“That is a lot of innocence lost,” Kinsey confirmed.
“And the conclusion I came to from it all was that a man should marry the military or marry a woman, but not both,” he said bluntly. “So now that Beau will have a wife and baby, that’s what he needs to pay attention to.”
“While you stay married to the military,” she finished.
He shrugged again. “It’s the choice I made a long time ago. A policy I adhere to.”
Kinsey nodded, telling herself how important it was for her to keep that in mind.
Then he switched gears, raising his dimpled chin at her. “How are you doing after your own bout with being the odd woman out tonight?”
Kinsey laughed slightly at the connection between how she’d felt standing at the gallery of Camden family photos and how his mother had felt returning home after long absences.
“I’m okay. I was actually just thinking a few minutes ago that if the Camdens can let Margaret and Louie in, why not me?”
He nodded slowly, his expression making it appear that he was torn about something even before he said, “Should I say that it might be different because Margaret and Louie didn’t come as proof of a pretty big deception and betrayal by one of their own?”
“No,” she commanded.
He laughed and after seeing him as down as he’d been earlier over his dad, it was music to Kinsey’s ears.
Or maybe it would have been that regardless because it was such a good, deep, rumbling-from-his-impressive-chest laugh.
“Then I won’t,” he assured. “Instead, how about I tell you that I laid the groundwork for a doggy playdate with Jack and Lindie, Lang and Dane’s dogs to get you a little time with them.” He laughed again at how that had sounded and amended it. “A little time with Lindie, Lang and Dane, not with the dogs—who came from the same litter Jack did.”
“Oh, good,” Kinsey said. “I thought I heard them talking about how badly behaved their dogs are, too. I considered suggesting things Todd taught us, but there just wasn’t the opening for it since I was really only eavesdropping. And because Jack isn’t my dog. But a playdate you bring me along on would be great!”
“Then you do still want to go after this thing?”
This thing being her heritage.
“Yeah,” she said, her conviction a little shaken but still intact.
“Then I’ll try to arrange it.”
“Thank you,” she said. “For that and for tonight and for being in my corner on this—even if you do think maybe I shouldn’t do it. You’re the first to support me on this.”
“What about your brothers?”
She shook her head. “I told you they were closer to Hugh than I was, and I think going after this makes them feel kind of disloyal to him. And they don’t want our mother called ugly names. Or us, either...”
“But you want it enough to risk all that,” he said as if it were something he was coming to understand about her.
“I do. I hope bad things don’t come of it, but I’m willing to take that risk for a shot at having a family I can count on,” she said quietly.
Jack started to whine the way he did when the doggy door was blocked and he couldn’t access the yard. They both knew what it meant so Sutter opened the door and got out with him.
Slightly resentful of the terrier cutting her time short, Kinsey got out, too, taking her things with her and locking the car as Sutter took Jack over to a patch of grass in front of her parking spot.
“This is your place, huh?” Sutter said, glancing at the three-story apartment building.
“There.” She pointed. “I’m on the second floor, the southern side. See that wilting plant in the window? Apparently it does better with northern exposure.”
It seemed only polite to ask him in now that they were there.
At least that’s what she told herself. And that it wasn’t because she was still so reluctant to have the evening end.
“Want to come up?” she heard herself ask.
He didn’t answer immediately. Instead he looked at her windows and seemed to consider it. Then he did the military straight-as-a-stick posture as if it helped him resist an urge and said, “Thanks, but I don’t think Jack would be a good guest anywhere right now. We’d better hit the road.”
“You’re still sure you want to hike all the way home?” she asked as he brought the puppy from the grass back to the pavement.
Sutter laughed and nodded toward the terrier who was straining the leash to the very end trying to get moving. “I think it’s probably for the best,” he said as if Jack wasn’t the only reason, his gaze fixed on her.
“If you can’t make it all the way home, call and I’ll give you a lift,” she offered.
He again gave her the smile that let her know she was fretting about nothing. Then he humored her and said, “Sure. If I can’t make it I’ll call you.”
He was standing not far in front of her, continuing to look at her, deeply into her eyes.
“You really are on the level with this Camden thing, aren’t you?” he said quietly.
Kinsey recalled his suspicions of her on that first day they’d met.
“I am,” she answered.
“You’re willing to take it to the end even if it gets you hurt.”
“I just hope that doesn’t happen.”
“Yeah...” he said, nodding as if that was what he hoped, too, his gaze still locked on her.
He switched the leash to the hand that poked out of the sling and grasped her arm again the way he had earlier at the Camdens’ house.
“But if at some point, for any reason, you change your mind and want to back out, you don’t have to worry that anyone will ever hear anything about it from me. Your secret’s safe should you decide to keep it.”
And she thought that, like his dad with the lonely wives on military bases, she could trust that he would be there for her to cry on his shoulder because—also like his dad—he just seemed to be such a good guy...
“Thanks,” Kinsey said, not doubting the truth in his promise.
And not feeling at all safe even if her secret was, because she was once again looking up into that face of his, with those blue-green eyes and his supple mouth.
And wishing for something she shouldn’t want.
He still had a hold of her arm and his thumb was rubbing it through the sleeve of her sweater dress in a way that had nothing to do with moral support. He was massaging her arm sensuously. And looking down at her with an expression that drew her in...
Then he came closer, pulling her toward him with that hand on her arm, and she knew he was going to kiss her.
Don’t let him...
Ha! As if she had the willpower to resist.
She tipped her head back and—in spite of herself—waited so eagerly for it.
For nothing but a kiss on the cheek.
He hadn’t been headed there all along—she knew it. But at the last minute that’s where he’d made himself go. Disappointing her to no end.
“Do what’s best for you,” he whispered in her ear after that tiny peck.
Kinsey’s initial thought was that what was best for her might be to grab him and kiss him the way she’d been hoping he was about to kiss her!
Until she curbed her impulses and reminded herself that kissing him would be very unwise under the circumstances. All the circumstances. And so, instead, she only nodded her acceptance of his advice.
Then there was a parting squeeze of her arm as he pulled back and said, “See you tomorrow.”
Kinsey nodded again, a little speechless with frustration, and managed to mutter a faint, “Good night.”
Then she headed for her building and forced herself up the stairs and into her apartment without looking back at him.<
br />
But once she was inside, her will weakened all over again and the first thing she did was go to the window that faced the parking lot.
Expecting to find Sutter and Jack at least half a block away, she didn’t spot them at all.
Until she looked down at the parking lot again.
Sutter was still standing where she’d left him. Looking up at the window she’d told him was hers.
Catching her looking for him.
But she thought she was catching him, too.
With something in his expression that might have been indecision and regret.
Before he raised his chin at her, then turned and headed home with Jack in tow.
As she watched him go, nothing could truly convince her that it was better that he had only kissed her on the cheek.
And if the look on his face had been regret of his own for that?
Good!
Chapter Six
“She hasn’t been gone that long and you know she’s coming back. You—and the dog—don’t have to wait for her at the door, you know.” The colonel admonished Sutter in a teasing tone.
It was late Wednesday afternoon. They’d had a visit from Louise Turner, the retired navy captain friend of Margaret’s. Louise was a talkative woman and her visit had lasted so long that Kinsey had had to excuse herself in order to get to the colonel’s cardiologist’s office before it closed—the doctor had samples of a medication he wanted the colonel to try.
Louise had stayed forty-five minutes after Kinsey had left and had just now departed herself. Sutter had walked her out but she was long gone and he and Jack were still standing in the doorway, looking for signs of Kinsey’s return.
But he wasn’t going to admit that to his mother, so he said, “Just getting some air,” and then closed the door.
“Uh-huh...” the colonel muttered facetiously.
They went into the living room where the colonel sat in a wing chair as if she needed a rest.
“What did you think of Louise?” Sutter asked as he took a seat on the sofa.
“She’s a talker. But I liked her,” the colonel answered.
“Think you might go to one of her group’s lunches when you’re feeling better? See if you like the other women vets? She said you’re on her way and she can swing by to get you every week...”
“I told her I would. And yes, I will go to GiGi’s bridge club, too, and there’s Sol next door—think you can calm down now?”
“Calm down?” Sutter repeated. “I’m perfectly calm.”
“You don’t fool me, Light Bird,” she said, using the slang term for his rank of lieutenant colonel. “You’ve had your feathers all ruffled about me being alone and on my own once you ship out again. I’m fine and I’ll be fine, but if me playing bridge and having lunch with some other vets makes you feel better and gets you back to your unit, then that’s what I’ll do. I’ll even keep that pain-in-the-neck puppy—that had better shape up.”
So she’d seen through his maneuvers.
“You’re humoring me?”
“I like to play bridge and it won’t hurt me to be around some other ex-military women.”
“And from the looks of it you didn’t hate having Sol here last night and the night before.”
“Doctor’s orders,” the colonel said as if that was the only reason she’d taken the after-dinner strolls with the next-door neighbor. But the doctor hadn’t given any orders for her to ask Sol in both nights to continue chatting when their walks were finished and she’d done that, too.
Sutter didn’t say that or that she’d seemed to enjoy her time with the charming neighbor, though. The colonel might want it to look as if she was only socializing for her son’s sake or to follow the doctor’s instructions, but Sutter kept a close enough eye on her to see for himself that she liked Sol’s attentions. And Louise Turner hadn’t been the only one of them whose chattiness had lengthened today’s visit.
“And now you’re weaning yourself off using your sling,” his mother went on then, “what’s the plan for you getting back to duty?”
“The plan is to take the leave I need.” Both his medical leave to heal and his family leave to make sure the colonel could be safely left behind. But rather than set off more of her insistence that she didn’t need help he only said, “I’ll have to have medical clearance before I can report for duty again.”
“You do need to report back for duty,” the colonel persevered as if she were giving a command.
“There’s no question,” Sutter responded, unsure why she seemed to think he needed the reminder.
“No?” the colonel challenged. “You’ve been with Beau Camden for two days—doing what? Talking about resigning along with him?”
Sutter had spent Monday and Tuesday with Beau because his cousin had asked for his input. But also because spending time with Beau meant time he wasn’t spending with Kinsey. He’d hoped the distance would help him get control over himself when it came to her. He definitely seemed to have precious little of that. And on Sunday night the urge to touch her, to kiss, had won out. Not completely—he had only touched her arm, and he had only kissed her cheek when he’d wanted to do a whole lot more than that. But it was evidence of a lack of discipline that he couldn’t—wouldn’t—tolerate in himself.
Not that keeping his distance had helped. He’d still had Monday and Tuesday evening with her, doing his physical therapy, answering her questions about the Camdens, just being with her. And after two nights of that he was barely holding on to his discipline.
But his mother was suspicious of his time with Beau and it was that that he addressed.
“I haven’t been talking to Beau about resigning. I’ve been listening to him worry about being a civilian again himself. But mainly I’ve been with him for the last two days because he asked me to brainstorm with him. He’s going to set up programs through the family stores and business and start a Camden foundation to help vets. So he wanted to run some things by me.”
“You mean the things you told Louise about—the plans for store discounts, credit lines, job programs, etc.,” the colonel said, referring to a lengthy conversation he’d had with her guest.
“Yes.”
“And what about her son? Louise said he works with veterans. Are you going to call him?”
“I’ll call him to arrange for him and Beau to meet. Her son’s group does financial aid, assistance and planning for vets—”
“And with your military background and degree in economics, you’re just what he’s looking to hire—yes, I heard it.” And she obviously wasn’t happy about what she’d heard. “Plus I’ll bet your cousin Beau would give you a job in a heartbeat, wouldn’t he?”
“He talked about wishing I was here to run the foundation once he gets it started, about things I could do if I retired my commission. So what? I’m not leaving the marines.”
His mother didn’t say anything for a moment but she stared long and hard at him.
Then she said, “You can’t keep your eyes off Kinsey.”
True. He couldn’t keep his mind off her, either.
Or his hands when she was doing his physical therapy and he found excuses for any contact he could get.
And again, there was that kiss Sunday night...
But he automatically said to his mother, “Don’t be silly.”
“Don’t think you can put something over on me,” the colonel countered. “I see you looking at her. I hear the sound of your voice when you talk to her or about her. And I can tell you’re thinking about her all the time.”
He started to protest but the colonel cut him off. “Don’t get me wrong, if you’re willing to back down from that ‘marriage to the military or marriage to a woman but not both’ policy of yours, I’m all for it. I never agreed with the idea
that it’s unreasonable to have both—”
“Of course you didn’t.”
“Your father and I did all right,” she defended.
But did his dad die wanting him there? Feeling let down by him because he wasn’t? Because he felt as if he’d let down his father in favor of the service. And as bad as that was, Sutter thought it would be even worse to disappoint a wife and kids who depended on him. To disappoint them over and over again.
“It takes special people to make the kind of sacrifices Dad did for you to serve. And there was plenty you missed out on. My policy stands.”
“Then if you’re thinking of divorcing the marines in favor of the nurse, we have a problem.”
“There’s no problem.” Except the trouble he was having fighting his attraction to Kinsey.
“You know,” his mother said, “I believe that as long as you’re able to serve your country you should. But the same way you don’t want me to be alone, I don’t want you to be alone, either.”
That surprised Sutter. His mother had never pushed him about getting married or having kids. He’d assumed that didn’t matter to her. And it had certainly never occurred to him that she might be thinking about him being on his own.
“Kinsey is from a military family,” the colonel continued. “She has to know what it takes and I think she could handle things as well as your dad did. Maybe you should think about making an exception to your rule.”
His mind went back to the sad woman who had tried to seduce him as a teenager because she’d been so lonely and unhappy. And the funeral for his friend’s desperately despondent mother.
“The policy stands. I’m fine alone.”
“You think it’s different for you because you’re a man? You think you won’t get where I am someday?” she challenged once more. “Because you’re wrong. Look at Sol—man or not, he needs some company just the way you think I do. And you better believe you’ll get where I am. Only if you don’t break that rule of yours, you’ll get here with nobody to look out for you when you need it.”
Sutter didn’t want to think about that so he said jokingly, “Maybe when I retire and move in here, one of Sol’s daughters or granddaughters will come over and bring me cupcakes.”
The Marine Makes His Match Page 9