by Leah Holt
No. You can't run this time.
It's not fair to Kealen, it's not his fault.
I knew this time I had to bite the bullet and do what they said. I couldn't let them take Kealen down with me. He didn't know what he had gotten himself into, he had no fucking clue who I was and what being with me could do to him.
And I led him straight into the flames.
I had every chance to tell him from the beginning, I could have told him from the start who I was and let him decide for himself if I was worth risking it all.
But I didn't.
I stole that from him, not giving him the option to walk away on his own or make the choice to stay.
And I still jumped in with two feet.
“Look who's back.” A dark chuckle echoed over my shoulder, the voice low and ominous. “I knew you'd come back, couldn't stay away for too long, huh?”
My head ticked over my shoulder, eyes veering in. Garrett was hovering over me, stroking his jaw with a waxed look on his face.
I wanted to punch him, knocking that look right off his face. Balling my fists, I twisted around, lips curling high. “Fuck off, Garrett. I didn't forget about what you said last time I saw you and I don't really want to hear what you have to say now.”
“Oo, feisty little girl, I like that.” His teeth shone brightly, like he was enjoying the reaction he caused. “Save that for in the bedroom, Sweetheart.”
My nails dug into my palms, piercing the skin. “Why don't you—”
“Allie. . . That's enough.” The voice of my father snapped in my ear, stopping me from finishing my sentence. “Garrett, Marc needs you to go get ready.” Nodding his head at Garrett, my father placed his hand over my shoulder and squeezed. “Welcome back.”
“Don't.”
“Don't what?”
“Don't try and be sweet to me.” Swatting his hand off my arm, I stepped back. “We need to talk.”
“You're right, we do.” Fanning out his arm, he held the door open. “Let's go into my office.”
Cocking a brow, I asked, “Your office?”
When did he get an office?
“Well, after everything happened, the producers really loved the other ideas I had and well. . .” Fanning his arms out, he took a small bow. “Say hello to the new project coordinator.”
He tried to rest his arm over my shoulder again, but I stepped away. “Look at you, you're finally the closest you've ever been to being famous without my help. Good for you.”
“Allie, come on. Don't be like that, everything I've ever done was always for you.”
Stopping short, I stared him down. “You're so full of shit.”
My father looked down at me, his eyes trying to show the emotions he thought I wanted to see. “What's that supposed to mean?” He wanted me to think he was hurt, that me calling him out was in someway crushing his fatherly soul.
I knew better. He thought I was stupid, that I was still this immature young girl who would believe everything her father told her.
That wasn't who I was. And if he had taken half a second to ever step back and ask me what I wanted or what I thought, he would know that.
Fuck, even a, 'How was your day?' would have been nice from time to time. I never got more than a quick smile and a pile of papers in my lap telling me my next move.
Curling my arms around my waist, I stood taller than I ever had before. Taking a step in, I poked his chest. “Everything you've ever done was for you, don't try and make it seem like it wasn't.”
“Allie—”
Holding up my hand, I cut him off. “I'm not done. All of this, everything from here on out, it's your fault. I never wanted this and look what you're doing to me.” Lowering my voice, I spoke through thinned lips. “I can't believe you, I can't believe you would let this happen, that you would let them ruin me like this. I'm your daughter for fuck sake.”
He tried to speak, he tried to interject and say something. But I ignored him, walking right past him and into Marc's office instead.
I didn't care what he had to say, not this time. He wanted this just as much as the rest of the asshole creators of 'Sweet Virgin,' and he couldn't play it otherwise.
“Alaska, Honey, welcome back.” Marc stood up from behind his desk, holding his arms out to the side. “It's nice to see you again.”
Pursing my lips, my lids lowered as the corner of my nose twitched. I was ready to ream him a new asshole, make feel lower than dirt for forcing me back into this horrible place.
My father stepped in behind me, shutting the door. Marc glanced between us, a smug grin filling his face. The two were shooting blank stares at each other, signaling some inside trader shit that only they knew.
Stepping around to the front of his desk, he leaned against the edge and crossed his arms. “I know, I can tell by your face, you're not happy right now.” One hand came out, bouncing gently in the air. “But, hear me out, okay?”
Standing silent, I decided to just let him have his moment at the podium. I wanted to know how he was going to try and twist this whole ordeal into something I might agree to.
I would never agree to this, not by choice. But they had me hog-tied by that fucking picture. With the contract and that dirty pic, no court would rule in my favor.
Cupping his chin, Marc dipped his head into his chest. “Shit, if looks could kill.” Pausing, he took in a long slow breath. “Let me start by saying that I'm sorry we had to go about things this way. But you left, you signed a deal and you took off running and you never gave us the chance to make it work for you.”
Work for me!?
How was having sex with a man I didn't choose ever going to work for me?
Smacking his lips, Marc dragged his tongue over his teeth. “I do have good news for you. . .” Pointing at me, he swirled his finger in a tight circle. “That picture, that can disappear, it can be erased like it never happened, if. . .”
My brow shot up, head falling to my shoulder. “If what?”
Throwing his arms up, he smiled. “She speaks!”
My father laughed, lowering himself into the chair at my side. “He's got it all figured out, Honey, just listen.” Flipping his hand at Marc to keep going, he lifted his foot over his knee.
I hated how he looked so comfortable, like this was just another business meeting where he was tossing out his pitch. But it wasn't the same, it never was.
This was about me, about my life and my body, and he failed to see it. . . Again.
“So we know now, obviously—” Fiddling on his desk, he pulled out a much larger version of the image that was sent to me. “You're not a virgin anymore and we can keep that between us, only we'll know, the world doesn't have to.”
“Are you fucking with me? Do you really think that because I'm not a virgin anymore that I'd look at this whole thing differently?”
One hand found the trim of his desk, curling over firmly as he flicked the paper straight, taking a good long look. “That's what your problem was right? You didn't want Garrett to be your first? Now you went out, you did it, it's all done. You had your fun, you got your fancy on, so the show should be no problem now.”
“Are you delusional? It wasn't just Garrett, it wasn't just that I wanted to go out and have sex. I wish you would just fucking stop with all this bullshit! Just stop all of this, it's wrong, it's unethical! Can't you see that?” Throwing my arms up, I let them snap to my hip. “I don't want to do your fucking show, I don't want you to force me into it, blackmail me to do it, or ruin Kealan's life just because of me.”
How can they not see how horrible this is?
It was like their entire world was strictly onscreen, oblivious to the real damage they were about to cause. I couldn't fathom how they could live with themselves or how they could even think this was the solution.
They could find another virgin, the world was filled with them. I certainly was not the only one. But blackmailing me? That was low and out right cold-hearted.
“Kealen
. . . So that's the mystery man, good to know. Alaska,” Marc said, lowering his tone. “Here's what you're going to do. . .” Setting the picture down, he started counting off the demands on his fingers. “One, you're coming back, starting tomorrow. Two, you cannot see or sleep with that man again. And three, you go through with every last detail of the paper you signed, and we don't leak this to the press or sue you.”
“Honey,” my father said, reaching out for my hand. “This is a good deal for you. If you don't do the show, we'll be forced to take legal action. And not just against you, but him too. Is that what you want?”
I couldn't believe what they were saying. My jaw fell open as I let out a loud sigh and tore my hand from my father's. “You guys are insane!” Dragging my hands through my hair, I fell back against the door. “Why? Why can't you just let me go? Why do you need me? Go find another virgin!”
“Allie,” Marc said, rolling his shoulders forward. “The world wants you. I've had over a million emails from random people wanting to know where you are, when the next episode will air, when they'll finally get to see the unraveling of a virgin on screen. They don't want just anyone, they want you.”
“He's right, Sweetheart. We aired the pilot last week and the ratings were through the roof.”
Did I heard him right? Did he really say the pilot went out?
“What? What do you mean?” Clutching my chest, I felt my knees begin to buckle as the weight of the world seemed to fall down on my shoulders. I wasn't sure if they were just trying another tactic or were being totally honest.
My head was whirling at the idea of Kealen sitting down and watching my face on screen. I felt sick to my stomach as my tongue swelled inside my mouth, blocking my throat from getting air.
The room started to get hazy as my chest heaved for one sip of oxygen to keep my body upright. Everything was too much for me to handle, it was too much for me to digest and understand.
“We aired the pilot, Alaska.” Marc's face held this childish grin, his eyes twinkling with the promise of fame. “It was incredible, we had—”
Slamming my fist on the wall behind me, I yelled. “I don't care!” Lunging forward, I grabbed the back of the chair and leaned over it. “How long have you been following me? How long have you been planning this?”
Marc and my dad exchanged glances as I steadied myself and let his words replay in my head.
They aired it. They aired it and now it's out there.
What if he sees it?
I couldn't stand the thought of Kealen seeing me that way. I was his, I had given myself to him and him alone. It burned me, turning my insides into ashes.
“We didn't know you were going to do what you did, but we didn't have anyone follow you. We got that picture anonymously, we just used it to our advantage. It worked out, we knew when we saw it that we could get you back.” Marc stiffened his back, fiddling with random items on his desk.
Thumbing the chair, I looked between the two men in disbelief. “If you didn't do this, then why would you even think about airing the pilot? What would you have done if you didn't find me?”
My father started laughing, his head falling back like I had just told him a joke. “Allie, your phone is linked with mine, your card is under my name. Why do you think I froze your card to begin with? You were spending my money—”
“Our money. Or did you suddenly forget that I made most of that for you?” My fingertips dug into my palms, turning my knuckles white.
It was infuriating to have him drudge my name through the mud, as if all the time and effort I had put into those commercials meant nothing. He didn't give two shits about what portion was mine, in his eyes. . .
He had earned it all.
“ My point is, if I wanted to come get you, I could have, but I didn't have to, someone else did that for me. And honestly, I'd love to the shake the hand of the man who did. I don't have time to be running all over this country looking for you.”
My head was spinning, twisting and turning in on itself. I had no idea who else could have hired someone to follow me. I was sure my father would have admitted to it.
If it was his plan, if he had been the star behind the picture, he would have claimed it. My father wouldn't miss a chance to be the one in the limelight.
Then who?
Who could have done this?
And as I stood there wondering and the room began to spin and fizzle with a black mist. It hit me. . .
Kealen. Could he have. . .
No, it couldn't be.
Could it?
The pieces seemed to fit, the puzzle with open gaps was starting to fill. He was there when the picture was taken of me hitting the reporter, he left before I saw the paper with my face on the front page, he led me back to this city, he swooned me into giving myself to him.
I didn't want to believe it, but it all seemed to make sense.
But why?
I wanted to think he was being real, that he was genuine and trustworthy.
Was I wrong?
My chest started to hurt like it was being stabbed with a serrated blade, the knife twisted in deep, slicing my heart in half.
Maybe he wasn't who I thought he was.
Maybe he had planned this all along.
And maybe he was getting something out of this too.
Chapter Thirteen
Kealen
What the fuck was that about?
Allie flew out of my office like she had just woken up from a bad one night stand she didn't want to remember. And I was left standing in the buff, completely at a loss for her sudden departure.
Resting a hand on my desk, it was still warm from where her body had been just moments ago. A waxy hue clouded the clear lacquer, shadowing the exact position of her ass and back. Dropping my head, I ran my fingertips across the silhouette.
Something's wrong.
What was the message?
Whatever it was certainly shocked her enough to make her hightail it out of here. Storming over to my pants, I dug out my phone. I had to find out what was going on.
Scrolling to her name, I tried to call her, but she wouldn't answer. Hitting the button again, I let it ring until her voice sprang up letting me know she wasn't there.
Fuck! Come on, Allie, answer!
I dialed her number over and over again, pacing anxiously in my office. I didn't like that she wasn't answering. I was getting angry and worried, hating that I didn't know what was going on with her.
Clicking the button again, I was going to try one last time. If she didn't answer, I was going to go look for her.
The ring was long, drowning my brain in white noise. Her voice popped in and I almost hung up, I came close, lifting the phone away from ear.
“What?” she asked, her voice short and gruff.
“Allie, are you there?” Slamming the phone back to my ear, I wasn't sure if I was actually hearing her or if it was just my mind playing tricks on me.
“What do you want, Kealen?” She sounded angry and depressed. The sadness worked its way through the receiver, hardening my heart.
“Tell me what's going on, Allie.”
“I don't know what you want me to say.”
“What the hell is wrong? Talk to me, maybe I can help. But you need to tell me.” Pounding my feet, I walked in a tight circle. This wasn't making any sense, none of it.
I thought things were going good, where the hell did this come from?
“Did you do it?”
“Do what?”
I heard her breathe out into the phone, the heat off her exhale was enough to burn my ear. “Don't bullshit me, Kealen. Did you do this?”
Stopping short, I held my hip and glanced at the ceiling. “Do. What?” I asked again, trying to figure out what she was talking about.
I hadn't done anything to hurt her in anyway.
“Fine, maybe you did, maybe you didn't. Either way it doesn't matter, I can't see you anymore.”
“Allie,” I said, waiting fo
r her to respond. “Allie. Allie!” Yelling into the phone, the silence was torture. I wanted to hear her voice again, I wanted her to let me in on what the fuck she was dealing with.
But she was gone.
What the hell was that?
She just tried to cut ties, she broke off what I thought was turning into a great thing. Clenching my jaw, it twitched to the side as I clutched the phone in my hand.
I wasn't about to let her walk out of my life this way. It came out of nowhere and for no reason. Allie might be willing to give up on this, to give up on me—but I wasn't.
If she wasn't going to tell me why, if she wasn't going to let me in. . .
Then I'd find her and make her.
I didn't even have to think twice about it, tugging on my pants, I slipped my feet into my shoes and looped my shirt around my shoulders.
I have to find her.
Snatching the keys off my desk, I left my office, shirt flapping against my bare chest. The cool morning air hit my chest, forcing me to look down.
Shit. My fingers scrambled to push the small buttons into the tiny slits as I ran across the street to the parking garage.
The flash of yellow zipped by me, horns blazing as I tossed them a hurried hand and broke into a slow jog.
Nothing was registering, not the cars, not the other people on the sidewalk, nothing. I had this horrible feeling Allie was in trouble, everything else around me didn't matter.
I had her, all of her, and now she was gone. Vanished like a mythical creature I had been searching for, only to wake up thinking it was all a dream.
This wasn't a dream and I wasn't going to stop searching. I wasn't going to lose her, not again.
Where the fuck do I even begin?
She could be anywhere in this city, where the hell do I start?
The tires screeched as I flew out of the garage, my foot weighted like a cement block in my shoe. Glancing in the rearview mirror, a plume of white smoke dissipated into the air, leaving dark black tracks on the pavement.
Fuck, what the hell is she doing?
Twisting my head from side to side, I tried to make out her face in the herd of people that were swarming the sidewalk, but I knew it would be like finding a needle in a haystack here.