One Of The Guys

by Johnson, Ashley

  My blue eyes shot up to meet his and I scowled, “Are you serious Cole? Don’t fucking treat me like a porcelain doll. I’m not breakable ok?”

  “Stop Sam, I don’t mean it like that. You know I don’t like the idea of you even wanting to fight a man in that damn ring. Why do you want to?”

  “I’m sorry who are you? Don’t act like you can give me advice or tell me what to do. It’s my business not yours.”

  Shit. What I said just hurt him. I can see it in his eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes that on any day would definitely be sparkling and full of life. “I care about you. You know that. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

  Tears stung behind my eyes as I walked towards the door to get some fresh air. Trey just won his match and the next pair was getting ready. Cole followed closely behind me and I wished like hell he wouldn’t have. I’m not ready to face him; I just want to get away.

  I leaned against the brick wall, breathing in the cool November air. A lone tear slid down my cheek and I quickly brushed it away as Cole stood in front of me with his arms crossed over his bare chest.

  “I’m a big girl Cole. I don’t need you to protect me. I’m good out there; you know it so quit giving me a hard time.”

  “Sam, most twenty one year old women are in the bars, not fighting. I just want to know you, to figure you out. That’s all I’ve ever wanted but you won’t. Come on, we need to get back in there soon; Rocky and Blaize are going to be looking for us.”

  I swallowed the rest of the tears that threatened to come up. I can’t break down in front of Cole, I refuse to. “I’m not most twenty one year old women Cole. There’s nothing to get to know, what you see is what you get.”

  “I won’t hurt you in there. I swear I won’t.” His sincere voice sends a chill down my spine because I know he’s being honest. For once I wish he would just lie.

  I started removing my gloves and dropped them to the ground. Cole looked at me with a confused look on his face. “You’re right. You won’t be able to hurt me in there because you won’t have the chance. I’m not going back inside. I’m leaving.”

  I bent down to grab my gloves and he still stood there not knowing what to say. I started to walk away and he grabbed my arm. I tried hard to ignore any tiny bit of electricity that his touch sent through me. This time when he grabbed my arm, I didn’t pull away.

  “Sam, don’t go. We’ll tell them to pair you with someone else.”

  I stood there offended by what he just said. Was he serious? “Yeah, so I can look like I can’t handle the great and mighty Cole Johnson?” I pushed his chest so hard, he actually moved back. Rocky was going to be pissed at me, no doubt about that. I was leaving though and not even Cole with his baby blue eyes could stop me. I was a fool for starting to fall for him, my brain clearly wasn’t thinking. He didn’t know how I felt and it needed to stay this way. Forever.

  “Whatever Sam, have it your way. Run away from it all. You could just talk to me you know. Tell me why you’re so uptight all the time. Tell me what’s going on with you. Tell me how to fix you. I can do that you know. I can be there for you in whatever way you need me.”

  His eyes were pleading with me but I couldn’t listen to them. Instead I chose to pull the worst out of the situation and insert my foot a little more.

  “Stop trying to get in my pants Cole, it’s not going to happen. You can’t fix me either, so quit trying. Give it up, this is all you get.” I shoved past him and began walking. Home was a few blocks or so away but I didn’t care. The sooner I got home, the sooner I got away from Cole. The sooner I got away from Cole, the sooner I would be able to try to forget any of this happened tonight. I stop for a second remembering my truck is here, why the hell am I walking?

  Cole wasn’t one to give up easily, I already know this. He’s had his eye on me since I walked into Lou’s. He made snide remarks about me being a girl wanting to learn to fight until my fist connected with his jaw. I didn’t have time for his stupid ass comments. Then he shut up and slowly began trying to make advances at me. I shot down every single one of them, well until we kissed. The last thing I heard before I walked away was him yelling to me, “Dammit Sam, you know it’s not like that. Come back and talk to me.”

  But I didn’t go back and talk. I kept walking away from him and the cage. Walking away meant I made no money for the night, but at least I saved myself from possibly embarrassing myself or ruining things with him. Fuck it. I’ve had enough of this bullshit. I don’t need any of this anymore. I can get by; no I will get by without Rocky and most importantly without Cole.

  Chapter 19

  Cole

  Bad idea. That’s what all this was. That’s what this night had written all over it. Ever since Sam told me that Rocky mentioned fighting a guy brings more money and she jumped aboard, I was against it. What does she need the money so bad for anyway? I know I’ve made my mistakes with her but I’m fighting for her. No more punk ass moves at the bar taking girls into the closet, it does nothing but tear a deeper hole into my heart.

  I kept my eye on her from the minute we all got here. I wanted to support her in whatever way I could even though I didn’t condone any of this. She needed someone there for her and it was going to be me. My mind was racing trying to figure out who she would be put up against. I almost hoped it would have been Jack. She’s seen how he fights before he moved and I’m positive she could win.

  Blaize’s voice interrupts any frame of thinking I have going on and I find myself on full alert. My arms are crossed over my chest and suddenly there’s nothing worth even joking about. He was getting everyone all worked up over Sam’s fight tonight. She had quite the little fan base.

  My whole world stopped when I heard my name called over the speakers as her opponent. What the hell? There is no way in hell I can fight her. The crowd begins chanting our names as Blaize finishes the line up and as Trey and Jack step into the ring, I make my way over to Sam.

  I tell her I’ll be easy on her and she blows up in my face saying she’s not a doll. I’m trying to be nice and she’s fucking pissed. We argued for what seemed like a few minutes. No one knew what we were saying because they were all focused on the match going on.

  She stalked towards the door and I followed her. I wanted her to talk to me; I’m thrown off by this shit too. I beg her to talk to me, to let me fix her and she gets more pissed. Giving up was never an option but right now, I’m not sure anymore until she’s walking away and I almost let her. Giving up on Sam is not an option. Getting her is the only thing I want to do. Begging was my last resort and when she agreed to come talk with me in my apartment, it felt for once that the planets weren’t against us being together. I’d move the Earth just to be with her. I want to be the man who holds her at night and chases all her fears away. I want to make her dreams come true and kiss those soft pink lips everyday. My body longs to wake up tangled up in hers. Now if only I can get her to talk to me.

  Chapter 20

  Sam

  I walked away from the fight tonight for a reason. I couldn’t fight Cole. It wouldn’t be a real fight. We both had feelings involved and he would hold back on me, he said so himself.

  As I walked off, I was surprised to hear his voice calling after me. I surely thought after I walked off he would have gone back inside.

  “Sam. Stop!”

  I didn’t listen though, I kept walking.

  “SAM!” He growled. I could hear the desperation in his voice and I felt myself tense up as I stopped in my tracks. I refused to turn around. I couldn’t look at him anymore. I’m a fucking idiot.

  His footsteps inched closer and the thought to run crossed my mind once more.

  As soon as his hand touched my shoulder, I wanted to relax but I stayed tense.

  He walked around and stood in front of me but I kept my eyes down. A lone tear slid down my cheek and I felt his hand wipe it away.

  “What do you want Cole?” I asked in a whisper. “Why did you follow me? Just leave
me alone.”

  He stood there just staring at me, knowing good and well I was putting up a front. I was hoping he’d just walk away. I wasn’t that lucky. I wanted to shout for him to go away but in reality I wanted him to stay.

  “I’m not going anywhere Sam. Not until you talk to me.” His soft voice was pleading with me.

  “I can’t Cole. All of this, all of us is a mistake. You shouldn’t have come after me. Just let me go. I have to go home.”

  I moved away from his touch and it felt like someone took my breath from me. I could live without him. It’s not like we were a couple or anything. We shared a couple of kisses, big deal. Ok, so maybe they were the best kisses ever. Really. I mean it felt better than any kiss Marsh and I ever shared and I didn’t think that was possible. Who am I kidding? I can’t live without Cole if I tried.

  “Please Sam, come talk to me.”

  “I’m talking now.” I shot back at him.

  “No, come let me bring you to my apartment and we’ll talk in private, not in the middle of the damn street.”

  His apartment. Should I? Every time I’m in that apartment things go wrong and I’m tired of all the wrong. I stand there huffing and puffing trying to weigh the decision in my mind before I tell him ok.

  I rode in silence to his apartment. Blankly, I stared through the windshield trying to decide how this conversation was supposed to go. As he opened the door for me, I hesitated wondering if this were a mistake.

  Cole looked at me with those eyes of his and I melted, allowing myself to trust him and walk inside.

  I don’t think I’ve honestly noticed anything in Cole’s apartment the few times I’ve been here. Since Wendy moved out, it looked like he basically kept everything the same. This was the first time though that I noticed the pictures around his mantle. One was his mom, dad, Wendy, and himself. The other was just him and Wendy. Now that I thought about it, I’ve never heard him ever mention his parents. I loved Wendy. She had become a very good friend to me. He loved his sister very much, but I’ve never heard them mention their parents. I never asked either though.

  He led me towards the sofa and I sat. He sat next to me but not too close.

  I was distracted by my own thoughts of how we were just making out on this couch until his voice came through.

  “What’s going on Sam?”

  I looked over to see him studying me. I hoped he hadn’t seen me roll my eyes.

  “Nothing.” That was the only reply he was getting. I don’t even know why I came here.

  He let out a frustrated sign and ran his hands through his hair before getting up and standing by the mantle.

  “Dammit Sam do you know how frustrating this is? Let me be there for you. I want to fucking be there for you, to be with you. I’ll take whatever I can get.”

  I got off the couch and suddenly found myself right in front of him.

  We stood there in his apartment merely inches from each other. I don’t even remember what started this argument. I just know I needed a way out. This was an attraction that needed to end. Nothing good would come from this because I kept secrets from him. He wanted to know but I couldn’t let him. I kept secrets from Marsh and look how that ended up. This was doomed to end the exact same way.

  “No. You can’t be there for me Cole. You can’t be anything to me.” I hissed at him.

  “Then why’d you come to talk? You should have just said no!” He yelled out of pure aggravation. I know this is my fault. Stubborn is all I’ve been.

  My blood felt as if it were boiling. The hair on my arms stood on end as I got even closer to him. He put his hand up in his hair one more time. Seeing that put me on full alert. I know this because it’s what Dad has done a few times before he’s raised a hand at me.

  “What are you going to do Cole? You going to fucking hit me?”

  His eyes grew wild when he realized I was serious.

  “What? What the hell are you talking about Sam? No!”

  I stood there preparing myself mentally, emotionally, and physically for what was coming. I closed my eyes trying to place my thoughts else where. At least with Cole I felt there was some sort of warning of what was coming. With Dad, I’ve learned to gauge when it may happen but must of the time I found myself with my hand in the cookie jar, never seeing it coming. When I opened my eyes, Cole was just staring at me. His eyes were teary and full of disbelief. Was he really getting ready to cry?

  My face was red, I could feel it. “I can handle it Cole! I can fucking handle it. Hit me!” I spit out at him.

  I reached my hands up prepared to slap him in the face, to show him I could handle it. To provoke him. I was ready for a fight. As I reared my shaky hand back, he grabbed it and pulled my now shaky body into his. Tense, I tried to push myself away and fight but he just held me tighter. I screamed let me go on the outside but on the inside all I wanted was for him to hold me, for him to be able to understand.

  “Dammit Sam.” He breathed into my hair. “How could you even think something like that? I’d never put a hand on you.”

  All I could do was sob into his chest because words just weren’t there. Here I was looking like a complete fool in front of him and he still held onto me, not letting me go. Why wasn’t he letting me go?

  “I’m sorry, I should go. I…I need to go.” I tried to pull away from him again but he wasn’t letting me budge. The sound of my cell phone going off caught our attention and he eased away as he glanced at the screen on the couch.

  “Shit, it’s Rocky. We’re in deep shit.”

  I stepped away from Cole and cringed as I answered the call. “Where the hell are you two? Everyone here is going nuts and ya’ll are making me look bad. There better be a damn good excuse like someone died.”

  “I’m sorry Rocky,” I choked out. “I never meant to run off, I have no excuse.”

  “Dammit, if you weren’t ready you should have told me.” I could hear his anger through the phone line and thank you Jesus I wasn’t there in person for this. His face was bound to be red and I’m sure a vein in his neck was throbbing as he yelled.

  “I was ready, I mean I am but, shit…”

  “Just be at the gym tomorrow to practice and we’ll forget this happened but Cole won’t be so lucky. He knows better.”

  I hung up the phone letting out a huge huff and puff as I sat back on the couch. Just then a text from Wendy came through.

  Wendy: I think I know why you didn’t go through with it tonight. I understand. Rocky will get over it.

  Me: Ugh, I know. I feel like an ass Wendy. I completely broke down in front of Cole.

  Does he know anything?

  Wendy: Hell no. And he won’t.

  As I ended our text conversation, Cole was still standing, watching my every move. “Rocky pissed? Shit, that’s a stupid question of course he is.”

  “Yeah, look I’m sorry for getting us in trouble. But I really do need to go.”

  As I stood he reached for my hand. Jolts of electricity shot through my body and I tried like hell to ignore them. This wasn’t happening right now, I was trying to run from him, not to him.

  “Please talk to me Sam. That’s all I want is for you to talk to me. I want to know you. I want to know the girl who let me take her to the bar, the girl who looked at the stars with me.”

  I hated to look at the pain on his face but well, too bad. “I’ve told you before, there’s nothing to know. And that girl, she’s dead.”

  And just like that, I removed my hand from his and walked out the door to sit in my truck and when I realized he wasn’t coming after me, I slammed my fist into my windshield screaming in pain from my heart and my hand. He openly admitted he wanted to be with me and reached out to me like no one has before and I completely ignored him probably pushing him even further away. It’s what I do now, I don’t let anyone in. That sucks too because that’s all I want. That was the longest drive home ever and I was never more relieved to find Dad wasn’t home. I wasn’t in the mood fo
r any of his different personalities tonight.

  Chapter 21

  Cole

  She walked out. Right out my front door and I should have chased her but I’m so exhausted. Bullshit is all this is. I can’t be who she wants me to be when she won’t let me know who she is. I reach up and grab some whiskey out the cabinet and chug from the bottle. There’s a knock at the door and I stare at it hesitantly debating whether or not to answer it. After the second knock, I opened hoping it was Sam coming back to talk but it was just Rocky and Wendy. Great. Just who I wanted to see.

  “Come on in,” I mumbled.

  “Cole, what the hell? What’d you do to her?” Wendy came flying through the door like a bat out of hell with her fangs out ready to draw blood. My blood.