The food was good. She could get used to having someone cook for her again. What she couldn’t get used to was the tumbling in her belly telling her to be cautious.
Gabe and Colun cleaned the kitchen never complaining and then came back to the table.
Colun took a deep breath before he started. “The two of you should know you’re already connected. Not soul-bonded but connected far more than you should be. That’s a problem.”
“Why?” So far things seemed to be okay, why should they change?
“Taya, try to imagine Gabe going out with another woman or even getting intimate with her.”
Rage, hot and heavy, hit her chest. She would kill her then kill him. How dare he cheat on her? That lying son of…Where was this anger coming from? There was nothing between them and she knew it. Even if she wished it was different.
“It’s the same with you, Gabe. You’re close but you’re not soul-bonded so you can do what you want. Unfortunately, what Gabe needs is a soul-bond. Someone who is pledged to love him. Will work with him when they get off track with each other. Taya, on the other hand, wants her freedom. Sure, she thinks you’re attractive, Gabe, but she’s not meant to be in a relationship.”
Her head bent as her secret shame was exposed. She wasn’t meant to be in a relationship. There would be no real love for her. That’s all right, she accepted it long ago. A face drifted in front of her telling her in detail how she was broken, defective. She hadn’t wanted to agree with him, but all her actions since then only proved him correct.
“I’m sorry, Gabe,” she whispered so low he couldn’t hear. If only she could be the one for him. She could almost see little boys with his eyes and girls with her hair. She was going to have to leave; it was the only thing to do.
“The two of you will have to go through the trials.” They both looked at him like he was crazy.
“It’s the only way to undo the link you have forged between you. When you’re done you’ll be free. You will also be vindicated when the trial tells you that you weren’t meant for each other.”
She looked over at Gabe. The pulse in his throat was racing, pounding so hard. He refused to look her in the eyes even though she tried.
“Taya, I don’t want to keep you connected to me when you want your freedom. I think Colun is correct; we need to go through the trials so we can dissolve our connection. I never meant to tie you to me.”
Gabe pushed his chair back and stood. He was so straight and strong it took everything she had to fight back the tears.
“Let me know when you want to do this and I will be there.” He walked out the kitchen without looking at her.
Her head dropped the minute he was gone and she cried into her arms. Silent tears full of pain. She hadn’t hurt like this since Mike. This was so much worse because Gabe was worth crying over.
The warmth of Colun’s hand on her back took her by surprise. He pulled her into his arms and placed her head on his shoulder.
“Cry daughter, my shoulders are wide enough for the pain you and Gabe feel.”
She did. How long she cried she didn’t know, but for some reason she felt better when it was all over.
Wiping her face, she looked at Colun and decided she was going to stop being mortified because she had a human reaction. Human, that’s what she was.
“Now we gather and start the trials.”
“Don’t you mean the divorce?”
“Something like that.”
She walked out of the kitchen through the dining room to find Selma and Victor in the living room along with Rylan. Gabe was standing against the mantel with his brother behind him giving him emotional support.
“We’re ready whenever you are.” Victor looked at Colun.
“I think we need to go ahead and get started.”
“I would like to do it in my room,” Gabe said softly before walking out.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Victor said. Selma elbowed him.
“Why don’t you think it’s a good idea?
Victor looked at Taya before eyeing his soul-bonded and sighed. “All I meant is that Gabe has never invited a female up to his room before.”
“I’ll be the first?” She saw his nod. Her heart felt a little better at the thought. “I want to do it in his room.”
She waited for Rylan to lead the way. They went to the second floor where her room was and then took another staircase up to the third floor. There were several doors there. Rylan walked to the last door on the left. Gabe’s voice told them to enter.
She walked into the room and then stopped to gasp. Gabe loved the mountains. He had pictures of them all over; a huge one dominated the side of his living room wall. The color palette was done in greens with touches of brown. She almost felt like she could close her eyes and be standing on a mountain peak.
“Looking at this you would think I love to hike, but I don’t. I have a beautiful cottage surrounded with trees, the mountains are in the background and a lake runs through the property.” The light in his eyes died and he stopped talking.
Taya could picture it. She bet it was quaint, one of those places she wouldn’t ever want to leave. They’d have dinner together then sit outside to watch the stars and the moon come out. Gently he would kiss her and help her up. Then they would go upstairs where he would make love to her all night long. But that would never happen because they were never meant to be. Of course, she knew that so why was her heart hurting?
“What do we have to do now?”
“The two of you need to relax. It will be better if you’re lying down, so we’ll use Gabe’s bedroom. Once you’re down, try to relax.”
Gabe led the way to his room not commenting on the picture of the lakes in his room or the cabin she knew was his. It was quaint and she wanted to see it.
Kicking off her shoes, she laid on the brown spread that was covering the bed. It was soft and inviting but not for her. She felt like a fish in a tank, a multitude of eyes were watching her waiting for her to do something cute.
She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. No one besides her needed to know what she was giving up today.
There was pure joy and blinding pain when she felt Gabe’s hand link with hers. This would be the last time this ever happened.
“All right children,” Colun’s voice held love as he spoke. “Taya, Gabe is going to reach out to you. When you feel him, invite him in. Together you will find the door to the trials. It really shouldn’t take long for the two of you to fail.”
What could she say? It was already a forgone conclusion that they didn’t belong together. Why fight it?
She took deeper breathes and tried to sink into herself while looking for Gabe in her mind.
There was a shadow. Was it Gabe? She looked up to see an ax in its hand. The smile of the shadow’s face was macabre. It was coming for her, walking with measured steps. She moved backwards tripping over her own feet as terror struck her. It was going to kill her, that she knew for sure. This thing, whatever it was, had been waiting patiently and now it was her time to die.
Opening her mouth to scream, she heard Gabe call her name. The shadow became fuzzy until it disappeared. She wasn’t home free; this was just a reprieve for now.
“Gabe?” Where was he? She needed him desperately.
“Taya, I was looking for you. You weren’t where I thought you’d be.”
Yeah sorry, some shadow freak was trying to kill me. Next time I’ll stay where you put me. She shook just a little.
“Are you all right?”
“I think so. I saw something that scared me. Do you think that something in your mind can kill you?”
“Yes. I heard a story once about a man who got trapped in a box car. It was a freezer box car. He knew there was no way he would survive the night. The next day they found him frozen to death. Which was odd because the car wasn’t on; the temperature never dipped lower than seventy-two degrees. I don’t know if the story is true but I do b
elieve the mind is powerful.”
She agreed with him and whatever that shadow was, it was coming back for her. Good thing when she died she wouldn’t be taking Gabe with her. Now it was urgent that they get their divorce.
“So how do we get to the trial?” The smile she gave him wavered at the edges. She was trying to be upbeat about this but her heart was breaking at the same time.
“I don’t know. We have to look for the door together. You look gorgeous.”
“I do?” She glanced down, what she saw shocked her. She was wearing one of the outfits she used to own. The skirt was one of her favorites. It lines were simple but the look was classy. She always teased herself by saying one day she would wear it on the perfect date. The blouse matched perfectly and the sandals showed off her feet to perfection. Her toes were done in a beautiful French manicure. When was the last time she had time for that?
“Thank you.” Her smile was sincere. “You’re looking rather good yourself.”
He was dressed in a pair of jeans that hugged his body to perfection. They were low waisted, giving her just a hint of what they hid. The tee was green. She was beginning to think it may be his favorite color. It hugged his body like a lover and she was jealous of it.
If he were hers, she’d take advantage and run her hands over his chest but he wasn’t hers and never would be.
He cleared his throat. “We should start looking for that door.”
“Follow me,” she called out, choosing a random direction.
They walked for what felt like hours until they came to a door with caution tape over it looking like a scene from a cop show.
“Do you think this is the door to the trials?” A quick glance at Gabe showed him stepping back.
“I don’t think so and you don’t have to open the door.”
He was wrong; whatever was in there was calling out to her, daring her to open wide and face the truth of what she was.
Chapter Thirteen
Taya reached out towards the door. Gabe’s hand stopped her.
“You really don’t have to go in there.”
He was right, she didn’t have to but she was going to. Everything she ever wanted had been stripped from her. It was time to stop running and find out what was hiding in her closets.
Taking her other hand, she snatched the caution tape and reached out to open the door. Gabe’s hand went over hers and they opened the door together.
Pain, it her knocked her body to the ground. The room was filled with it. Every little bit that she refused to feel had been shoved into the room and now all of it was attacking her. She curled into a small ball as it looked for a way back into her body, into her mind.
Memories with the power to tear her apart assaulted her. The weakness that she denied taunted her. This was her life, despair whispered in her ear. It was so easy to find the worse in life when that was all life showed you, but she had defeated the odds. For a while anyway. Now life was back to collect its debt and her sanity, her ability to put one foot in front of the other was what it required. Death might be better, but the look on her mother’s face challenged that thought.
“Taya, you have to fight it. It no longer controls you. There was a time you couldn’t deal with the pain, but your older now. You can do this.”
Gabe’s body was bent over hers. She could feel him putting himself between her and the pain.
His fingers linked with her; she squared her shoulders and lifted her head. She embraced the pain, embraced her tears, and her fears. This was a part of life she always hated. The feelings that dig so deep that when you hurt it was like a knife going through your gut. To deny the pain meant denying herself the pleasure of life. It meant she was existing but not living. That had to change.
Tears ran down her face as the pain tore her up inside. In its grief and madness when she turned her feelings away, it tried to cause the most damage. She took it because she was wrong. When it finally stopped tearing at her, when she could see out of her tear filled eyes, she slowly stood with the help of Gabe.
“My mom used to tell me I was too sensitive. You take everything to heart, Taya. One day I decided I wouldn’t be sensitive anymore. I wouldn’t let life get me down. I started shoving my emotions into a room never understanding that they would eventually descend on me like an avalanche.”
She wrapped her arms around her middle and kept going.
“When Rylan was taken, I knew what everyone else didn’t know—the Sudir really wanted me. Ry protected me and was treated to hell because of it. In my heart I always knew it should have been me. I found I couldn’t enjoy anything. I wanted to laugh but I couldn’t. There was no more running or playing. My life was in hell just like Ry’s.”
He walked up to her placing a hand around her middle. Together they began searching for that door. They came across a pink door in her mind.
“I’m almost afraid to open that and there’s no caution tape on it.”
“You should open it. The door is cute.”
“You just want to see what I looked like as a child,” she said, and reached out to open the door laughing as she did it.
The sweetness of childhood assailed her with childhood dreams floating around.
“Your wedding dress?” Gabe asked.
“Yeah, when I was little I wanted to be a princess when I got married.”
“What happened?”
“I grew up.”
She felt another tear slip down her face as she reached out to close the door. Gabe looked at her and shook his head no. With a quick smile she left the door open. What could it hurt?
They walked again until they were no longer in her head; instead they were in a long wide canyon. It reminded her of the pictures she saw of the Grand Canyon. There was a huge bronze door in front of them. They had found the trials. Now all they needed was to get in.
“I think this is it.”
“The door looks like what Ry described to me.”
“How do we get in?”
“He said we wait until it decides to open for us.”
“Don’t you hate it?”
“Hate what?”
“How everyone is making the rules for us.”
He stopped looking at the door and turned to look at her. She was beautiful but she wasn’t his. He wanted to rage at a world that told him he needed to give her up. Yeah, he hated it, but what he would hate more was keeping her when all she wanted was to be free.
“I’m more interested in doing what’s right than dwelling on the things I can’t change.”
He walked up to the door about to place his hands on it.
“Are you crazy? Do you want to die?”
Gabe turned around to gasp at what he saw. The male looking back at him was obviously someone’s entitled rich kid. He was maybe twenty-five with aristocratic features and the best blue eyed contacts money could buy. His hair was a great dye job. The jeans the kid wore had to cost a couple of hundred. As far as that shirt, he had seen it on the rack once. It took one look at the price tag to make him walk out of the place for good.
“What do you know of this door?”
“I know if you touch it, your body will fly hundreds of feet into the air. On second thought, touch it. I don’t usually go for round women but she’s kind of cute. I could hit that.”
A roar left Gabe’s mouth as he rounded on the rich kid.
“I wouldn’t do that, I’m sturdier than I look.”
“Don’t talk about Taya.”
“Oh, she has a name? I usually just point and say you. Then, of course, they strip and ask me what I’m in the mood for. Well, I guess not every male can be as lucky as I am.”
“Hey you.” He turned to look at Taya. “She really is kind of pretty. Do you like to use your mouth?” His hips swung out at her.
“You bring it over here and I’ll use my mouth to bite it off.”
“She has claws. If I were you I’d declaw her, maybe take all her teeth out before I got close to her.”<
br />
Gabe walked over to Taya, placed her behind him, then he swung. This kid needed a lesson in manners and he was willing to teach it.
“Oh look, the young pup wants to play.”
The kid ducked his punch, went under his swing, and picked him up by the neck.
“First rule—appearances can be deceiving. Just because it looks like a duck and quacks like one doesn’t really make it a duck.” The kid dropped him on his rear.
“What’s your name?”
“You can call me Voyager.” He flashed a smile looking older for a minute.
“Voyager, how do we get in and why are you here?” Gabe asked, eyeing him.
He hated him. It wasn’t his looks or even what he was wearing; it was the way Taya stopped when she saw him. The frozen look of pain on her face made him want to take this kid apart a piece at a time.
“You get in when the trial says it’s ready for you. As far as why I’m here, I have nothing to do. My daddy has money, lots of it. There’s no need for me to work so I like to hang around looking for cute women.” He threw Taya several air kisses.
“Are you sure you’re not interested in putting your mouth to work? I have it from several reliable sources that it’s the best time they ever had.”
Gabe came at him again. Voyager raised a hand creating a wall that kept him on the other side. “You know your potential soul-bonded reminds me of someone.”
“We’re not here to soul-bond.”
“You do know these are the trials?”
“We know, somehow we got temporarily paired up. We’re in each other’s head. The only way out of the situation is to go through the trials and have it declare we aren’t right for each other. After that we will be free from the other one.”
“Look at him. He’s screaming at you. I don’t think he wanted you to tell me that you’re not really together. Now it seems I can do anything I want with you without worrying about a soul-bond. That’s pretty tempting.”
She stepped back. Maybe telling him hadn’t been her smartest move. There was something about him that reminded her of Mike. Who was she kidding; everything about him reminded her of Mike. Right down to the fact that he is an arrogant son of a…
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