Chapter 37
Cole
Last night proved to be one of the worst nights of my life. Patiently I waited for Sam to come home and a little after midnight I texted Trey only to find out she had disappeared earlier and he couldn’t find her. Panic filled me and all I could think of was the worst. She didn’t drive, but was she hurt somewhere? No one had heard from her.
Nothing on TV helped fight off the worry that plagued me. Eventually I turned it off and just sat on the couch. I finally dozed off around four am and she still wasn’t home. I woke up grumpy as hell wondering where she was. No phone calls were answered and she didn’t respond to any text messages. After drinking a whole pot of coffee, I drove to Lou’s hoping I could practice decent.
“Is she here?” I ask as soon as I step through the door.
“Not yet anyway. You still haven’t heard from her?” Rocky informed me. Dammit. Forget I was mad, now I’m plain worried about her.
“Asshole.” Wendy stated as she walked past me. I knew better than to call her last night and try to hold a conversation with her. Should have known she was going to hold this over my head. I rolled my eyes and walked towards Trey.
He’s trying to act cool but he’s as worried as I am. I avoid bringing her up until he does the dreaded and brings her up. “I’m so sorry man. She was right there one minute dancing and then she disappeared. I combed that place looking for her.”
“It’s not your fault.” It is though. If he had kept his dick in his pants last night, my girlfriend wouldn’t be missing. Please let Sam be ok. I need to tell her how I feel. She needs to know how sorry I am for being an ass last night. I’d do anything to be able to tell her it’ll never happen again and she’s more than safe with me. There’s an aching in my chest that only she can heal but yet I’m terrified I’ve already lost her.
The door opens as Trey begins to throw a punch my way. His arm stops midway and he begins to stutter. He makes no sense whatsoever and I’m also at a loss for words once I look over and see Sam walking inside. Our eyes lock and as badly as I want to tear mine away, I can’t. Her eyes move first and she walks right up to Rocky. Two minutes later she’s hitting the punching bag like nothing has happened in the last few hours. The urge to approach her is overwhelming but the last thing I want to do is cause a scene in front of everyone. My head isn’t where it needs to be, I pull myself over to the weight bench to have a moment alone. I feel like such a wimp as tears begin to pool in my eyes while I begin to lift the bar above my chest. Have I pushed her away? I’ve barely had any time with her but dammit if that wasn’t the best time of my life. Silent tears slide down my cheeks and it’s now I realize I can’t stop them. I wipe my eyes telling myself it’s time to leave; I can’t let anyone see me like this. Without a word to anyone, I walk straight for the door and once I’m outside it’s easier to breathe.
A hand touches my arm bringing my eyes to look up into the reason I’m completely broken down. Sam’s standing in front of me but right now, I am not sure anymore if I can talk to her. I move my arm away and get into the cab of my truck quickly closing the door behind me. Two weeks ago, everything was perfect and now it all seems to be going to shit. Ignoring her will solve nothing, I know that much. Being stubborn won’t help, I open the door to find her standing there crying. My heart just broke a little more, my God I feel like an ass.
“Sam, come here.” I jump out the truck immediately pulling her into my arms while she cries onto my chest. I don’t care how angry I was earlier, she’s ok, and she’s here with me now. My shirt is soaked in a matter of seconds but I don’t mind. I pick her up wrapping her legs around my waist, leaning against the truck. I stare into her tear soaked eyes as I lightly brush my lips across hers. She’s hesitant at first but eagerly kisses me like her life depended on it.
“I’m so sorry Cole. I didn’t mean to.” She choked out.
“Shhh. Baby it’s ok. I don’t care. All I care about is you’re ok. I was so scared something happened to you and I’d never be able to tell you how sorry I was for yelling at you. I don’t know what the hell came over me. I was nothing but jealous and I didn’t need to be. I wanted to be able to tell you just how much you mean to me. From the moment I saw you, I loved you. You know that, but I never want to miss an opportunity to tell you that. Please don’t scare me like this again.”
She simply stared into my eyes, the unshed tears begging to cascade down her cheeks like a waterfall. My thumb brushed them away; she didn’t need to cry anymore. Everything is going to be ok, I know it. I can forgive her, we can move past this.
“I’m supposed to meet my Dad today, I’m such a mess.” She sniffled attempting to wipe her nose.
“No, you aren’t. Let’s go get you changed and we’ll go meet him ok?” The ride to the apartment is quiet, but she never moved her hand from mine.
She was nervous as hell that was easy to see. She kept wiping her palms on her shorts trying to remove the sweat. She had called Brenda to find out we were meeting them at a small café a few blocks over. As we pulled up, Sam immediately tensed but one squeeze of her hand; she put on a brave face and kissed my cheek. “Thank you Cole. I couldn’t do this without you.”
“I love you Sam, I’d do anything for you.”
Brenda and her Dad are already sitting at a table. Her dad looks tired, much different from the last time I saw him when she went crazy on her truck. Sam’s trying to smile but is failing pretty miserably.
“Thank you for coming Samantha.” He spoke up. “I know things have been bad but I’m trying to make it better.” He didn’t say anything else for a while.
Sam nursed a coke trying to contain the nerves that were overtaking her body. When the waitress brought her turkey sandwich, she picked off all the crust and began dissecting it like some weird science experiment. My hand found her thigh under the table but she didn’t relax like I hoped she would, she wiggled until I got the hint and moved my hand. I don’t know what’s going on, I just want to be there for her. Brenda began telling her about the upcoming meeting that they were supposed to attend. Sam politely nodded and answered where she was supposed to.
“Dad,” Sam blurted out from nowhere catching us all off guard. “I love you but I, I don’t know if I’m ready for this.” She’s beginning to stand and I try to catch her arm but she jerks it away as a tear slides down her face. “Stop Cole, please just stop.”
The distant look on her face sent every alarm off and for a moment the same panic that I held earlier was there again. Her body tensed, I watched as she took several breaths trying to be able to stand. She stared at me for a brief moment before looking away. “We need to talk Cole.”
My best attempt to smile falters when she moves away from the table to face me better. For the first time in my life, I’m utterly and completely scared. Never once when I step into the cage have I even been as scared as I feel right now. I feel vulnerable like every single fear I have is getting ready to surface and rear its ugly face. “Ok,” I mumble hoping for the best but ultimately expecting the worst. Her Dad and Brenda are still sitting there at the table both trying to eat their food but we all know they are waiting to see what Sam is going to say or do.
“You hurt me. You invaded my privacy. If I had wanted to answer Brenda’s call, I would. I don’t need you doing that for me. You scared me when you raised your voice at me. You didn’t listen to me when I told you the conversation was nothing more than what it was. You let your jealousy get the best of you. I called Marsh from the bar last night by the way and I stayed over there because I was drunk but nothing happened. He’s in love with her,” I flung my hand around like he knew who I was talking about, “I’m sure you don’t believe me about that too, but I’ve done a lot of thinking this morning and ---.” My heart is breaking because I know what’s coming next. She’s breaking up with me. I wasn’t good enough for her. To hear the rest of this would be sticking the knife a little deeper in but I stand there like a fool waiting to hear what els
e she has to say. She takes a deep breath while running her fingers through her hair before she continues, “And I think we rushed into this. I, I need space Cole. I’m sorry.”
That beautiful mouth I loved to kiss just spoke the worst words to me and she continued to talk but I didn’t hear anything else she said. I was on the edge of the cliff about to fall and she just pushed me. I interrupt her as nice as I can. “I’ve got to go Sam.” I hold back the tears as I walked out the café and climbed into my truck and when I’m down the road I lose it like a big baby. She called him last night, the ex. She could have called me and we could have worked through everything but she called him. He’s seeming to always win, I hate that. I always knew the possibility of being hurt in a relationship but I never knew exactly just how big of a bitch it could be.
My phone rings as I pull up at the apartment. Wendy. “Hello?”
“Hey brother what’s going on? Everything cool with you and Sam?”
“No. Nothing is cool.”
“Cole, what the hell happened? Where are you?”
“I’m home now. She met with her Dad for lunch and all of a sudden went off like a damn bomb. She told him she wasn’t ready for this and then told me she needed fucking space because I’m stupid Wendy. I fucking raised my voice at her and if I could take it back I would. I can’t be around her. I’m not quitting the gym, I’ll do everything when she’s not there. I knew this was a fucking mistake.” A big mistake. I don’t know that I can ever heal from this. We didn’t even honestly fight, that’s what I don’t get. I know she was pissed when I answered her phone but I was just trying to help her. Yes, I can admit I was jealous over her ex talking to her at the fair. Did I mean to raise my voice? No, not at all. Did I expect us to fall apart this quickly? Not in my wildest dreams.
“I’m so sorry Cole. She’ll come around, she was just scared. I’m not taking her side, I know it sounds that way but I’m just trying to offer you the best advice I can.”
“I don’t know that I want to wait. She ripped my heart out.” That was a total lie. I would wait forever for her if I had to. I love her too much to let her go over something so petty and small but if she wants space, she’ll get it.
“Shit, Rocky’s coming and I’m not resting. I’ve got to go.” She quickly hung up the phone and I was alone in this apartment staring at all the little shit that reminded me of the last girl who would ever break my heart. I retreat to my room feeling like I’ve been hit by a bus, and Sam was the driver. Staring at the ceiling doesn’t help, the sun is still up and I wish it would hurry and set. I’d rather sit alone in the dark.
Her name is lit up on the screen of my phone, I want to call her and beg her to forgive me but I’m painfully reminded that I am going to abide by her wishes and give her space. I could call Trey and see if he wants to go out tonight, the thought lingers before I dismiss it. I don’t want to look at any other woman. Crap, she really has done me in.
*****************
Two months have passed by since Sam needed her space. She hasn’t trained with any of us but I’ve caught every single one of her fights. I didn’t quit the gym, I can’t. I refuse to let her see she’s getting under my skin. I’m not stalking her by any means; if this is as close as I can get to her then I’ll take it. One was against Marley again. Marley made her sweat, I wanted to be on the side of the ring rooting for her but I’d have to settle for standing in the shadows. She won that match of course and the smile on her face was infectious. I was so proud of her, but she couldn’t know. Trey’s talked to her and of course Wendy. One of the things I learned from Wendy was that she’s been meeting with her Dad. That made me glad to hear but I was still hurting because she wasn’t talking to me. That day she stood up and walked away from both her Dad and I. I’m glad something changed and she decided to give this a go. I’ve texted her once or twice, each time no reply. Can’t say I really blame her. One night, I almost called her but quickly threw that idea out. She wasn’t going to answer. If she’s not answering my texts, why would she pick up the phone call? Wendy’s belly was growing more every day; she should be having the baby soon. Rocky is more than thrilled; I’ve been spending more time with them since my world has been turned upside down.
I’m miserable. I do nothing but train, fight, and sit home. Trey called me every name in the book trying to get me to go to Joe’s with him but I couldn’t do it. If I were to see her out, it would kill me even more.
It’s Saturday night and Trey has been blowing my phone up nonstop. Finally I answer, before he decides to show up. He’s been supportive but he misses his best friend. It isn’t fair to him that I quit having a life because some girl, no I can’t just call her that, because Sam needed her space. “Hello?” I answer casually trying to throw him off from the fact that I have been bored off my ass sitting on this couch staring at the TV guide channel.
“Come out with me tonight Cole. You can’t stay cooped up forever. It’s been two months.” His point is valid; still I see no reason why I can’t sit here until she’s decided she doesn’t need that space anymore. I want to be here ready to jump up and run to her when she finally calls because she will. She fucking will, I know it.
“I don’t want to go out. What if Sam calls?” I haven’t given up on her yet. Part of me, the sappy part, keeps thinking she will call but yet again it’s been two long agonizing months and I haven’t even received a text message.
“Geez, shit man. You’ve been saying that every day for the past two months. Get the fuck off your ass and move on. What if she has?” What if? I’d be devastated. Right now I want to tell him what an asshole I think he is because of that but I don’t. I swallow trying to find the words to say.
“Rumor has it she’s fighting tonight. Come with me, hide in your little shadow to get your fix and then let’s go out. I miss you, it’s not the same.” I draw in a deep breath rolling my eyes at him. I didn’t know she was fighting tonight.
“I’ll meet you there.”
“Shut up, don’t lie to me.”
“I will be there Trey.” Click. I struggle to pull myself off the couch and into the shower to get ready. Seeing her each time gets harder and harder and I’m not sure whether I really want to put myself through this hell tonight.
Chapter 38
Sam
Cole will probably never know how hard it was to walk away from him that day two months ago. Things were so foggy from the night before and I knew it had nothing to do with Marsh. It was purely the fact everything we did felt rushed. After jail and everything, I basically never left his apartment. We lived together not knowing whether we really even wanted to. Things fell into place rather peachy it seemed. Well and he yelled at me. That was the icing on the cake. I don’t even think I knew I was going to do it, it just came out. I was so overwhelmed with meeting with Dad for the first time since everything went down and my guilt from the night before sat there constantly eating me up. I just snapped. It broke his heart, I knew it. I hated that, but I also remembered I hadn’t come to Lou’s in the first place to meet a guy. But God, that first day he stood there burning holes in me with those fiery blue eyes. I still love him so much. Everyday I don’t see him at the gym or get to talk to him tears me apart, but I did that to myself. I’ve talked to Wendy about him and she insists I take all the time I need because he will wait for me but what if he doesn’t? Then this would be yet another relationship I’ve selfishly thrown down the drain.
Brenda opened her doors to me the day I told him I needed space. She didn’t question my outburst but listened as I poured my heart out to her. She apologized for sorta springing this mess on me as soon as she did. She figured everything would be ok and in a sense, so did I. I knew Dad was upset over how I walked out from lunch and I fully planned on making it up to him when my mind was right again.
Two days later, Dad called Brenda asking if we would like to have dinner with him. Panic swept over me as I stood there thinking about whether or not I wanted to do this but I n
eeded to. This was a hurdle I needed to clear. Living in the shadows wasn’t an option anymore. It was time to face the music and sing along to it, I can do this.
Brenda cooked a cheesy ham and potato casserole for dinner. I helped her set the table which rarely got used. There was a fourth table setting, I know just to even everything out. It hurt like hell because all I could think was that Cole should be here sitting with us. I fixed everyone a glass of tea as we sat down to eat trying to push any thought of him away.
Things got very interesting when Dad asked what I’ve been up to and I explained why I had about five hundred dollars saved in a shoebox that he dumped on the front lawn. His expression was shocked but once I told him I rarely lost, he began smiling. I’m sure this wasn’t what he imagined his daughter doing but he seemed proud of me and that’s all I’ve ever wanted was for him to be proud of me. At least he knows I wasn’t out prostituting like he thought I was. Maybe now he can sleep easy at night. Neither of us brought up Marsh, thank you Jesus. I wasn’t ready to hash that one out. Dad and I continued to meet up over the course of this past month. Each time proved to be a little easier; he had his moments when just the look on his face was enough to send me coiling back into the corner. Bad days. That’s all they are. Just bad days and he will be ok. Those are the days I’m glad I can leave and go stay with Brenda and no one has to see his dark side, the side he’s trying to bring back into the light. The hardest part was when Brenda and I went to his anger management meeting where they all read a letter to someone they’ve hurt.
One Of The Guys Page 24