by Rye Hart
“Annoying little fucker!” Conner barked at the device as he helped me off of him so he could stand.
Since the current annoyance came from his phone and not mine, I made myself comfortable on the couch and enjoyed the delicious afterglow of my orgasm as I watched him walk deliciously naked toward my desk to retrieve his device. Honestly, the vision of Conner naked—with those muscles and that ass on display—was something I knew would never stop surprising me.
His face tightened into a frown as he looked at the screen. “Oh, shit!”
Worry gripped at my insides at his reaction, and I quickly sat up as he started to pace.
“What’s wrong?” I asked over the ringing of the phone.
Conner ran a hand through his hair and looked at me with a pained expression. “It’s your Dad.”
I raised a brow and took a deep breath. Obviously, we both knew my Dad would eventually return from his business trip, and we would have to deal with how his presence affected our blossoming relationship. However, judging by the frown on Conner’s face and the rapid beating of my heart, it was clear that neither of us was ready to deal with that.
Still, I knew there was no way around it, so I shook my head and said, “Just answer it, Conner. He knows you and Lucas kept me company over the last few weeks and probably just wants to thank you. Be normal and talk to him.”
With flaring nostrils, Conner closed his eyes, pressed the answer button on his phone and brought the device to his ear. “Hey, Alex! Back in town already?”
Although I couldn’t hear what my Dad was saying on the other side of the line, a pained expression took over Conner’s face as he listened. Then, he let out some forced chuckles and peeled his eyes away from me as he walked toward his discarded clothes and started putting them back on.
“No, man. Everything is fine,” he assured as he wrestled his pants back on. “We were going through financial projections and shit like that. You know I’m no good with numbers, so we put the phones on silent so I could focus.”
There was a pause where Conner tossed me my dress without even looking at me, then he forced yet another chuckle and ran a hand through his hair again. “You don’t need to worry about that,” he said. There was another pause, he hung his head and exhaled. Then, he nodded and said, “If you insist, there’s nothin’ I can say but yes, you pushy SOB.”
They exchanged a few more words as I got up from the couch and got dressed. I was zipping up my dress when Conner finally hung up, tossed his phone on the sofa and let out a long string of curse words while pulling at his hair like a crazy person.
“Hey, calm down. What’s wrong?” I asked as walked toward him.
As my fingers touched the sides of Conner’s abs, he pushed my hands away and took a step back. Without looking at me, he shook his head. “What’s wrong?” he repeated sarcastically. “Everything, Chloe. Every fucking thing.”
Despite the pain in my chest at his rejection, I tried to be understanding and took a deep, calming breath before replying. “What did my father say?”
“That he’s back and thankful that I looked after you while he was gone. He also wants to have Lucas and me over for dinner tonight, as a thank you.” Once those words were out of his mouth, Conner finally raised his eyes to meet mine. There was a mixture of pain and disgust in those blue eyes that broke my heart. “I took your virginity, fucked you every single day since, and he wants to thank me.”
Unable to help myself, I smiled at him. “You’ve been making me very happy, so maybe he should thank you.”
“Don’t be cute right now. It’s not the time,” Conner admonished me with narrowed eyes. “Don’t you see it? I’m fucking his little girl and he’s cooking me a goddamn steak.”
And that comment did it. As much as I understood Conner and loved his sense of loyalty toward my Dad, what was happening between us had nothing to do with my father and his excessive worry frustrated me to the point of nausea. I was nervous to tell my father about us too, but I knew that he loved both of us and he would eventually be ok with it in time.
“Just stop,” I blurted out in a stern tone I had never used with him before. “We’ve always known this day would come and that we would have to deal with it, but don’t make this a bigger thing than it should be. This relationship is about you and me, not my father.”
Although my tone was serious, Conner chuckled. “Sometimes I forget how young and naïve you are.” Completely offended by his condescending tone, I scowled at him and opened my mouth to give Conner a piece of my mind, but I never got a chance as he continued his rant.
“Honestly, I’ve put the thought of this day out of my mind and I sure as hell didn’t want it to arrive. He’s my best friend—my only friend, for that matter—so I’m not making it bigger. I’m just making it what it is. A huge fucking problem. Alex is the only reason there is a relationship between us at all. If it weren't for him I’d never have hired you, I wouldn’t even have interviewed you. You’re in my life and in my bed because of him. Because he trusted me with you. And now, I get to go and tell him that I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants and fucked his baby girl.”
Pain stronger than anything I had ever felt pierced at my heart. Conner raked a hand through his hair, and I could feel the anger and frustration pulsing from him. I was desperate to make Conner see what he had was not wrong, but in the same breath, I was furious at being considered ‘a huge fucking problem.’
“Well,” I started, trying to hide the tears that were threatening to spill—and failing. “First of all, I’m not a baby. I’m a grown woman who can make her own choices, which is what I did. I chose to sleep with you not because you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants, but because I fell in love with you, because I’ve been in love with you half of my damn life. But maybe that doesn’t matter. Maybe, my feelings, just like my qualifications for this job and how good I’ve been at it, don’t matter. It’s all on you, isn’t it?”
Seeing my reaction, he sighed and took a step toward me, “That’s not what I meant.”
I saw he was about to say something more, but I simply didn’t want to hear. Not right now, at least. Raising my hand, I stopped him and said, “This is just like last time, Conner. Everything was fine, we were happy, and then my Dad showed up, and you blew me off like one of those bimbos from Rusty’s. I don’t deserve to be hurt like that, and I won’t let you do it to me again.”
With my heart in my hand, I looked away from Conner and took a deep breath to level my voice and calm the raging pain in my stomach. “So, I think you should go away and think about what you want to do and who you can’t live without. I don’t want to be your secret. Either you’re in this with me, and we’ll face my Dad together, or you’re out.”
As much as I hate to admit this, there was a part of me that expected Conner to hear my ultimatum and say that he didn’t need to think, that he knew I was the one he couldn’t live without. I imagined him kissing me afterward and holding my hand as we walked into my Dad’s house for dinner tonight. After so many years loving him in silence, I wanted him to say he loved me too and fight for me. I wanted to feel like I was his world as much as he was mine.
But those were just fantasies of a young and naïve girl.
The reality was that after hearing my words, Conner didn’t say anything. He didn’t touch me. He didn’t comfort me. He simply turned around and walked away.
Once the office door closed behind him, and the proverbial shit hit the proverbial fan. A sadness like nothing I’d ever known descended on my and turned my stomach sour. I reached for the trash can at the side of my desk and emptied my breakfast into it.
I puked and heaved until my body was tired and aching. Then, I released the metal can and fell onto my chair feeling completely gutted and humiliated. I cried for a long time before I finally decided that no one, no matter how special they were or how good they made me feel, should have enough power over me to make me feel this way ever again.
Empowered by
that thought, I wiped my tears, straightened my back, and reached inside my purse for my makeup and toiletry bag. I opened the lilac pouch and looked inside in search for my toothbrush and concealer, but instead, my eyes feel on the unopened container of tampons.
With a pounding heart, a racing mind, and shaking hands, I looked at my desk calendar and then closed my eyes as tried to convince myself that this was just a dream. I wasn’t seven days late for the first time in my life, and that my life wasn’t as sucky as it currently seamed. Unfortunately, as I opened my eyes the box was still there, and the date was the same.
Barely aware that I was moving, I put everything back in my purse, grabbed my car keys, and exited my office. I told the girls at reception I’d be right back and ignored their concerns about my running mascara as I rushed out the doors and toward my Jeep.
A single thought ran on a loop in my head raced toward the closest drugstore. Please, please, let me not be pregnant.
CHAPTER TWELVE — CONNER
“Why are we taking flowers to Alex?” Lucas asked me amused from the backseat.
From the rearview mirror, I looked at him holding a bouquet of red roses and smiled. “They’re not for Alex. They’re for Chloe.”
My son narrowed his eyes at me and laughed. In his teasing voice, she asked, “Why? Are you her boyfriend?”
I chuckled at the question. Honestly, I wanted to reply yes—which was surprising as hell to me—but after the shitty way I left things at Chloe’s office that morning I just didn’t know where we stood. Also, Lucas was a blabbermouth and could not be trusted with such information until I had a chance to talk to Chloe and figure out what to do.
Still, I couldn’t help but gauge what his reaction would be. “Would it upset you if I was?”
Lucas’ eyes widened, and his smile tripled. “I love Chloe, she’s great and funny and plays video games better than you.” He took a small pause in which I laughed at his justifiable dig at me, then added, “Also, having a mom wouldn’t suck. I like Sasha, but a nanny isn’t the same thing as a mom.”
My heart ached so much for him I almost told him the truth, but I couldn’t. Not yet. I couldn’t promise him a mother before I knew if I even had a girl anymore.
“No, it isn’t buddy,” I agreed.
There was a heavy silence in the truck for about a second, then he pressed, “So . . . Are you her boyfriend?”
I laughed. “I don’t know Lucas,” I answered honestly. Knowing a follow-up question was coming, I added, “And before you ask, I’m bringing flowers because it’s polite when visiting a lady’s home. Remember that, and all the little girls and their mothers will love you.”
“Ewww, Dad!” he protested as I pulled into Alex’s driveway.
Laughing despite my buzzing nerves, I got out of the car and walked around to open his door. No longer needing my help, he unbuckled his seatbelt, jumped out, and set off running toward his godfather who was waiting at the front door. I rolled my eyes at the boy’s endless enthusiasm, picked up the flowers and beer from the seat, and followed my son.
“These are for you,” I said after greeting my friend.
His right brow arched. “You brought me flowers?”
Once more, I rolled my eyes. “The other hand, asshole. Damn flowers are for Chloe.”
“It’s polite to bring flowers to a lady’s home,” Lucas repeated like a freaking parrot. “If you remember that, girls and their moms will love ya.”
For a second, Alex shifted his eyes from Lucas to me. Then, he started laughing and shook his head. “The things you teach that boy . . .” he muttered as took the beers from my hand and welcomed us inside. “Bumblebee is outside. C’mon.”
Although I laughed along with both of them, my heart raced as I followed Alex and Lucas though the house. They started to discuss all the bad things I had taught my son over the years. Usually, I would have protested and mocked both of them in return, but I was too preoccupied thinking of what to say to Chloe to mind them.
“Look what the cat dragged in,” Alex announced as we walked through the sliding back doors.
Chloe was sitting on a bench, with her legs folded underneath her and a book in her hands. She looked beautiful in one of her flowy summer dress and a ponytail. She had just enough makeup on to make her green eyes stand out, and her lips glow with a soft pink shimmer. My heart skipped so many beats I felt a little dizzy.
I filled my lungs with air and courage to approach her, but my son beat me to the punch. He ran toward Chloe, jumped on the seat next to her and folded his arms around her neck while he babbled about his day at school. My chest grew uncommonly warm at the sight.
“Hi,” I greeted in the most pathetic tone possible. “These are for you.”
Chloe looked at the flowers in my hands, and the fake smile in her lips turned almost honest. She put her book down and finally lifted her eyes to look at me. There was a sadness in them that made me feel like scum. I wanted to hold her and kiss her and let her know everything would be alright, but I just didn’t know how to go about doing that without creating unnecessary drama.
“They’re lovely. Thanks,” Cshloe said as she reached to grab them.
As her hands curled around the stems, our fingers touched, and my body came alive as it usually did around her. My arms tingled, my stomach felt weird, and my mind got hazy. Empowered by the adrenaline rush, I opened my mouth to apologize for everything that had happened earlier, but my son’s voice repeating the bit about flowers being polite broke through the intimate bubble our contact had created and reminded me we weren’t alone.
I cleared my throat and released the bouquet as Chloe turned her attention back to my babbling boy.
“Dude, although your Dad’s lesson was on point, you don’t want to give the girl an explanation,” she started as she got up from her seat and walked backward toward the kitchen. “Just give the flowers and leave it at that. Otherwise, you’ll ruin the effect.”
Lucas laughed, got up as well, and followed her babbling about how yucky girls were and how little he wanted their attention. Jealous of my own son, I watched them until they disappeared through the door leading into the kitchen.
“It’s nice that they’re getting along together,” Alex said from the grill. For a confused moment, I raised a brow half expecting him to say something about Chloe and me, but he didn’t. Instead, he said, “That boy needs the attention of a woman who isn’t paid to take care of him.”
I ran a hand through my hair as I remembered Lucas’ comment in my truck, and said, “Can’t argue with that.” Then, without thinking, I added, “Maybe I’ll get him one soon.”
With an arched brow and incredulous expression, Alex turned his face toward me. I could almost hear the question on the tip of his tongue. Luckily, before he had a chance to ask it, Chloe and Lucas returned with the roses in a vase and my son bombarded Alex with questions about his trip and the new horse he had bought.
For the next hour, the four of us sat at the table, eating burgers and talking. Actually, Lucas and Alex spoke as Chloe and I sat uncomfortably on opposite sides of the tables trying not stare at each other. The tension between us was so intense it baffled me how no one else seemed to notice it.
Once we were done eating, Chloe got up to clear the table. Lucas challenged Alex to a game of chess, and I sighed a breath of relief when my friend accepted it. Since they both knew how much I hated the tedious game, they went into the living room without even asking me to join them which finally allowed me some alone time with Chloe.
“They’re playing chess,” I informed her as I entered the kitchen with a pile of dirty dishes in my hands.
She looked over her shoulder at me from the sink and gave me the coldest, saddest smile I had ever seen on her face. “Cool, Dad loves to play, and I suck at it.”
I chuckled and nodded. “Me too, which is great because we got about ten hours to talk and I have a lot to say.”
Returning her gaze to the dishes, Chloe shook h
er head. “I don’t think we should talk right now.”
“C’mon Chloe,” I started in a pleading tone I had never used before. “I know I was an ass today. I should never have left like that. There was not even anything for me to think about and we both know it. You were the first woman I made a part of my son’s life since my wife died and I did that because I know how I feel about you.”
After a short pause, I continued, “I love you. I love you so much, and it scares the shit out of me Chloe.”
I took a deep breath and waited for her to look back at me at that confession, but she didn’t. She just kept her head down, and her eyes closed like she was in pain or something, and it made me desperate.
Certain that I had gone and fucked things up beyond salvation between us, I ran a hand through my hair and placed the other hand on the small of her back. She shivered at my touch but didn’t pull away, which was a good thing, I decided. With my heart pounding like crazy in my chest, I took a step closer and brought my lips close to her ear.
With as much honesty as I could input into my words, I continued, “No matter how close your Dad and I are, you’re the one I can’t live without—the one I don’t want to live without. It’s you, baby, and it will always be you. I’m going talk to him and if he can’t understand, then fuck it. At the end of the day I need you in my world.”
Those words finally made Chloe open her eyes and look at me. Her expression was still pained and there were tears in her eyes, but there was also a hint of a smile on her lips. The sight of it lifted my heart, and I pulled her closer toward me. I brought a hand to her cup her cheek and leaned forward to kiss her.
Our lips were just inches apart when a thunderous voice echoed through the kitchen. “What the fuck is going on here?”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN — CHLOE
My eyes widened, and my face went pale as I stared at Conner. For a moment, I thought he would pull away from me as if I was on fire at my Dad’s presence, but he didn’t. Instead, he just stood there, holding me the way he was and staring into my eyes with a calmness that was surprising considering the mess he had been earlier. It was an interesting change of events, but one that I liked and made me feel safe.