He held up a hand. “Let’s be clear about something. I have no issues finding willing partners. I chose not to sleep with anyone else because I knew I would be coming back to you.”
Her eyes softened for a second then turned to steel. “And what, I was just sitting here waiting for you to get your crap together? How was I supposed to know that the almighty Jack would be back and think he could pick up where he left off? What kind of self-absorbed, conceited thinking is that?”
This wasn’t going well at all. “Fine. But it was the truth.”
“Okay, you know what, you’re making me lose my train of thought. Back to the condom. So, that condom was not replaced with a new one every now and then. So basically, what you are telling me is…” She took a deep breath and he waited for the bomb to drop. He may have been sweating slightly.
“You used a five-year-old condom!”
He swallowed hard. “I’m sure it was still fine.”
“No, or I wouldn’t be pregnant, Jack!”
She had a point. The thing was he wasn’t upset about the baby. The second she’d told him. Sure, he’d been shocked. But, this…a baby with Lily…was what he’d always wanted, what he’d always planned. Yeah, maybe the timing was off, but this was the best news he’d had in years.
He cleared his throat and reached out for her. Not a good move, because she looked like she was going to hit him. He stopped moving. “Lil, how many times did we talk about kids? We’ve always wanted a family together.”
“Are you kidding me? That was when we were together! Engaged!” She waved her hand in between them. “We are nothing now. We are two people who slept together in a moment of weakness.”
“I wasn’t weak.”
“In a moment of weakness on New Year’s Eve! It never should have happened! I can’t have a baby. You have no idea what you’re talking about.” She stood and barged out of the washroom. He followed her into the living area where she was pacing the room now, and he used the opportunity to admire how hot she was. Lily had always had the ability to get his blood burning, and she hadn’t lost it. Even now in some fuzzy, loose pajama pants, crazy hair and a tight tank top, she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever known. She was also sporting some hot cleavage, and truth be told, when they were sitting on the bathroom floor he’d been distracted by it.
“Why aren’t you saying anything?” she asked, stopping abruptly.
He took his eyes off her cleavage and met her angry gaze. This wasn’t good. Being angry probably wasn’t the best thing for her health or the baby’s. He needed to calm her down. “Lil, clearly it was meant to be. How many people try for years and can’t have kids? Look at us, one shot, with protection.”
“What kind of stupid thing is that to say? I know babies are blessings, Jack. You don’t know how much I know that. You’ll never know, but that’s not the point. The point is you screwed up,” she said, jabbing a finger in the air in his general direction. “And now you think this is your easy way back in. This baby changes nothing for us. Nothing. In fact, I don’t even know if I’ll stay and have the baby here.” Clearly it was a lie.
His gut clenched. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
Now her gaze darted around the room, and she kept crossing and uncrossing her arms. “It means I don’t know what I’m going to…” Hell, her voice wobbled and her chin quivered. She was standing across the room from him but looked so damn vulnerable. All her anger seemed to dissipate and she looked…scared as hell.
He crossed the room in a couple of strides. “Lil,” he said softly. He gently pulled her arms apart from each other and then pulled her into his arms. “It’s going to be okay,” he said, kissing the top of her head. She still felt stiff, but she didn’t move. He started rubbing her back. “Take a deep breath and we will figure this out together. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’m doing this on my own.”
He wasn’t about to tell her there was no chance in hell she was doing this on her own. Baby steps. Literally. He needed to earn back her trust and her love. “You don’t need to decide anything tonight, babe.”
“Jack, we can’t be a family.”
He stiffened. “Why not?”
“Relationships and strong families are built on trust. I don’t trust you anymore. You walked out on me. How do I know that the next time something bad happens you won’t pick up and leave?”
He hated himself. There had been lots of times these last five years when he’d hated himself, but now, standing here with Lily in his arms, hearing her tell him that she had no faith in him anymore, was gut-wrenching. She was going to be the mother of his child and she couldn’t trust him. She was alone, had little money, was about to open a new business, and she trusted herself to provide a better life for their child than him. “I will never leave you again. I give you my word. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to earn back your trust,” he said, brushing his lips against her soft hair as he spoke. He felt her body relax against his.
“I’m so tired, Jack,” she whispered.
He pulled back slightly and looked down at her. She had dark circles under her eyes and her face was pale. He knew she and Gwen had been putting in crazy hours at the shop. He brushed the hair back off her face and scooped her up.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m taking you to bed.”
“Jack.”
“I mean I’m tucking you in. Taking care of you. You need to rest,” he said gruffly, when he noticed tears in her eyes. He pulled down a corner of her covers and settled her under the sheets.
“I’ve been taking care of myself a long time,” she said through a big yawn. Wasn’t he a jerk to have made her so alone? “We can’t tell anyone yet,” she said, pulling the covers up.
“Okay.”
“We need to figure things out,” she said through another yawn.
“We will.”
“But we have the opening next week. How am I going to hide this from your family?” She groaned and pulled the covers up higher. “And Gwen. She’s like a P.I. How will I hide it from her?”
“Don’t worry about it now, Lil. Just go to bed. It’s the weekend.”
She gave a little nod. He shoved his hands in his jean pockets and stared at her, regret and shame finding its way back into his body. He’d failed her so badly. She had no faith in him. Right now, they should be celebrating. They should be planning their life together. Instead, they were thinking about how to lie to everyone and keep this a secret. Lily was thinking she was going to be a single parent. He took a step forward and gently smoothed the hair off her face and tucked the blanket securely around her. She caught his wrist as he was moving away.
“Jack?”
“Yeah.”
“Will you stay with me tonight?”
A lump formed in his throat at the request, at the vulnerability in her voice. “Of course.”
“Just keep your clothes on,” she mumbled.
He almost smiled. But when he climbed into bed beside her and wrapped his arms around her, he was humbled. He’d hurt this woman badly, had crushed her, but she was slowly letting him back in. Whether or not she realized it, she was giving him another chance.
He pulled her close and listened to her breaths slowly deepen. He placed his hand over her abdomen and rested it there. He kissed Lily’s neck and then went to sleep beside her. It was the first time in five years that he went to sleep not dreading the reality of the emptiness the next day would bring.
…
Lily woke the next morning to the smell of bacon and coffee. Jack. She had slept so soundly last night, comforted by his large, warm presence in her bed, subconsciously aware of his arms wrapped around her. She hadn’t felt the strength of a man beside her in five years. God, she’d missed him.
She stretched under the warm covers and for a moment let herself pretend the man in her kitchen was her husband and that it was five years ago. She pretended nothing had happened and Jack had never left her
.
Finally opening her eyes when she heard approaching footsteps, she glanced at the clock, shocked to see it was ten a.m. She sat up, trying to ignore the wave of nausea that hit her. Jack walked into the room a moment later, carrying a mug of coffee and a plate of bacon, eggs, and toast. His hair was disheveled and damp, he wasn’t wearing a shirt or socks, and his jeans were riding low on lean hips. She groaned and lay back down, drawing the covers over her head. He looked better than the breakfast.
She heard his laugh. “I was hoping for a better reaction to my breakfast.”
She slowly pulled the covers down again but didn’t get back up. He placed the cup on her nightstand and sat down beside her on the bed. He smelled better than the bacon. Though the bacon and eggs weren’t looking too appetizing at the moment, and her stomach churned at the thought of drinking coffee. “I don’t think I’m hungry.”
He frowned slightly. “Last night you inhaled a pizza.”
She pursed her lips. “I didn’t inhale anything. And it wasn’t an entire pizza.”
He grinned and shrugged, a variety of muscles moving. She frowned at the beautiful display. She tried to sit up, but a wave of nausea crashed down on her and she squeezed her eyes shut. It was the eggs. “Can you move those eggs away from here?” she managed to say, and turned in the opposite direction of the offending smell.
He quickly grabbed the plate and walked out of the room. He was back a minute later. “Better?”
She nodded and shut her eyes. “Keep the bacon, though. I might go back to sleep.”
“Can I get you anything?” She heard the concern in his voice and it was hard not to be touched by it. “Water?”
She nodded. “Lots of ice. Really, really cold water.”
“You got it.”
He was back a minute later. “I texted Gwen and told her you weren’t feeling well and weren’t coming in today.”
Her eyes sprang open. “What? Gwen can’t know you’re here!”
“I pretended I was you.”
“You can’t pretend you’re me.”
“I know how you two talk. I just added OMG twice and ended it with lots of XOs.”
Hmph. That was pretty accurate.
“I also started with ‘don’t hate me, but’…”
She threw a pillow at him and was rewarded with the sound of his rich, deep laugh that made her toes curl under the covers, and she almost lost the nausea. “What did she say?”
“Her text started with OMG.”
She laughed out loud and he paused. “Then she said to go ahead and take the day off because she bailed on you the other night, so now you’re even.”
“Oh good,” she said.
“And then she ended it with lots of XOs.”
She smiled.
“Are you hungry now?”
She shook her head, feeling bad that he’d gone to all that trouble to cook. “No, but maybe I can eat it for lunch if I’m feeling better. When did you learn how to cook?”
There was a long pause and she realized how little she knew about the man he’d become. She didn’t know what his day in and day out had been like for the past five years. She didn’t really know how he came out of the depression after his brother and nephew had died. She didn’t know anything. As afraid as she was about where they were headed, she was also sad. She didn’t know how they could ever be the way they used to be. “Why don’t you rest? I’ll go to the shop and help my sister out, so you guys don’t fall behind.”
She wanted so desperately to still be mad at him, but right now it felt easier and nicer to just be happy and go on pretending like this was all somehow going to be okay. “I think I might try to sleep. I’m so tired.”
He leaned forward and kissed her gently on the head before standing. She quashed the irrational disappointment that the kiss was on her forehead. That was for the best. Things didn’t need to get even more complicated.
…
Jack unlocked the door to Lily’s apartment five hours later and paused. She was standing in the kitchen, her long hair wet and falling in loose waves. She was wearing a different pair of fuzzy pajamas now, this one red with white snowmen on them and a matching red tank top.
She made eye contact with him, and he caught the flash of happiness across her features when he walked in. It was quickly replaced by the guarded expression he’d come to recognize since he’d been back. That had never been there five years ago. He had done that to her. He’d taught her to be wary, to not trust him.
“Feeling better?”
She nodded, pouring water from a kettle into an oversized mug. He knew she hated tea. “Yeah. I actually only woke up an hour ago, but I’m feeling human again.”
“Good. You’ve been pushing too hard. Listen…I want to talk to you about what we’re going to do.” He tossed his jacket on the back of the chair at the breakfast bar and joined her as she sat down on the couch. She toyed with the tea bag.
“Go ahead.”
“I want us to try again. I want us to be a real family. I want to marry you, Lily.”
She didn’t move for a minute, and he almost thought she was going to say yes. She held his gaze, and he felt her insecurity course through her body. His muscles tightened and he clenched his jaw as she shook her head and put her mug down. “No. I can’t just let you back in and start a family with you!”
He knew this wouldn’t be easy. Hell, he hadn’t given her enough reasons to start over again with him. “Why not?”
She waved her hand around his face. “I don’t even know if it’s you behind that beard.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets, wishing for a moment she wasn’t such a ball-breaker, even though it was one of the things he loved most about her. “You know it’s me. The night we made that baby, you damn well knew it was me.”
Her chin wobbled for a moment, and he thought maybe he was getting through to her.
She tilted her chin and narrowed her eyes on him, and he knew he was in trouble. “Well, you’re not the Jack I fell in love with.”
True. He wasn’t sure he would ever be that guy again, but he wasn’t going to tell her that because it really wouldn’t serve his argument. “What do you need me to do?”
She looked up sharply. “Get rid of the beard.”
Hell. He ran his hand across his jaw, the beard he’d grown so used to scraping the palm of his hand. She knew. Lily knew him so well, and he knew her. This was the ultimate test. Was he healed from the accident? Was he really ready to start over? They both knew he was hiding. But he also knew that Lily had a huge heart, so he’d use that to his advantage.
He crossed his arms. “Fine.”
Her mouth dropped open slightly. “Really?”
He gave her a nod. “Yeah, you can do it.”
Her hand flew to her chest. “What? Me? I don’t know how to shave a man’s face!”
He shrugged. He wasn’t about to let on that maybe he wanted her to do it because he didn’t want to do it on his own. That would be weak. Or maybe he just wanted her to be the first person to see Michael’s face again. He ignored the churning in his gut, ignored all the warning bells going off in his head, telling him he wasn’t ready to do this yet. He could ignore all of it, swallow it all down, if it meant he was one step closer to proving to Lily he was still in love with her. He would do anything for her and was ready to start over again with her. “I trust you. Completely.”
She frowned.
He forced a smile. “I’ll be back in ten minutes.”
She grabbed onto the back of his jacket. “Wait. Where are you going?”
“To buy a razor.”
Chapter Nine
She was going to kill the man. Lily paced the corridor in her apartment. Shave his face. As if. What was he thinking?
Okay, so the thought of seeing Jack’s face again excited her on so many levels. She had mourned his loss for five years and there was nothing more she wanted than to believe he was back.
She also suspected h
e kept that beard because he still had issues with Michael, and she knew that even though it was going to be painful for him, it was essential in the healing process. She wouldn’t tell him that because he’d deny he still needed any healing. She also wouldn’t tell him that because it implied she still cared for him deeply, which of course, she did. Caring for Jack…loving Jack was the problem. The last time she’d actively been in love with the man, he’d ditched her. She couldn’t start a life with a man she didn’t trust. She needed to know that when the going got rough, he’d be able to stick it out with her. For better or worse and all that.
Jack swung open the door and she jumped. “Okay, I’m back, let’s get this done,” he said, walking past her and throwing his jacket on the couch.
Lily marched after him. “You can’t just bark out orders.”
“Lil,” he said, opening the razor’s packaging and not looking nearly as nervous as she felt. “You’re the one who told me to change my face. I’m simply following your orders.”
She crossed her arms and tapped her foot. Really she wanted to smash her foot against the wall in frustration. “No, you’ve turned it all around, and instead you’re forcing me to…perform hair removal services for you!”
His lips twitched, but he didn’t stop moving. He grabbed a small chair from her bedroom, placed it in front of the bathroom counter, and sat down. “There. All set.”
She stood in the doorway and frantically tried to come up with a convincing argument. “I can’t shave your face! I can barely shave my legs without nicking myself! In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever come out of the shower without blood streaking down my legs,” she said, lying, praying this would scare him out of this ridiculous plan.
He didn’t even blink. “Nice try. You want the beard gone, you’re getting rid of it.”
She narrowed her eyes. “That’s manipulative.”
He shrugged, settling his large body in the small chair. “Maybe.”
She rolled her eyes and then turned her back to him, looking at the razor and shaving cream on the counter. Her heart started thumping heavily, and the reality that she could actually be seeing his face hit her. Okay, she could do this. Lily Cookson was tough-as-nails. She could shave a man’s face, no prob.
The Baby Bombshell (Shadow Creek, Montana) Page 9