Judy was pleased for him. ‘Davie always said you’d go up in the world.’
‘And what about you?’
‘What d’you mean?’
‘Did you think I’d go up in the world?’
‘Of course. Everyone did.’ She was utterly sincere, and his heart swelled with pride.
‘Oh, Judy,’ he burst out. ‘I’ve got such plans. And Annie, you know, she’s such a help. She works so hard, harder than any man, and all the customers love her. With her at my side, I’ll be unstoppable! Before I’m done, I mean to have a chain of shops in every major town. I’ll buy a big house on Preston New Road and fill it with beautiful furniture – made by Don.’ And it would be all for her, he thought, if only he could make her love him.
Judy was so happy for him. ‘You’ll do whatever you set out to do,’ she encouraged. ‘I just know it.’
‘Oh, and I’d love to see the world later on, see what it has to offer. I could put some responsible manager – Annie, if she’s agreeable – in charge of my shops and takeoff for a whole year.’
‘You might be lonely.’ Judy had always seen Lenny as a shrewd, natural businessman. But he was homegrown and proud of his town and, as far as she knew, he had never strayed outside of Lancashire.
Summoning every ounce of his courage, Lenny took her by the arm and gently drew her aside. ‘I wouldn’t be lonely if you were with me.’
Taken aback, the girl was momentarily lost for words.
‘I love you,’ he whispered urgently. ‘I’ve always loved you.’
She gave a nervous little laugh. ‘You can’t love me! Don’t talk like that, Lenny.’
‘But it’s true, and I know you feel something for me, Judy. At least, I hope so … oh, I do hope so.’
Afraid of hurting him, shesaid softly, ‘I likeyou, yes of course I do, Lenny, but as a friend.’
‘You could learn to lovemethough, couldn’t you?’
Unnerved and unsure, she walked on, and he went with her. ‘Lenny, I don’t know what to say,’ she told him eventually. ‘I never knew you felt like that about me, and I wish I could say I felt the sameway, but I don’t … I can’t!’
Desperate now, he drew her to a halt again. ‘Is that becauseyou loveDavie, thesameway I love you? Is that why you can’t loveme?’
Judy took a moment to answer. ‘I didn’t realise how I felt about Davie, until he went away,’ she explained. ‘Davie was just Davie – part of my life, part of my growing up. He was always there, ever since I can remember. We were best friends, and then, after he’d gone … I fe lt different somehow. I didn’t understand at first, but I do now. And yes, I do lovehim – in thesameway you say you love me. I’m sorry, Lenny. Really I am.’
‘But hemight not loveyou in that way.’ The words were harsh.
‘I know.’
‘If hedid loveyou, hewould havebeen back long ago.’ Harsher still.
‘I know that too.’
‘Oh, Judy! Oneway or another, you’rebound to gethurt,’Lennywarned.‘Ifhecomesbackandyour love isn’t returned, how will you feel then? And besides, Davie may never come back.’ In a way, Lenny wished he wouldn’t. ‘But I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be here, loving —’
‘Stop!’ Putting her fingers against his mouth, Judy said,‘Please,Lenny,don’tsayanymore.Idon’t want our friendship to be spoiled. I just want things to go on as they were … please?’
‘I’m sorry.’ Hetook hold of her hand and for a moment held it tight, before drawing away. ‘I don’t want to losewhat wehaveeither,’ hetold her, ‘so I promisenot to mention it again. But I won’t ever give up.’ He smiled, a quick bright smile that belied the bitter disappointment. ‘Deal?’
She nodded. ‘It’s a deal.’
Reaching down, he gave her a fleeting kiss on the side of her face. ‘See you later then?’
‘Yes, Lenny,’ she answered. ‘See you later.’
Another smile, then he turned on his heel and was gone.
Her mind alive with the conversation between herself and Lenny, Judy hurried away to Annie’s house. She could not rid herself of what Lenny had just told her. She went deep inside herself to find a response to his love, but there was nothing, except fondness and respect, and a long-standing friendship between herself, Lenny and Annie.
Thethought of Anniebrought her up sharply. Something about Annie’s face whenever she talked about Lenny, who was her boss these days, as well as her friend, made her stop and think. But then she dismissed it, because Annie would have told her if she still had designs on Lenny in that way. Oh yes, three or four years ago, when they werestill at school, shehad had a major crush on him, had gone all moony whenever their paths crossed, but that was then and this was now. Annie was likea moth, flitting from oneboy to another, an out-and-out flirt looking for fun, and as far as Judy could tell, it never went any further than that.However, Annie did have a serious side, though she hardly ever showed it, these days. And for Judy, that was a troublesome thing, because she had always sensed another, lonelier Annie.
Where Lenny was concerned, had he really meant what he said, about loving her, or was it just a passing fancy? But then she recalled the depth of sincerity in his eyes and the tremor in his voice when he confessed his feelings. And she knew he was deadly serious.
What if he was right? Judy asked herself fearfully. What if Davie was never to come back, and she was destined to grow old and lonely without him? Could she learn to love Lenny? Was it possible to learn to love someone?
Theanswer had to beno. Shethought of her own parents, and their deep affection for each other; the analysis of love that Beth had given her, the night Davie had slept in their barn. Besides, she had explained the way of things to Lenny, and he had accepted it. The air was cleared between them, and they were still best friends as always. Nothing lost. Nothing gained.
And now shewas at Annie’s front door about to knock, when her friend came rushing out, saying, ‘Let’s go!’ She must have seen Judy coming.
Judy followed her friend as she went at a run up the street. ‘What’s wrong? Where’s the fire?’ she called out, hurrying after her.
At thetop of thestreet, Annieslowed down, her troubled eyes looking back towards the house. Judy thought she saw a flicker of fear in them.
‘Annie, what’s up? Areyou all right?’ sheasked anxiously.
They turned the corner and Annie seemed to relax, though shewas still lost in a strangeand sombremood.
Judy ran in front of her and blocked her path. ‘OK what’s wrong?’
‘Dunno what you mean.’
‘Yes, you do. You cameout thehouseas if the devil himself was after you. Somebody’s upset you, haven’t they?’
Annie hung her head and for a moment it seemed she might confide in her friend. But when shelooked up again, thesmileon her facewas radiant. ‘Comeon, you,’ shetold Judy. ‘Let’s have somefun, eh?’
With that sheran on and theother girl had no choice but to run after her. ‘Hold on, you’ve got longer legs than me,’ she panted. Even though Annie had already dismissed the incident, Judy knew very well that something sinister had been going on.
Annie kept running, faster and faster, until as they came onto the canal bridge, Judy had to stop.
‘I’vegot a stitch!’ shecalled out. Anniewas bigger and stronger, and at the minute she seemed possessed. ‘You go on. I’ll catch up in a minute.’
Realising she had almost lost control, Annie camerunning back. ‘I’m sorry.’ Having tried and failed to rid herself of the torment she was in, she too was exhausted. ‘I didn’t mean to run away likethat.’
Snatching at every breath, Judy found she was angry. ‘Yes, you did! You’re in some kind of trouble, and you can’t trust me with the truth.’ Uprighting herself, and taking a long gulp of fresh air, Judy led theway slowly towards thecanal.
Annie followed without saying a word. Inside, she was desperately wrestling with what Judy had said just now – about not trusting h
er with the truth. For a long timenow, shehad wanted to confide in her friend, but what she had to tell was so awful, she could not bring herself to burden someone else with it. ‘Look,’ she drew Judy to a stop. ‘You’reright, thereis something. But I can’t tell you … not yet.’
‘All I want to do is help,’ Judy told her simply. ‘You know that, don’t you?’
‘Yes, I know, and I’m grateful.’
‘It might be easier than you think, to talk about it,’ Judy suggested. ‘You know what they say: ‘‘a troubleshared is a troublehalved’’.’
Annie dismissed this. ‘All it means is that you make somebody else worry, as well as yourself,’ she said.
‘Not if that someone else can see a solution.’
‘A solution, eh? It’s that easy, is it? Well, I can tell you now, if there is a solution, it’s me that has to find it,’ Annie asserted. ‘So will you please let that bean end to it.’
‘If that’s what you really want.’ Judy shrugged. She didn’twantAnniegetting agitatedagain.‘Iwishyou could find thecourageto talk about it though.’
Suddenly, an odd thought crossed the girl’s mind, taking her by surprise. Some instinct made her wonder whether this had anything to do with Lenny. Was he the problem? ‘Will you answer something?’ she enquired.
‘Depends.’ Annie was suspicious.
Judy took that as a yes. ‘Annie …’
‘Go on then, spit it out!’
‘Do you have feelings for Lenny?’
The other girl looked puzzled. ‘What kind of feelings?’
Judy felt oddly embarrassed. ‘Well … feelings of … What I mean is, do you love him? You know, theway you used to.’
Annie groaned. ‘Bugger me, girl! Whatever gave you that idea? I like him, o’course I do – otherwise I wouldn’t beworking with him, would I?’ When she saw the look of relief on Judy’s face, she realised what was going on in her mind. ‘Well, I never! You think he’s at theroot of my troubles, don’t you? Poor old Lenny – as if!’
‘It did cross my mind, yes,’ Judy confessed. ‘I know you had a crush on him at school, and I know you love working with him. I just wondered if you thought moreof him than you wereletting on, that’s all. I thought maybehewas TheOne.’
‘Judith Makepeace! You’ve got a vivid imagination, that’s your trouble.’ Annie gave her a playful push. ‘Besides, even if I did fancy him, it wouldn’t do meno good.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because he’s mad for you, that’s why!’
‘And has hetold you that?’
‘Not in so many words, no. But hedidn’t have to. I can tell. When we’re at work, it’s ‘‘Judy this’’ and ‘‘Judy that’’.’ She laughed gaily. ‘He’s always talking about you. Hesold a woman fivepounds o’ potatoes the other day, when all she wanted was a cabbage- an’ that was becausehewas too preoccupied with singing your praises.’ She looked sideways at Judy. ‘Areyou surehehasn’t told you how mad heis about you?’
Taking a deep breath, Judy blew it out with a sigh. ‘Let’s not talk about it any more.’ She thought of Davieand said dreamily, ‘All I want is for Davieto comehome.’
‘Hmh! If you ask me, you’ll have to want on!’ Annie didn’t mean to be cruel. She was just being her usual practical, heavy-footed self.
‘Why do you say that?’ It was thesecond time today that someone had said something hurtful likethat.
‘I just think you’remaking a big mistake, waiting for Davie,’ Annie answered candidly. There was no easy way to say it. ‘Think about it. He’s going on nineteen now – all grown-up like the rest of us. I reckon he’s either gone to the other side of the world, or he’s found somebody he loves. Or he’s dead. An’ if that’s the case, however much you might want to, you’ll never see hide nor hair of him again.’
Annie knew her words would hurt, but they were not meant to. All she wanted was for Judy to realise that she could end up wasting her life, waiting for Davie. A lovely girl like her deserved love and happiness, of a kind that she herself would probably never know.
They stood on the bridge, leaning over the wall and chatting, and after a while they ambled down to the water’s edge, where they sat on their coats on thegrass bank and watched thebarges go by. ‘I went to see Joseph earlier,’ Judy said sleepily.
‘Oh, and how is he?’
‘Bearing up as always. No news of Davie.’
‘I’m really sorry.’ And Annie meant it.
‘Joseph is surethat Don will find him oneday.’ Judy then told her all about her meeting with Lenny. ‘After I left Joseph’s, Lenny came out of next door and we walked up the street together. Hethinks likeyou – that Daviemight never come home.’
‘Did hetell you about theshop he’s buying?’
‘Hedid. I’m glad it’s finally getting off the ground. It’s taken a while but out of all of us, we always knew it might be Lenny who would make it rich.’
‘Hmh! He’s got a long way to go before he’s rich.’ Annie laughed out loud. ‘Especially when a customer wants a cabbage and he sells her five pounds o’ spuds!’
Judy had to chuckleat that. ‘Lenny said you were an asset to him,’ she imparted with a meaningful smile. ‘He said you were a hard worker, that you knew the business as well as he did, and that the customers had taken a shine to you.’
Secretly thrilled, Annie brushed it aside. ‘He’s just full o’ flannel,’ she said smartly. ‘That’s why he’ll do well in business.’
They sat for a while, plucking at the grass and throwing it into the water, while quietly observing the barges as they rippled past.
‘I meant what I said, Judy.’
‘What?’ Thegirl swung round to faceher.
‘I said you were wrong in waiting for Davie, and I meant every word. You mustn’t waste your life pining over something that might never happen; especially when you’ve got someone like Lenny falling over backwards to make you noticehim.’
Ready for home, Judy stood up. It was getting chilly and thelight would soon begoing. ‘He’s always known my feelings for Davie,’ she answered simply. ‘It’s Lenny who shouldn’t waste his lifeon wanting what he can’t have.’
Convinced of one thing, Annie had her say. ‘He’ll win you round in the end,’ she predicted as they made their way back to the bridge. ‘He loves you too much to let go, and like I said, Davie’s been gone too long. I don’t know of anyone who thinks he’ll come back, and if his grandad and father were to tell the truth, they probably think the same. And even if he did come back, how do you know he’s not already got someone? Face it, Jude- hecould beengaged to bemarried, have you thought of that?’
The girl shook her head. ‘It’s not something I liketo think about,’ shesaid, turning away. But thetruth was, ever sinceLenny had madethevery same comments, she had thought of nothing else.
At the bottom of William Henry Street, Judy tried to persuadeAnnieto comehomewith her. ‘Mam says you can have dinner with us, if you like? She’s making a whopping great shepherd’s pie, an’ there’s plum tart for afters.’
Annie thanked her but said, ‘I’d best get back. There are things I need to do.’‘Another day then?’
‘Yes, that would begood, thanks.’ ShegaveJudy a hug. ‘And don’t forget to thank your mam for me. My mouth is fair watering at what you’ll be eating tonight. I think my mam is cooking tripe – ugh – but it’s Dad’s favourite!’
Giggling, thegirls parted company, with Judy going oneway and Annietheother. At thecorner they turned and waved.
‘See you later!’ Annie’s voice sailed down the street. With Judy gone, she felt incredibly lonely and bereft. ‘I should have stayed with her,’ she muttered.
She turned her thoughts to Judy and Davie. She so much wanted her friend to find happiness, but she doubted it would ever be with Davie. I didn’t mean to say cruel things, she thought. It’s just that I don’t want her to be lonely. One of us being lonely is more than enough. This made her laugh wryly, though shefelt mor
elikecrying.
She stayed for a few more minutes, letting the thoughts run through her mind – good thoughts, bad thoughts, and all of them disturbing,
‘You were right, Jude,’ she murmured. ‘I do love Lenny. I love him so much it hurts. I work with him, I talk with him, and we laugh together – and all thetimehe’s longing for you. Hetells mehow much he loves you, and I desperately want it to be me he loves, but it isn’t and it never will be.’
Nothing in her sorry life was as bad as knowing shecould not makeLenny loveher. But if she couldn’t havehis love, shedidn’t want him to be hurt. ‘Pleaselovehim back, Judy,’ sheprayed. ‘I know you won’t besorry. You’ll cometo lovehim in the end, you won’t be able to help yourself. I know how much you long for Davieto comehome but with him gone, you will never find better than Lenny. He’s a lovely bloke. He’ll cherish and love you, and takecareof you for therest of your life.’
When tears threatened, she got up and walked on, in the chilly evening air. I’m no good for him, shethought sadly. I’m no good for anyone. Maybe I’m not meant to be happy. But I don’t mind, not really. I’ve been unhappy for so long it doesn’t matter to me any more.
‘Hi, Annie!’ Lenny had walked straight out of her mind and onto the pavement before her. ‘I’ve been calling from across the street,’ he said as he came towards her. ‘You seemed miles away.’
Her heart racing, Annie managed a bright smile. ‘Lenny!’ He was the last person she expected to see, the first person she wanted to see. Her spirits rose immediately. ‘What have you been up to?’
‘Well, as it happens, I’ve been looking at the beginnings of my empire.’
She laughed. ‘Oh, I see. You’ve been to see the new shop?’
‘Yes. And this is thefirst timeI’veseen it completely empty. I didn’t realise how much work needs doing. The storerooms upstairs are a disaster, and there isn’t an inch downstairs that doesn’t need attention – rotting wood, paintwork chipping, and in places it needs new floorboards. God knows what else I might uncover.’ He made a little-boy face. ‘I don’t supposeyou could givemea few ideas, could you – being a woman and all that?’
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