Then his lips covered mine, his mouth feeding on mine desperately, bruising and on the edge of falling into chaos. I'd never felt him so close to losing control when we played before. I loved that I did that to him.
He pressed his hips forward, his hot velvety skin sliding slowly into me as he continued kissing me fiercely. He was so hard and when he finally filled me up completely, he stilled. His bare skin felt so good, so right inside me.
"Oh fuck, Jenny," he groaned against my mouth. "You feel so good, so soft and tight. Oh fuck." He ground his hips into me, pushing against the knot on my clit, and my body caught fire. I screamed as the orgasm blasted through me. Ford snarled, and pulled out of me, then pumped into me once more, sending me flying again before I even came back down from the first. Holy shit, it was incredible.
He continued his slow deep thrusts, ending each with a grinding motion that pressed the knot into my clit again and again. He kept kissing me, even as I wailed and called out his name repeatedly. One release bled into another, over and over, and my whole world was only Ford now. Nothing else mattered in this moment. He shattered all my walls, leaving me open and raw, the blistering pleasure sending me out of my body and mind. I never wanted it to end.
"Holy fucking hell!" Ford bellowed suddenly, his body stiffening above me. He shuddered all over, pressing himself deep inside me as he came. The knot pressed into me again, and I followed him, my wail blending with his incoherent shouts of pleasure.
When it was over and Ford pulled himself out of me, I felt devoid and deprived, but he was immediately there again. He began murmuring comforting words to me as his hands glided over my body, releasing the rope as he went. I couldn't speak or even string a coherent thought together, but Ford was there, my anchor and my lifeline, holding the fraying pieces of me together. Soon I was free, and Ford was gently cleaning my swollen sex with a warm washcloth. He massaged my shoulders and arms, soothing away the minor aches and pains left behind. When he lifted my head and held a bottle of water to my lips, I gratefully swallowed it down. He made me feel cherished and adored.
He tucked me under the covers next to him, and wrapped his big warm body around me, his strong arms making me feel safe and secure. I felt myself drifting away into sleep, accompanied by Ford's sweet whispered words that I wasn't even sure were real.
"I love you, Jenny."
**********
Can we do dinner tonight? We need to talk.
I smiled in relief when I read the text from Tori Friday afternoon. I hadn't heard from her since Monday. It wasn't the first time that we had a disagreement and she gave me the silent treatment, but it was the first time she broke the silence without any prodding from me. That had to mean she was sorry about how we left things and wanted to make up. She asked me to dinner instead of out clubbing too, and that meant a lot to me. I didn't want the changes I was making in my life and my relationship with Ford to cost me my best friend. Her acceptance of both was a step in the right direction.
The Glass House? It was Tori's favorite, the best restaurant in town, and I knew I could get last minute reservations. It was a perk of my sister-in-law Lydia being the newly promoted head-chef there.
Perfect. Let me know what time.
I sent a quick text to Lydia and got us reservations at six. I could meet Tori after work, and still be able to see Ford tonight when he got done at his tattoo shop at eight. Maybe I could even introduce Tori to him. If she met him, she'd see that he was a great guy, and not like the assholes that Tori and I were used to. I sent another text to Tori to confirm our plans, then left my office in search of my brother since I needed his signature on a few things.
I found Andy in the garage standing under an SUV that was up on a car lift. He was deep in concentration, his tongue peeking out between his lips as he worked.
"Don't hurt yourself by thinking too hard," I said as I stopped a few yards away, not wanting to get any closer in case some grease or God knew what else got on my clothes.
"My brain is a well oil machine," he answered cockily without looking at me, his hands still up under the vehicle. "I'm always firing on all cylinders."
"Says the guy who rode his skateboard down the giant slide at the park and broke his arm when he was ten." I shot back immediately.
"Hey," he grumbled out as he finally grinned broadly at me. "That was a great plan, just poorly executed."
"You're an idiot." I shook my head as I grinned back at him.
"You love me, and you know it." He pulled a rag out of his pocket and wiped the grease off his hands as he walked over to me. "Did you need something?"
"Just a couple of signatures." I waved the papers in my hand at him.
He took them, and I followed him over to a nearby pickup to watch him while he signed the papers on the hood.
"I get to see Lydia at The Glass House tonight," I announced happily.
"You trying to impress Ford?" he asked with a smirk.
"No, I'm meeting Tori for dinner."
"Oh," he said in a flat tone as the amusement in his eyes faded instantly. He signed the last paper and handed it to me. He started walking back to the SUV he was working on without another word. I glared at him in annoyance, for once unable to let his disdain for Tori go.
"What's your problem with Tori?" I blurted out defensively.
He paused and eyes me cautiously for a moment, his eyes wary. "Do you want the truth?"
"Well, I certainly don't want a lie," I grumbled in reply.
He looked at me dubiously as he faced me, but continued. "She's a user, Jen. She uses you to make her feel better about herself. She's selfish and manipulative, and one day she's going to drag you down with her."
"How dare you," I snarled out. "You don't even know her."
"I don't need to, Jenny. I know her type. She'd turn on you in a heartbeat to get what she wanted if she had to." His eyes softened with concern. "You should watch your back."
"Maybe you should just fuck off," I snapped at him with a hard glare.
His face hardened. "You asked. I just told you the truth."
"Well, you can shove the truth up your ass," I growled out, but his only reply was an unapologetic shrug. I flipped him off and stomped away with a huff. Who did he think he was, insulting Tori like that? Men were such assholes sometimes. I went to my office and sat at my desk, still fuming and angry at my brother. It made me grateful that Ford never acted like an ass like Andy did. Thoughts of Ford led inevitably to thoughts of last night, and it managed to temper the anger a little.
In his ropes last night, I felt safe and taken care of. It was freeing and mind blowing. I'd never felt anything like it, and no drug or alcohol could touch it. I'd happily give up drinking forever for it. This time I didn't end the night in tears like the last time when it dredged up memories of Carter. I merely fell asleep in a pleasure drunk afterglow without a care in the world, safe and protected in Ford's arms. I think talking to him about it yesterday at lunch must have exercised the demons I was still carrying around. Maybe now I could truly let the past go and move past it.
I sent Ford a quick text, telling him I was having dinner with a friend, and I'd call him afterwords. I threw myself into work the rest of the afternoon, and the time passed quickly.
At six-fifteen, I was sitting at a table in The Glass House, surrounded by chic decor and the smells of great food. The place was packed, but I was seated near the massive windows that overlooked a gorgeous view of a small pond, so I didn't mind. I glanced around taking in all the happy patrons amid all the dark wood, elegant furnishings, and the blown glass and burnished steel pendant lights hanging over each table. It was gorgeous, and I loved this place.
Movement caught my eye, and I saw Tori walking toward me still in her work clothes, though a few buttons were undone to show off her cleavage. She spied me with a grin, and hurried over to our table. I couldn't help but notice the men that eyed her appreciatively as she walked across the busy restaurant.
"Hey, girl
," she announced with a subdued smile as she sat in the chair across from me. I gave her a genuine smile, wanting her to know that I didn't have any hard feelings anymore. I hated it when we weren't getting along, and I wanted to fix it no matter what it took.
"I hope you're hungry," I said as I continued smiling. "Because we're going all out tonight. Wine, steak, dessert. Everything. My treat."
"Sweet," she replied as her smile widened. "Count me in, especially the wine part."
The waiter showed up to take our drink orders, and we went ahead and ordered our entrees too. Tori seemed tense, and I couldn't figure out why. I wondered if she was working up the guts for an actually apology. I didn't have long to wonder though, because after the waiter brought our wine, she took a deep breath and gave me a serious expression.
"I...I have something to tell you, and you're not going to like it." Her tone was grave and her eyes apologetic.
"Okay..." I trailed off as dread fell over me. I'd never seen her like this before. What the hell was she going to tell me that had her acting like this?
"I wanted a tattoo anyway, so I...I went to Apex Ink the other day to check out this Ford for myself." She began, her voice taut and her body rigid with tension.
"What?" I blurted out as I stared at her in surprise.
"I don't know how to tell you this." Her eyes fell to her hands as she folded them on the table in front of her. "But...but he was all over me during my tattoo. He kept flirting with me and hinting at hooking up with me after the shop closed."
"W...what?" I whispered in shock. Pain lanced through my body at her words. It couldn't be true. I just couldn't be.
"He kept touching me inappropriately, and making me uncomfortable the whole time." Her eyes came up to meet mine, filled with pity. "When I finally ended up turning him down, he was pissed and threw a fit. He was so angry and I was scared, so I got the hell out of there."
"That's not true," I denied vehemently. "Ford's not like that."
"I ran into that tattooed guy, A.J., the one that I hooked up with a few weeks back. He was in the parking lot of the shop when I left," she continued. "He works there, and when I complained about Ford's behavior and told him you were seeing him, he said that Ford routinely hooks up with his clients. It's like his thing. He has a revolving door of girls almost every night. He tells them whatever he has to just to get what he wants. It's so sick."
I sat in numb silence, staring at Tori with my mouth hanging open in shock. My mind went back to last night, and the sweet words that I heard Ford whisper just before I fell asleep. I love you, Jenny. I believed his words, even if I wasn't ready to acknowledge them yet. Was that a lie? Was everything he said a lie? Was he just using me? Was this Carter all over again? I didn't want to believe it, but this was my best friend. Why would Tori tell me these things if they weren't true? My mind spun with confusion and pain, and I couldn't even utter a word.
"I'm sorry, Jenny," she murmured with pity in her eyes. "I know you thought he cared about you, but you needed to know the truth."
"Are...are y...you sure?" I finally managed to force out in a broken voice that matched my breaking heart.
She nodded slowly. "I'm so sorry."
I stared off unseeing across the table, pain squeezing my chest at the thought of everything I shared with Ford, and how much I trusted him. I was a complete and utter fool, again.
"Excuse me," I mumbled as I stood, then hurried away across the dining room. I spied the restroom, went in, and locked myself in a stall before letting the first sob out. How did I let myself fall for this again? Why couldn't I have one good thing in my life that was real? I leaned my back against the stall door, buried my face in my hands, and wept, humiliation and pain stabbing my heart like a jagged blade. I fell for love's sick bitter joke for a second time, when I swore that I'd never let it happen again. I felt more worthless and alone than I ever felt in my entire life.
I cried and cried for several long minutes, until another emotion raised it's ugly head. Anger. It began to bubble up inside me, pushing the tears away, growing stronger and stronger until all I felt was rage. Some of it was directed at myself, but mostly it was centered on Ford. What was wrong with a man who could do something like this? How dare he do this to me and take advantage of me like this? How many other women had he done this to? Well, fuck him. I was done. No more sappy romantic notions for me. Carter was right all those years ago. Love didn't exist, and I was a fool for ever thinking otherwise. What was the point of trying to change, if all it got me was this? It was time to go back to the life I was meant to live.
I left the stall, and paused in front of the mirror. I ignored the haunted pain-filled gleam in my eyes as I wiped the mascara from under them with a paper towel. I took a deep breath and set my shoulders, then marched back out to the dining room.
I found Tori still at our table, our dinners sitting there already. I sat down, picked up my wine glass, and drained it in one long swallow before meeting Tori's questioning gaze.
"Fuck him," I growled out bitterly as I tamped down the urge to cry again. "We're going out to a club tonight."
"That's my girl," Tori said as a huge grin spread across her blood-red lips, her eyes glittering triumphantly.
I knew that the pain and shame would be back in the morning. I knew that I'd probably feel worthless about myself again after what I planned to do tonight, but for right now, I just didn't give a fuck.
**********
I stared at the shot of tequila sitting on the bar in front of me as the loud pounding dance music drowned out any other sound. All sound that is, except for the nagging voice of doubt inside my head about what I was doing. I glanced over and watched Tori down her third shot, then plunk the empty glass down on the bar top. She shuddered from the harsh alcohol and turned a wide shit-eating grin my way. She gave me an expectant expression as she motioned toward my shot. Well, fuck it. If I drank enough, then that annoying little voice in my head would shut the hell up. I picked up the glass and tossed back my third shot, grimacing as it burned down my throat.
We turned to face the room, taking in the pulsing lights and the mass of moving bodies on the dance floor. I felt my phone vibrating against my hip inside my cross body clutch. I ignored it, just like all the rest. I knew it was Ford trying to contact me yet again. I'd been ignoring his texts and calls all night, and I certainly wasn't going to respond to this one either. The rage hit me again, filling me with determination to see tonight through.
"Let's dance!" I told Tori, enunciating each word distinctly so she could read my lips.
We hit the dance floor hard, bumping and grinding with each other and any willing male body nearby. The alcohol buzzed through my body, numbing the pain and sorrow inside me. I let myself go, living in the now and the hedonistic pleasure surrounding me. A sheen of sweat covered me, my short and deeply low cut red club dress clinging to my body and leaving very little to the imagination. I relished the male attention it was getting me. It was simple and uncomplicated with no emotion involved whatsoever. It was just what I needed to ignore my broken heart.
Eventually, we took a break and made our way to the restrooms. The line was long, but we braved it anyway since the three shots of tequila made it impossible not to.
"Can I use your phone?" Tori asked. It was a little quieter here away from the main room. "My battery is almost dead."
"Sure," I said absently as I handed her my phone, starting to feel dejected again, now that I didn't have a distraction from how I was feeling. I watched apathetically as Tori typed out a text message then handed it back to me with a wide smile. I tucked it in my clutch, and tried to pay attention as Tori went on and on about the guy she just danced with. I couldn't summon up a single detail of any of the guys I danced with so far tonight.
After we took care of business, Tori dragged me back to the bar for two more shots. I tossed both back without a pause, and we hit the dance floor again. This time, I took instant notice of the guy who immediately c
ame up to dance with me. He was hot with darkly dangerous eyes and a sexy tousle of short dark hair. His black T-shirt was tight, hugging the defined muscles of his lean frame. He looked nothing like Ford. It was exactly what I was looking for, a distraction from my depressing thoughts and memories of the last few weeks.
He was all over me, and I ate up the attention, hanging on him and letting him grope me wherever he wanted. I think some dark part of me thought I deserved to be used and objectified. After all, it was all a messed up damaged slut like me could ever hope to expect from a man.
Suddenly, a hand grabbed a hold of my upper arm and jerked me away from the guy I was dancing with. I turned my head to see Ford's livid face in mine. His eyes blazed a vivid fiery blue.
"What the fuck, Jen?!" His voice was a deep angry rumbling bass, and shockingly I could hear him clearly over the pounding dance music. He growled and started dragging me from the dance floor before I could even reply, his hand almost painfully tight on my arm. I stumbled along behind him in my red stilettos, buzzed and slow to respond as he dragged me out the front door of the club and into the parking lot. The hot oppressive humidity outside hit me hard, right along with my temper.
"Let me go!" I snarled as I finally found firm footing and managed to yank my arm out of Ford's grasp. He turned toward me, his face hard and angry. It pissed me off even more.
"What the hell were you doing in there?!"
"I was dancing!" I barked back. "What do you care?!"
"I care because I thought we had something special together." His eyes glittered menacingly. "Apparently, it doesn't mean a damn thing to you since you were letting some jack-off dry hump you in there! What the fuck?!"
"Well, I thought we had something special too, but you're a piece of shit!" I screamed as I pushed my hands against his chest. He didn't even budge.
His eyes narrowed in confusion. "What the fuck are you talking about?"
"Don't play stupid with me!" I snarled back viciously. "I know what you did!"
"Well, enlighten me, because I don't have a fucking clue," he growled as he glowered down at me.
An Act of Restraint: Order & Chaos Book 1 Page 25