by Leah Holt
“Hope she doesn't mind me using it.” Gazing down at the fur, I watched it blow in the wind. Each hair waving back and forth. I wasn't a fan of fur, but I had to admit; it was warm.
“She won't. She died about two years ago.”
“Well, then she doesn't need it now, does she?” I knew it was a morbid joke, but he laughed. And my insides rocketed with excitement. It was nice to have someone enjoy my sense of humor.
All my life I had been that person who didn't say the right things at the right times, or maybe I cracked a joke that was colorful to say the least. But most ears didn't agree with it, and often I was cast a glare of: 'How could you say that?'
To see Hegan laughing and know I meant no harm, it felt amazing.
“So what are the lids for? I'm curious.” Hegan curled his arms up over each other, hugging himself for warmth.
It was cold as fuck out here, and with the wind blowing in off the ocean, it felt like it was well below freezing.
His nose was turning a bright red, matching his cheeks. Sniffling with each breath, he rubbed his nose with his wrist.
“Alright, come on,” I said, nodding for him to follow me.
“Where are we going? It's really cold out, you know that?” I heard Hegan accentuate his sniffle, making it much louder than it needed to be.
“That's why I said to dress warm. Don't be a baby, just follow me.” Heading towards the hill, I trucked through the snow. I was happy I'd found the thick socks, otherwise the snow would have made my sneakers feel like sandals.
Trudging up the hill, Hegan followed closely behind me. Turning at the top I handed him a lid. “What am I doing with this now?” He asked, twisting it back and forth in front of his shins.
“You're going sledding with me.” Holding the lid up, I took a few steps back. Charging forward, I leaped onto it and slid down the hill on my stomach.
An echo rolled over my shoulder from behind me. Hegan yelled, “Are you serious!?”
“Yup!” I screamed back, as the wind whipped through my hair. The uneven snow caused the lid to jostle me around, jerking my body side to side.
Slowly, sliding to a halt, I lifted myself up and turned to look back at Hegan. The hat he had on had fallen off and landed in the snow behind him. The wind spreading across his face, pulled his cheeks back tight, and the yell escaping his mouth was priceless.
He was yelping a sound of pure joy. An escape from inside that he hadn't probably felt since he was a young boy.
If he was ever lucky enough to feel some sense of being a child at all.
I wasn't sure if that was ever actually allowed by his father. From the man I had met, it probably wasn't.
Watching him bounce and shake over the snow, I stood giggling. He was letting loose and it was a welcomed sight.
Sliding to a slow stop, he laid on the trashcan lid, holding the handles firm between his fingers. “Well, I can honestly say I don't remember the last time I did this. And the lids...” Pushing himself up, he brushed the snow from his legs. “The lids are a first.”
“Well us common folk sometimes had to improvise. And these work pretty well, huh?” Arching my lip, I grinned from ear to ear. “Ready to go again? Can you handle going higher?”
“Are you challenging me, Noella?” Picking up the makeshift sled, he cupped it under his arm. “If you want to race down this hill, I'm all for it. And let me warn you, you'll get blown out of the water.” Hegan lifted his head high, standing tall. Bringing his hand up, he brushed imaginary debris off his shoulders.
With the sun shining over his back, he seemed to glow. Like a bronze statue on a pedestal, his broad shoulders appeared to span for miles, the cut angles of his face were boldly lined. He looked like a figure you'd see in the center of an old Italian street.
My insides began to fill with a fuzzy warmth, rushing through my veins it hit each nerve and exploded. He was starting to wrap around my mind, and around my heart. I couldn't shake him out, even the idea of a baby began to settle into a comforting feeling.
Having a baby, his baby... Maybe it could work. The child could grow up in a world of endless possibilities; no dead ends, no lack of money and worry of bills. The child could have everything they needed and more.
As long as Hegan was willing to be part of that.
I needed to know, needed to find out what he expected. If he thought I would have this baby and he could continue to just run around doing the same shit he did before; it would never work.
A baby deserves the best of both parents. He would need to be there for everything, and I might just be willing, if he can promise me that.
Promise me that this baby will always have its father.
That was more important than all the money in the world.
Shaking my head, I scurried up beside him. “You want to race? You do realize I'm a world champion sledder, right?” Cocking his head, he eyed me from the side. “Oh, did I forget to mention that? You don't know everything about me, Mr. Hegan Alexander. I might surprise you.” Shoving him at the hip, he stumbled and fell into the snow.
Taking off up the hill, I ran as fast as my legs could carry me through the thick white fluff. “Hey! That's not cool! No cheating!” He yelled as he yanked himself up, charging behind me.
My thighs were burning, each muscle strained to find traction and keep my pace. I could hear his feet pounding behind me, a hysterical laughter filled the air. His arm drove around my waist, dragging me down.
He had tackled me, full blown tackled me into the snow.
Trying to catch my breath, Hegan climbed up onto my waist. “Where are you going to go now? You're stuck you cheater. I thought this was a fair challenge and you knock me into the snow.” He slid his hands down to my wrists, tugging my arms up over my head.
Staring up into his eyes, a lustrous darkness had consumed his face. Sparks lit up across the shadowed pools, catching the falling sun's rays. I couldn't speak, no words formed in my head. I laid there speechless, trying to think but hearing only one thing. Kiss him.
My heart raced, throat heaving down large gulps of air. This time, it was different. He wasn't throwing lines at me, trying to wet my panties. He wasn't baring his rippled chest, or hard arms.
Hegan was looking right at me, right into my eyes; smiling a real smile. A true expression of enjoyment streamed across his face. He looked happy.
And not happy in the sense he was getting his way, or getting one step closer to having everything he wanted.
This came from someplace else, someplace deep inside. A place he had bottled all the things in life he was supposed to enjoy but was never given the chance to.
And I... I brought that out of him. I gave him a chance to open up, and be free.
Free from the weight his father had placed on his shoulders so many years ago.
He was free to be himself.
I could feel the snow melting into my hair as it crunched beneath my head. Loosening his grip, I pulled one hand out and brushed the loose hair from Hegan's face. Small droplets of water hung at the tips, dangling carefully before finally hitting my chest.
We both sat motionless, eyes fixed on each other. Walking my fingertips over his neck, his skin felt cool. Softly he leaned in closer, brushing his lips against mine. The warmth of his breath spilled over my face, heating me to the core.
Digging my nails into his neck, I pulled him in. Kissing him with need, desire; every emotion and feeling that wafted through my body was sent into that one kiss.
Hegan's tongue twisted around mine, each twirl sending electricity through my muscles. The touch of our lips, the feel of his hands as they twined into my hair; it all felt different.
This wasn't a kiss of raw animalistic passion, and pure lust. This went deeper.
He kissed me like I wanted to be kissed, just like I've always thought a kiss should be. Imagine when you're a young girl and you dream of finding your prince charming. It was those sparks that ignited; that drove into my belly and through
every piece of my body.
These feelings weren't false, or fabricated just to please the man who was keeping me chained here. I wasn't scared of him, I never was.
Even with the demand for a baby; fear never plagued any inch of me.
But this time when we kissed... It was real.
Chapter Thirteen
Hegan
What am I doing? It's not supposed to be this way. The feelings rode up my spine like a torrent of sand. Each grain seared up the bone, turning me numb. I couldn't feel anything around me, only her; only Noella.
Shaking the snow out my of shoes and onto the kitchen floor, all I could do was smile; every piece of my body felt lighter than air. She was fun, happy, funny; nothing about her image screamed stripper.
Except maybe the pumps she strolled around in, those fucking legs made it painful for me to walk. They were the smoothest, sexiest piece of a woman.
And hers drove me fucking insane.
Slipping out of the cold wet pants, I crumpled them up and kicked them into the corner. A shadow spread across the floor, its shape forming against the sheen of lacquer.
My lip pulled up, speaking with my back to the silhouette, I said, “How do my briefs look from that angle?”
“Not what I expected, Sir.” The monotone voice shot into my ear, my surprise enhanced the sound as it coiled around my eardrums.
Turning quickly, shock seeped over my face; my eyes bulged from their sockets, brows raising to my hair line.
Dressed in a full tuxedo, one arm was rested across his chest, the other tucked behind his back; there stood Stefan, his face holding the same dull and lifeless expression as usual.
What the fuck? Why the hell is he here? No one's supposed to be here.
I couldn't understand why our butler was now standing in the kitchen of our summer mansion, he was supposed to be back home in Westerly. This was my time here, my place of refuge to get the one thing I really needed. And now here was Stefan, propped like a fucking statue in the kitchen doorway.
“Why the hell are you here, Stefan?” My eyes veered in tight, voice raspy as it pushed off the back of my throat.
“Your father sent me, Sir. And thank you.” Stefan tilted his head a hair. Just enough so the light hit his forehead, shining down the bridge of his nose.
“Thank you? For what?” Why was this man; who was obviously sent here as a pair of my parents eyes, thanking me? It made no sense.
“For saying my name the proper way, Sir. Thank you.” His hand came up and shuffled his tie.
Rolling my eyes, I dragged my fingertips across my scalp. Tracing the edge of my chin, I paced back and forth staring at him. I didn't know what to say or think.
I only knew one thing; I needed him gone.
“Alright, well I don't need you here. Go back home,” I huffed out, holding my palm up.
“Sorry, Sir, I can't do that. Your father ordered me to stay, told me to take care of you and...” Pausing briefly, Stefan gulped down a swallow of air. “Your lady friend, Sir.”
Figures, it fucking figures! Here my dad was again trying to control my life! The whole reason I came here to begin with was to be alone, away from prying eyes. How the fuck was this going to work now?
I was getting Noella exactly where I wanted her; rolling in my palms. Well, maybe a slight piece of me was feeling a twinge more than that. But that was it, only a small piece felt different about her.
There was no way I would let any of my feelings get in the way of my goal; a baby. I couldn't let that happen. And now Stefan? This damn stalker of a butler, sent by my dad. I called him a stalker because I swear, that guy just pops up out of thin air all the time.
At home he'd be nowhere around, then I'd turn a corner and boom; there he was, holding whatever I might have been looking for. And sometimes he'd just have an answer or suggestion to my problem.
I never understood how the hell he did it.
And it was fucking creepy.
“No Stefan, go home.” The sound of pure anger rolled off my tongue. I didn't want to yell at him; didn't want Noella to hear us. But I wanted him gone. Lunging toward the island dividing us, I threw my hands down. “You need to leave, now.” I spoke through gritted teeth.
“Hegan, Sir, your father gave me very specific instructions. You're going to have to call him if you want me to leave.” Stefan folded his hands together behind his back, rocking on his feet.
Rubbing my forehead, I dragged my fingers down my cheeks. “Fuck, Stefan. What the fuck?” Dropping my arms to my hips, I circled the counter. “I'm going to call my dad. For now you need to go sit in another room, and stay there.” Lifting a single finger to his face I asked, “Can you do that?”
Stefan warily shook his head yes. As he twisted to walk away, her soft voice echoed through the hallway. “Hegan, is everything alright?” Stopping short, Noella caught sight of the butler. “Oh, hi. I'm Noella.” Her hand extended out as her back went straight.
Holding her hand gently, Stefan shook it briefly and released it as though she felt like a hot pan. “Miss,” he said, nodding his head.
“Noella, this is Stefan. He's one of the butlers for my family, and he was just leaving.” Turning my neck slowly, I glared at him. “Right, Stefan?”
“Yes. If you need anything, I'll be in the library.” And with that he was gone. For now.
As much as he wasn't hovering right over us, just knowing he was a spit away made me angry. This wasn't what I wanted, it was the last thing I wanted.
Martha's Vineyard was supposed to be my escape, my fence to keep her in; keep her with me. But this changed everything. I needed him gone.
Now.
Noella's hand draped over my shoulder. “You okay? You look like you saw a ghost.”
“Yeah, I'm fine.” Forcing the words out, I peered at the floor.
“Are you sure?” she asked, angling her head up, eyes fixed on mine.
“Yeah, it's just my dad. He sent the butler here, probably to keep an eye on us. I hate that shit. He always has to have a bird's eye view of what I'm doing.”
“I can see how that's annoying. But it's no biggie.” I felt her fingertips swirl across my back, gliding over each bulging muscle.
I started to relax; felt a sense of calmness when I'd normally be stewing everything around inside my head. Usually, I'd let the anger consume me; then I'd go out, do something stupid and throw it in my dad's face. And if he didn't know about what I did as a 'fuck you' to his control, I'd get to laugh about it inside my head while he was standing in front of me.
It was a relief to not feel that rage, to not let it eat me from the inside out. For once, I was happy to have someone here to balance me; tell me not to worry and let it go.
My hands that had started to twitch, lungs that had begun to burn as I pulled oxygen in; it all drifted away.
Noella had the touch and voice of an angel. I can't believe I even used that term, it's so corny. But that's how I'd explain her in that moment, an angel releasing the anger pent up inside me.
“I have a few things to take care of before dinner.”
“Dinner?”
“Yeah, I have to feed you don't I?” A light chuckle broke the tension. Looking into her gray eyes, I caught my reflection. Her pupils had grown to the edge of color, only a tint of gray still spread around the outside.
I looked like shit. My hair was tossed in different directions, a thick stubble crawled across my jaw. Damn, I can't let myself go like this. I look like I got run over by a fucking train.
“Yeah, you do,” she said, throwing an elbow into my ribs.
“Why don't you relax in your room and I'll come get you when I'm done.”
“Or, maybe, I can check out this library I hear you have? A good book would be better than sitting, twiddling my thumbs.” Noella cocked her head to the side, pushing out her lower lip to pout.
I had to think about it, I had just sent Stefan in there. But what would the harm be if she just went in and looke
d around? Puckering my mouth, I cupped my jaw between my thumb and forefinger. “Alright, follow me.”
She was right, I didn't want her to sit around being bored. And possibly dwelling on whether or not she should let me fuck her again, or about having my baby.
A book could keep her mind busy and her thoughts from drifting. Outside in the snow, I felt her; felt her reaching closer to me. And it felt amazing.
I didn't want to let myself get wrapped up in her, but it was too late; I knew that already. I hadn't expected to start falling for this girl, and right now I could feel myself climbing that ladder.
Noella let out an excited squeal, wiggling her fingers rapidly. “I know I might sound like a nerd, but I love reading. I'm excited to see this library.”
“Yup, you sound like a geek alright.” My feet hit the marble tiles as we walked down the hallway. The pounding matched the rhythm of my heart beat. For some reason I was nervous, and fucking sweating like a teenage boy.
“Hey! I didn't say geek, I said nerd. Those are two totally different types of people.”
“Sure, if it makes you feel better.” My eyes opened wide, brows lifting to the ceiling.
Her hand came up and swatted my back. “It is.” She sternly said as she pushed her chin up higher.
We walked up to two large double doors, meticulously etched with old Mayan details. A large Mayan calendar and astronomical signs were deeply carved into the mahogany wood.
“Wow,” Noella said, as her fingertips traced the pictures.
“My dad's been big into that shit for years. He's all about their prophecies and the stars.” Yanking on the large metal pull, the door swung open with a soft creak.
I watched her jaw drop, hitting her neck. Noella spun in a circle as we entered the massive room. Her eyes shifted between all the shelves stacked with books, making their way over to the telescope resting in the window.
“This is incredible. Why didn't you show me this before?” she asked, bringing her face inches from the array of books at eye level.
“I didn't know you'd be interested.”
“I told you, there's a lot you don't know about me, Hegan.” Her lids slit tight, narrowing to look at me down her nose. “But you didn't exactly care to find out either.” She tugged a book off the shelf and flipped through the pages.