“Who is very much in love with his partner, remember?” She wrapped her arms around my waist.
I grinned, remembering all right. Some guy named Avery had jogged over shirtless the night before. Just about scared me to death. Not because I thought he was gonna do something to hurt us, but because leaving Lee-Lee here next door to some muscle-bound freak was gonna make me crazy with jealousy.
Then his short little boyfriend came out, eyed me with feigned disinterest, and introduced himself to Lia as shirtless man’s fiancé. After they made us dinner and managed to make Lee-Lee laugh, I decided they weren’t so bad after all.
“Let’s go.” I ran my palm down the side of her face and kissed her lips softly, only to haul her up so her legs latched around my waist.
In the bedroom, I didn’t bother turning on the lights, but I did manage to shut and lock the door—lessons learned and all.
Shirts went off, pants went flying, and not soon enough, I was inside her, driving hard into her warm, wet pussy.
I was home. Lia being my forever address.
The futon rocked beneath us, probably breaking, but I didn’t care. I’d buy her a new bed if it meant I could fuck her senseless this one last time. I grabbed her hands and held them both over her head, needing to keep myself grounded, in control. Blue eyes locked with mine, and Lia moaned my name in approval. We’d both barely broken a sweat when she came on a loud cry.
I followed not long after, watching her the entire time. This was my woman, the one I’d marry someday.
“I love…” I lowered my head to hers, releasing her hands. They were on my back, stroking my spine before I could get out the “you.”
Wordless after that, we kissed and said a few thousand silent goodbyes in the span of ten minutes. It wasn’t enough. Never would be. I didn’t want to go. I wanted to be here with her. Always. Forever. But she needed her space. I got that. I respected that. It just hurt like a son of a bitch.
We dressed and held hands, and she cried a bit, trying to hide it. I gathered the last of my stuff, praying she’d change her mind at the last minute and ask me to leave some things here at least. Maybe open a drawer and say This is yours.
But she didn’t.
As we stood outside by my car, she hugged me close and whispered through her tears, “Give Chloe a kiss for me, okay?”
“I will.” My voice cracked as I forced a smile. I think she knew it too, because after that, her tears came faster, the goodbye still not on her lips.
“Max?” she mumbled against my neck, her lips there, touching as they moved.
“Yeah?” I held my breath, praying this was it. That she’d say Fuck the day by day and live in the here and now once and for always.
But she didn’t do that either.
“Promise me you’ll be safe and call me every night?”
I blinked away my tears, refusing to cry. “FaceTime too.” I couldn’t go a day without seeing her.
“Yeah. FaceTime too.”
I told her I loved her, kissed her once on the lips, and then got in my car, unable to look in my rearview mirror as I drove away. I was leaving for her. I was leaving because she needed me to. I was also leaving because I loved her.
* * *
It was never supposed to hurt this bad, but the second I pulled up in front of my house later that night, something inside me started hurting worse than when I’d left her.
I squeezed my hand around the steering wheel and shoved my car into Park. The door to Gav’s side of the house shot open, and if I hadn’t been feeling so damn sorry for myself, I probably would’ve laughed at the fact that he was obviously waiting for me. He stood on the front porch, barely visible in the dark.
Pushing my car door open, I lowered my chin to block the rain and headed straight toward my best friend.
“You all right, man?” he asked as I stood on the bottom step, unmoving. Rain soaked my shirt and hair, but I didn’t care.
“Good as I can be.” Which was equivalent to shitty. How the hell could I do this thing called life if she wasn’t there to do it with me?
I jerked my hand through my hair. “Let’s go get a drink.”
He nodded. “Fine by me.”
The one thing that sounded appealing to me right now, besides driving back to Springfield for my girl, was to get wasted. “As long as I’m not driving. Thinking I need to get real shit-faced tonight.”
The door to my side of the house flung open before I could ask Gav what his woes were. Collin looked at me for a second before asking, “O’Paddy’s?” Damn, he knew me well.
“Guys’ night,” Gavin grunted.
Collin wrapped his arms around both of our shoulders. “Need to tell Addie first. Gimme a second.” Collin grinned in a way I hadn’t seen him do for a long time. He seemed at peace—happy. Which also meant his and Addie’s sex was gonna get even louder than it already was. That also meant I’d be spending a lot of nights on Gavin’s couch.
While Collin stepped inside, I sat on the front step, too tired to even stand, let alone go out with my boys. But I didn’t want to be alone.
Gavin sat to my right, stretching his legs out. “She won’t be gone forever, Max.”
“Then why does it feel like my heart’s been ripped from my chest?” I kicked at a groove in the wood paneling of the porch step.
“I don’t know why the right thing always hurts, man. Just does.”
Scrubbing a hand over my face, I processed his words. Lia needed to find her own way, so letting her go was the right thing to do. I was just pissed at myself for not figuring out how to make her leaving hurt me any less than it did.
“And you love her, right?”
I nodded. “She’s the one. No doubt in my mind.”
“Then it’s worth it, the waiting and hurting. Like I said, it’s not forever.”
I punched him in the shoulder. “When did you get to be so damn insightful?”
He shrugged and stared at the wooden porch. “Guess I’m just wising up.”
This got my attention. “Yeah? Any particular blond or brunette causing that?”
His hands tightened around his knees, squeezing. Instead of answering, he shrugged. He was hiding something big, but I was too lost in my own head to question where his was.
Collin came back outside, keys in hand. “Ready?”
Like his ass was lit on fire, Gavin stood. “Let me grab my wallet.”
“What’s his issue?” Colly narrowed his eyes after our best friend.
“Thinking it’s a woman.” I stood, then walked to Collin’s truck.
While we waited inside the truck’s cab for Gav, Collin said, “Lia’s doing good. Mom’s got her all set up and already decorating the new place. Thinkin’ Mom was pretty pissed off that Lia had let her old place get to looking so shitty. She’s making up for it now.”
I chuckled, though my chest ached with sadness, and kicked my feet up on the dash. “I could see that when I was leaving.”
The second Mrs. M pulled the U-Haul into the apartment complex, then showed up at Lia’s door with six IKEA bags in hand, I knew Lia was in trouble. And if we hadn’t just christened her bedroom’s walk-in closet, she probably would’ve let her ma have it.
“Mom’s overwhelming, but she means well.”
I cleared my throat, not knowing what else to say as the air grew stagnant between us. Sure, Colly had been decent to me since that day in Chloe’s bedroom, but it wasn’t like it had been before. Things were still strained.
Like he could read my mind, Collin blew out a breath and said, “I know we haven’t talked much about you and my sister, but I wanted to tell you I’m sorry for not trusting you with her.”
“If I walked in on some guy in bed with my sister, I would’ve done the same thing. No worries.”
He cringed. “Do ya have to b
e so blunt about it?”
“It could be worse.” I crossed my feet at the ankles.
“You’re a son of a bitch.” But there wasn’t a fist in my nose, and he had a smile on his face. I’d call it a win.
Gavin stepped outside the house, but before he could get in the truck, Collin shocked me with words I wasn’t expecting to hear. “I’m good with you and my sister being together, even though I’m not cool with how I found out.”
I winced. “Yeah, still sorry about that.”
“Sure you are.” He groaned. “I need you to promise not to hurt her though.”
Lowering my feet onto the floorboard, I turned to him, my lips flat. “She’s tougher than you think she is.” Punching exes, jail time… I grinned thinking back on the morning I bailed her out. “Nothing on this earth is gonna keep me from loving your sister.”
He leaned forward, grabbing my hand, only to pull me in for a one-armed hug. He wasn’t an affectionate guy, so that hug meant more to me than any words he could’ve said.
Gavin jumped inside, smelling like he’d OD’d on cologne. The two of us turned to look at him in the back of the cab. Collin’s eyes went wide, and I barked out a laugh.
“What?” Gavin rubbed his hand over the top of his head, where all that hair he’d been growing was piled on top in some sort of man bun.
“You look like a pussy.” Collin curled his lip.
I laughed harder. “Smell like a hooker too.” Then turned to high-five Collin from over the console.
Gavin wrapped his arms around the backs of our headrests and smacked the two of us upside the head. “Drive, dickheads.”
For a second, everything was right. Normal. Us. And even though the love of my life was three hours away, I knew I’d be okay for at least tonight.
Chapter 33
Lia
My new neighbors were a trip.
The shorter of the guys, Ibrahim, worked at a sperm bank. He’d met Avery, the Adonis with the Tarzan hair—who worked as an interior designer—when he’d come in to donate. When Avery walked out, Ibrahim had said to him, “Thanks for coming,” not meaning anything by it. He was still trying to overcome the language barrier, seeing as how he’d moved to the United States from West Africa not long before.
Apparently, Avery thought he was being a jerk and turned around to call him out on it, but instead fell instantly in love. They’d been together for six years, just moving a few weeks prior into the town house they were renting next to mine.
While I was at work this week, getting my classroom set up and meeting some of the teachers I would be working with, Mom had gotten cozy with Avery, spending the majority of her afternoons at their house combing through Better Homes and Gardens magazines. She didn’t really need to be here, but I think she was having too much fun to go.
Ibrahim and I would get home from work at the same time, only to find her and Avery on our shared back porch, drinking mimosas and giggling over random Facebook videos together. It was a match made in friendship heaven. I was pretty sure Mom was going to miss Avery more than me when she left on Sunday.
“Why does your boyfriend not live here with you?” Ibrahim asked, his accent thick. He shut off the blender. Tonight was what he liked to call Margarita-and-Twister Friday. In other words, he and Avery would drink margaritas and play Twister. They’d invited Mom and me over for their tradition.
The one that, according to Avery, they usually did naked.
He handed me my third glass as I thought over my answer to his question. Sadly, there really was no way around the truth. “I told him he couldn’t.”
“Because…?” Ibrahim leaned back, setting his elbows on the counter and kicking his feet out in front of him.
I took a big gulp of my drink before answering. “I wanted to find myself.”
Stupidest excuse ever. I knew that now. Max seemed to be adjusting to the idea better than I was, which I should have expected and been happy about. Instead, I was on day five without him and ready to give up everything just to go home, even though I was growing more and more excited by the day about my job.
“I also didn’t want to take him away from my brother and his other best friend, Gavin. They all live together and help to raise my niece, Collin’s daughter.”
Ibrahim’s black eyebrows rose in interest. “Sounds like a modern-day episode of that show Avery watches late at night with the three men, raising those three little girls.”
“Full House.” I laughed, having thought that myself a crap load of times. “They’ve been friends since boot camp, so it was natural for the three of them to move in together after their last tour in the Middle East.”
“And how does the boyfriend feel about your…your…” He snapped his fingers just as Mom squealed out another laugh from the living room. She was likely three sheets to the wind from her one margarita. Poor Dad would have his hands full when she got home.
“Our separation?”
Ibrahim nodded.
“He seems to be okay with it.”
He tucked his arm through mine. “You know that excuse of yours is, how do you say…bullshit, yeah?”
“Which one?” I frowned, taking another sip.
“You needing to find yourself.” He tugged me toward the living room where Mom had her right foot on red and her left hand on blue. I couldn’t even find it in me to laugh at how crazy she looked, not when everything inside me was breaking.
“It is bullshit.” I shrugged. “But it’s also too late to take back.”
He looked at me, his dark eyes narrowed as he panned my face. “Nothing is too late.” He winked. “You just need the drive to make it happen.”
“Leanne!” Mom called from the floor, waving me over, only to fall on her face. She rolled onto her back and laughed harder. “Come play, honey.”
Avery stood and fist pumped the air, having just won the game. Seconds later, he was dancing in circles as Fall Out Boy played over his iPod.
Ibrahim chuckled under his breath, his eyes on Avery’s ass. “Your mother has stolen my fiancé’s heart.”
“Seems so.” She was amazing like that.
With a polite nod, I excused myself and walked out onto the back porch. It was a nice night, though cooler from an earlier storm. Not thinking twice, I pulled my phone from my pocket. Sprinkles of rain dripped onto my cheeks, cooling my face as I waited for Max to pick up the call. Three rings in though, and he didn’t answer. I didn’t expect him to. He was babysitting the neighbor’s kid again, something Max did every so often to help out the grandma who was raising the boy. Likely they were too enveloped in their video games to hear the phone ring.
I sighed, resolved that we’d already had our one chat for the day, and ended the call. Leaning forward onto the railing and setting my half empty glass on the wood, I studied the stars instead of going inside, needing to think, to breathe, and most of all, to figure out what I was going to do.
The nights were the worst. Not being able to lie in Max’s arms and listen to his breathing, his laughter, not making love to him either… Yet this is what I had wanted, right?
Why, Lia? Why is that?
I quieted Old Lia down with another drink.
Something vibrated in my pocket. I wiped a few stray tears from my cheeks before answering, sick and tired of crying and hurting. Sick of this day-by-day thing too. It was killing me.
I didn’t bother looking at the caller ID before I said, “Hello?”
“Hey, Lee-Lee.”
My lips started to quiver at the sound of his voice, and like a tidal wave of emotions breaking free, it all came out. Every tear I could make, every sob I could produce…
“What is it?” Panic made Max’s voice growly, but I couldn’t choke back my cries. Couldn’t take a breath to tell him how broken I was without him. How I missed him so badly I couldn’t stand myse
lf anymore.
“Damn it, Lia, what’s wrong? Are you hurt? Tell me!”
I sniffled and managed a small “I’m okay.”
A sigh echoed from the other end, followed by muffled words and the faint sound of video game music. I squeezed my eyes shut, ashamed. I shouldn’t have called. He was busy. And there I was, breaking down after some margaritas.
“Let me go get Gav next door so he can watch Diego.”
“No.” I shook my head, taking deep breaths to curb my sudden breakdown. “No, it’s fine. I just… I miss you really bad today. That’s all.”
“Shit, Lia. You scared me.” I heard him groan, then the squeak of a chair in the dining room as he likely sat down or stood up. “What brought this on? You were fine earlier.”
“Ibrahim’s margaritas?”
Max laughed, the sound sending goose bumps over my skin. “I knew that guy was trouble.”
“I’m sorry.” I twirled my finger around the rim of my glass, gathering the salt.
“Don’t be sorry for missing me. Don’t ever be sorry for that.”
I wasn’t sorry for missing him, that’s the thing. I was sorry for being so stupid over not allowing him to move here with me like he wanted to. Admitting that to myself was the scariest thing I’d ever done. Admitting it to Max seemed impossible.
“Leanne?” Mom opened the back door, her voice laced with concern. I glanced back over my shoulder at her, just as she asked, “Are you okay, sweetie?”
I covered the phone and tried to smile as I said, “I’m fine, Mom. I’ll be right there, okay?”
Her head dipped to the side, sadness overtaking her features. If she knew how bad I was, she wouldn’t leave on Sunday. But Dad needed her, and I needed to learn to be on my own.
“You sure?”
“Promise.” My smile must have been convincing enough this time because she went inside.
“Hey,” I said on a breath, pulling the phone back to my mouth.
He was quiet on the other end, but I knew he was there. I could hear his breaths.
“Max?”
“I-I miss you too, Lee-Lee.”
The Right Kind of Reckless Page 23