in each other's arms. I pulled Emily away from my mother and whispered for her to run. I told her to go back to her friend’s house and call the police. I stood in front of her and watched her run.
“My father looked at me and demanded to know where I had gone. I told him I was in the bathroom. ‘Liar, liar,’ he screamed. He started towards me, his eyes glazed with alcohol. He told me to get Emily and bring her back home.
"I asked him why he acted the way he did. Why a man would even consider hitting a defenseless woman and child. He continued to move toward me. I retreated and in the retreat, drew the gun and aimed it at his chest.
"I heard my mother scream, and I heard myself begging him to stay away from me.
"My father looked at me and laughed in my face. ‘You wimp,’ he yelled over and over again. When he finally took the gun from me he hit me in the face with it. I fell to my knees as he continued to beat me. He picked me up and threw me onto the coffee table, breaking it into pieces.
"By this time my mother was clawing at my father, trying to make him stop. I found the gun, and pulled the trigger. It didn't hit him, but it scared the hell out of him, enough to stop the beating. By that time, I dropped to the floor unconscious.” Kurt looked at her bewildered, "
"Do you know, Andrea, my mother didn't even take me to the hospital. She told us this was a family secret and not to tell anyone.
"From that day, my father never touched my mother or sister. I was the challenge for him now, not them. The last time I saw him, my rage was irreversible. I tried to kill him. When I didn’t succeed, he beat me severely and I was in the hospital for weeks. I can go on for hours with different stories of being battered, humiliated, terrified, belittled, and blamed for my own pain.
"Andrea, I needed you to know why I walked out on you and our baby. I never realized how much anger I kept bottled up. And now that I've let it go, I have the power to change my destiny. I freed myself of this legacy of guilt, and with that freedom, I'm able to give you and our baby a future. For me breaking the cycle means for me to stop thinking that I'm a victim or that I'd be an abusive parent.
"My life didn't really began until I got the courage to forgive my father. Dr. Correo made me realize that." He took Andrea in his arms, and kissed her gently. "I need you, Andrea, and I want nothing more than to become a father. I know my life would be worthless without you and our child," his said, his voice choked with sincerity.
Her eyes left his face a moment. She shuddered at the impact of his story. "Kurt, my darling. I was the one who was wrong to run away. I should have been honest with you from the beginning. Can you forgive me?"
"There is nothing to forgive. I should have told you the truth about my childhood. I see now that together, we have no fears. I am responsible for what happened. Not you."
"Then you have no doubts?"
"None." He reached into his pocket. "I have a surprise for you." He handed her a small box. "I've been carrying this with me ever since Valentine's Day. But today is even a better day to give you this. Happy Anniversary."
“Anniversary?"
“Yes. One year today," he said as he placed a necklace around her neck.
"Let me see." She jumped up from the love seat and ran to the bedroom mirror. She touched the two hearts, which had been looped together with an arrow of diamonds. "This is us," she said, as she caressed her necklace. He took her hand and led her to the bed. He gently laid her down and removed her robe and nightgown. Andrea shuddered.
"Are you cold my love?"
"No, my darling."
Silently he touched her face, her breasts, and her stomach. He bent and kissed her stomach. He watched her face as he undressed. He rose above her, and surrendered to her his body and soul.
THE END
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