If Jason was hoping for sympathy or understanding, he wasn’t going to get either from me. Not after I’d spent a ton of money on a dress I wasn’t going to be wearing on Saturday night after all. “It’s okay, Jason. I understand. Really. Now I can see how stupid I was to think you would have the guts to ask me to a dance. You may look like a big, tough football player who’s not afraid of anything, but you’re just a—a—Prufrock.” Prufrock? Had I just said Prufrock?
Jason looked baffled as he stared blankly at me. “A ‘Prufrock’?”
My mind raced. “Yeah, a Prufrock. Too worried about your friends—and I use the term extremely loosely—to just go ahead and do and say and be what you want. You’re too afraid to dare and disturb Central’s universe. Even though you know Central High’s universe is in desperate need of being disturbed. I’m sorry you’re such a coward.”
Before Jason could smack back with anything, Brad and Jeff came strutting down the hall, ready to interrupt as usual.
“Jas!” Jeff yelled. And as usual, Brad ignored me completely.
“Hey, Brad—Jeff.” Jason slipped his Cool mask on so quickly I would’ve been impressed if I hadn’t wanted to slap him as badly as I did.
“Has Angela answered you yet?” Jeff looked at me. Meaningfully. With an appraising look that found me to be not only seriously lacking but irritatingly in the way.
“Yeah, in first period.” Jason scowled down at his book and flipped its pages.
“I thought she would. You’re coming with us to the dance, right?” Brad asked. I almost wanted to laugh. I was less than thin air to him.
“Yeah, I guess. Can we talk about this later?” Jason at least had the decency to sound embarrassed and annoyed. As for me, I’d had enough of all three of them.
“It’s okay, Jason. I’d say we’re pretty much done here, wouldn’t you?” I stood up, threw my literature stuff in my book bag, and left before Jason could say or do anything back.
~
I slumped behind my desk in the empty drama classroom, fuming to myself over the past hour. Hours. Days—
“You’re here early today, Kathy.” Miss Goforth stood by my desk with her hands on her hips, looking down at me over the rims of her glasses. “Hoping to get some extra practicing in?”
“Is that supposed to be a hint?” I grumbled.
“It certainly wouldn’t hurt you to spend more time rehearsing your lines.” Miss Goforth slipped into the desk by mine. “I noticed you haven’t signed up for any play but King Lear for our fall Shakespeare festival. And you know every student needs to participate in at least two. Otherwise, your grade definitely will not be an A for the term.”
I sighed. Of course, this day couldn’t get any better, but it could always get worse. “Okay, Miss Goforth. I’ll sign up with another group today.” The problem with that, as I discovered after the rest of the students filtered in, was that there was no other group to join that was in need of more actors. Although based on everyone’s nervous or cold looks when I asked if they had any more parts in their groups available, I had a feeling I was purposely being left out. Was I really doing that bad as Cordelia? But considering that I had to be shoved hard again during class to remind me it was my turn to speak, I started to believe I really was doing that bad.
~
I was thinking about drama class and wondering how I was going to avoid flunking as I trudged to the front doors of the building after school. My stumbling through King Lear had turned me into drama poison to the rest of the class. I sighed. Who could blame them? “I guess I’ll just have to find some scene I can do by myself,” I said. Out loud. I stopped in horror when I heard my voice. Looking around casually to see if anyone had heard me talking to myself, I locked eyes with—Brett. Smiling up at me, like he always did behind the glass in the trophy case, where my feet had taken me. Again.
I stepped closer to focus on Brett’s grinning face. I reached out and touched the glass carefully with my hand. My heart pounded, because it was there again—that connection I always felt with him. But that was crazy. I knew it was crazy. Or I was. I yanked my hand away as if I’d been burned and ran out of the building.
~
“Okay, Kathy. Out with it. What the heck happened today?” Crystal kept her mouth shut until all three of us were in my bedroom with the door closed.
“What do you mean?” I did my best to shrug innocently.
Crystal rolled her eyes. “Well, let’s just say it was a good thing we were driving the simulators in driver’s ed instead of real cars.” Crystal turned to Mistie. “She knocked over everything in sight and set a new class record for the worst simulated driving in years.”
“So? What happened?” Mistie demanded.
I sighed and shook my head.
“What?” Both Mistie and Crystal were pleading now.
I paced the room while the two of them sat on the edge of my bed. “I thought he was different. Jason, I mean. But you know what? He never had any intention of taking me to homecoming. It was all just a big joke. He asked Angela to the dance over the weekend.”
“Angela?” Crystal gasped.
I glanced at Crystal. “Of course, Angela. And she answered him during Honors English in front of me. On purpose, I’m sure.”
“I can’t believe it,” Mistie said softly, shaking her head.
I laughed bitterly. “You can’t? I can! Going to a dance with me would spoil the image he’s worked hard to achieve.” I stopped my ranting and pacing to sigh and rake my fingers through my hair. “You know what really sucks?” Both Mistie and Crystal shook their heads silently. My voice trembled. “I actually wanted to go with him.” But it was more than just that. I didn’t quite know what it was about Jason. After all, we were complete opposites in every possible way. Maybe it was his similarities with Brett. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t noticed that he’d given me a possible window into a little bit about my brother. Or maybe it was just because he was the first guy—and a cute, popular football player at that—who’d ever really noticed me before and paid some attention to me. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he needed help in Honors English and had specifically picked me to help him. Or maybe it was a combination of everything balled up and combined with something else Sam would simply call “chemistry.” All I knew was that my heart never pounded around any guy but Jason, and sometimes, I could swear by the way he looked at me that he could feel electricity starting to hum in the air between us, too. At times I hated feeling anything regarding Jason, because he wasn’t the type of guy I wanted to like, and yet he was—. It was all just too confusing. The only thing I knew for sure came out of my mouth before I could stop it. “I don’t think this would hurt so much if I didn’t like him. I never meant to like him at all, but now I know that I do. Probably too much.”
Before I could say another word, Mistie and Crystal rushed to throw their arms around me in a huge group hug that made me bawl. No one said a word until we were all sitting cross-legged in a circle on my bed.
Mistie finally broke the silence. “So what are you going to do now?”
I shrugged, wiping at my eyes. “Take the dress and shoes back, I guess. I won’t be needing them now.”
“Over my dead body!” Crystal was so loud with her angry announcement that both Mistie and I jumped. “It’s your sixteenth birthday! I’m not going to let him ruin it! I can get you a new date with a junior so you can flaunt that hot dress in front of Jason and everyone else!”
My mouth fell open. “A new date? Who?”
Crystal grinned. “My brother Dennis, of course! And don’t say no, because this is my birthday present to you, and I’ll be incredibly offended if you reject it!”
My heart started to pound funny. “No way—I’m not—”
But Crystal definitely was not going to take no from me. “Considering the fact that the dance is on your birthday, you have to go! Otherwise, you’ll mope around all Saturday night and you’ll never forget this birthday, but
for wrong, bad reasons. You don’t deserve to spend your sixteenth birthday moping! And that dress doesn’t deserve to go back to the store!”
I couldn’t deny that it was pretty great of Crystal to offer her brother on a platter this way, but saying Dennis would take me to the dance and actually convincing him to do so were two entirely different things.
“Don’t worry. He’ll go. I guarantee it!”
Knowing how paranoid I am, Crystal made her brother call me that night to confirm that he really would take me to homecoming. Especially since Crystal and Mistie were paying for it, both using the excuse of my upcoming sixteenth birthday and saying it was their gift to me, of course.
CHAPTER TEN
Due to the excitement of everything that had happened, I lay awake in bed that night for hours after listening to Rubber Soul, just thinking and mulling over lots of things, and by morning I’d made a few important decisions.
The first decision I made was accomplished in the morning with a phone call to Dennis, telling him again that I appreciated his willingness to take me to homecoming on such short notice and that yes, I would definitely go with him to the dance on Saturday.
The second decision I’d made took place following Honors English. After presenting my case thoroughly to Mrs. Dubois, she eventually agreed to my request. Part two of that decision took place during tutor/study hall. I purposely came late, waiting to walk to the table in the back corner until after I’d checked out a book I’d been thinking about the night before and after making sure Jason was already waiting for me. Then, without giving Jason a chance to say anything, I coldly announced that it was obvious this study/tutoring thing wasn’t such a hot idea after all. After all, he was pulling an above average grade in Honors English now. Plus, I needed more time to prepare my Shakespeare scenes for the festival.
I quickly finished with, “I’ve already spoken to Mrs. Dubois about it, and she agreed to let me out of tutoring. She said you can talk to her about getting a new tutor.”
Jason’s mouth opened, but he didn’t say anything. With that, I gave him a farewell salute, turned sharply on my heel, and moved as fast as I could down the hall and out of the library.
~
I accomplished my third and last decision when I entered the drama classroom. I fought through my trembling nerves and strode as confidently as I could to Miss Goforth’s desk.
“Miss Goforth?” Even my voice almost sounded confident!
Miss Goforth looked up from her textbook. “Kathy. Early again. This is a surprise.”
“It’s no surprise. Totally on purpose.”
“Really? Why is that?”
I gripped the handle of my book bag and crossed my fingers for luck. “Because I need your help. I mean, I’m hoping you’ll help me. That you’ll want to.”
Now Miss Goforth raised both eyebrows at me. “What seems to be the problem?”
“No actual problem—except for my grade. You know the Shakespeare festival?”
“I do.”
I took a deep breath and went on. “If I do a scene by myself, can it count as my second required scene? I mean—can I even do one by myself?”
Miss Goforth folded her arms and leaned forward to study me consideringly. “If you can find an actual substantial Shakespeare scene. And it would have to be a scene performed by a female. And I would have to approve it, of course.”
“Good. Great!” I threw my book bag to the ground and scrounged around inside it for the book I’d found in the library before flipping to the section in question and thrusting the book at Miss Goforth’s face. “What do you think about this one? About me performing it, I mean.”
Miss Goforth pulled her head back sharply to avoid being smacked in the face by the book before gingerly taking it out of my hands to glance over the pages in question.
“Well? What do you think?”
Miss Goforth nodded over the book a few times before lifting her head to look at me thoughtfully. “I’m impressed. I think you’ve found something here. Something that could be quite wonderful. The real question is whether you can really do it justice.”
And now for the kicker part of my third and last decision. “Well, that’s where you come in. Do you think you can help me? I mean—will you help me?”
Miss Goforth raised both eyebrows at me again. “During class, you mean?”
I shook my head and shifted my weight nervously from foot to foot. “No—I mean now. During this hour. It’s my study hour. And you don’t have a class this hour,” I pointed out.
“So of course I must have nothing to do?” I opened my mouth to respond, but she cut me off. “Never mind. Let’s see if you’re worth my time. Go up there and read a few lines.” Miss Goforth handed me the book and motioned me towards the mini stage.
My mouth fell open. “Right now?”
“Why not?”
“Because I just hit on the idea of doing this scene. I haven’t read any of the lines yet!”
“Well, there’s no time like the present. You’ve only got a few weeks to pull this together, so give it a try. Forget who you are, and just be your character.”
So I did. Not horribly well, but at least I’d given it the best I had at that moment in time. And under Miss Goforth’s piercing eye, no less.
“So—what do you think? Am I worth your best efforts?”
Miss Goforth rose from her desk and walked slowly to where I stood. “This is going to take some work. A lot of work. But it appears you have some raw talent moldering away inside of you. Study the scene tonight, and we’ll work on it some more tomorrow.”
~
I’d spent some time at the library after school on Friday looking up a few books for my next Honors English paper, and as I’d been doing a lot lately, after I left the library, I turned down the hall that would lead me to the trophy case. Brett’s trophy case. This week had been rough, and I’d felt a strange amount of comfort just looking at Brett’s grinning face behind the glass. Today, however, I was brought to an abrupt halt, clutching the handle of my book bag over my shoulder as I rounded the last turn to the trophy case.
“I knew if I waited around here long enough you’d eventually show up.”
Jason. I’d successfully avoided him all week, and seeing him now—. Against my will, my heart pounded and my legs felt shaky. He had his backpack over one shoulder, and although he was trying to seem Cool, it wasn’t working. It was definitely satisfying to see that he wasn’t comfortable, either.
I lifted my chin and glared at him. “And now I’m leaving.” I whirled on my heel to get away from him fast, but Jason was faster. He tossed his backpack aside and in two quick strides grabbed my upper arm.
“Wait—hold on a second, Kathy—”
I twisted frantically and shoved at his hand. “Let go!” Jason dropped his hold, and I eyed him warily as I adjusted my now-wrinkled sleeve. “Why are you here?”
Jason sighed and ran a hand through his hair before making eye contact again. “I guess you could say I’m daring to disturb the universe.”
I stared at him. “What?”
Jason tried to smile, but his eyes were pleading. “I need to talk to you, Kathy.”
“Well, I don’t need to talk to you. And I don’t want to talk to you.”
I tried to move away from him, but Jason quickly stepped in my path. “I’m sure you don’t need to, or want to—after everything that’s happened, I don’t blame you for not wanting to tutor me anymore. In fact, I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to talk to me or see me ever again. But I really need to talk to you. And I really want to talk to you. I need to explain—”
I slowly backed a few steps away from him. “I don’t—”
Jason stepped forward the same number of steps. “Sixty seconds. That’s all I’m asking for. After that, if you want me to stay away from you, I promise I will.”
My heart was pounding weird and fast, and I could feel myself wanting to cry again. “Look, I’ve got to get home
—” I tried to push my way around him, but Jason wouldn’t budge. After a few more seconds of me trying to get around him, he sighed and threw up his hands.
“Fine. I can’t make you talk, or listen, or anything. But before you go—here—take this.” Jason had grabbed his backpack, fished inside of it, and now thrust a small white box tied with a pink ribbon towards me. I stared at the box but didn’t move to take it from him.
“You think a present is going to make everything all better?”
Jason shook his head. “It’s not a present.”
“What is it?”
“Open it and find out.” Jason continued to hold the box out towards me, so finally I snatched it from him and yanked off the ribbon. I frowned as I looked at the two small white roses nestled on stiff green leaves inside the box. “A corsage?”
Jason shook his head again. “Not ‘a’ corsage. Your corsage. I ordered it for you on Friday after school.” I stared at part of a receipt taped across the side of the box, which indeed noted that the corsage had been ordered on Friday afternoon. “I went by the flower shop during lunch today, and it was ready.”
“Why didn’t you save this for Angela?”
Jason looked at me as if he thought I was crazy. “I wouldn’t give her your corsage!”
Still staring at the beautiful white roses nestled inside the box, I slowly turned from Jason to sling my book bag to the ground against the wall. A moment later, Jason leaned against the wall beside me.
“Kathy,” Jason said softly. “I’m sorry. Really sorry. What I did was—unforgivable.” I wholeheartedly agreed, but I couldn’t respond because of the stupid tears trying to work their way free. Jason carefully continued. “I honestly wanted to go to the dance with you. Friday night, after the game, Brad and Jeff—they invited me to come with them and their dates and some other guys on the team with their dates to the dance as a group. I wasn’t sure what you’d think about that, but I thought it could be cool. The only problem was . . .”
The Secret Journal of Brett Colton Page 8