Race to His Heart

by Sara Noble

  “Maddie! Are you okay?” It was Grace on the other side of the bathroom door. The sudden noise shook Maddie from her stupor.

  “Come on, open up! Let me know you’re okay. You’ve been in there forever.”

  Maddie sat stunned and couldn’t find her voice. It must have washed away, along with my happiness. The cold water continued to trickle over her pruning body.

  “I’m coming in!” There was silence for a few seconds and then the familiar clicks of a key turning inside the lock. Grace burst into the bathroom and threw back the shower curtain. She stared in horror as she witnessed her daughter falling apart in front of her. She quickly turned the knob to shut off the water and threw a towel over Maddie’s quivering body. “Oh, Lord,” she muttered as she pulled Maddie off of the shower floor. She wrapped the towel snuggly around Maddie and looked into her daughter’s eyes. They were blood shot and stained with grief, and Grace knew then that that was what rock bottom looked like.

  “Let’s get you to your room,” Grace said quietly and led Maddie down the hall. Grace flicked on the bedroom light and set her down on the bed. Maddie stared out into space, her purple hued lips quivering as she sobbed uncontrollably.

  Grace pulled out a clean pajama set and left Maddie alone to change in private. Instead of covering herself up, she just let the cold numb her more so she wouldn’t have to feel the torment that stormed inside of her. Hot tears streamed her face and she noticed the contrast on her frigid skin. She blinked her eyes but couldn’t get rid of the stinging vision in front of her. It was Connor’s face and it spoke to her. She could hear him repeating over and over: I love you Maddie. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.

  Connor couldn’t have been more wrong. He had gone back on his word, on his promise that they would be together. Maddie had so much looked forward to her future with him. Sure, it was a whirlwind romance, and it surprised her that she fell in love so quickly, but it was the real thing.

  Why does it hurt so badly if we weren’t meant to be with each other? She asked herself that question many times until she tired out and slumped down into the bed.

  Grace checked on her from time to time, pleading with her to at least put on some clothes instead of being wrapped up in a wet towel. Eventually, Maddie had nodded off and Grace just threw an over-sized quilt on top her, and prayed that she wouldn’t catch cold.

  Maddie awoke in the middle of the night from a chill and was so miserably cold that she just couldn’t take it anymore. She had temporarily forgotten about her troubles with Connor, so she easily slid out of bed and pulled on her nightclothes. The nightmare returned when she crawled back under the covers and reality struck her in the heart. She cried herself to sleep again and had elusive dreams until the morning light crept in through the shades.

  ***

  “So, are you going to tell me what happened?” Melissa asked as she tied on her forest green apron. She narrowed her eyes at Maddie, who was pulling her long hair into a ponytail.

  It was the beginning of their shift at the coffee house, and two days after Maddie’s last break down over Connor. She had slept for almost twenty hours straight and eventually woke up to feeling a bit better. She was running out of excuses to call in sick to work, so she figured she might as well go in and keep her mind occupied.

  Maddie’s eyes still looked sad and tired. “I don’t know…it brings up all the bad feelings again whenever I talk about it.”

  “Yeah, your mom told me about it the other night.”

  “Then why are you asking if you already know?”

  Melissa shook her head, her blonde bob wobbled along with it. “No, she didn’t give me details. I didn’t feel right asking. I just want to know if you’re going to be okay, Maddie. You’ve been practically nonexistent for the last week. This all didn’t happen when you and Billy broke up. Well, not this extreme.”

  “That’s because Billy wasn’t as important to me. Connor may have been…” her voice trailed. She didn’t want to say the one. Thinking about how perfect they could have been together would definitely get the water works going.

  Melissa reached out and patted her shoulder. “I’m sorry. At least you found out how he really was before you got serious.”

  Maddie gave her friend a look.

  “Oh, no. You didn’t, did you? You were sleeping with him?”

  “Did you think we wouldn’t? I was there in Indy with him for four days!” Her voice was froggy, almost as if she had to choke it out of herself. The tears were on the way, for sure.

  “Okay, I get it. Sorry.” Melissa backed off, sensing that Maddie was about to lose it again.

  “It’s all right. I just don’t want to talk about it anymore. Maybe someday, when it doesn’t hurt so bad I will tell you exactly what happened. For now I just want to concentrate on other things.” Maddie turned to the espresso bar and began to prep for the morning’s first orders.

  “Yes, that sounds good. Other things,” said Melissa. “But I do want you to know that I will not cheer for that bastard anymore. I will find a new driver to fawn over.”

  Maddie smirked. It was the first time in days that something had amused her. A weak smiled curved up her lips. It faded as soon as she realized she would never be able to watch another race again. Not without thinking of him.

  Maddie worked diligently the whole day. The coffee house was busy most of time, but during the slow spots she scrubbed the drains and cleaned the bathrooms like she was preparing for the health department inspection. She rarely made conversation with any of her fellow coworkers, in fear that someone would bring up her trip or ask about Connor. Most everyone knew he had specially invited her to the race in Indy and probably speculated from there. Her face must have been a picture because no one bothered her, no one asked.

  “You want to go see a movie later?” Melissa asked as they walked out to their cars at the end of the day. The sun was still high in the sky after their shift, leaving plenty of time for evening activities.

  Maddie sighed heavily. Her body ached and her eyes still burned from the excessive crying. “No, I’m not really feeling up to that. I think I just want to go lay down.”

  They stopped next to Maddie’s car and she noticed the pleading look in her friend’s eyes. “Oh, come on, please!” Melissa begged. “You need to get your spirits up. Let’s go see a movie and have a drink afterward.”

  It would be nice to get a drink, Maddie thought. I could definitely use it. So, she changed her mind in hopes that a little alcohol could help her forget about the recent past.

  “Okay, sure,” said Maddie. “But can we just meet at O’Shannen’s? I’m not really keen on sitting in a dark theater to watch a movie. I need to be surrounded by drunken loudness.”

  “Sweet!” Melissa exclaimed. She hugged Maddie around the shoulders. “I’ll meet you there at eight.”

  “Okay, see you then.” Maddie climbed into her car and headed for home, wondering all along the way if making a date out with friends was a good idea. All it would take is one idiot to bring up Connor’s name or see someone wearing a t-shirt with his logo to set her off again. She shrugged off her anxiety and decided she couldn’t live in her bedroom forever.

  Maddie showered, dressed in a pair of faded jean shorts and a tank top, and put on a dab of lip-gloss. She didn’t bother with drying her hair or adding makeup since she wasn’t in the mood to be attracting strangers or trying to impress anyone. Her parents were pleasantly surprised that she was going out and commented on how nice it was to see her interacting with the world. She didn’t think it was great; it was just another night sitting at a bar, sipping a beer while watching frat boys play pool.

  O’Shannen’s was slow that night, but that suited Maddie just fine. Country music played on the jukebox, which she hated. She always thought that type of music was sad; either some guy singing about losing his wife or a woman crooning about not being able to find a decent man. She preferred any of the rock genres over country, and she’d have to r
emember later to choose a bunch of songs from the playlist that didn’t want to make her slit her wrists. She sat at a high-top table in the corner and away from the door. Her eyes meandered about the bar, hoping to land on something interesting to occupy her attention while she waited. The ceiling was strung up with Florida Gators banners and flags that reminded her of football season creeping upon them. Maddie liked being at O’Shannens during football season; it was always busy and fun. Most of her good friends met there every Saturday to watch the game, which was definitely something she was looking forward to, mostly because it would take her mind off of other things.

  Melissa was running late and Maddie didn’t see anyone else she knew, so she mulled over the day at work while she waited for the server to come by for a drink order. Nothing interesting had happened at the coffee house, but it was better than thinking about Connor.

  That name, Connor.

  It stung like a bee whenever Maddie thought of him. Part of her hoped he would have called, wanting to apologize and take back everything he had said. They deserved to be together and deep down inside he knew it, too. She didn’t hate him; she only hated his actions and his decision to stay with Makaela. And Maddie hated her most of all. She knew that Makaela had bullied her way into Connor’s decision making. Otherwise, he would have chosen Maddie over her.

  There’s no way he’s going to be happy with that blonde bitch.

  “Would you like to order an appetizer or a burger?” asked a pretty waitress with a sweet southern voice. She had on the shortest leprechaun green skirt Maddie had ever seen. It went well with her black O’Shannen’s tank top.

  She looks like Makaela, Maddie thought, as she eyed the scantily clad girl. She couldn’t help but stare at the blonde who painfully reminded her of the woman that had flushed all her dreams down the toilet.

  Feeling hungry, Maddie ordered a basket of fries with ranch dipping sauce. It was her favorite comfort food and it tasted good with the beer. The waitress trotted away and Maddie turned her eyes to the door, still waiting for her friends. She tapped her fingers on the worn high-top table to the beat of the catchy country tune that blasted through the jukebox speakers and then pretended to be searching for something in her purse to kill the time.

  A few minutes later, Melissa walked in with Jake, which didn’t surprise Maddie at all. He always went everywhere with her. They were a good couple and complimented each other well. Jake was over a foot taller than Melissa and had spiky black hair. He was a journalist major, like Maddie, and occasionally read over some of her lit papers and articles before she handed them in to her professors. He was smart, and she liked smart. She also liked that he treated Melissa well, and never proved to be unfaithful. That was a trait that was hard to come by in a mate those days and Maddie knew that more than anyone. She was envious, but never let it show.

  Another male closely followed the cute couple into the bar, someone Maddie had never seen before. He was quite tall and looked older than the rest of them. His face was aged, but he dressed like a teenager, in skateboarding shoes, baggy jeans, and an eighty’s punk band t-shirt. A worn out, backwards cap crowned his head.

  “Hey, Maddie!” Melissa called out excitedly. She zigzagged through the barstools and tables to greet her with a hug, like they hadn’t seen each other in months.

  “Hi,” Maddie said suspiciously. She had a feeling that Melissa was up to something that involved the new guy. A nervous feeling suddenly rushed into her gut.

  The boys walked up behind Melissa and all their eyes were glued to Maddie, whose eyebrows were starting to perk up with confusion.

  “What’s going on?” Maddie asked, saying each word slowly. She narrowed her eyes at her friends as she waited for an introduction.

  Melissa grinned. “Jake’s coworker, Zack, has never been here before. So we brought him along. Maddie, this is Zack. Zack, this is Maddie.” She gestured back and forth between the two singles.

  Damn it. She’s trying to set us up. Maddie frowned, but decided to be polite. She stuck out her hand to Zack, who eyed her up and down. He shook and said a quiet hello back. She couldn’t tell if Zack was shy, or just an anti-social slug.

  “How’s it going?” Maddie said. Zack just shrugged. Wow, Mr. Personality is here, she thought sarcastically. Melissa will pay for this little rouse later on.

  “You been here long?” Melissa set her purse down on the table and scooted a stool close to Maddie. She had her short blond hair tucked back into a tiny ponytail. Her long bangs were swept to the side of her face. They framed her emerald green eyes nicely. Jake slid onto a stool next to his girlfriend and curled his arm around her waist.

  “Just a few minutes. I ordered myself a beer and some fries. Sorry, I should have waited.”

  “No big deal.” Melissa turned to Zack, who had picked a stool on the other side of Maddie. “Zack, Maddie is getting ready to start her last year at the university. She’s studying to become a journalist. Doesn’t your father work for one of the newspapers here in town?” Her voice was so perky that it was on the verge of annoying. Maddie took the opportunity to shoot her ambitious friend a disparaging look.

  The slug cleared his throat. “Yeah. He just organizes the classifieds in the Gazette. Nothing special.” Zack’s voice was as boring and monotone as his personality. Maddie would have rather of talked to the Makaela look-alike.

  “Oh, that’s nice.” Maddie half-smiled at him, hoping to seem somewhat interested in the conversation. She didn’t want to be rude, but it was hard not to act agitated with the impromptu set up. Not to mention the fact that she found the guy completely unattractive and boring. “Melissa, come with me to the ladies room for a sec, please.” Maddie slid off her stool and pulled her friend along with her, not giving her a chance to resist.

  “Hey, I haven’t ordered my beer yet!” Melissa squealed. The two boys watched in amusement as the girls shuffled their way through the maze of bar stools and tables. Melissa dug her heels into the ground, but Maddie was much stronger. Of course, Maddie wouldn’t give in to her friend’s struggling efforts.

  “Don’t worry; Jake knows what you like. You’re coming with me, now.” She tugged on Melissa’s arm and then forced her into the bathroom.

  When the door swung shut, Maddie quickly laid into her friend. Humiliation lit up her face as she let out the trapped steam. “How could you do this? I’m not up for a blind date right now! Damn it, Melissa!” She paced back and forth, pinching the bridge of her nose, trying to comprehend her friend’s meddling ways.

  Melissa stood her ground, with hands on her hips and the attitude flaring. “I’m just trying to help you out by forgetting that asshole, Connor!”

  Maddie shook her finger in Melissa’s flabbergasted face. “Okay, first of all, Connor is not an asshole. And second, that guy you’re trying to set me up with is so not my type. How old is he, anyway? He looks like he’s forty.”

  “Not everyone can be like Connor, Maddie. You need to get that out of your head. Get to know Zack. He’s really sweet.”

  “I don’t want to get to know him,” Maddie said and then her voice became wobbly. “And what’s wrong with wanting someone like Connor?” Tears filled her eyes when she remembered his sweet demeanor and handsome face. The room began to revolve and the cheesy Irish signage on the walls started to blur. The black and white checkered pattern on the floors ran together into a grayish smear.

  Melissa noticed Maddie’s distress and leaned her against the sink. “Okay, calm down. I’m sorry. I should have known it was too soon. Should I ask him to leave?”

  Maddie tried to hold back the tears, but they spilled over while she continued to recall her favorite moments with Connor. “No, it’s okay. I just need a few minutes to get myself together.” She sniffed and Melissa nodded that she understood. She held out a wad of toilet paper and Maddie gladly took it out of her hand to dab her dripping eyes.

  “I’ll come check on you in a minute.”

  Melissa left and Maddie
turned on the faucet to splash some cold water onto her face. Her sorrowful eyes glowed under the fluorescent lighting in the bathroom. Reaching up with a wet clump of tissue, she rubbed away the gray streaks that had made paths down her cheeks.

  It’s going to be okay, she told herself. Connor will call and everything will go back to normal with us. He does love me; I can feel it. He’ll come to his senses.

  Maddie patted her face dry with a paper towel and straightened her hair. She attempted a smile at the mirror in front of her, but it was feeble at best.

  Any day he’ll come back to me.

  And she told herself that everyday for weeks.

  Chapter 15: Connor

  Three months had passed since Connor had spoken to Maddie. A lot of time may have gone by, but he surely had thought of her every single day. There were plenty of times that he wanted to call her; in fact, on several occasions he dialed her number, but decided against pushing the send button. He thought she hated him for what he did. Still everyone in his life told him he did the right thing by staying with Makaela. He wanted to believe they were right, but something in his heart told him otherwise.

  It was a cool, sunny day in Alabama. Connor and his team were busy at work preparing his car for the first of two races that weekend at the infamous speedway in Talladega. He had been racing well the last few months and always had a top ten finish. He had yet to win another race since Indianapolis, which also happened to be the last time he saw Maddie. He wondered if their break up had anything to do with his losing streak.

  As his life pushed right along, with the championship in the near future and Makaela busy with the wedding plans, Connor still felt an affinity toward his hometown sweetheart. Maddie had been the bright spark in his world; she was the only one he had ever fully connected with on every level. He admired her intelligence and kindness, and longed to feel her smooth skin and catch a whiff of her intoxicating scent. He missed every part of her, yet he could do absolutely nothing about it. He was locked into a position where a lot of people counted on him. If he were to stray, many would be hurt in the long run, not just his wife-to-be.