“Are you ready for some real fun?” he asked.
She laughed at his quirky grin. “I don’t know—I thought we were having fun. What else could you have in mind?”
He turned to face her, their horses bumping noses. “Whatever you do, don’t let go of the reins.” He spun his horse back toward the stable, giving it two taps with his feet, and the horse took off. Molly was quick to follow. Pearl let out a short cry as she flew back in her saddle, her head whipping forward from the speed of Molly’s turn. Before long she had the reins tight in her grasp as she leaned into Molly, balancing her weight between her thighs. The horse’s speed caught fire as it blazed through the open plains, taking on a velocity Pearl never imagined to be possible. She focused her sight in front of her, knowing if she thought too much about what was happening, she would get frightened and tumble right off the horse. So she chose to embrace it. She embraced the power of the animal as it led her through the fields, its wild mane flying in the air. The force of its legs pounded the ground as Pearl held on tight, managing to keep her balance. She had never felt more alive than she did in that moment. For the first time she felt brave. As the wild horse charged toward the stable, Pearl felt in control. All fear was gone, all courage renewed. She closed her eyes and let Molly guide her home.
They skidded to a halt near the fence. Ben was first on the ground, pulling his helmet off before reaching a speechless Pearl. He lifted her off Molly, but her feet never touched the ground. She pulled him into her, her arms clasped tight behind his head as she held him with all the gratitude she could muster. She sank her face into his neck and let her tears run down his chest.
She drove home, a dazzling smile painted permanently on her lips. She smoked her Virginia, high off the thrill of the afternoon. She could still feel her heart pound as though she were riding. She knew she had to return. Not much could keep her from the open fields and the overpowering sensation of freedom it brought her. Riding with Molly had strengthened her, but being with Ben had changed her. About that, she didn’t know what to do. It was the only part of the situation she was unsure of. Being with Molly and riding didn’t come without the terror of how Ben made her feel. The emotions were interlinked. Riding made her feel resilient and more self-assured. She had never been more certain of who she was. And that was all due to Ben. Ben’s confidence in her brought out the confidence she felt in herself.
She pulled into Jumping Creek, feeling distraught over her reckless feelings for Ben. It was dangerous, this growing affection she felt toward him. She had to find a way to separate her love of riding from her attraction to Ben.
It was late in the afternoon. The sun was still high, sharing its glow before dusk set in. She had just enough time to defrost two steaks she was planning for supper before Roy was due home…if he planned to be home at all. She never asked, just went about her evening meal as though he would join her. She turned the last bend to the trailer, hitting the brakes as her breath caught at the sight of Roy’s truck. It was still hours earlier than when he usually returned from working on the Holmes property. She scanned her brain, wondering if she had mixed up the days. She never went riding on the days he worked on the farm.
She cut the roaring engine and closed the door. Slowly she walked to the front steps, opening the trailer door quietly, in the hope that Roy was napping. He sat on the edge of the couch, his long sturdy legs stretched out in front of him. His arms were crossed tightly over his chest as he stared her down with dark glaring eyes.
“Where were you?”
She paused at the door, her mind searching for an answer. For a fleeting moment she wondered whether she should tell the truth, but the risk of Roy forbidding her to ride was more than she was willing to take.
“I went to go return my key at Vinny’s,” she lied.
He cocked his head, his black hair falling over his brow. She knew if she stood with his stare on her any longer, she would break down and confess. She dropped her purse, as though things were normal, and headed to the kitchen.
“Steak okay for dinner?” she asked.
He continued to watch her, his stance unwavering as his eyes followed her every step.
She turned to smile at him. “I bought sweet potatoes to mash. Your favorite.” She unwrapped the steak, placing it in a bowl to thaw. “You’re home early.”
Her fingers trembled as the couch creaked when he stood. His footsteps crept closer until his breath was on her ear. She stood stiffly as his hands reached around her, pulling her into his grasp. “Hmm,” he moaned, breathing in her hair. “I left Holmes early today. I missed my wife.”
She relaxed into his arms, leaning her head against his chest. She closed her eyes and let her mind drift away from him as he kissed the nape of her neck. She turned her head from the stench of his beer-laden breath.
“I need you,” Roy rasped in her ear. “I was so afraid you left me.”
Pearl opened her eyes to the whimper in his voice. “I’m right here, Roy.”
He turned her to face him, his hands desperate as they unbuckled her jeans, pushing them down. She caved to him, giving him the one thing he needed most: her body.
He lifted her onto the counter, pushing himself between her thighs. Lifting her shirt above her head, his face fell into her breast as he kissed naked skin. His touch on her was frantic, as though he were grasping at her for support. He wasn’t rough in the usual way he had become when he made love to her. Instead, he was vulnerable as he lifted his mouth to hers, kissing her deeply, saying. “You can’t leave me. Promise you’ll never leave me.”
“I promise, Roy,” she whispered, tightening her legs around his waist as he entered her. He moved inside her, at first slowly and carefully. But Roy could sense her change, could see the way her eyes glazed over when she stared at him with her newfound strength. The look fed him as his pace quickened, his gentle hands turning to steel. He flung his head back, his lips open in a silent cry as his breath sucked all the power from her body to rebuild his own. With each thrust he took from her all she had spent a day accomplishing. She was once again putty in his hands, and he had all control.
When he was finished, Pearl felt so deflated that as she slid off the counter, her knees nearly crumbled, sending her to the floor.
Roy wiped the sweat from his forehead, a wide grin on his face, proud of the work he had done. “Don’t worry about dinner, baby. I’m heading out with the guys tonight.”
Pearl looked up to him, trying to catch her breath. “You are?”
“It’s poker night, baby, you know that.” He tossed her her jeans while buttoning his own. “What, you gonna miss me tonight? Already want more?”
She turned her head to hide her revulsion. He leaned down in front of her. “Look, it’ll be late for me tonight. Why don’t you head on up to Vernie’s?”
Pearl’s eyes widened at the mention of her dear friend. “I can? It’s okay?”
Roy smiled, patting her lightly on the shoulder like a child. “It’s okay. Just as long as you know when to keep your mouth shut. I don’t want Vernie in any of our business. Got that?”
She nodded. “Thank you, Roy.”
He stood, pulling two six-packs of beer from the fridge, and was out with nothing more than a wink at her as he shut the door.
Pearl took a deep breath and pulled herself together. She took a hot shower, cleansing herself of Roy’s musky sweat and venom. She found her smile as she dressed, covering her feet with boots. She left her purse and keys, taking only with her a pack of smokes. All she needed was Virginia, moonshine, and Vernie.
CHAPTER 15
The chill of winter drifted away as spring slowly came to bloom. It was mid-March, and though the tepid temperature was a vast improvement over the month before, it still felt as though summer was years away. Most days it rained, and Pearl spent those days in the corral with Ben, learning to jump and build her confidence on Molly as Roy spent his week at J.T. Tucker’s, working on the mansion.
She
wrote her father an overdue letter telling him of the glorious spring, how the sun shone for days, and how the flower fields thrived. She wrote of her new love for horses, how Roy had built a stable just for her, and she rode her Morgan, Molly, every day. She couldn’t wait for the day when she could teach Billy to ride. And she was happy, she promised. The happiest that she had ever been. She wished her father could see it.
Pearl walked into Vinny’s with his key gripped tightly in her palm. She didn’t want to give it back. She had held on to it for too long in the hope that Roy would change his mind. She liked working. It made her feel as though she was accomplishing something. If she didn’t have her riding, she would have nothing of substance to fill her days. Work was freedom from the trailer.
“Where have you been?” Sammie cried out from behind the counter. The restaurant was just dying down from breakfast. Only a few customers lagged behind, sipping on their morning brew.
Sammie threw her arms around Pearl. “I’ve tried calling, and you never answer. I’ve been waiting for you to work, but Vinny said something about you quitting.”
Pearl hugged her friend back, not realizing how much she had missed her. “I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner. Roy needs my help on the farm.”
“I bet he does,” Sammie retorted. “Anyway, I’ve been just dying to tell you the news.” Sammie pulled back and rested a hand over her apron to show off her protruding belly. “I’m pregnant.”
Pearls eyes bulged. The news was a shock, but Sammie’s smile was even more startling. “Congratulations? You seem happy about it.”
Sammie sighed, her lips relaxing into a dreamy smile. “I wasn’t at first, but now I am.”
Pearl swallowed hard, hating to ask the next question. “So, who’s the lucky father?”
Sammie swatted Pearl playfully on the arm. “Sam, of course! If you’d been around, you’d have known we’ve been an item for almost two months.”
“I’m sorry, Sammie, I should have known.” Pearl hugged her again. “If you’re happy, I’m happy for you.”
They sat down on the stools at the counter, Sammie complaining of the overwhelming exhaustion. “Well, Sam was a little freaked out at first. I told him to buck up—he’s twenty-eight. I’m eighteen. If anyone should be scared, it’s me. But then after a few days he warmed up to it. And…” She held out her hand. “He proposed!”
“Oh, my God,” Pearl exclaimed, looking at the miniature rock on Sammie’s finger. It looked stunning next to Pearl’s simple gold band. “I have missed a lot.”
“Well, you won’t anymore.” Sammie’s eyes shimmered as she spoke. “’Cause I want you to be my matron of honor.”
Pearl gleamed at the proposition. “Thank you, Sammie! Of course I’ll be there for you.”
“I knew you would! Sam’s having his brother, Ben, be his best man.”
Pearl’s pulse quickened at the sound of Ben’s name. Sammie took notice. “Which, by the way,” Sammie said with a feigned look of concern, “I’ve heard you’ve been spending some time over at the Murray Stables.”
Pearl whipped her head around to see if anyone was near. “Shh,” she whispered. “It’s just riding lessons.”
Sammie eyed her friend suspiciously. “If it’s just riding lessons, then why do I need to be quiet?”
Pearl looked down at her hand holding Sammie’s ring finger. “Just don’t talk about it to anyone. Roy doesn’t know. I don’t want him finding out from anyone but me.”
Sammie was quiet for a moment. “Okay, you have my word. I won’t say anything.”
Pearl set her key on the table, promising Sammie she would be there to help with the wedding. She was happy for her friend, scared for her, but happy. She turned the ignition on the Thunderbird and rumbled her way to the stables.
Ben was waiting for her, her riding helmet in his hand. She softened to his smile, feeling instantly at home with him in the stables. She jumped on top of Molly as she had many times before, leaving any stress or insecurity on the ground. The rain trickled down from the sky, keeping them in the arena, but Pearl didn’t mind. As long as she was riding, she didn’t care where she was. Ben trotted along beside her, more for the company than the practice.
“So I hear you’re going to be an uncle,” Pearl teased with a smile.
Ben grimaced. “I know, right? Ah, well. He’s old enough, at least age-wise. I don’t know about mentally. And Sammie’s a tough one to slow down.”
Pearl laughed. “I’m sure they’ll do fine.”
“Yeah, I’m happy for him, I am. He seems to be excited. I just don’t know about the getting married part. They haven’t been dating for very long.”
“Sounds like you and I will be the head of the party,” Pearl said, eyeing him for a reaction.
Ben looked up in surprise. “I hadn’t heard that. Well, that will make it all the more fun.”
They turned the bend, coming to the first railing. Pearl jumped first, holding tightly to Molly’s reins and holding her breath. Ben was right behind her, gliding over the posts with ease.
He caught up to her side. “I shouldn’t talk so bad about it. He’s just my brother. I guess I never imagined him settling down.” Ben shrugged lightly. “Married with kids. He’s living the dream, isn’t he?”
Pearl shrugged. “I guess.”
“Don’t you want kids?” he asked.
She felt uncomfortable talking about this with Ben. She shouldn’t, but it felt as though they were treading in an area of conversation they had never indulged in. It was an unspoken oath that they never discussed her marriage. Yet it was a question Pearl had asked herself before…although one she wasn’t ready to answer. She knew she and Roy were not ready. But it wasn’t her age or her instability with Roy that really held her back. The frightening truth was she might never be ready.
“I don’t know,” she said. She wanted to stop right there, but Ben’s encouraging look kept her words flowing. “My mom left when I was pretty young. Sometimes I’m afraid I wouldn’t know how to be a mother.”
She had never spoken those thoughts aloud before, not to herself, not to Roy. But somehow saying them to Ben seemed to make sense. “Is that crazy?” she asked him.
He shook his head sadly. “It’s not crazy, Pearl, but it’s not true. Just because your mom left doesn’t mean you won’t love your child, or have the natural instinct to be a good mom. I hear how you talk about your brother.”
She turned away from him, afraid her tears would show. “I left Billy.”
“You’re not his mother.” Ben paused. He trotted closer to her, slowing their pace to a walk. “Do you know where she is? Does your dad ever tell you?”
She shook her head. “When she first left, he used to tell us all the time about the places she traveled. But after a time, I didn’t want to know. It started to make me angry that she never came back, not even to visit. So I stopped asking, and he stopped telling. We haven’t talked about her in many years.”
Ben reached for her reins and jerked them to a stop. Pearl looked at him, a tear streaking down her cheek. He wiped it away with his finger, looking at her softly as though he wanted to apologize.
She beat him to it. “Sorry. It’s not something I ever talk about.”
“Why can’t you talk about it?”
“What’s there to say? My mom left. She’d rather have fame than a family. I don’t know where she is, or why she won’t come back. My dad…” She paused to calm her shaky breath. “I remember him being really happy when I was a kid. And then, I don’t know. It just all changed after my mom left. He wasn’t ever mean, just sad. I hated seeing him so depressed. I sort of took over, trying to be what my mom was so he didn’t have to be everything to us. He’s an electrician and I was homeschooled by him when he was home, but mostly I just read books and taught myself, and I taught Billy.”
“You never went to school?”
She entwined her fingers in Molly’s wiry mane. “It was just easier being home. I could h
elp with keeping the house and cooking, and then I didn’t have to talk about my mom to the kids in school.”
“I can’t imagine,” Ben said softly. “My life seems so normal and boring in comparison.”
She smiled softly. “Normal is not boring. Normal would have been wonderful. But it’s all I know, I guess. I probably wouldn’t be here now if she was around, so…” Pearl wanted to add that was a good thing, but she wasn’t sure if it was.
Ben watched her. She felt the warmth of his stare, and it made her uneasy, while at the same time she craved it.
“Do you ever think of looking for her?”
“I used to when I was younger,” Pearl admitted. “I dreamed of running away and traveling with her but.” Pearl shook her head with a sad smile. “If she wanted me, she would have come back for me.”
Ben thought for a moment. Pearl took the time to watch him as his gaze drifted out to the field through the stable doors. What was it about him that made her share more than she ever had? His eyes found hers and locked. She dropped her gaze, afraid of what her expression was giving away.
“What’s her name?” Ben asked.
Pearl looked up, startled by the question.
“I just want to know if I’ve ever heard of her,” Ben said.
“Lucy Waters.”
She held her breath and counted the seconds until Ben responded with, “Hmm, I haven’t heard of her.”
Her breath released. She wasn’t sure if she was happy or confused by his answer. She looked up at the stable clock. “I need to go.”
“I was hoping you’d come over, have something warm to drink and relax a little. I still haven’t showed you my place.”
Pearl saw his disappointed expression and quickly turned her gaze away. She was afraid he would see the same look mirrored on her face. How could she tell him that she needed to stay in the stable where it was safe? If Ben only knew the thoughts she kept secret regarding what she would do to him if they were alone in his house.
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