by Jess Bryant
He continued to kiss her softly as he rolled, taking his weight off of her before he collapsed at her side. She didn’t let him get far. Skylar followed him over, sprawling across his chest. Their sweaty bodies stuck together and even though he knew he needed to get up, needed to deal with the condom, needed to get his clothes and somehow convince himself and Skylar that this was less than what it had really been, he couldn’t bring himself to move.
“That’s going to last a lot longer than just tonight.” Skylar broke the silence as she fingered the mark he’d left on her neck.
He sighed heavily, “I know.”
That was why he’d done it. Because he needed some proof that tonight had happened. It would fade with time but it wouldn’t be gone come morning. Even if he would be.
“Sorry.” He finally forced the apology from his lips and he didn’t miss the importance of the word as he issued her another apology.
Him. The man that swore he would never apologize for anything in his life. The man that swore he was what he was and would never try to be anything else to please another person. But for Skylar, he would apologize. For not being good enough. Not being man enough. Not being what she deserved. Because he wanted to be, but he wasn’t. Not yet.
“Don’t be.” Skylar whispered against his chest as she found his hand and their fingers intertwined, “I’m not sorry for any of it.”
God, he hoped that were still true tomorrow. In the morning light, he didn’t want her to regret this. He didn’t want her to regret him. But he had a feeling she would. Because he was going to be gone when she woke up and she would finally realize the cold hard truth. He wasn’t the man she wanted him to be.
Chapter Ten
The first time Skylar woke, it was still dark outside and she wasn’t alone. It took her less than a minute to remember the events of the night. All of it came rushing back in a whirlwind of sights and sounds. And feelings, so many feelings and those all came back too.
Her confusion when she’d opened the door to find Colt on the other side. The excitement she’d felt when he kissed her. The longing that had nearly overwhelmed her. And then the pain. Just a slash of hurt at first and then as his words sank in, the cut had dug deeper and deeper, widened into a chasm that would swallow her whole if she let it.
One night. He had only promised her one night. That was all he would give her. One night. Nothing more than a release of the tension that had built between them. He hadn’t offered more. Hadn’t told her he felt the same way that she did. And he certainly hadn’t put his heart on the line.
Not like she had.
She struggled to contain the sick feeling of dread that rose in her throat. Because she loved him. She loved every beautiful, broken, damaged part of him. And she’d known if she got too close that his rough edges would cut her. She just hadn’t expected it to hurt so damn much before he was ever really gone.
He was still in bed beside her. He was wrapped around her. His arms held her tight, as if he couldn’t bear the idea of letting her go. And maybe in sleep that was true but when he woke, he would leave. She didn’t doubt for a second that he would follow through and walk away from her, maybe for good, and she had no idea how to convince him to stay instead.
In all honesty, she was surprised he wasn’t already gone. The last time she’d fallen asleep with him nearby, he’d disappeared as though he’d never been there. She had no idea how long she’d been asleep this time so she was shocked to wake up and feel his arms still wrapped tightly around her.
“My nights not over yet.” Colt rumbled close to her ear.
She fought a shiver when he read her mind, “I thought you were asleep.”
“Uh, no.” His arms tightened, his hips pressing forward until the steel beam of his erection rubbed at her ass, “Too hard to sleep. Literally.”
Despite her worries, her lips tipped into a smile at his crude humor and she found herself rocking back against him. He groaned and slid his hand down her belly. The pressure kept her back pressed tight to his front as their hips automatically found a rhythm and rolled together. His rough hands against her skin sent pinwheels of desire cartwheeling through her and when he gripped her thigh and pulled her top leg up and back, over his own to hold her open, she gasped.
“Colt…”
“Mmm, I like it when you say my name like that.” His voice was rougher than usual though whether that was from sleep or desire she had no idea. “Say it again.”
Since he dipped his hand between her thighs and found her clit, she couldn’t help but do just that, “Colt, please.”
Teeth bit into her shoulder hard enough to sting but it only made pleasure course through her veins. He knew she enjoyed a little bit of pain. How could he not? There was no way he’d missed her reaction to his needles all this time. She’d never admitted it to anyone, had no idea how to even voice it, but there was something about the sharp sting of the needles mixed with knowing it was Colt’s hands on her that sent her flying every time.
She liked it a little rough. She’d known that she would even though she’d never experienced it before. Never had anyone hold her wrists down. Never had anyone pull her hair. Never had anyone bite her because she’d never told anyone else she wanted it, needed it. But Colt knew and he gave it to her without her having to say a word.
She bit her lip to stifle a groan when he teased her opening. He grumbled and nipped at her skin again as he rocked his hips against her ass. His other hand moved up and he traced her lips. She nipped his finger with her teeth and he groaned and pinched her clit, sending her hips shooting off the bed, the only sound escaping her a tortured moan.
“Suck. Now.” The finger tracing her lips pushed and she simply did as she was told and opened.
She loved Colt like this. Bossy and demanding. Dominating. He knew what he wanted and he wasn’t afraid to demand it. He took and he gave her back everything she’d never known she needed. He took complete and utter control of her and she responded to his orders as if she’d been born for it.
His finger slipped into her mouth as she nipped and licked at it. His other hand continued to tease her. Stroking her clit and then sliding down to her hole, circling it, and then gliding back up to begin the torture all over again. She was rocking and twisting, trying to force him to give her more, but since he didn’t move on from his pattern she devoted all of her attention to sucking on his fingers.
“That’s my girl.”
She swallowed a whimper at his grumbled words as he pulled his fingers free of her mouth with a popping sound. It didn’t mean anything. That’s what she tried to remind her stupid, silly heart when it leaped at the words it so badly needed.
He trailed his wet fingers to her breast and played with her nipples as he eased a finger inside her and they both hissed. She arched into his hands, pressing back against him. It felt so good but it wasn’t enough, not nearly enough.
She wanted to turn over. She needed to see him. She needed to kiss him. She needed the connection between them to be about more than just sex, needed it to be more than physical. She knew it was but she needed to see it in his eyes, to know that he felt it too.
“Colt…” She started but he cut her off with a groan of unrestrained need.
“I want to be inside you, angel. Nothing between us. Just you and me. Tell me you want it too.” His grip on her tightened and in her foggy, lust clouded brain, it took her too long to figure out his meaning. “I’m clean. I haven’t been with anyone else bare. Ever. I want it with you, only you. Just this once I need there to be nothing between us.”
Her bottom lip began to tremble and she was suddenly grateful that she wasn’t facing him. She wouldn’t have been able to hide her reaction to his words if she was. Tears pooled in her eyes and she tried desperately to blink them back as he slashed at her heart all over again.
He wanted her. Only her. Wanted to take her without any barriers between them and God… the request threatened to break her. Because even without
a condom, he wouldn’t drop his other barriers. She knew that. His words only confirmed it. The reminder that it would only be this one time because he would walk away in the morning hurt even more because he was asking her for so much.
“Sky?” His hands paused in their torment of her body and she realized then how easily he could read her, read her mind, and he confirmed it when he only sighed, “I’m sorry. It’s too much. I shouldn’t have asked.” He kissed her shoulder gently, apologetically, and a stray tear escaped and rolled down her cheek, “I’ll get a condom.”
“No.” She reached back to keep him still when he started to retreat from her.
He froze, “No?”
She took a deep breath for courage and shook her head. If he insisted she turn over and look at him, it would all be over. If he got up to get a condom, he would change his mind. The second he left her bed, he would be gone for good and she wasn’t ready to lose him.
Despite her head telling her that she was setting her heart up for even more pain, she held tight to him. She wasn’t letting go of him, not that easily. She’d gotten to him once already. He’d been fighting this thing between them for months but he was here, now. She had to believe that meant something, that she could break through the rest of his walls if he would only give her a chance.
“I’m on the pill.” She forced out and felt him settle at her back again. “I want it too. I want you. I… I want you to make love to me.”
She held her breath and waited to see if he recoiled. She’d used that word. The one four letter word that she knew he hated. The one that he never used but thought nobody noticed. She had. She noticed everything about him.
She’d noticed the way he always said that he and Cash took care of each other instead of using that word. She saw the way he avoided Jemma when she tossed it at him easily and naturally. She knew that to him that word represented nothing but pain, and in that moment, when she knew that if he pushed her away for using it that she would have to let him go, she couldn’t help but agree with him.
Loving Colt was painful.
“Sky…” He surprised her again when he wrapped her back up in his arms and nuzzled her neck, almost as if he was hugging her, “That’s exactly what I’ve been doing, angel.”
Her heart crumbled and she barely stifled a sob. Gone. Her heart was completely and utterly his, as if it hadn’t been for months. Walk away from him? Never. She wouldn’t give up on him, on them, ever.
Colt slid his hands over her body and she shivered and arched into him. He teased her back to a fever pitch in minutes. His fingers were magic, stroking and pinching in just the right rhythm. His mouth was there too, nipping at her skin, sucking and licking and then pausing to whisper dirty, filthy things in her ear that had her begging him for more.
He owned her. Body and soul. Maybe he always had. Because nothing had ever felt as good as the moment he slid inside of her, skin against skin, and claimed her.
“Fuck.” He groaned in her ear once he was seated deep inside her body, “You’re perfect. So perfect. Like you were made for me.”
She bit her lip to keep her own words at bay. He was right of course. He usually was. About her. About everything really. Everything except himself. He could give her more. He could be more. He could be enough. She just had to find a way to show him that he could trust her and he’d love her in return. He had to.
Colt pulled back slowly until only his tip rested inside her and then pushed back in just as gently. He kept his assault on her body languid, as if he had all the time in the world. Even when she writhed and moaned against him, even when she begged and pleaded, even when she cursed and demanded, he only grinned against her skin and slowed down even more.
“Never want this to end.” He muttered and she was just incoherent enough not to bite her tongue.
“It doesn’t have to.”
“All good things, angel.” He groaned and flexed his hips, “You have to come first. I’m not going until you come.”
In her mind, it was all but a dare and she grit her teeth and refused to let her body crest over the hill it was climbing. If she didn’t come then he couldn’t and then it really wouldn’t end. But no amount of determination could keep her body from giving in to his and when the first tremors rocked her, Colt groaned and his willpower finally broke.
“Can’t hold out. Too good.” He found her clit and rubbed in hard, demanding circles, “Come for me, Sky. I’m gonna lose it when you do and spill my seed deep inside you. You’re gonna feel me in here for days, dripping out, making you wet all over again.”
“Oh, God…” She sucked in a gasp as his dirty words did what his touch couldn’t and set her free.
“That’s it. Drag it out of me. It’s yours. All yours.”
Her entire world broke open and she screamed as the orgasm crashed through her. She heard him muttering more words against her ear but she was too far gone to make them out. Even through the blackout, world-shifting power of her orgasm, she felt it when Colt climaxed. His release felt like fire when he shot inside of her. He groaned and slammed into her over and over as he clutched her close and she whimpered, knowing his dirty promise was true.
She was going to feel him even when he was gone.
Tears pricked her vision when they both finally collapsed from the force of their orgasms. He held her so tight she wondered if she would have bruises. He had well and truly marked her. Between the hickey, the bruises and the soreness that would no doubt permeate her body, she might not even be able to feel her broken heart tomorrow when she woke up alone.
Colt tensed moments later and she clutched at his arms. She wasn’t letting go of him. Not yet. Whatever had just happened, it hadn’t been fucking. She wasn’t sure if it had been lovemaking for him considering he didn’t believe in that word but if it had, she fully expected him to get up and run. And though she swore that she would go after him when he did, that she would find a way to get through to him, she wasn’t ready to release him just yet either.
“It’s still dark out. The night isn’t over.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” He kissed the mark he’d left on her neck and then yawned, “Except maybe to sleep.”
She smiled at that, “I forget you’re the older twin. You probably need your rest huh old man? Sleep and recover if you need to.”
“Smartass.” He chuckled and pinched her lightly, “Think you can sleep with my cock inside you? Because I’m not pulling out. You feel too good.”
She bit her lip to stifle a full grin. Whole. That was the word for it. She felt it too. She felt whole when they were joined like this. He had to feel that too.
Instead of voicing that, she squeezed her muscles, “Just good?”
“Oh, holy fuck…” Colt’s hips jolted forward and she felt him twitch inside of her, “I’m not too old to ignore an invitation, Sky. Do that again and you’re not gettin’ any sleep tonight.”
She did it again.
“Goddamnit, you’re evil.” He groaned and pulled her hips back against his again as his semi-hard erection came back to life.
“I thought I was an angel?” She teased as she set a gentle, rocking motion.
“You are. Fuck, yeah you are. You have to be because this. Is. Heaven.”
He punctuated each of his words with a push of his hips and she moaned as she felt him harden again just that fast. She’d been teasing him. Now their roles were reversed. Because that was all it took to make her want him again.
“Colt.”
He chuckled and it was dark, menacing and gleeful. The sound sent chills down her spine. That was the man she knew and loved and she wasn’t letting him go. If she had to tame him with orgasms, then so be it. She was getting forever with her Bomar boy, even if this angel had to walk through hell to make it happen.
The second time Skylar woke, daylight beamed in through the curtains on the window and she knew instantly that she was alone. There was no heavy body pressing hers into the mattress. There was no lin
gering heat on the sheets. The only proof that her bed had been occupied by the man of her dreams was the lingering scent of him all over her and the scream of her muscles when she stretched.
She sucked in a lungful of his delicious scent… and promptly burst into tears.
She was a complete and total mess. She was needy and emotional. She’d never cried over a man. Never. Yet here she was, curled up in her empty bed for the second day in a row, shedding tears for that big, beautiful bastard that she was surer than ever was destined to break her heart.
Every second of last night played through her head in slow motion. Every touch. Every kiss. Every muttered word. She heard Colt tell her she was beautiful. That she was perfect. That she’d been made to fit him. But it was his other words that she knew would haunt her for a long time to come.
I wish I could give you more. You deserve more. You deserve better than me.
He didn’t think he was good enough for her. Huh. How had she never realized that his own twisted self-image was part of the problem? She should have because now that he’d said it, she knew how difficult it would be to overcome that particular barrier.
They were already friends. They understood each other. They had a solid base for a relationship. And physically, they were fireworks. Last night had more than proven that.
But emotionally, he was so scarred from the hell his family had put him through that he saw himself through their eyes. Damaged. Dirty. Dangerous. He only saw the worst of his Bomar traits when he looked in the mirror and she wasn’t sure how to change that other than being there for him, being with him, and showing him how she saw him instead.
Only he’d left her, again, in the middle of the night. He’d walked away. Which meant he’d built his walls back and put her firmly on the other side. She would have to start all over trying to scale them and there was no guarantee he’d let her in.