But she couldn’t think about Ryder now. She couldn’t let herself be distracted.
It was a short walk to the park but the wind was brisk, and Lauryn was glad she’d put a hat and mittens on Kylie and tucked a blanket around Zachary.
“Can I go on the swings, Mama?” Kylie asked, as soon as the playground was within her sight.
“Of course,” Lauryn agreed. “But I think there’s someone over by the slide who wants to see you.”
Kylie immediately pivoted in that direction, a bright smile lighting her whole face. “Wyder?”
“No, honey—it’s Daddy.”
“Daddy?” Kylie echoed, sounding more confused than excited. “Daddy’s in Califownia.”
“He came from California for a visit,” she explained, hoping he wouldn’t stay much longer than that.
Kylie, so eager to skip ahead a moment ago, stuck close to her mother now.
Lauryn couldn’t blame her daughter for being wary, and she hated that she’d felt compelled to make this visit happen. Just because Rob was here today wasn’t any guarantee that he would be around tomorrow. In fact, she hoped he wouldn’t be around tomorrow, but she was following her attorney’s advice and cooperating—at least for now.
She bent down to unhook Zachary’s belt, then lifted the baby from his stroller. He looked so much like her own father—actually both of her children favored the Garrett side—but the deep blue eyes that he shared with his sister were undoubtedly inherited from their dad. Would Rob recognize that fact? Would he feel anything when he looked at his son for the first time?
He crouched down in front of his daughter. “Hello, Kylie.”
She smiled a little shyly. “Hi, Daddy.”
“You’ve grown about six inches since I last saw you,” he told her.
“I’m in pweschool now.”
“Preschool already?” he said, sounding impressed.
“I’m fwee,” she said, holding up three fingers.
He nodded. “I know. You had a birthday in April.”
“Wif balloons an’ choc’ate cupcakes.”
“I’m sorry I missed it,” he told her.
“You missed Zach’s birfday, too. When he was borned.”
He nodded again. “I’ve missed a lot.”
“You were in Califownia,” she said, as if that was a perfectly reasonable explanation for everything. Then she turned to Lauryn. “Can I go on the swings now, Mama?”
“Go ahead.”
“You come push?” Kylie asked her.
“I’ll be there in a minute,” she promised.
“I wasn’t kidding about how big she is,” Rob remarked.
“You’ve been gone almost a year,” she reminded him. “And kids grow up fast.”
His gaze shifted to the baby. “Kylie was so little when she was born.”
“And Zachary was just a little bigger than her, but he was sixteen pounds at his last checkup.”
“Can I...hold him?”
“Of course,” she agreed. He’d been so hesitant with Kylie when she was a baby, but at almost nine months, Zachary was solid and sturdy.
Rob took the baby from her. He didn’t look entirely comfortable holding his son, but she couldn’t deny that he was making an effort.
“He has your eyes,” Lauryn pointed out to him.
“Do you think so?” Rob sounded pleased by this revelation and took a closer look at the baby now. “And your ears and your dad’s chin.”
She nodded.
“We might have made some mistakes in our marriage,” he noted, “but we made beautiful babies together.”
“And you took their education savings along with all of the money from our joint accounts,” she reminded him. “What did you do with it?”
He couldn’t meet her gaze as he admitted, “I invested in Roxi’s yoga studio.”
“And ran that business into the ground, too?” she guessed.
“Actually, she’s doing very well in California,” he told her. “Of course, it helps that more than one Hollywood A-lister has been seen entering and exiting ‘Yoga Rox.’”
“Yoga Rocks?” she echoed dubiously.
“Rox with an x—like Roxi,” he said.
And she’d worried that the Sports Destination’s slogan was cheesy. “But if everything is going so well in California, why are you here?”
He sighed. “I didn’t know where else to go.”
“She kicked you out, didn’t she?”
“We decided that we wanted different things,” he hedged.
“What different things?”
“For starters, she wanted a baby,” he admitted. “And I decided that if I was going to be a father, it should be to the kids I already had.”
“How very noble,” she said dryly.
He shrugged. “And maybe I panicked a little.”
Again.
“Do you love her?” Lauryn asked him.
“I think I do,” he confided. “But I loved you, too, and I still screwed up. How do I know I won’t do the same with Roxi?”
“You don’t,” she said. “Love isn’t perfect and relationships don’t come with guarantees. You just have to be willing to open your heart and follow where it leads.” An important lesson that she was only starting to learn herself and only because of Ryder’s presence in her life.
“Mama!” Kylie called, clearly growing impatient with waiting.
So Lauryn turned toward the swings, and her ex-husband, with their baby in his arms, walked beside her.
* * *
The first visit between Rob and the kids went well enough that her ex-husband asked if he could see them again the next day. While Lauryn intended to accommodate reasonable visitation, she didn’t think two days in a row was either reasonable or in the best interests of her children, especially Kylie, who was as confused by her father’s reappearance in her life as she’d been by his disappearance eleven months earlier. But she did agree to the day after that, and then two days after that again.
Ryder found Lauryn in her office, doing something on the computer, when he stopped by the store a few days later.
“You look busy,” he noted.
She glanced up and smiled, and he felt the now-familiar tug at his heart that warned he was well and truly hooked. The bigger surprise was that he didn’t mind at all.
“Not too busy for you,” she promised. “What’s up?”
“I had to make a trip to the hardware store to pick up grout for the bathroom and I thought I’d stop by to say hi.”
She clicked the mouse to save the updates, then pushed her chair away from the desk and crossed the room to kiss him. “Hi.”
He slid his arms around her and kissed her again, longer and deeper. “Hello.”
“Do you have time for lunch?” she asked him.
“Unfortunately not,” he said, sincerely regretful. “But we’ve been invited to dinner at Avery and Justin’s tonight.”
“Oh, um, tonight?”
“Is there a problem with tonight?” he asked, surprised by her reluctance.
She nodded slowly. “I’m sorry, but I told Rob that he could take the kids out for pizza tonight.”
“He’s not taking them on his own,” Ryder guessed.
“Of course not.”
“So you made plans to go out with your ex-husband and didn’t tell me?” he noted.
“Because it has nothing to do with you.”
The matter-of-fact tone sliced into him as effectively as the words. And though he didn’t respond, the flexing of the muscle in his jaw must have given away his feelings.
“And now you’re mad,” she realized.
“Why would I be mad? I’m just the guy you’re currentl
y sleeping with—why would I care that you’re having dinner with your ex-husband? It has nothing to do with me.”
She winced as he tossed the words back at her. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I think you did mean it exactly like that.” And that truth was like a sucker punch to his gut. He turned toward the door.
Lauryn grabbed his arm, attempting to halt his retreat. “Ryder, please don’t do this. Don’t walk away mad.”
“Mad is the least of what I’m feeling right now,” he told her, his tone quiet and remarkably controlled despite the emotions churning inside him.
Her eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry.”
He just shook his head.
“None of this has been easy for me,” she told him. “I’m trying to do what’s best for my children. And as much as I wish Rob had never come back to Charisma, I can’t pretend that he’s not here. And I can’t deny Kylie and Zachary the chance to know their father.”
“It takes a lot more than biology to be a father,” he said bluntly. “And a man who walked out on them once already doesn’t deserve the title.”
“Maybe not,” she acknowledged. “But he’s the only one they’ve got.”
“If you really believe that—” He shook his head, unable to speak aloud the words that would completely destroy what he’d thought they were building together.
Instead, he walked away.
* * *
His mood didn’t change at all throughout the rest of the day, so he went home in a pissy mood and woke up Saturday morning the same way. But he was okay with that—he knew his anger and frustration were justified. What bothered him more, what churned inside his gut, was the hurt she’d so easily caused with a few casual and careless words.
His anger was manageable—he could pick up a sledgehammer and pound something until he’d taken the edge off. The hurt made him feel like a teenage girl dumped on prom night. And the two emotions tangled up together ensured that he was less than welcoming when he responded to the knock at his door.
“What are you doing here?” he asked his sister.
Avery held up the plate she carried. “Leftover coconut cream pie from the dinner you didn’t show up for last night—I’ve eaten too much of it already and wanted to get it out of the house.”
Ryder stood back to allow her to enter, then he opened the kitchen drawer for a fork, peeled back the plastic wrap and dug into the pie.
“I didn’t expect you to eat it now,” she said.
“I’m hungry now,” he told her.
“And grumpy,” she deduced. “Do you want to tell me what caused this particular mood you’re in?”
“Nope.”
“Then I’ll guess,” she warned.
“Don’t.”
Avery sighed. “Does it have anything to do with Lauryn’s ex-husband being back in town?”
He scowled. “How do you know about that?”
“My husband’s a Garrett, too,” she reminded him. “And I’m sorry if it seems like I’m butting in, but I don’t want you to get hurt.”
While he appreciated the sentiment, it was already too late.
“She’s got a lot of baggage,” she said gently.
“Don’t we all?”
“Not in the form of an ex-husband and two kids,” she pointed out. “And now that their father is back...”
“What?”
His sister sighed. “You need to understand that it’s natural for most mothers to put the needs of their children ahead of their own.”
“You think I don’t understand that?”
“I don’t think you’re prepared for the possibility that Lauryn might decide to give her ex-husband a second chance, to give her children back their father, and I’m afraid it will break your heart if she does.”
He couldn’t deny that it would—or that his heart was already battered and bruised. And as uncomfortable as the feeling was, it was also a revelation.
“Did you know,” he said to his sister now, “that for a long time, I thought my legacy from our dear mom was to be as closed off and detached as she is?”
She looked at him, stunned. “Why would you ever believe such a thing?”
Ryder just shrugged. “How many guys get to be my age without having had their hearts broken at least once?”
“So why Lauryn?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “There was just something there from the first time I set eyes on her. And I know this is going to sound corny as hell, but it’s like my heart was locked up and she was the only one who had the key.”
His sister’s eyes misted. “Damn, you really do love her, don’t you?”
“I really do,” he said.
“Have you told her?” she asked.
He shook his head.
“Don’t you think you should?”
“Not right now,” he decided. “Not when everything is so up in the air with her ex-husband.”
“But that’s exactly when—and why—she needs to know how you feel,” Avery told him. “If he is making a play for Lauryn, she’s going to be forced to make a choice—the father of her children who claims he made a mistake and still loves her? Or the fun-loving guy who’s promised her nothing more than a good time?”
He scowled at that. “She knows how much I care about her.”
Avery gave him a pointed look. “You better hope she does.”
Chapter Seventeen
A few days after Ryder walked out of her office, on another day that Rob was scheduled to visit with Kylie and Zachary, a rainstorm eliminated the possibility of a meeting at the park. Lauryn didn’t want to invite her ex-husband into her home because she was finally starting to feel as if it was hers, but she knew he didn’t have any other place to take them.
She’d asked him about job prospects, because she was curious to know if he was serious about staying in Charisma or just putting in time until he figured things out. He told her, not very convincingly, that he’d been looking, then had the nerve to suggest that she could hire him to work at Sports Destination. She turned him down, clearly and unequivocally, and mentally crossed her fingers that he’d decide his options were better in California.
With other parts of the house under construction, she asked him to try to confine the kids to the living room, and then she left to run some errands. When she returned from her grocery shopping, she was relieved that he’d managed to do so, because the room was a disaster but at least it was the only room that was a disaster.
Kylie was on the floor, putting together a puzzle, and Zachary was slowly cruising around the table—a very recent development, gaining more strength and confidence with every step.
“Did everything go okay?” she asked cautiously.
“Zach peed on Daddy,” Kylie informed her eagerly.
Rob shrugged, looking sheepish. “I’ve never changed a baby boy’s diaper before.”
And not many baby girl diapers, either, but she didn’t bother to remind him of that fact.
“Other than that, I think it went well,” he told her. “We had a good time, didn’t we, Kylie?”
The little girl nodded.
“I’m glad,” Lauryn said.
“Do you mean that?”
“Of course, I do. If you really want a relationship with Kylie and Zachary, I won’t stand in the way.”
“What if I really want a relationship with you?”
She glanced at her daughter, who appeared to be engrossed in what she was doing but was undoubtedly absorbing every word of their conversation.
“Kylie, I got some of those fruit cups you like, if you want a snack before dinner.”
Of course, her always-hungry daughter eagerly abandoned her puzzle.
; “Please make sure you sit at the table so you don’t spill it.”
“I will,” Kylie promised.
“What was that about?” Rob asked.
“That was about not wanting our daughter to get any ideas about a reconciliation, because it’s not going to happen. I’ve moved on with my life and so have you. You’re just looking for the comfort of something familiar because you’re feeling lost and lonely right now.”
“You fell in love with me once,” he reminded her. “If you give me a chance, I’m confident you’ll fall in love with me again.”
She shook her head. “Have you listened to a single word I’ve said?”
“Of course, I have. But I’m asking you to think about our children—”
“Don’t you dare tell me to think about our children,” she said, her voice low but sharp. “Every single day, everything I do, I do for them.”
“So tell me what I can do,” he said, duly chastised.
“You’re supposed to be figuring out what you really want,” she reminded him. “And not using Kylie and Zachary—or me—to fill the emptiness in your life.”
“I know what I want,” he said.
Then he pressed his mouth to hers.
Lauryn shoved him away with both hands, shocked by his audacity. “What the—”
“Excuse me for interrupting,” Ryder said coolly from the doorway.
At the sound of his voice, Zachary’s attention shifted immediately from the stuffed dog he’d found to the man in the doorway. With the toy still clutched in his fist, he dropped to the ground and began crawling toward him.
“You’re not interrupting,” Lauryn said, mentally crossing her fingers that he hadn’t witnessed her ex-husband’s impulsive kiss. Since she’d declined the invitation to have dinner with his sister, Ryder had been giving her space. A lot more space than she wanted. And while she didn’t know how to bridge the gap between him, she was pretty sure that kissing her ex-husband would not help her cause.
“I need your approval of the hardware for the master bathroom before the guys start to install it,” he told her.
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