April's Glow

by Juliet Madison

  He stopped and eyed his clothes on the floor. ‘Oh yeah. I should at least wear something I guess.’ He stepped into his trunks. ‘That’ll do. I’m so used to not being seen that I forget sometimes.’

  ‘Forget. Please forget,’ April laughed. ‘But maybe not right now, you exhibitionist.’ She flung a pillow at him and he gently whacked her back with it.

  ‘I’ll forget again when I get back.’ He grinned, then walked out the bedroom door and let himself out the back door to her deck.

  Romeo meowed hello and looked up with wide eyes.

  ‘Hey buddy, not right now,’ said Zac. ‘Important human stuff going on here.’

  He stepped onto the low brick wall around the garden and heaved himself up and over the fence and into his yard. He let himself into the house and went to his hall cupboard where he had stored a few small boxes of mementos.

  He couldn’t believe he had forgotten about it until now.

  He looked in one but it wasn’t there, then opened the smaller box that held a few photos he’d yet to put up, and a tattered soft teddy bear he’d found in Afghanistan. He was going to give it to the next kid he saw, but then the explosion had happened and changed everything. So he’d kept it, for some reason. Maybe it was symbolic way of bringing Johnny home when he couldn’t for real.

  But that wasn’t what he was looking for.

  Underneath the bear was a folded piece of paper. He lifted it out and opened it up.

  This is it.

  He didn’t even read it before dashing back out of the house. Though he couldn’t remember all the details, he knew the gist of what was written on it, and wanted to experience it alongside April anyway.

  He jumped back over the fence, in his undies, waving to Nancy in her house across April’s yard as she peered out the window with a big grin on her face.

  ‘Sorry, Romes,’ he said, as he passed the cat and went back inside, making his way to the bedroom.

  ‘That was quick,’ April said. ‘Not that I have any idea what you’re doing and how long it might take.’ She was still laying on the bed, half propped up, her eyes curious and sparkling. ‘Oh, and aren’t you forgetting something?’

  ‘Huh?’ he said. ‘Oh yeah, I’m forgetting to forget.’ He smiled and took off his trunks then slid back into bed next to her.

  ‘Much better,’ she said. ‘Now, what is it you have there, Mister?’

  He never knew if this day would come. But it was here, and he was as happy as he was when he was a young boy and had discovered girls weren’t so bad after all. But this was much better.

  ‘When I first went sober, I wrote this.’ He held it out in front so they could both read it. ‘It’s a letter, except at the time, I didn’t know who I was writing it to.’ He slid his free arm around her and held her close. ‘But now I know.’

  Dear Soulmate,

  I already love you. Even though we’re not yet together, and I don’t know who you are, or whether we’ve met or are yet to meet, I already feel a deep love and connection with you. I woke this morning with a strong urge to write to you, my mystery woman, my future best friend, lover, soulmate.

  If you walked into my life right now, I would want you, but I wouldn’t be ready. I will be, one day, but not yet. There are things I need to take care of, things I need to resolve. I need to get my life back on track and be the man you would want to have in your life. That is keeping me going, knowing that you are out there somewhere in this vast universe, and it is up to me to be the best man I can be. Not only for you, but for me.

  Maybe you’re on a journey too, finding your way in the world, or overcoming personal trauma or challenges. If you are, I know you’ll come out on top. I can already tell that you’re a strong, inspiring woman. Somehow, I have this sense of you, like we’re already bonded by our future, though it hasn’t happened yet. I feel a kind of promise, a knowing, that you are on your way to me and I am on my way to you. It could be in a year, it could be in five years, who knows? But I trust that perfect timing will be on our side.

  I love knowing that as my heart beats, so too does yours. As my lungs breathe oxygen, so do yours. Right this minute. I exist. You exist. And one day we will exist together. I will place my hand on your heart and feel your heart beating, I will be close to you, breathe the same air you are breathing, feel your breath on my skin. You will no longer be a thought, a hope, a dream, but my reality.

  If I am brave enough to show you this letter, it means I’ve looked into your eyes and realised that you’re the woman I’ve written this letter to. It will be the most magical moment of my life, knowing that you’re her. And I’ll never take you, or us, for granted. You’re so important to me. Even now, not knowing what you look like, what your favourite food is, or how you sound when you laugh, you’re important. All I know now is your essence, the core of who you are. I can feel that deep in my heart, beating along with my own.

  My beautiful partner, always remember this:

  I love you.

  I loved you before I loved you.

  I loved you before we were us.

  Thank you for coming into my life, for taking a chance on me, for accepting me. Let’s make every moment count.

  Love, Zac.

  He finished reading before she did, and so he waited, his heart racing, his hand shaking as it held the letter. And then she turned her head and looked at him, tears brimming at her eyelids and a quivering smile on her lips. ‘To think I almost let you go,’ she whispered, her voice trembling. ‘My beautiful, beautiful man.’ She brought her hand to his face and caressed his cheek, tenderly, urgently, her eyes scanning his face as though taking in every detail. ‘I feel like I’m in a dream.’ She nestled closer into his side.

  ‘I’m dreaming with you,’ he said, then turned to face her and placed his hand on her chest, over her heart. ‘I can feel it,’ he said. ‘Your heart. Finally here, with me.’ His eyes became warm and he strong emotion welled up inside his own heart, filling him with a love that was even stronger than he’d imagined.

  She put her hand over his and held it tight to her chest. Her eyes overflowed with tears and they spilled onto her cheeks. ‘That is most beautiful, magical thing I have ever read.’ She shook her head in awe. ‘You are amazing, Zac Masterson.’

  He smiled and kissed her forehead.

  ‘It’s like the advice in that book you gave me, to ask for what you want in life and let it manifest. It’s like you wrote this letter, and the universe answered, and led you here,’ she said.

  ‘Exactly,’ he replied. ‘Amazing. I’m so grateful I moved in next door.’

  ‘I’m so grateful my cat went into your yard that day.’

  He chuckled. ‘I’m so grateful you’re a bad cook and needed to keep coming over for dinner!’

  ‘Hey!’ She flapped the letter onto his face. Then she looked at it again. Her mouth opened wider. ‘Oh my God,’ she said.

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘The date! Look.’ She pointed to the date written at the top, September fifth, one year ago. ‘That was the date of my accident, except it was three years ago now.’ She shook her head. ‘You wrote this on a date that holds such significance to me. What are the chances?’

  ‘Wow,’ Zac eyed his blue ink handwriting scrawled across the page. ‘It’s not chance, April,’ he said, taking the letter and folding it, placing it under his hand and over her heart. ‘It’s fate. It was always meant to be you.’

  And as he wrapped her firmly in his arms while tears flowed down her cheeks, he finally, finally, felt like he had truly found peace and won the war within.

  Epilogue

  The following April…

  ‘I hope you’re not really a serial killer,’ April said as Zac blindfolded her and helped her into the front seat of his ute.

  ‘Serial kisser maybe.’ He smooched her with those lips she had grown so familiar with and yet still felt so enticing and new.

  ‘Happy to be your victim.’ She laughed, when he started the en
gine. ‘Oh wait! Babe, can you take a picture of us? It’s my birthday tradition, I usually do a wacky photo with Zoe and the girls, but I think we should do it too. Me—blindfolded, perfect. Except I won’t know how it looks till after this surprise, whatever it is, so I’ll just have to trust you.’

  ‘What an awesome idea. Should I pull a silly face or something?’

  ‘You wouldn’t have to try very hard.’

  He nudged her in the side. ‘Enough, smart mouth. Okay, hang on, let me prepare.’

  She felt him lean over and open the glove box, then heard a shuffling of some papers and unknown things.

  ‘What are you doing, getting your own blindfold or something?’

  ‘Nope.’ After a few moments he said, ‘Okay I’m ready. Here we go, selfie time.’

  She had no idea what Zac was doing but she poked her tongue out and pointed to the blindfold with both hands. Click! ‘All done!’

  He put something back in the glove box and then drove out and down the street, and then onto the highway. April could tell, based on the speed he was going and the sounds of the other cars.

  ‘Just one hint? C’mon!’ She was itching to now what he had in store for her birthday.

  ‘Nope.’

  ‘Have you secretly finished writing your memoir and you’re taking me to the book launch?’ She jiggled up and down in her seat.

  ‘Nope,’ he repeated with the same smug tone. ‘Remember I’ve enrolled in that memoir writing course, starting in town in May? So nope, no book launch.’

  ‘Couples sexy photo shoot?’

  ‘Nope, but there’s an idea for my birthday.’

  ‘Mmm,’ she whispered. ‘Okay, I give up. I’ll wait. Because I’m so patient.’

  ‘Oh yes, Patient April who wants to know everything yesterday.’

  ‘Life’s short.’

  ‘So is my patience when it comes to your impatience.’

  ‘Now you’re just getting all fancy and wordy.’

  ‘It’s what I do best.’

  April covered his hand on the gearstick and whispered, ‘Actually, it’s not the main thing you do best.’

  She could feel his gaze on her for a moment.

  ‘Mmm. Anyway, don’t distract me, birthday girl, I’m trying to drive!’

  ‘Okay, okay.’

  After around twenty minutes the car came to a stop. ‘Now, no peeking. I’ll help you out.’

  The door opened and Zac’s hands held hers as she stepped out of the car.

  ‘Are there people around? I’m going to look like an idiot. Am I on television, some reality birthday show? Is my mum here?’

  April had explained her feelings about Zac to her mum after they’d committed to their relationship. At first her mother had been worried and cautioned her, but when she’d told her about the soulmate letter her mum had practically cried. She’d gripped April’s hands and said, ‘Sweetheart, hold onto him. I can’t promise that it’ll be easy or perfect, or that things may not change down the track, but that kind of love needs to be grabbed with both hands.’

  As for her dad, he had moved into an assisted living facility and had easy access to help when he needed it, while still having the freedom to live life on his terms; in other words, to keep drinking.

  ‘Patience, patience,’ said Zac. ‘Almost there.’

  April felt unsteady, but Zac’s supportive arms helped her. ‘You must look like a real meanie, you know, blindfolding your amputee girlfriend. It’s hard enough to walk normally, let alone when I can’t see!’

  ‘Oh stop it, you. You can walk perfectly fine. And look, here we are. Oh wait, you can’t.’ He laughed, and she nudged him with her elbow.

  The temperature cooled when she stepped inside a building of some kind. Or was it a room? There was faint chatter but it stopped when Zac led her to a chair.

  ‘Okay, you ready?’ Zac asked.

  ‘Yes! Now can I take this thing off?’

  Zac kissed her cheek. ‘Here we go.’

  She squinted as light rushed into her eyes. Then as she blinked and took in her surroundings, she covered her mouth with a gasp. There was art on the walls, and chairs, and a table, and equipment. Tattoo equipment. ‘Oh my God!’ she cried, looking around.

  ‘Welcome to Inkling!’ a heavily inked man said, a smiling woman with a single rose tattoo on her arm beside him.

  ‘You’re getting me a tattoo?’ she asked Zac. ‘I’m getting a tattoo?’ She didn’t know whether to be scared or excited. She knew what it felt like, but was she ready for another?

  ‘I thought today was as good a day as any,’ said Zac. ‘You’ve been saying for a while how you want to get a new one.’

  ‘Yes. Yes I have! And I do!’ Her head was spinning. ‘But I haven’t decided what to get yet, um, oh gosh, what should I get?’

  ‘I took the liberty of coming up with some options,’ Zac said, showing her some pictures. ‘Or, you can choose something completely different. Whatever you like.’

  April’s mind ran through the possibilities. She didn’t want another one like the one she’d lost on her leg. It had to be something different. Something to acknowledge this new life she was living, show how she’d grown and matured and met the love of her life. She clasped her hands together. ‘I want skin poetry!’ she said.

  Zac grinned. ‘Really? You sure?’

  ‘Yes. I’m sure. Poetry, or a saying, or words of some kind.’ It would be a great tribute to him and the words that made him who he was. ‘On my back!’ She pointed behind with her thumb.

  ‘Rightio then,’ said the man. ‘When you’re ready, let me know what words you want and I’ll show you some fonts.’

  April tapped her chin. She thought about how her life had taken such an unexpected turn. Twice. When she’d lost her leg and Kyle, and then when she’d gained Zac. Life was unpredictable, but somehow, it always led her in the right direction. She wanted to honour that beautiful unpredictability, by doing something completely crazy. ‘I want you to choose,’ she said to Zac. ‘You choose my tattoo.’

  His eyes widened and his mouth opened. ‘You want me to choose something for you?’

  ‘Yes,’ she said, taking hold of his hand. ‘I trust you,’ she whispered. ‘You’re the word expert, pick something meaningful for me.’

  He asked if she was absolutely sure about a hundred times and then raised his hands with a smile and said, ‘okay then’.

  Zac disappeared behind a curtain to chat with the tattoo artist, while April covered her ears and sang ‘la-la-la’.

  He emerged with a big grin. ‘One surprise tattoo coming right up!’

  April took off her top and kept her bra and cami on, then got comfortable on a forward facing chair so the tattoo artist could prepare her upper back. Zac sat next to her and held her hand.

  The sound of the needle brought back memories of her first tattoo, and then, the scratching and slightly burning sensation.

  ‘Doing okay?’ Zac asked.

  ‘It’s nothing,’ she said, then faked a huge grimace.

  Zac laughed and got out his phone. He took a few photos as the artist worked.

  They chatted about random things, and before she knew it, the guy said he was all done.

  ‘It looks so good,’ said Zac.

  ‘Show me, show me!’ April said, trying to turn her head over her shoulder.

  ‘One sec.’ He snapped a couple of photos, one up close, and sat next to April again. ‘You ready?’

  She bit her lip and nodded. ‘If it says “Zac is the best boyfriend in the whole world”, I’m so getting you back on your birthday.’

  He laughed. ‘Actually, it says Zac is the best lover in the whole world.’

  She shot him a glare. ‘Just show me,’ she said.

  Zac held the phone in front of her, and a soft gasp escaped her lips. Then a smile. A big, satisfied smile.

  Words that she’d seen before had been inked onto her back. Words that had also been inked onto Zac’s back:

&nb
sp; As my heart beats, so too does yours.

  ‘I’m speechless.’ She clamped her lips together. ‘It looks so nice, I love the script font,’ her finger hovered over the screen. ‘And the words … it’s perfect,’ she said, looking up at Zac.

  She’d loved it when she’d first seen Zac’s tattoo, but now it held even more meaning for her, after reading those same words in the soulmate letter. He’d not only meant the quote to signify that all people were the same on the inside, but that somewhere out there, his soulmate’s heart was beating. Hers.

  She flicked to the wider shot of her back, then when she flicked through the other photos, she found the selfie he’d taken in the car with her blindfold on. Her tongue was protruding, and he had a big goofy, hopeful grin on his face, his eyes wide open, and something in his hand.

  ‘Oh my God,’ April said. ‘Oh my God.’

  For the second time that day she covered her mouth with a gasp.

  In the photo, Zac was holding up piece of paper with the words:

  Marry me, dammit!

  She turned to face him, and he had the same goofy, hopeful grin on his face.

  ‘For real?’ she asked.

  ‘For real,’ he said, taking her hands in his, her heart melting at his touch and his request.

  ‘Yes, dammit!’ she said, laughing and crying in equal measure. ‘Abso-bloody-lutely!’

  He held her face close to his, they gazed into each other’s eyes, and he kissed her mouth with the promise of another new beginning yet to come. ‘I was going to wait until after the tattoo to ask you, but when you suggested the selfie it seemed like the perfect opportunity! And I didn’t get a ring, because I thought you might want to choose your own.’

  She smiled. ‘I don’t want a ring,’ she said, glancing around. ‘I have a better idea.’ She matched his goofy, hopeful expression. ‘Will you agree to it? Do you trust me?’

  ‘You want me to agree to something before I know what it is?’

  ‘Uh-huh,’ she nodded. ‘You like taking risks?’

  ‘Hmm, I just so happen to like them quite a bit,’ he said. ‘What’s the deal?’

  ‘Oooh!’ she said, rubbing her hands together. ‘Let’s get tattoo rings. Both of us, the same design, on our ring fingers. Instead of gold and diamonds.’