The Boy Who Has No Belief (Soulless Book 7)

by Victoria Quinn

  He continued to sit there, like he was waiting for something.

  I didn’t open them and see what he had written because I assumed it would make him uncomfortable to watch me read his personal message.

  But he lingered.

  After a few seconds of eye contact, he opened the door. “I’ll see you later…” He leaned over the console and gave me a kiss before he got out and walked to the front doors.

  Ronnie pulled back into traffic, and we headed to my apartment.

  I picked up the first book in the series, feeling the book in my hands once again. It used to be on my bookshelf in the apartment, displayed proudly, and that slot on the shelves had been empty ever since. I gave these books to Derek a long time ago, when we were barely friends, and it felt nice to have them back.

  I had no idea what he would write.

  I told him he could just add his signature and that would be good enough for me.

  But I’d wanted him to say more.

  I didn’t open it because I was afraid I would be disappointed. What if he just wrote thanks…or something like that.

  I almost thought it was better if I never looked. Just knowing he signed it was enough for me.

  But the curiosity would haunt me forever.

  So, I opened the page and saw his scribbled handwriting, his big signature at the bottom, the same signature I saw all over his paperwork all the time at work. I read the message.

  To Emerson,

  My baby,

  My best friend,

  My brightest star,

  And the woman I love.

  -Derek Hamilton

  I knocked on his door, my eyes still wet and red from the tears I’d shed in the car. His book was in my hand, the other two in my purse. I didn’t go home like I planned because I couldn’t go to my apartment…not now.

  Not when this was the only place I wanted to be.

  I knocked again when he didn’t answer quickly enough.

  His footsteps sounded a moment later, and he opened the door, in just his sweatpants. His hair was a little damp like he’d just gotten out of the shower, his five-o’clock shadow gone because he’d just shaved it off. His brown eyes shifted back and forth as he looked into my gaze, reading the emotion in my eyes.

  “I love you too…”

  He didn’t have a reaction, as if those words didn’t affect him the way they affected me. “I know you do.”

  My breathing hitched at his words because there wasn’t a better response than that. He knew I loved him without needing to hear me say it because I wore it on my sleeve, displayed it in my eyes, showed it in every single thing I did. He saw that, he recognized that, and he appreciated it.

  He moved closer to me, and his hand gently moved to the book in my hands. He pulled it away and let it hang at his side. “I thought you already knew how I felt about you.”

  “I did. I just…didn’t know if you knew.”

  He set the book on the table against the wall near the door and continued to look at me.

  I closed my eyes and felt the emotional catharsis. “God, it feels so good to tell you that I love you, not to hide it anymore, not to pretend that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with you. Because I do. I want all my nights with you. I want all my years with you.” I felt the tears leave my eyes and streak down my cheeks.

  His thumbs were on my face, wiping away the tears.

  I opened my eyes and looked at him, looked at his intense stare as he watched me cry rivers for him. “You’re the perfect man, and I can’t believe you’re mine. I don’t know why I’m so lucky to be loved by you.”

  He cradled my face in his hands, coming close to me and looking into my face, my eyes and my lips. “I was thinking the same thing, that I’m lucky to be loved by you.”

  I closed my eyes as my head rolled back, exposing my neck so he could kiss me with those sexy lips, leaving my skin sensitive and warm, slightly wet from his tongue. My hands glided down his arms, my nails clawing his warm skin, breathing hard even though this wasn’t the first or second round.

  He moved down over my stomach and my hips, slipping his tongue into my belly button before he moved back on top of me and sank inside me, rock hard like he hadn’t already taken me many times.

  I gasped like I had no idea what was coming.

  He moved inside me, gliding through the wetness we made together, sliding past his own come as well as mine. He pressed his head to my forehead and moaned loudly as he pushed himself deep inside and slid back out.

  My arms hooked behind his shoulders, and my ankles locked together around his waist, rocking back with him, feeling his hard body rub against my clit and bringing me to another climax almost instantly, my hips bucking hard against him as the fire spread through my veins. My nail nearly drew blood. “Derek…” I was madly in love with the perfect man, the man I couldn’t even have dreamed of, couldn’t have created with my imagination. He was perfect in every way. Even his flaws were perfect. He brought me joy that I couldn’t have anticipated, and I’d never felt so safe, like I was with the one person in the world who would never hurt me. My daughter said things that broke my heart once in a while, and I’d gone out with men that ended up being huge disappointments. But Derek was a man who wasn’t afraid to love me, to put himself in terrifying situations to be with me. He would do anything for me. I could feel it.

  The sound of his name made him lose himself within me, exploding between my legs, making a sexy moan that erupted from his throat and hit me right on the lips. His thrusts slowed as he pumped inside me.

  My ankles remained locked around his waist because I didn’t want him to leave, not even when we were satisfied, not ever. I had to go home and get back to reality, but I wanted to live in this dream forever.

  I cupped the back of his head and brought our faces close together. We were still breathing hard, still coming down from the high that took us away to a different place. I kissed him, feeling those silky lips between mine. “I love you.” The weight of two semi-trucks lifted off my shoulders now that I could freely speak my mind, share what was in my heart when I felt it, tell him with my words instead of just showing it with my heart.

  He stared at me for a bit when he heard me say it, like he was memorizing it with that big brain of his, committing the moment to a kind of memory regular people like me didn’t have. “I love you too, baby.” He kissed me before he got off me and rolled to his side.

  Now was the part of the evening I hated the most.

  When it was time to go.

  I’d never slept with him through the night, never woke up to the morning sunlight as it announced a new day. I had no idea if he snored, if he slept on his back or his stomach, or what true morning sex felt like.

  He lay on his stomach and looked at the ceiling, slightly fingering his messy hair as he let his hot body cool off after being on top of me for an hour.

  My phone started to vibrate on the floor.

  I didn’t move.

  Derek turned his head to me.

  I sat up with a sigh and looked at the time on his nightstand. “Damn, I had no idea it was this late.” I got up and dug my phone out from the pile of clothes. It was my mom. I quickly answered it. “Hey, Mom—”

  “Oh, thank god.” She released a heavy sigh into the phone. “I’ve been texting and calling. You scared the shit out of me.”

  I felt guilty for dropping all my responsibilities in favor of getting lost with Derek for once, but I didn’t regret it. “I’m sorry, Mom. I got caught up at work, and I didn’t have reception in the appliance building.”

  “I’m just glad you’re okay. You hear horror stories…”

  “I’m a hundred percent fine. I’ll be home soon.”

  “Alright. Lizzie had dinner and showered. She’s in bed now.”

  “Okay. Thanks, Mom.” I hung up then sat at the edge of Derek’s bed, naked, seeing my stomach slightly hanging out in the reflection of the glass windows. I quickly sucked it in
even though he couldn’t see it anyway. The guy could be slouching shirtless on the couch, and his stomach was still as flat as a piece of wood.

  Derek sat up behind me and pressed his hand against my back, taking up the entire thing with his palm. “Everything alright, baby?”

  “Yeah. Mom was just worried.”

  “It is late…lost track of time.”

  I stood up and grabbed my clothes from the floor. “I don’t regret it.” I started to pull on my clothes. “But I should have texted my mom and said I would be late.”

  Derek watched me get dressed before he got up and put on his sweatpants and hoodie.

  I always volunteered to get myself home, but he always denied my offer, so I’d just stopped offering. I was never afraid to get around the city. I had my pepper spray tucked in my purse and ready to be used at a moment’s notice. One time, I walked down the street, and a guy heckled me. When I passed, he shoved his hand up my skirt and grabbed my ass. I kneed him so hard in the balls that he collapsed on the sidewalk and screamed. I could still hear him even when I was three blocks away. But it was definitely nice not to have to walk in the cold or spend an additional twenty minutes walking when my man could just drive me…in his million-dollar car.

  We moved into the entryway, and I grabbed my purse and one of the books he’d signed for me. I smiled as I looked at it before tucking it into my bag. We left and headed into the garage, where he fired up his beast of a car and drove me onto the quiet streets of Manhattan, heading to where my apartment was at the very edge.

  I glanced at him beside me, loving the way the interior lights blanketed his handsome face in a beautiful glow. His was a big man who was almost too large for the car, his muscular thighs spread apart and his thick arm resting on the center console as he drove with one hand. I could stare at him forever and question my reality.

  What did I do to deserve someone like him?

  He pulled up to the empty curb and turned off the car.

  I didn’t pull off my safety belt.

  Neither did he. He turned to look at me, like he knew I had something to say.

  I stared at him for a few more seconds before I said my thoughts aloud. “How do you feel about telling Lizzie the truth?” I imagined she would react positively since she liked him, but I’d never even mentioned a guy to my daughter, so I really had no idea how she would feel about it.

  He stared at me with no reaction, his eyes still. “That’s your call.”

  “But are you ready to do that?” I whispered. “It’s okay if you aren’t. I just thought I would ask since…this is where we are.” We loved each other, and I took that seriously. People who loved each other didn’t break up because of something stupid. They stayed together, pushed through obstacles, made it work. And I believed Derek would overcome this obstacle to be with me.

  He looked ahead for a while, taking one of his signature long pauses to think about his words before he shared them. His hand stayed on the center console, and he looked out the slowly frosting window in silence. “I’m ready to tell her the truth. But only if you are. She’s your daughter. You’re the one who has to decide if you think it’s best for her, if you think it’s a good idea to expose her to me.”

  It baffled me that he still didn’t understand how much of a benefit he had been to Lizzie, that he had made my daughter happy in a way I never could. He was her role model. I could see it in the way she talked about him.

  “I want to be with you forever, Derek.” I didn’t sugarcoat it anymore because I just couldn’t. I wanted to marry him. I’d do it right now if that was what he wanted. There would never be another man for me. Maybe that was presumptuous because this relationship had been relatively short, but I knew how I felt. It wouldn’t change in a few months, in a few years. If anything, those feelings would just be more profound. “Yes, I think it’s a good idea.”

  He slowly turned his head back to me. His expression didn’t change. There was no fear or trepidation. “Alright.”

  “I’ll take some time to think about how I’ll tell her.”

  He gave a slight nod.

  I unfastened my safety belt, and he did the same. Then we went into my building and up the stairs to my apartment. He said goodbye outside the door, slightly left of the peephole so no one would be able to see if they thought they heard us talking.

  His arms moved around me, and he gave me a kiss goodbye as well as a squeeze. “Goodnight, baby.”

  “Goodnight.” I watched him walk away, watched his muscular back shift and move as he carried himself to the stairs and then out of my sight. “Damn…” I rubbed my hand over my chest as I turned to the door and got it unlocked.

  I stepped inside and found my mom in the recliner watching TV.

  Lizzie had fallen asleep on the couch.

  Mom grabbed the remote and turned off the TV. “A heads-up next time, Emmy.”

  “I’m sorry, Mom. It won’t happen again.” I set my purse on the counter and pulled out my books, careful to hide the smile that was heavy on my lips. I stared at them for a while before I carried them to the bookshelf where they’d been before, the area vacant for months because he took so long to decide what to write.

  “Are those Derek’s books?” Lizzie’s sleepy voice came from the couch.

  “Yes.” I turned back to the living room and looked at her. “Get to bed, honey. You shouldn’t be falling asleep on the couch.”

  “Grandma does it.” She rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

  “Well, Grandma doesn’t live here. Now, come on.”

  Lizzie gave her grandmother a hug before going to bed.

  My mom got off the couch then gave me a quick look, checking me up and down. “If you want some alone time with your boyfriend, that’s fine. Just check in.” She headed to the door and walked out.

  How did moms know everything?

  Whatever. Nothing could take away my happiness right now.

  15

  Derek

  “You think booster thrusters will work?” Jerome asked. “It’s going to add more weight to the vehicle, take up more space, and not to mention, it’s a hazard to the vehicle.” Jerome stood beside me and stared at my drawings, seeing where the gas compartment would be. “It’s just risky.”

  I never told my employees this, but I only hired people who disagreed with me, not agreed with me. It was obvious when I conducted interviews when people were just enamored of me and would agree with whatever I said. I actually hired the people who were critical of my work because that was a benefit to me. Jerome and Pierre both challenged me, and when that happened, I was forced to defend my stance. If it held up, I knew it was the right decision. If they picked it apart enough, I knew it could be improved. “Unless we find a better tire solution, I don’t see an alternative. Not only is the rover a huge investment, but it takes over a year to arrive on the planet, and it’s such a disappointment when the rover gets stuck and has to be decommissioned. There’s little oxygen on the planet, so the chance of explosion is small. And when the tires get stuck somewhere, there always has to be a contingency plan to get it out of the situation and continue operating. It doesn’t need to have a lot of fuel, just enough for one or two boosts, so those incidences should be rare.”

  Jerome listened to what I said, and after a while, he nodded. “What if we spend more time working on the tires, and if we can’t find a solution, we go with the boosters?”

  “I agree.”

  “Alright.” Jerome walked back to his station to get back to work with Pierre.

  My phone vibrated on the desk, a message from Ryan popping up. Hey, I thought it would be fun to get the groomsmen together for a night out. Just some drinks at a bar. Not really a bachelor party, just a hangout. Friday night. You in?

  The time I’d been dreading had arrived, and there was nothing I could do to avoid it. I had to be a man and suck it up. I had to be there for Ryan, not just because I was his best man, but because it was an important time in his life. I did
n’t want to miss it, and I definitely didn’t want to miss it because of that motherfucker Kevin. You know I’ll be there.

  Great. Just a casual thing. No strippers or anything.

  I respected Ryan’s commitment to Camille. I’d been out with him many times and offers were always on the table, but he never faltered. I was his best friend and he knew I would take his secrets to the grave, but he never created any secrets for me to keep. He was loyal, committed, and honest, and that was another reason why I loved him. I knew how it felt to be cheated on—it fucking sucked. That’s fine with me.

  That’s right. You’re pussy-whipped like me now. ;)

  Yep. I didn’t care if the guys gave me shit about it. They’d stopped asking me to come out after I’d said no enough times. It would be fine to go out and watch a game or something, but they were only interested in picking up pussy, and that wasn’t my thing anymore. I couldn’t imagine my life without Emerson at this point, but even if I lost her, I wasn’t sure if I could go back to that. Being in a deep and committed relationship felt so much better than all the empty one-night stands. Sex was better. My happiness was better. It was just better all around.

  Ryan texted again. So, just one last time… Kevin will be there. You’re sure you’re okay with this?

  I actually rolled my eyes when I read his message. Ryan, don’t worry about me or Kevin or anyone else. All you should be worried about is having a good time. We’re both grown-ass men. We’re fine.

  Emerson sat across from me at the diner, enjoying another plate of syrup-soaked pancakes along with bacon and eggs. She pushed her food around as she looked at me. “You’ve been quiet lately. Everything okay?”

  I drank from my mug of coffee as I stared at her across the table, thinking about Friday night. Unfortunately, I was born with a strange memorization ability, where I could remember everything as if it had just happened. So even though that night was ten years ago, anytime I thought about it, I could remember it with such acute clarity that it was raw. “Just got a lot on my mind right now.”