“Dad told you to get them?”
“Yeah. He swears by them.”
“It’s smart to take care of your body now, especially your knees.”
“Yeah. So, I’m at the hospital like seventy hours a week. I have to take care of patients in rotation, and then I get assigned to surgeries at random. But a lot of the time, specific doctors will request me. I’ve done at least a hundred hernias, both abdominal and scrotal, and I’ve been gradually moving into more complex things.”
“Have you operated on a heart already?”
“No. Just watched. The heart is super complicated because it stays moving throughout an operation, so it’s really, really fucking delicate. But I’ll be doing that soon. I feel like using the word excited is inappropriate because these patients literally have their lives on the line, so it seems shitty to say you’re excited to cut them open, but I’m ready for the challenge and I think I’ll be really good at it. My hands are so still, man.” He held them both up and hovered them over the table, absolutely still. “And I’ve done research with my favorite physician on constantly finding better ways to do open heart surgery, and improving across the board really fascinates me. I want to actually be a surgeon, but the research is interesting to me too. Because I can only operate on so many people, but if you implement better practices all around, you’re affecting patients everywhere, all over the world, and giving them the best care possible without even being in the room.”
He sounded just like Dad when he talked like that. “You’re going to be the best heart surgeon in the world, Dex.”
He shrugged. “I don’t know about that…”
“I do.”
His eyes drifted away, getting lost in his passion, just the way my mind went elsewhere when I thought about one of my projects. “I was thinking of taking international positions after residency. You know, in countries where patients need quality care but can’t get to it. It’s not common for someone like me to go that route, but…I don’t know. I thought giving up a year of my life to do that would be a good way of me paying back the universe for how lucky I’ve been, you know?”
I nodded. “That’d be really generous, Dex.”
“I told Mom and Dad I would live in Manhattan when I’m done. I love the city and I miss it, and I know they’re counting down the years until I’m back. I just…feel like shit graduating and then telling Mom I’m taking off to Zimbabwe or something…”
I shrugged. “It’s your life, Dex. You’ve got to live it.”
“I know. But I miss you and Daisy too.”
“I know. But it’s only for a year, right? I think Mom and Dad would be really proud of you for doing something selfless like that. It’s not like you have loans to worry about.”
“Yeah, I feel bad letting Dad pay for it.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s like over a million dollars or something atrocious like that, with all my books, living expenses, tuition…”
“I don’t think they care, Dex. They aren’t going to be mad if you decide to volunteer your time instead of working to pay back the money he would never take anyway. They aren’t going to be mad that they paid for your education and you decided to live elsewhere for a year before coming to Manhattan. Come on, Dad would be so proud that you would do something like that. You know he would.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right. I just know they’re getting older, and working in this field has taught me that your number can be pulled at any moment… And I’ve been away from them for so long.”
“Mom and Dad are both healthy, Dex.”
“Sometimes that’s not enough, sometimes it doesn’t matter.” He gave a heavy shrug. “I don’t know…I have time to decide. I’ve just been so busy for the last seven years, and I’ve barely spent any time with them. I don’t feel bad about that because Mom and Dad made me feel guilty, I just…wish I could see them more. Remember when we used to go to the lake every summer? Dad has always been so busy with his patients, but I feel like he was always around. But I’m never around.”
“You’re in residency. It’s different. You needed to dedicate your life to something, and when you’re finished, you’ll have a lot of time to make up for your absence.” Now I felt guilty that I was literally down the street from them and I didn’t see them as much as I should. I had no excuse. Dad never missed anything when we were growing up. He picked me up from school sometimes, didn’t use his laptop when we were at the cabin, and made it to every stupid extracurricular activity, even though they didn’t mean a damn thing in the grand scheme of things. “Then you can be there for Dad the way he’s always been there for us.”
Dex struck up a conversation with a pretty girl, so I walked home. He knew the code to get in the elevator, and I would leave the front door unlocked so he could walk in whenever he wanted. It wasn’t like security was an issue in the building.
I sat at the dining table with my laptop in front of me, the city lights bright outside the window. I was working on my book, wondering if Emerson would notice and text me, but it was Saturday night and she was probably spending her time with Lizzie.
I lost my train of thought about the story and looked at the blinking cursor, thinking about my conversation with Dex at the bar. Then I stared at my phone for a few seconds before I picked it up and made a call.
It only rang once before he answered. “Derek, everything alright?” Concern was in his voice since it was almost nine o’clock, too late for a casual phone call.
“I’m fine, Dad. I just… I’m sorry I haven’t spent as much time with you and Mom as I should.” Listening to Dex express his regrets when he was so much younger than me made me realize how selfish I’d been these last ten years, how all I cared about was work and forgetting my pain.
He was silent, like he had no idea what to say to that.
Being with Emerson made me recognize how everything prior to her was just a blur. It was great to be dedicated to my passion and care about something bigger than myself, but it was also wrong to lose sight of what actually mattered. I went out to lunch with my mom when she asked, got a beer with my dad when he asked, but that was the problem—they always asked. I never did. “I’ll be better from now on.”
He was still speechless.
“I’ll talk to you later, Dad.”
“Derek?”
I stayed on the line. “Yeah?”
“What brought this on?”
“You’ve always made us a priority, and I realized I haven’t done the same. You were just as busy as I am now, and that didn’t change anything.”
“But I’m your father, Derek. That’s my job. When you’re a father someday, you’ll prioritize your time too.”
“But I want to prioritize you now just the same.”
He turned quiet again. “You spent the last ten years starting your life. Don’t feel bad about that. But yes, we would both love to see you more. Nothing would make us happier. And nothing makes us happier than watching you be happy again, watching you be the thoughtful, affectionate, and selfless boy you used to be.”
8
Emerson
Lizzie and I sat at the dining table and had dinner together. She told me about school, her friends, and soccer practice. Chicken and rice was on the menu with a side of broccoli, and she didn’t complain about it.
“Good news. I found you a tutor.”
She looked up from her food, her eyebrows raised. “Mom, we both know that’s a waste of time. There’s no tutor on this earth that could help me understand all that mumbo jumbo.” She continued to eat. “Save your money, you know?”
“I think your experience will be different with this tutor.”
“Unlikely. Serious, Mom, we could spend that money on something useful…like cheeseburgers.”
“I don’t think that’s a good investment, Lizzie. I’d rather spend money on your education than anything else. But that doesn’t matter because this tutor is free.”
She cocked an e
yebrow. “If someone does something for free, they can’t be that great.”
“It’s my boss.”
She almost dropped her fork. “Your boss offered to teach me?”
I nodded. “He’s an expert in all things math and science, so he’ll be able to get you to grasp all of this without any issues. He’ll be a major upgrade from all the tutors you’ve had before.”
“Why would he offer to do that?” she asked bluntly. “Isn’t he busy spending all his money on cheeseburgers?”
When she got older, she would realize her money would be sucked into rent, health insurance, and bills…and her money couldn’t be thrown at good meals. “He’s never too busy to help a student. He’s a professor at NYU, so he’s used to teaching students.”
“Uh, genius students. Not seventh-grade math. You asked him, didn’t you?”
“No. He offered.”
“How did he even know I’m a bad student?”
“You aren’t a bad student,” I said defensively. “And I talk about you all the time. He wants to help. It’s really not a big deal, Lizzie.”
She took a few more bites of her food as she considered everything I’d said. “I’m just surprised, I guess.”
“Well, we’re very good friends.”
She rolled her eyes. “Right…”
“Lizzie.”
She smiled. “Just teasing. But I don’t want you to get fired. He might get so frustrated with me that he’ll want nothing to do with either one of us again.”
“That would never happen, Lizzie.”
“When is this happening?”
“I thought we could do it two nights a week. Tuesdays and Thursdays.”
She shrugged. “Alright. I got a C- on my last test, so…”
And that would mess up her GPA big-time. She wasn’t in high school yet, so those grades didn’t really matter, but they would start to matter once she got to high school. I wanted her to be prepared for that. “I think that’s about to change, Lizzie.”
We sat together in the back seat as we drove to work.
He turned to me, leaned over and kissed me, and then gave me a nice smile before he opened his bag and pulled out his paperwork. He was in a black hoodie and dark jeans, his muscled physique stretching the cotton fabric of his sweater in sexy ways.
My eyes lingered for a bit, my body sexually awakened by this man. I wished our nights were spent together in naked passion, and then in the morning we had another round before we got ready for the day. It was something lovers took for granted, and while I loved my daughter more than anything in this world, she was the reason we couldn’t fully be together. “Did you have fun with Dex?”
“Yeah. It was nice to spend time with him. I wish I got to see him more.”
“I bet. Where is his residency?”
“Johns Hopkins. Maryland.”
“Oh wow. He came far to see you.”
“Yeah, that was nice of him.” He gave a slight smile before he looked down at his paperwork.
“You did great on Saturday.”
He turned to look at me but didn’t respond.
“I missed you…” Whenever I looked at his handsome face, I fell deeper, craved that closeness that I couldn’t get anywhere else. It wasn’t a sense of lust, more than affection, something I couldn’t describe. I just wanted his arms around me, to bury my face in his hard chest, to feel his fingertips glide into my hair before he pressed a kiss to my hairline. I wanted that—all the time. I’d wanted to spend our weekend in bed, celebrating his book signing, just living in the moment together.
His stare lingered, and slowly his eyes softened as he processed the admission I’d made. “I missed you too… I always miss you.”
When I finished at his executive office, I walked into the lab to see Derek working alone, staying after hours like usual. He had large schematics everywhere as he sketched his ideas. Then he had me print them when he assumed they were final, produced by a computer, and then made his marks and printed it again…over and over. Nothing was ever good enough, and this part of the project seemed to be most intense because it was the foundation of the entire thing.
His head was bowed as he stood over his work, his hand moving over his jawline as he stared at the gibberish on the page. It wasn’t a bunch of mathematical equations, but labeled parts…stuff I didn’t understand.
I shut the door behind me and walked toward him.
The sound of my heels made him lift his gaze and look at me. “Hey, baby.” Then he bowed his head again.
I felt the smile move into my lips but also my heart because I loved it when he called me that, not caring who was standing there at the time. It could be his colleagues, his parents, or his brother, and he didn’t care. For a man who hadn’t been in a relationship in a really long time, he knew exactly how to be a committed man—and that was really sexy. “Hey.” I set my purse on the table and glanced down at one of his schematics. “How’s it going?”
“The wheel rotation should allow the rover to maneuver out of a dip, but it interferes with the brakes and trips the wires underneath, so now I have to move the wires and design a new braking system, and the superconductor for the solar panel creates too much heat conduction…” He went on and on.
I nodded along even though I had no idea what he was saying. “Trial and error. You’ll figure it out.”
“This is my twelfth try, so I don’t know about that…”
“It doesn’t matter how many tries it takes, Derek. Perfection is priceless.”
He lifted his gaze and looked at me before he checked his watch. “Jesus, I didn’t realize how late it was.”
“You never do,” I said affectionately. “I can bring you dinner before I head out.”
“No, it’s okay.” He rolled up the schematic and put the rubber band around the outside. “I’ve got to work on that book, and I can’t write here so…” He grabbed the rest of his things, and we walked out together.
We made it to the car, and Ronnie drove us to his penthouse.
“I talked to Lizzie about the tutoring…”
He turned to look at me, ignoring the work in his hands.
“She was receptive to it.”
He still didn’t have a reaction, like he wasn’t sure how he felt about it.
“She thinks she’s beyond help, based on her previous interactions with tutors, but I told her it would be different with you.”
“No one is beyond help.”
I knew he would say that, but it made me smile anyway. “She was afraid I asked for your help, so I told her you offered on your own.”
“And she has no idea about us?”
I shook my head.
He gave a slight nod. “Alright.”
“I thought you could spend an hour with her every Tuesday and Thursday…if that’s okay.”
“As in, tomorrow?” he asked, slightly unnerved.
“Yeah. Or we can start next week if that’s better for you.”
He looked out the window for a while as he considered the task in front of him, and instead of putting it off as long as possible, he turned to me and said, “Tomorrow is fine.” The change in attitude was obvious now, the way he had more confidence in himself after the book signing. He knew he wasn’t as terrible with people as he once thought, that he had the capability of relating to others, to not be the stuffy introvert he used to be.
“Great. I’ll drop her off, then come back and get her.”
“You won’t be there?” he asked in surprise.
“No. I want you guys to have some privacy. If I’m there, she’ll act differently. And if she sees us together, she might pick up on us.”
He gave another nod then looked down at his work.
“You’ll be fine, Derek. I have no doubt.”
He turned back to me as Ronnie pulled up to the penthouse. “Thanks, baby.” He opened the door to get out.
“I don’t need a ride tonight, Ronnie.” I got out too and joined Derek on the sid
ewalk.
Derek looked at me in surprise because he expected me to go home like usual.
“I said I missed you…”
The grin that spread over his face was like a hot coffee on a fall day, a perfect warmth that filled my veins with happiness. It reached his eyes, and he gave me a look of affection and kindness that made him a million times more handsome than he already was. “Show me how much you missed me.”
He sat up against the headboard with me on top of him, his muscular chest wide and strong, his powerful arms flexed as his hands gripped my waist, lifting me up and down as I rode him, my tits in his face, the dark look in his eyes so sexy.
My hands clutched his wrists with my shoulders back, my tits pushed forward to make them look as perky as possible. Sometimes he leaned in and kissed the nipples in his face, his eyes on me, his hair messy from the way I fisted it.
An occasional moan escaped his lips, his dick rock hard inside me even though he already came the first time fifteen minutes ago. This man was the sexiest man alive, with those dark eyes and dark hair, that fit body, that beautiful beating heart…
He moved my hand between my legs and directed my fingers to rub my wet clit, to watch me get myself off because I’d already come twice and probably wouldn’t be able to hit a third without a little extra, and judging by the red tint of his face, he wanted to come bad.
I rubbed myself, not self-conscious as I pleased myself until the moans became louder.
His eyes darkened like he liked it, like it turned him on to watch me touch myself, like watching me take control was sexy. “Yeah, baby…”
I touched myself until my hips bucked and I writhed, coming hard once again, tears in the corners of my eyes.
His fingers dug into my waist, and he directed me up and down harder, his jaw clenched as he came with a masculine moan, his dick thickening inside me as he released, adding another load to my already full pussy.
The Boy Who Has No Belief (Soulless Book 7) Page 8