by EC Sheedy
Feeling tense and pressured, Rand decided to move even faster. He'd speak to Tessa tonight. He wanted an exclusive, and he meant to get it.
Tessa's Chevy drove up to the front of the house, and Macy got out the driver's side, holding a file folder over his head. He bolted around the car to share his meager protection from the rain with Tessa. Rand's gut tightened when he put an arm around her shoulder.
Tessa opened the back door of her car while Cullen hovered over her with the folder. She let Millie out before freeing Licks from his puppy crate.
The woman needed a bigger vehicle. He'd see to it tomorrow. After Macy went back to California, which couldn't be soon enough to suit Rand.
Rand glanced at the file on his desk. The German deal was set, the consortium waiting for his call the moment Macy signed control of Destiny Tech over to Red Earth. Everything was going according to plan.
Rand had never felt so bad in his life.
* * *
Tessa heard the quick rap on her door at around ten-thirty. She'd hoped he'd come, but now that he had—and she was certain it was Rand—she didn't know what she felt, other than a weird kind of dread and an insane urge to hide under the bed until the rapping stopped.
She took a couple of breaths, walked to the door, and opened it.
He stood straight, dressed impeccably in gray and black, looking as tempting as sin itself. Her room was dim, the TV droning in the background. She couldn't remember what she'd been watching. Right now the only thing she wanted to look at was Rand. Oh, how she loved him!
"May I come in?" he asked, his tone coolly correct.
"Oh, sorry. Of course." She stepped back, realized she'd been standing, blank as a frozen computer screen since she'd opened the door.
Rand glanced around the room. He looked distracted, preoccupied. "Where's Licks?" he asked.
"With Milt. He said he needed the company tonight."
"Ah."
Tessa took a good look at Rand, who seemed almost apprehensive. "Is something wrong?"
He rubbed his index finger along the bottom of his chin. "That depends."
"On what?"
"On whether or not you've developed some... feeling for Cullen Macy."
"Feeling?" she echoed, before she could think. "You mean as in feeling feelings?"
Rand looked away, as if his response rested in the air somewhere. "Yes, 'feeling feelings.' "
Tessa laughed, stepped up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. He smelled fabulous, like clean clothes and spring trees and man. She kissed him on the chin. "I like Cullen Macy. But I love you, Rand Fielding."
She saw his tension ease, and he pulled her close. But he didn't say he loved her back, and the missing words made every beat of her heart hurt. Like it or not, she'd let hope in the door.
"Good," he said, touching her face, smoothing her hair behind her ear. "Because I want you to stay with me."
"I am staying with you. I'm your live-in dog trainer, remember?"
"Not just to train my dog, Tessa. I want you to live with me. Only me." He stopped as if searching for a finish. "For an extended period of time."
An extended period of time. What did that mean? She didn't get it. Or maybe she did.
Tessa's skin chilled. Her Mom said when a cold draft swept a room, it was a ghost on a stroll. This time it felt as if the ghost of love lost walked right between her and Rand. She stepped back. "Explain, please," she said, trying to stay calm.
"I don't want you to go."
"Go where?"
He frowned. "I don't want you to go away from me."
She chewed on her lip to delay a complicated question she didn't want to ask. "You mean you want a no-strings-no-commitments-no-promises kind of stay with?"
He rubbed his chin again, lowered his gaze to meet hers directly, stubbornly. "Yes, that's what I mean. I care for you, but I won't lie to you. Marriage isn't a possibility."
Could she do this? God, was she actually considering it? Was she beyond daft and into raving mad'? Well, people had live-in relationships all the time. Maybe if they spent more time together, Rand would come to feel for her the way she did about him. But an "extended period of time" just didn't sound right. It was as if he were anticipating the end before they even began.
"I'd see to everything," he said, his tone crisp and businesslike. "Your financial needs. Those of your family. Everything would be taken care of."
Tessa froze for a moment. She couldn't even blink. On unsteady legs, she moved backward to sit heavily on the arm of a chair.
This couldn't be happening. What had she done to make him think she'd settle for so little? He made her feel so... so disposable. Like one of those cheap watches you buy and toss away when it stops. She might be rash, too curious for her own good, and independent to a fault, but no way was she cheap. And she sure as heck wasn't for sale.
She stood and stared at him. "You've just made the biggest mistake of your life, Fielding, and I think you should leave." She headed for the bureau where she kept what she laughingly called her clothes. She opened the first drawer, scooped out her T-shirts and dropped them on the bed. Her suitcase was in the closet, she went for it.
Rand strode over and blocked her path. He gripped her shoulders. When she shook him off, he dropped his hands. "What are you doing?" he asked.
She nodded toward the closet, looked at him as if he were the town imbecile. "Getting my suitcases. The usual first step before packing up."
"I take it my suggestion didn't sit well."
"Proposition is the better word, I think. And I'm not interested." She shoved at him. "Now if you'll please get out of my way, I'll get out of yours."
He stepped aside. She went into the closet, grabbed the last of her things and her two ratty suitcases. She tossed everything on her bed and opened the cases.
"You're being irrational. We need to talk about this."
She spun around. "Oh, right, now you want to talk! And what would that be about, signing some kind of contract, stating I'll fade quietly into the mist when you're done with me?" She crammed a mishmash of clothes into her suitcase and slammed it shut. She started to cry, angry, frustrated tears that scalded her cheek and her beaten-up heart.
"Tessa, please. Listen."
"No, you listen." She poked a finger in his chest. He didn't budge. "I made love with you because I wanted you, sure, but I also admired you—respected you." She lifted her chin. "I kind of hoped you felt the same way about me."
"Tessa—"
She held up a hand, determined to say her piece. "Then like the careless fool I am, I fell in love with you. If you'd said, 'let's try it together, Tessa, see if we can make it work,' I might have—" She waved a hand as if to brush that false hope away. "But no, you offer me some kind of... deal. I might love you, but that doesn't mean I'll settle for your—" the words snagged in her throat, ugly and unwanted, "—stupid money instead of you."
"This isn't about money."
"No?" Her voice rose. "I think it is. I think you want to have money on the table, so when we make love it's as meaningless as Griff sleeping with your wife. That's what you want, isn't it, Rand? To be as empty and morally bankrupt as your brother."
Tessa's hand flew to her mouth when she realized what she'd impulsively said. The room seemed to fill with arctic air. A muscle ticked in Rand's jaw, and his expression cooled to glacial.
"Rand, I'm—"
But he didn't give her a chance to retract. He was gone, not bothering to close the door behind him.
* * *
The following morning, Rand rolled out of bed at his usual time, just shy of six.
He strode to the shower, hoping it would pound enough energy into him to get him through the day.
Sometime in the next few hours, he had a company to flip and a cool forty million to pocket in the process. It was the biggest deal in Red Earth's history. He and Ned had worked on it for months. No way was he quitting now. Maybe he hadn't been up front with Cullen Macy
, but the man would do well to learn how the game was played.
As for Tessa—
Rand slammed the shower off and just stood there, breathing heavily and dripping. Damn it! He'd spent the entire night telling himself to forget her, but it was useless.
Griff was dead. Rand knew that, because when his brother had died it was if he'd died with him.
Hell, he wished he could hate Griff for what he done. It'd be a lot easier. But every time he came close, he remembered things... like their first day of school, when Griff had given him hell for being scared, told him to walk in the room with him shoulder to shoulder. There wasn't anybody better than the Fielding boys, he'd said. He remembered their first stolen cigarettes, playing on the same baseball team, their first—and last—double date. The memories never stopped.
Growing older, their differences widened. Rand didn't understand Griff's need to prove himself to Boyd, but it didn't matter, because Griff was the brother he loved, always and unconditionally.
And while Griff gave his all to Red Earth, Rand went on to finish his medical internship, despite Boyd's vehement disapproval. "Who the hell needs a doctor in the family?" he'd roar. "Make one good Red Earth deal, and you can buy a dozen of them."
Red Earth deals. The phrase snapped him back to reality. He looked at his watch, toweled off. He was due to meet Ned and Cullen Macy at his office in less than an hour. Focus. That's all he needed to do. Focus and keep his mind off Tessa. She was gone—his heart skipped a beat—and it was for the best. She was too young, too naive. A smart woman would have taken his deal.
Or one with less integrity.
He tried to laugh away the intrusive thought. Maybe he'd look her up in a few years, when life had brought her to heel. But the laugh died in his throat. Bad joke. Tessa, unlike her more obedient canine friends, would never heel to anyone.
The thought troubled him more than he wanted to admit, as did the ache in the place where he once had a heart.
* * *
"She took Licks?"
"Last night," Milt said. "She tore through the kitchen, looking as if she'd cried for hours. She said she'd keep him until you decided what you wanted to do with him."
Rand was angry all over again, but it felt better than the black mood he'd been in since last night. "Licks is my dog. What in hell does she think I'll do to him?"
"She said something about your suggesting he be stuffed and hung over the mantel," Milt said, his face straight as a chair back.
Rand set his mug down with a snort. "She knew I was kidding, for God's sake."
Milt eyed him, his gaze speculative. "What did you do to the girl anyway?"
"None of your business." Rand glared at him. "And from now on I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your analysis of my life and times strictly to yourself."
Milt smiled. "Got to you, did she?"
"She did not—" He sucked in some air in an attempt to enforce his lame denial. Failed. "Forget it. I don't have time for this." He strode out to his car.
* * *
Ned and Cullen Macy were in his office with lawyers from Red Earth and Destiny Tech. In less than an hour the deal was signed, and Ned was showing the legal team out of Rand's office. Macy lagged behind.
He offered his hand and Rand took it. "I know we've signed all the papers, Fielding, but I wanted to give you my personal thanks. With your financial support, Anima III will be on the market in no time. I think you know this product is my baby. My way of making a difference in the world. The fact that you're a doctor—"
Rand was stunned. "How in hell did you know that?"
Macy laughed. "Hey, you're not the only one who does his homework. Am I right?"
Rand gave the barest of nods.
"Well, it's the main reason I went for this deal. You've got the background to appreciate what I'm trying to do—and you have the cash." He grinned and again shook Rand's hand, which he'd held since he'd started speaking. "Anyway, all I wanted to say was that I'm looking forward to working with you. What we're going to do will be damned amazing."
Rand reclaimed his hand and forced a smile. "Yeah, amazing," he said.
With Macy gone, Rand went back to his desk. His clock said quarter to nine, making it almost five in Germany. He reached for the phone.
"I respect what you are... what you do as a man."
Milt said she'd been crying... oh, hell. Rand closed his eyes. He felt damn near like crying himself. With his free hand he rubbed his eyes. What in blazes had connected him with all these starry-eyed sentimentalists, anyway? First Cullen Macy, then Tessa. Not to mention Licks—the soppiest of all!
This deal was worth forty million dollars, he reminded himself. If he didn't take it, he'd be in the trenches with Macy, fighting for government approvals, defending patents, setting up manufacturing facilities. The grunt work of commerce, anathema to deal makers. And that's what he'd become, a deal maker, and a damned good one.
But Tessa thought he was some kind of angel.
His hand went slack on the receiver. Tessa. It had been less than twenty-four hours since he'd seen her—it felt like years. Could he face a lifetime without her?
His hand still rested on the phone when Ned walked into his office, carrying two glasses and a bottle of double malt scotch.
Ned glanced at the phone. "You've talked to them?"
Rand pulled his hand from the phone as though it were ablaze. He eyed the scotch, scowled at it. "Bit early for that, wouldn't you say?"
Ned poured two glasses and shoved one toward Rand. "How the hell else do you celebrate a forty million dollar deal?" he said, not looking in the least celebratory.
Rand twirled the glass of scotch, studied it. "Ever get tired of deals, Ned? Think about doing something... more?"
Ned raised his glass, didn't drink. "All the time." He eyed Rand warily. "You?"
Rand shoved the glass back. "Let's just say this is one celebration I'm going to pass on." He got his raincoat from his closet and shrugged into it. "Call Germany, would you? Tell them the deal's off. I've got to see the woman who stole my dog."
* * *
Tessa picked up her chipped coffee mug, had it to her mouth when she heard someone coming up the stairs to her office.
"Rand!" Her hand shook, and she tilted the mug, spilling droplets of coffee all over John Carter's memo about upgrading the kennel dog food.
"Where's my dog?" he said without preamble.
"He's, uh, he's with Marie, the kennel owner."
"So you got rid of him, too."
"Got rid of?" she echoed. "He's on the morning walk with the other dogs. He always goes when he comes to work with me."
"I don't remember your discussing it with me."
"I didn't think it needed to be discussed." She steadied her hand and set her coffee on the memo. It made a thick brown ring.
"I'd like to take Licks home with me. Would you please get him?"
Just as she started to say—heaven knew what!—she heard Marie bringing the dogs in through the back kennel door which was just under her office. "They're back now. I'll get him."
"Do that," he said, his eyes glinting strangely. "And tell your boss, you're taking off for the rest of the day."
She stopped in her tracks. "Excuse me?"
"You need to apologize to me, and I need to apologize to you. It's best done in private."
Tessa didn't know what to say. He was right, of course, but it wouldn't take a day to set matters straight between them, and he wasn't the only one who could give orders. "Come with me," she said, anxious to get their talk over with. Looking at him, wanting him as she did, wrenched her soul.
Tessa introduced him to Marie and made him wait while she settled the dogs in their kennels. She put Licks on a leash and called Millie.
"There's a park around the corner," she said. "We can't take the kennel dogs there, but I'm sure Millie and Licks will behave. We'll share my lunch." She smiled a bit. "Actually, it's your lunch. Milt made it for me."
; They walked the half block to the park in silence. She'd never seen him so edgy. They found a picnic table and Tessa set her lunch and a Thermos of coffee on it.
"I'm not my brother." Rand's words came out fast and hard, jarring Tessa to full attention. "Though I'll admit to feeling an obligation to him. Misplaced? Maybe." When Rand looked at her his eyes were dark with sadness. "Griff was a lot of things, Tessa, arrogant, self-serving at times, and maybe even... troubled in some way, but he wasn't morally corrupt."
Her stomach hit bottom, and she let out a painful breath. She'd been a thoughtless fool! Rand had to believe in Griff because he loved him. She should have understood that, should have known he still grieved for his twin brother, perhaps always would. "I'm sure he wasn't. I'm so very sorry I said that. I was way out of line." She raised her eyes to his, knew they were teary, didn't care. "Can you forget it? Please." She wished again that she'd listened to Milt, been more patient, less rash.
"Yes, I can forget it," Rand said. He took off his raincoat and sat down beside her on the bench seat of the picnic table. "If you'll forget I made that crass proposition." He took her hand, lifted it, and kissed her palm. "I insulted you. And I'm sorry." He took a deep breath. "I just wanted you to stay."
She pulled her hand back, resisted the urge to fling herself into his arms, and tried to smile. "Maybe the next time one of us needs to talk, the other should head for the hills."
Rand didn't answer. Instead he lifted her chin with his knuckle and tilted her face toward his. "Will you marry me, Tessa?"
"Marry you?" Tessa knew she was gasping.
"I love you, and it's what you want. So I want it, too."
Tessa leaped to her feet. "Whoa. Slow down here. Last night you were offering to pay me to be your... whatever." She waved a hand. "And today you want me to marry you. I don't get it."
He didn't look the least perturbed. "Do you realize you've been out of my life for years?"
"I left at midnight. That's less than a day." Had the man lost his mind along with his sense of timing?
"Years," he repeated, tugging her into his arms. "And I never want it to happen again. In less than twenty-four hours, I lived a lifetime without you. It was like—" he closed his eyes briefly "—losing Griff all over again." He brushed his lips over hers. "I love you, Tessa. Believe it. I sure as hell do."