But it was too late. She’d overstepped the mark and made a mistake, said something that should never be said to anyone dealing with any sort of challenge, be it health, mental, or otherwise.
Either way, she had to call him.
Now.
Chapter 26
When she’d made sure her dad was settled and ready for bed (at least he couldn’t drink while sleeping), April sat in her car and took a few deep breaths. She hardly drove, with everything being within walking distance of her house, but as she glanced down at her prosthetic leg she felt a flicker of gratitude that it had been her left leg and not right that had been lost, making driving much easier. She had a lot to be grateful for; her right leg, her prosthesis, her life, her business, her friends, her house, her mum, even her dad despite his challenges. If this phone call didn’t go well, she’d be okay. She’d survive, as she’d always done.
The sound of his phone ringing gave her heart palpitations.
She prepared herself to speak.
It went to voicemail. Damn.
Maybe he was in the shower. No, he’d just had one when I got there.
She called again. Voicemail.
Text message? No, she was a voice person. She called again and this time left a message:
‘Hi, Zac, it’s me. Obviously, you would have seen my name on the caller ID. Anyway, I just want to say how sorry I am for what I said. God, I feel like an idiot. I’m so sorry. Sorry. Okay, I’d better … sorry.’ She ended the call. So much for being a voice person.
She drove home and listened to the radio for the first time in ages. Two songs came on that she didn’t know, along with a couple of others she had heard in the past. Then she was home.
That wasn’t too bad. While driving too. I deserve some chocolate.
She got herself ready for bed but by the time she was about to snuggle up and wind down with some chocolate, she didn’t feel like it anymore. Sleep was calling, and unlike Zac, she answered.
* * *
There was no response to her voice message when she’d woken, though he could have been asleep, but by lunchtime on Saturday there was still no response.
‘Call the guy again,’ Belinda said, stuffing some of the items for tonight into a box.
‘That’ll make me look silly. And desperate, and grovelling.’
‘You are silly and desperate and grovelling.’
‘Hey,’ she said, pointing her pen at Belinda. She ticked a couple of items off the store birthday To Do list. But there was something else she had to do. ‘Oh!’ She held the pen to her lips. ‘Crap. Can you mind the store a bit longer for lunch? I need to go get new glasses for my dad. I could leave it till Monday, I guess, but I don’t want him to trip over a step or something.’ She stood.
‘Of course, chicky babe. I mean, boss. Go.’ She flicked her hand to the door. ‘And maybe on the way back you could stop by Zac’s house and see if he got your message.’
‘Yeah, yeah,’ April muttered. ‘Might not have time.’
‘Make time.’
April left and went home first to get her car, then drove to the optometrist in the next town. She organised a replacement to be made and paid the bill, then gave her dad a quick call. Then she drove back into her street, but when she neared her house, there was another car there. At Zac’s house. His ute was there too. Had he bought a brand new, fancy, black Audi? Talk about going over the top, the guy hardly went anywhere.
Someone got out of the car. A woman. She looked vaguely familiar, and as the smartly dressed woman walked up to Zac’s porch, April drove into her driveway and noticed the logo on the car.
Oh no.
Desperation and apprehension gripped her inside. It was too late. And she had made an irrevocable mistake with Zac. And now he was going to sell his house and leave this street and her life forever, and some old guy would move in and he wouldn’t have a cat like Juliet, he would have a dog that barked late at night and woke her up, and he would be one of those annoying people who whistled all the time and sang old tunes that you couldn’t get out of your head and he would come over at random times and ask for sugar and anything else he needed, and chat to her for hours like she had all the time in the world, and then he might collapse and have a heart attack and she’d have to give him mouth to mouth and call an ambulance, and …
She jolted herself out of her worst-case scenario fantasyland and noticed Zac had opened his front door, and both he and the real estate agent were looking her way, as she stared at his house and sat idle in her car. She put her foot on the pedal and the car jumped forward suddenly towards her carport.
When she got out, the estate agent had gone inside. April began her walk back to work, walking as briskly as she could.
No, no, no, no, was all she could think.
And when she arrived back at the store, a customer was wanting a refund for a candle that hadn’t lasted as long as the label said, and she knew this for certain, because she had kept a timer and noted down the burning duration each time she had lit it.
April forced a ‘customer is always right’ smile and hoped bad things didn’t come in threes.
* * *
When they had dealt with the candle disaster, April told Belinda about what she’d seen at Zac’s house.
‘You need to take drastic action, girlfriend.’
‘Like what? Stand out the front with pieces of white cardboard with things written on them to apologise and make him forgive me?’
‘Hey, cool idea!’
‘That stuff only works in movies.’
‘They should totally put that in a movie,’ said Belinda.
April’s mouth gaped. ‘You’re not serious?’
‘Yeah, why? It’d be awesome.’
‘Have you not seen Love, Actually?’
‘No, actually.’ She chuckled. ‘Is this one of those moments where you’re too old and I’m too young? Cool!’
April shook her head. ‘Anyway, he’s obviously made up his mind. I should just leave him be.’
‘Uh-uh,’ Belinda said. ‘You’ve only just called him, right, like last night? Guys need time to think about stuff, process stuff. Anyway, maybe you should try communicating with him at his level, like in writing.’
‘A letter?’
‘Maybe? Or a poem. Or a text; put it down in writing and then he’ll be able to think about it properly.’ She stood on the stepladder to rearrange a display on a high shelf. ‘And that way, you’ll get it all off your chest, and you’ll be able to focus on enjoying tonight’s event, knowing you did as much as you could to make it up to him.’
She had a point. Though she didn’t know if she’d be able to do it justice, putting it all in a text, but then again, she’d written that letter to Kyle and that had turned out well. Maybe that had been practice for this, in a way.
‘Here,’ said Belinda, handing her a candle. ‘Burn that baby and just do it.’
April took hold of the candle-in-a-jar with the word ‘courage’ on the label.
What the hell.
She went to the storeroom and sat on the fold-up chair, put the candle on top of the filing cabinet, and lit the wick.
Courage, come my way. Words, come my way. Forgiveness, come my way.
She texted:
Zac,
You’re better with words than me, but I’ll do my best.
Once again, I’m sorry. Really sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things, I regret them. You’re life has been hard and you’re fighting a battle I know nothing about. Of course you can’t just snap out of it. I can’t believe I said that. I wish I could press delete on my voice sometimes. If I could, I would delete delete delete. And I would say this instead:
You’re the strongest person I know. You’re inspiring. You’re talented.
That’s all that matters. You can do anything you set your mind to, I know you can. I’m still learning that, learning to get rid of doubts and fears when it comes to relationships.
I saw my dad last
night, and he told me why he drinks. I don’t think I’ve ever asked him that before. His reason was simple, yours wasn’t. I know now that you’re not like him. Just like I’m not the same as other amputees. Having something in common doesn’t make people act the same. I’m sorry I didn’t see this before.
You are you, Zac. One of a kind.
If we never see each other again I wanted you to know that I’m sorry, and that I understand you. I accept you. You are enough just as you are. You have changed my world, woken me up to greater things, all through your words, your presence, and your love that I feel undeserving of.
I hope you will forgive me, and I hope that one day we will share a meal of Truth Chicken again, as friends if you still want to be one, or as neighbours while you’re still around. Or just as two people with a past that has tested us, challenged us, and made us better people for living and surviving through it.
April.
Her hand was shaking by the end of it, from the sheer effort of typing a long text into her phone, or the enormity of what she’d written, she wasn’t sure.
But Belinda was right. As she pressed send, it was like an autoreply of relief had been delivered back to her. Whatever happened from here on in was his choice, and she’d be okay.
She walked out of the storeroom.
‘Done?’ asked Belinda.
‘Done,’ she replied. ‘Now, only a few hours till the markets begin, let’s get this show on the road!’
Chapter 27
‘There you go, that’ll get you glowing.’ Jonah handed April her coffee over the portable coffee stand in Miracle Park, where a crowd was beginning to form.
‘Nice pun,’ she replied. ‘So do you ever get days off?’
Maybe she should try her luck with a younger man, and one whose only vice (that she knew of) was coffee.
‘Days off? What are they?’ He furrowed his brow.
‘I know the feeling. Though Mondays are working out well for me now.’
‘And let me guess, you spend them doing other business work?’
She shrugged. ‘Maybe a little.’
‘The joys of running a business, eh?’ he said. ‘My parents do most of the work so I’m lucky, though I help out a bit. But one day they’re going to retire so I’ll have to decide if I want to take over the business completely.’
‘You’re young, though, do you want that kind of commitment?’
Or any commitment? What was she doing?
‘Maybe. Maybe not. I’ll see where life takes me. Might head back overseas sometime too.’
Yeah … too young. Needed to go live his life and be free to do as he pleased.
‘Hi there,’ April said to a customer who approached her candle stand. The middle-aged woman eyed the colourful display and April tried not to hover and watch, knowing that customers often liked to take their time and see what they were drawn to.
‘How much do I have to spend to go in the competition draw?’ she asked.
‘One entry for every twenty dollars you spend at any of the stalls here tonight,’ said April. ‘The winner will be drawn at 8:30 pm.’
‘Is that café any good?’ she asked. ‘I’m new in town.’
April gestured at Jonah. ‘Absolutely, Jonah here works at Café Lagoon, and he’ll most likely serve the winner’s free dinner for two.’ She smiled.
‘Oh, sorry,’ said the lady. ‘I didn’t see!’ She picked up a candle pack that was forty dollars and paid for it, and filled out two entry slips.
‘Tell you what,’ said Jonah. ‘I’ll give you an extra entry to welcome you to Tarrin’s Bay.’ He winked at her.
‘Oh gosh, what a lucky woman I am!’ She blushed, then filled out another slip and thanked April and Jonah.
The sound of guitar strings humming turned April’s attention to the middle of the park, beside the walking track. Local musician Barry Reynolds had set up and was about to begin.
‘Shame Drew’s not able to make it too,’ said Jonah. ‘Would have got a bigger crowd.’
‘Drew Williams?’’ April said, even though she knew who he meant. Australia’s favourite singer-songwriter, Tarrin’s Bay born. Though she knew he was in and out of town, she hadn’t yet seen him or met him.
Barry began playing a lively number and a few people gathered around him, while others smiled appreciatively as they walked past and eyed the stalls. Battery-operated candle lanterns hung from the tree near the Wishing Fountain, its branches swaying slowly, the candles emitting a subtle white light. A warm feeling embraced April as she looked around at what she had created. The town was here, local businesses were getting some exposure and new customers, and she was celebrating her store’s birthday, Tarrin’s Bay style. If only Zac could come and enjoy the atmosphere, then he might see that it wasn’t so scary. He would be welcomed, supported, and part of the community. But she knew he wouldn’t just turn up and say, ‘Surprise! I don’t have agoraphobia anymore, I snapped out of it!’ And she already knew he had made a sizeable donation, as she’d received a notification via email from the payment system linked from her website to the charity. It was listed as ‘anonymous’, but she knew it would have been him. The donation had come in a couple of hours after her long text, so maybe her message had had a positive effect? Or maybe he had simply made the donation as he’d promised and nothing else had changed. Anyway, she wouldn’t think of him tonight, she would focus on enjoying the evening as planned.
Belinda arrived and helped to serve customers, and the crowds increased. April, busy with customers, waved to Zoe and Olivia as they walked past and gave her a thumbs up, and her mother waved from one of the bakery stalls. Children ran and played around the park, the playground equipment getting an evening workout.
As Barry’s music played, April was relieved that it didn’t feel uncomfortable. She could now enjoy listening to songs and not think back to that awful day. If anything, now they simply gave her hope for the future.
She noticed her neighbour, Nancy, chatting nearby to the local doctor who lived on the other side of Nancy’s house, Sylvia Greene. Nancy caught April’s gaze and wandered over with Sylvia. ‘Good evening,’ she said. ‘Nice event you’ve got going here.’
‘Thanks,’ said April.
‘Yes, well done,’ said Dr Greene. ‘And it’s great that you’re raising money for the addiction charity.’
‘Every little bit helps,’ April replied. She had considered a charity for those affected by paralysis, to help Kyle, and then one for amputees, but with all that had gone on this year, supporting addiction seemed the most appropriate option. And each year, she’d decided, she would support a different charity to make at least some difference with the life and business she’d built up.
‘And prevention is often better than cure,’ said Sylvia. ‘Although I’ve got a few patients who have successfully overcome addictions and stayed clean or sober. It’s good to see.’
‘Oh really?’ April’s heart twinged with reassurance. ‘That is good to see. Thanks for telling me.’ April smiled.
Nancy leaned over the stall table towards April. ‘The charity is something close to home, isn’t it. I can tell,’ she whispered.
April fiddled with her hair and said, ‘Umm …’ Then she thought, why not. Why should she hold any shame for who her father was. He may have a problem, but he loved her and in the end that was really all that mattered. ‘Yes. It is,’ she said. ‘My father is an alcoholic and will never change. If there’s a way to help stop other families from being affected by the condition, then I’d love to be able to help. Though it’s too late in my dad’s case, maybe the charity can help someone who may be heading down that road to not cross that line into addiction.’
Nancy patted April’s hand. ‘I understand,’ she said.
Sylvia nodded with an expression of understanding concern too.
‘You should join me for a cuppa and chat sometime, dear,’ said Nancy. ‘I make lovely scones.’
April smiled and nodded. ‘That wou
ld be great, thank you. I would never say no to scones.’
‘And you can tell me all about that young chap who lives next door to you. I’ve been trying to figure him out whenever I walk past but he doesn’t seem sociable.’
April was uncomfortable discussing Zac with someone she didn’t know well. ‘I think he’s moving away, actually,’ she said. ‘He’s um …’ the most interesting person I’ve ever met … The best lover on the entire planet … The most beautiful kind-hearted man … My soulmate … wait, what?
April’s cheeks flushed warm, and she sipped more of her coffee.
‘He’s um … a nice guy. But he’s been through a lot and likes to keep to himself,’ she said.
‘Have I seen you two conversing over the backyard fence on occasion?’ Nancy narrowed her eyes a little.
‘Yes. Yes you have.’ Let’s hope that was all she could see through her windows.
‘Oh well, maybe he might like to join us for a cuppa sometime too. Before he moves, that is.’
‘Maybe,’ she replied, brushing hair off her face as the breeze flapped it around. Sylvia caught April’s eye and the doctor gave her a knowing glance, like she intuitively knew that perhaps there was something beneath the surface that April didn’t want to discuss. Damn, those doctors were used to assessing people.
‘Anyway, Nancy, weren’t you saying that you wanted to get some candles?’ Sylvia pointed to the display. ‘Those are nice,’ she said, looking at the Jasmine range.
Nancy picked one up to smell it. ‘Oh, that reminds me of my youth,’ she said. ‘I’ll take three.’ She paid and entered the competition. ‘Youth … seems just like yesterday. Time is slipping away, isn’t it?’ she mused. ‘If I could go back, I would …’
‘Would what?’ asked April.
‘Oh nothing, you don’t want to listen to an old lady such as myself waffle on while you’ve got customers to serve.’ She waved her hand.
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