by Yannick Hill
‘So, how old are you, girl?’
‘Nineteen,’ Missy says.
‘Nineteen, well. You don’t look nineteen, but I was always young for my age, I know how that is. Come here, sit down.’
‘Can I guess how old you are?’ Missy says.
‘Sure, why not.’
‘Twenty . . . three?’ The lady laughed a big laugh and had to grab hold of Missy’s arm to stop herself falling backwards with her camping chair. ‘What’s wrong?’ Missy said, ‘You’re really pretty!’
‘Oh, my goodness, you’re so sweet, but no. I’m not gonna tell you how old I am, but I guess I still got great tits, so . . . Cass by the way, my name’s Cass.’
‘Hi, Cass.’ Missy smiled and took another sip of the pink liquid. She felt a lovely warm rush of blood to her throat and mouth and cheeks and realized she was having the time of her life. ‘So where’re you guys headed?’
‘It’s a gathering,’ Cass said. ‘There’ll be music but that’s only part of it. We all know each other. All the people you seen today on the road? They’re my brothers and sisters. We’re all connected. All of us. Why? You wanna come with us, Missy?’
Missy looked up and saw the moon. ‘I’d love to but I got this thing I got to do first.’
‘Mystery girl. You’re cute. Seriously, how old are you?’
‘Sixteen.’
‘More like it. What you doing out here all on your own, little Missy?’
‘I’m not alone, I’m here with you.’
‘You know what? I don’t wanna pry. I don’t do that. But you seem like a sweet kid and this world is full of – how do I say this?’
‘Men.’
‘Right, men.’
‘I know men,’ said Missy.
‘You do?’ The naked lady laughed again but not for long and she took Missy’s hand in hers and pulled her close. ‘Listen to me, Missy. Listen. Pretty girl like you? Long legs, pale skin. I know men.’ She glanced sideways. ‘And I don’t want you getting hurt.’
‘I can take care of myself,’ Missy said. She licked the sugary pink drink from her lips and looked Cass right in the eye.
‘You’re right,’ Cass said, ‘I don’t know you. You’re young is all, I seen things. Check this out.’ Cass dipped her right shoulder to reveal a tattoo. ‘Can you see it?’
‘Not really.’
Cass twisted in her seat so Missy could take a good look. The tattoo was of a wolf howling at the stars. The stars went all the way up her neck, getting smaller and smaller.
‘I think it’s beautiful,’ Missy said. She really thought so. She’d seen tattoos before, but this one was special. She couldn’t think why, but she had tears in her eyes, her heart ready to burst.
‘You really like it?’ Cass said.
‘I do, I do,’ Missy said.
‘You got any tattoos?’
‘No, but I always wanted one. I saw one once on this kid’s profile? She’s a friend of mine – well, not really a friend she just follows me online – but she had this picture of her arm, it had these tattoos all the way up, right over her shoulder and up her neck like you have, all different symbols with different meanings, but they kind of linked up and told a story, her story, and I saw it and I realized . . . I don’t really have that – a story, of my own. So that’s why I’m here, out under the stars with you guys, that’s why . . .’ She was saying too much. She had to stop doing this. Secrets. She thought about the sword lying on her bed in the motel room. No one knew about the sword but her. Leticia saw the package, but never saw what was inside.
‘I do know what you mean and you should do it, Missy, you should just do it,’ Cass said.
‘I can’t. I mean, I want to, but I can’t.’
‘Why not?’
‘My dad wouldn’t let me,’ Missy said. ‘He says if I ever get a tattoo he’ll never talk to me again.’
‘He doesn’t mean that.’
‘Trust me, my dad means everything he says. He’s—’
‘I’m sure he’s just protective.’
‘Fuck him,’ Missy said. It didn’t feel right, coming out of her mouth, like, she wasn’t the cursing type. But right now she meant it. She was glad she didn’t have to see him again. Glad to be gone. Out of that house, all those cameras. Out here under the stars. I mean, fuck him, right? He didn’t rule her life, not ever. She was out of reach for now. Missy emptied her cup and stared for a second at the white circle at the bottom. Her mother, her mother all alone somewhere. Missy felt the alcohol all through her body and it made her feel alive. She was here and nowhere else. The millions looking elsewhere and she didn’t care just now. And then she caught the eye of a boy sitting on the other side of the group. He wasn’t wearing any face paint but his expression was difficult to read. She’d seen that look before from men and she didn’t like it. He broke eye contact briefly and said something to the older guy sitting next to him. Missy had to check an impulse to call the kid out. It wasn’t her, but she hated that, the control men thought they had. She closed her eyes and moved to the music. When she opened them again the kid was on his feet, acting out a part in a movie. The group laughed. She changed her mind. This wasn’t a bad guy. Matter of fact, he was kind of cute.
‘You sure you don’t wanna come with us, Missy?’ Cass said, tweaking her left nipple.
‘I want to, but . . .’
‘You running from someone, girl? You can trust me. I’m a good person.’
Missy wanted to tell Cass the whole story, the video, the sword, the messages, but something told her no. ‘I want to come, I so want to come,’ Missy said, ‘but I can’t just now. I’m sorry. I really like you guys.’
‘Don’t be sorry, girl, I just want you to be happy.’
‘But we only just met,’ Missy said. ‘Why are you being so nice to me?’
‘Sure, we only just met but that don’t mean a person can’t have their intuition about another human being, and I happen to think you got a magic about you, Missy, like you’re gonna do something special with your life, you know? And it’s gonna make a beautiful story. Not like me. You don’t ever want to be like me. Promise me that. Promise me, Missy. Till I met these guys I was on this dark road to nowhere, and then I found these people and they showed me how to love again, myself, each other. I go to sleep at night. I have my eyes open when the sun is out. You? You’re different to begin with. You’ve got your whole life spread out in front you like the open ocean, wider than a dream, you understand what I’m telling you, Missy? I’m sorry, I know I’m drunk, I should just stop talking now.’
‘No, don’t stop,’ Missy said. ‘I like it when you talk, it makes me... I don’t have a sister at home. I have a brother. I love my brother but he doesn’t say too much these days. He stays in his room most of the time. He’s, like, always on the internet.’
‘That’s the world we live in, Missy. Does your brother know you’re doing this?’
‘Doing what?’
‘Running away from home.’
Missy’s heart skipped a beat. ‘No, he doesn’t,’ Missy said. ‘Nobody knows except you and—’
‘And who?’
‘That’s what I want to find out. Yeah. But my brother, he used to be my best friend. We’re twins but he’s still my little brother, even now it’s like that but he wouldn’t admit it. We used to . . . Wait, is this boring, am I being really boring right now? I tell stupid stories sometimes, my friends used to tell me I talk too much; you can tell me to stop talking whenever you want! I don’t mind, I’m just so happy all of a sudden, being here with you, you seem like such a nice lady, and I love your tattoo and you and your friends all seem so cool, and when I saw you earlier? I was swimming in the pool and I saw you turn up on your bikes and I just knew I had to say hey, I just knew and . . . oh, no I’m talking way too much, just tell me to shut up, I just get so excited when I meet new people—’
‘Missy, Missy, Missy!’ Cass said, taking hold of Missy’s shoulder and giving it a little shake. ‘I
like to listen to you. Tell me about you and your brother.’ Cass leaned back again.
‘Okay, so me and my brother used to play the best games. I don’t mean video games I mean like real games, around the house, outside in the garden. One time. One time we stole my dad’s speedboat!’
‘You did?’ Cass said.
‘Yeah we took it way, way out into the ocean. My brother loves dolphins so I said to him let’s go look for dolphins, and that’s what we did, we took the speedboat way out, switched off the motor and just waited. I remember the sky being so blue. Like in a cartoon but it was us there. We talked about a bunch of stuff, everything, we talked like we never did before, like two best friends, not brother and sister. He told me secrets and I told him some of my secrets, things I’ve never said to anybody, not online, my friends, not even my mom.’
‘What’s your brother’s name?’ Cass said.
‘River,’ Missy said. ‘My brother’s name is River.’ Missy felt the sting in her nose like she was going to cry but she didn’t cry. ‘River’s cool, don’t get me wrong, he’s actually really smart, he could do anything, but when it comes to our dad it’s like . . . it’s like my brother is a superhero but he doesn’t know his superpower yet, and until he figures it out, he’ll never defeat the bad guy.’
‘So how about you, Missy, you know your superpower?’
‘Sure! But it’s a secret!’ Missy laughed again and Cass laughed with her. ‘No, I don’t have a superpower. I’m not talented like the people in my family, I’m just . . .’
Something about Cass. She was different from the others. All the people at school, her friends, it was like – they all chose her. She was always popular with the other kids but here was somebody. Missy choosing this time. ‘It’s like we’re friends,’ she said out loud.
‘Totally,’ said Cass.
‘It’s like I’ve known you,’ Missy said, and she finished her sentence with a toast of her empty plastic cup.
10
River had spent his whole birthday online as Jenny. He knew there was something kind of wrong about that. He just didn’t know what it was.
Jenny was fun to be. Jenny was kind, Jenny was gentle. Jenny was thoughtful, Jenny was a good mother. Jenny made milk choc chip cookies, Jenny wore a checkered apron around the house looking hot. Yeah, Jenny was pretty, Jenny was fine, and Jenny liked online porn quite a bit. Jenny. Jenny was strong, Jenny was weak. Jenny was a happy person, Jenny was real angry inside. Jenny had bad thoughts sometimes about her husband. Ugly thoughts. She was full of resentment, a shadow of her former self. Moving between rooms like a vengeful ghost. Some days she took a pair of scissors to her husband’s clothes. Little cuts, little cuts, nothing you would notice unless you were to look real close. Jenny reminded him of someone, he couldn’t think of who just now. Being Jenny made River feel . . . being Jenny made him feel . . . like a better person, like he was becoming a whole person, a whole other, someone other than himself. Being these people: it was running over inflatables on the surface of a swimming pool and not falling in, reaching the other side and rolling on the grass, a long, soft fall, all hands and the loss of perspective. He could almost say it made him happy.
But it was getting late, or early, whatever, he needed some sleep to get him by . . . One more time couldn’t hurt. One more run as Jenny and he’d let her go, or was it the other way round? He was never quite sure. And what better way to say goodnight than with some good old-fashioned, anony-mous IM filth? River pulled his swim cap on for this one.
jenny78
What’s your name, honey?
unknown_user
No names
jenny78
No names. So what do you want?
unknown_user
What don’t I want. I want video
jenny78
No video, cowboy, just words
unknown_user
Measurements
jenny78
34B-25-34
unknown_user
Tell me what you’re wearing. I want brands, fine details
jenny78
Embraceable Cool Nights Delicate Chemise from Soma
unknown_user
Tell me more
jenny78
It’s ultra-feminine and ultra-comfortable, with a satin charmeuse front strap, pleated neckline, and delicate ivory lace embellishment
unknown_user
Are you mocking me?
jenny78
Never
unknown_user
Is that everything?
jenny78
Vanishing Edge Microfiber panties, also from Soma. The pattern is a stylized floral print in the pastel spectrum. The panties themselves are lightweight, breathable and comfortable all day long
unknown_user
Take off the panties, lay them across the keys, and type the following through the fabric: You know me so well
jenny78
You know me so well
unknown_user
Again
jenny78
You know me so well
unknown_user
How well do I know you?
jenny78
You know me so well
unknown_user
That’s good. One more time
jenny78
You know me so well
unknown_user
You can put your panties back on now
jenny78
Thank you. Is that it?
unknown_user
Your turn
jenny78
What a gentleman. Alright. What are you wearing?
unknown_user
Jeans and mask
jenny78
What kind of mask are you wearing?
unknown_user
Lion mask
jenny78
Lion mask. You feel like a lion inside, unknown_user? You feel strong?
unknown_user
I guess I feel like a lion, yeah
jenny78
What is it that makes you feel that way?
unknown_user
Wearing the mask. Wearing the mask makes me feel like a lion
jenny78
You like to play dress up, unknown_user?
unknown_user
Too much talking. Switch on your camera
jenny78
I said no video
unknown_user
I want to smell your skin. Is Jenny your real name?
jenny78
You said no names
unknown_user
That was before
jenny78
Jenny’s my real name. Now you
unknown_user
Lions don’t have names
jenny78
They do if they live in captivity
unknown_user
I roam free. Matter of fact, I could come to your house
jenny78
You’d like that, wouldn’t you?
unknown_user
I know where you live
jenny78
Lol
unknown_user
You think I don’t know?
jenny78
I don’t think
unknown_user
I know where you live, River Baer
jenny78
Who the fuck are you?
unknown_user
The lion king
jenny78
Fuck you
unknown_user
I look forward to finally meeting your sister. We’ve been watching Missy for a long time. We think she’s ready to join us now, River. Girls only, I’m afraid
jenny78
I know where you live, too, motherfucker. I’m looking at your IP right now
unknown_user
You’re going to have to do better than that, River. We were living here before you were born
jenny78
Living where?
unknown_user
On the internet, River. You don’t find us. We find you. And by the way. You so
much as think about announcing Missy’s disappearance on the social networks and we’ll do more than delete her profile. No reactivation period. Same goes for the cops
jenny78
So there’s more than one of you
unknown_user
We’re a family, River
jenny78
Fuck the police, I’m coming after you myself
unknown_user
That’s the spirit, River Baer, that’s the spirit
The moment unknown_user logged out of the conversation, River took his laptop and threw it hard as he could at the concrete floor. This wasn’t anger, this was protocol. If he’d been hacked he needed to start again. He got hold of his skateboard and whaled on the laptop some more till the outer casing came apart completely. After that, he got his shiny claw hammer and went at the motherboard till it was in little pieces, some of them flying so far across the room he was finding them in his bed and everywhere else in the days after. Okay, there was some anger there too. He took his drill and drilled into the SSD. Finally, he took a blow torch and incinerated the NVRAM until it was a bubbling globule of brown and black plastic.
When River had caught his breath, he did the same thing with every other computer he owned, all except the brand-new, air-gapped laptop he kept under his bed for just such an occasion. But what occasion was this? Had his sister been kidnapped? River looked at the hammer in his hand, gently put it to one side. Then he got the brushed-steel suitcase out from under his bed, removed the air-gapped laptop, hooked it up to his monitors, mouse and external keyboard, and got to work.
11
The monitor lizard makes his way along another empty corridor. His teeth are bared but he is not angry. His yellow eyes look mean but he is not mean, he is simply a monitor lizard who has not eaten in several days. Just then he passes a white door. As with the majority of Versailles’ one hundred rooms, the door is locked. To look inside would be to know a little more about our host. For who is Casey Baer if not a sum of his endeavors?
Room 5 contains a different kind of monitor. Three custom-built LCD screens occupying every inch of three adjacent walls. The resolution of these panels is so high as to give the images a liquid, hyper-real quality. The warmth generated by the technology in this room gives it an almost tropical feeling, like visiting the reptile house at the zoo. But the smell is of new computers, of brand new electronic equipment.