Tragic Soul

by Jeanisse, Bella

  “The more, the merrier,” I said as I urged them inside.

  When Phil passed me, he fleetingly grabbed my ass and whispered, “I’m 18 now. No reason we can’t get it on tonight.”

  Bradley grabbed Phil and tugged him away. “Yeah, there is. Hands off my chick.” Since Chad and Amy had broken up two weeks before, he had become more possessive. It was starting to get annoying.

  “Let him go,” I insisted as I lightly pushed Bradley. “We always kid around like that. He won’t overstep boundaries, or I’ll kick him in the balls.”

  Phil cringed. “Uh, yeah. I don’t want that.” He moved away from me. “I was just playin’ around. Sorry.” He rushed to catch up with Mark.

  “Please don’t manhandle my friends.” I stared at Bradley, hoping to get through. “I don’t break my promises. I’m not gonna cheat.”

  His possessiveness was getting on my nerves. With him having Neil on the side, I supposed it was a guilty conscience. I was not remotely jealous of their relationship. However, I did not feel as strongly about him as I did for Paulie, or even Keith. It was more like a friendship with great benefits. The benefits were of questionable value when he was being an asshole.

  “Guys’re always trying to get with you,” he complained. “I hate when they approach you after our set. Maybe we should make this more, uh, well, serious.”

  I sighed. “Can you give up guys, too?”

  His eyes drifted down. “That’s what I’d have to do?”

  “Yes.” I touched his arm. “Serious means exclusive, and that means no one else.”

  He moved a hand to my face. “That’s not fair. I can’t change who I am.”

  “I don’t want you to.” I was fine with his sexual orientation, for the most part. “But what you’re asking for means we both sacrifice in a way. Not that I’ve been with anyone you don’t know about.”

  He leaned his forehead against mine. “How about I only do him when you’re there?” He held my face in both hands. “Please.”

  I shook my head. “We already talked about that. I thought you didn’t do serious.”

  Shrugging, he replied, “I never did before. With you, it’s different. I get this feeling inside when guys touch you. Like I wanna rip their heads off. It’s kinda scary. I—I guess I’m jealous. I never had that feeling before.”

  Unsure if I wanted to know why, I hesitated. I hoped he wasn’t falling for me. That would be a mess. I didn’t feel the same, and I was sure I never would.

  “Food’s done!” Chad shouted as he entered the house from the back door. “Come and get it.”

  I was glad for the interruption. Taking Bradley’s hand, I walked to the dining room. Earlier, I had set the table. Chad laid two platters of meat in the middle while I uncovered the side dishes. Then everyone dug in.

  “Me and Crystal are going to Scarefest,” Chad mumbled with his mouthful. “Can’t miss a Gasoline show.”

  Bradley glanced at me, so I said, “You can come if you want.”

  “I’m helping set up the stage,” Mark said, patting Phil on the back. “We could use help, if you wanna work.”

  Just as Chad reached for a fourth rib, his phone went off. He looked at it, and his brows furrowed. He answered and said, “Hey, what’s up?” He listened for a bit, then said, “Wait. Wait. What the hell’re you talking about?”

  I stood and walked around the table to him. I put a hand on his shoulder and asked, “What’s wrong?”

  He waved a hand at me. “Oh, God.” He got to his feet. “I gotta go.” He glanced at me. “I’ll be back.” Then he put the phone to his ear again. “I’ll be right there. We’ll find him.” He ended the call and shoved his phone in his pocket. “I’m sorry. This is—” His eyes closed.

  I knew it was something serious, and he was trying to rein in his emotions. “It’s OK.” I laid a hand on his arm. “Just go. I’ll be here when you get home. Be careful.”

  “Yeah. I will. Thanks.” He kissed my cheek. “Gotta go.” He grabbed his car keys and rushed out of the house.

  Staring at the door, I had a feeling of dread. I hated that. Hands on my shoulders made me jump.

  “Hey. It’s me,” Bradley whispered. “What happened?”

  I leaned back on him. “Something bad.” I didn’t know anything more.

  “He coming back?”

  “Yeah, but I’m worried.”

  Bradley slid his arms around my middle. “I’ll wait with you.”

  Several minutes later, we sat back down. Before everyone was finished eating, Devon and Bryce came home. They both made a beeline for the table. I was glad for something to do. Immediately, I stood and retrieved two place settings from the kitchen.

  “Damn, it smells good,” Devon licked his lips. “Where’s Chad?”

  I sat and took Bradley’s offered hand. “He’ll be back. I’m not sure where he went.”

  When everyone was done, Bradley helped me clear the table. Then we put out brownies and fruit for dessert. I was oblivious to the conversation around me. All I did was worry. Chad hadn’t called or texted. I fought the urge to call him to find out what was happening.

  I looked up and found Devon passing out beer and wine in glasses. How’d I miss that? Then I felt an arm over my shoulders. I glanced to my right. Bradley was just as concerned but for me. The front door opened. I quickly stood ready to grill Chad. Angel walked in. Then I realized how much time had passed. He didn’t get home until quite late.

  “You guys don’t have to wait with me.” I held the back of my chair. “Anytime you wanna go, I’m cool with it.”

  Logan shook his head. “Don’t worry. We’ll stay a while longer. You shouldn’t be alone. Looks like you’re about to freak out.”

  “He’s fine,” Bradley assured me with a hand over mine. “Isn’t no news good news?”

  I shrugged. “This is nerve-wracking. Why didn’t he just tell me where he was going?”

  “Maybe he’s meeting a chick,” Bryce suggested.

  Shaking my head, I replied, “The look on his face told me it was something bad.”

  “Please relax.” Bradley squeezed my hand. “He’ll be home soon.”

  About an hour later, my phone chimed. I jumped off the couch and grabbed it from the kitchen. It was a text from Chad, finally.

  I’m on my way home. Sorry if you were worried. I’ll tell you what I can when I get there.

  I sighed and walked back to the couch. Bradley had stayed, but Logan and Skylar had left. Chad’s roommates had gone out to a bar or something. When I sat down next to Bradley, he threw an arm over my shoulders.

  “Was that him?”

  “Yeah. He’s on his way home.”

  The movie playing was one I had seen at least 10 times before. I couldn’t sit still. Scenarios kept playing in my mind. I didn’t have a clue why Chad would run out in the middle of dinner. As soon as I heard his van pull into the driveway, I jumped up again. Without a word, I went outside.

  I stood on the front porch, waiting. “What's wrong?” I asked as Chad stepped out of his van.

  He looked up at me but didn’t say anything. When he was close enough, he crushed me to him and shuddered. I felt his angst. Whatever it was, it was something huge. He grabbed my shirt and fought tears. I wished I could make it better.

  Bradley opened the door. “Anything I can do?”

  I tugged Chad inside. “Get him a drink. He needs one.” I was usually against drinking for comfort, but I knew he was in dire need.

  “Whiskey?” Bradley stepped back, letting us in.

  I nodded. “That works.” I steered Chad to the couch and forced him to sit down. Then I cuddled up next to him, holding him in a hug. His arm slowly moved around me, until he held me as well. “Whatever it is, I’m here.”

  He kissed the top of my head, then rested his cheek on my hair. Bradley handed him a shot and set the whiskey bottle on the coffee table. No one said anything as Chad drank several shots. Bradley sat on my other side, a hand on
my thigh. I was sure jealousy raged within him. Chad soon took to drinking from the bottle.

  When he had downed more than half of it, Bradley snatched it away. “You’re done. This won’t solve anything.”

  “Fine.” Chad tapped my back, and I moved. He stood and promptly fell back down. “Oh shit!”

  Bradley got to his feet. “Where’d you wanna go?”

  “Bathroom,” Chad replied.

  Exhaling loudly, Bradley grabbed his arm. “We’ll get you upstairs.”

  It took quite a bit of work to bring him up one flight of stairs. I waited in Chad’s bedroom while Bradley helped him to the bathroom. They stumbled into the room soon after. Once Chad was in bed, I took off his shoes and socks. Then brushed his hair from his face.

  “Stay. I need to tell you.” Chad grabbed my hand. “Please.”

  I turned to Bradley. “Can you wait downstairs so we can talk about this?”

  “OK. Yell if he falls or does something stupid.” Bradley glared at Chad. “Hands to yourself.”

  When he was gone, I turned to Chad. “Can you tell me what happened?” I held his hand in both of mine. “Someone get hurt or something?”

  “My friend’s father died,” he choked out. His eyes rimmed with tears. “And his brother did something stupid.” He pursed his lips, holding in the pain.

  I immediately hugged him, lying next to him. “I’m so sorry.”

  “What if it was my dad?” He finally broke down. “He's getting older. I don’t wanna lose him.”

  He gripped me tightly, pressing our bodies together. His sobs spurned my own tears. We clung to each other, grieving the possibilities. I tried to comfort him, but his pain was too much.

  “Baby,” he whispered. “Make it better. Please.”

  I sniffled. “I wish I could.”

  He rolled on top of me. “I’ll make love to you. That’ll work.” He pulled my skirt up. “Let’s finish what we started with Amy.”

  I struggled to get out from under him. “You’re drunk. Chad, stop.”

  “Lemme fuck you,” he begged in my ear. His hips ground into me.

  The door opened. Bradley shouted, “Yeah, that’s what I thought! I knew you’d use this to get in her panties.” He stormed out of the room.

  “No. Wait,” I called after him. “It’s not what you think.” I pushed on Chad. “Please get off.” When he finally gave me enough room, I ran after him. “Bradley! Please.” I caught him just as he reached the front door and grabbed his arm. “I swear we weren’t fucking. He’s just drunk and came on to me.”

  Bradley scowled. “I know what I saw. I’m done. This shit is over.”

  I wasn’t ready to be alone. “Please.”

  “You promised. Anyone but him,” he reminded me.

  “We didn’t have sex. I swear.” I pulled his arm harder.

  He turned to me. “It sure as hell looked like fucking to me.”

  “I still had clothes on.” I waved at myself, fully dressed.

  He rolled his eyes. “I fuck you with your clothes on all the time.”

  “If you woulda stayed 10 more seconds you woulda seen he was just begging. Seriously. We didn’t have sex. He was trying, but I said no.”

  His body tensed a bit, and he grabbed my face, tightly. “You swear to God you didn’t let him fuck you?”

  “Yes. I didn’t.”

  He let my face go and seized my hand. Then he dragged me to the garage. I looked around confused. Before I had a chance to ask, he had a hand up my skirt. With a hard yank, he tore my panties off. Then he tossed them to the floor. I backed up, fear building. He was still seething. Is he going to hurt me? I started for the door. He jerked me back to him.

  “You’re not going anywhere.”

  Then I realized no one was home. Even if he did something, no one could help. He wrapped an arm around my back and held me to him. Unable to get away, I shut my eyes. I tried to calm down, but his fury was terrifying.

  “Relax.” His hand went under my skirt again. “I’m not gonna hurt you.” A finger slid through my folds. “OK. So it don’t feel like you had sex.” He turned me and met my eyes. “Prove to me you want me and not him. Get on the freezer.”

  “Why?”

  He laughed with an evil tone. “I’m fuckin’ you in his house.” He produced a condom from his pocket. “Right now.” He lifted me up and sat me on the standalone chest freezer.

  I had thought it would be too high, but he came close to me, and his pelvis met mine. He looked into my eyes as he sucked on two fingers. Then he pushed them into me and worked them around, getting me ready. I was still nervous. He rarely became so angry. When he pulled out, I closed my eyes.

  “This is my fuckin’ pussy.” He rammed into me hard, and I winced. “Mine.” He grabbed my ass and pulled me off the freezer. “Mine!” He groaned and held me in the air. “You’re so lucky I bothered with a condom. Shoulda punished you by fucking you raw.”

  The comment proved how hurt he was. I felt guilty, although I did nothing wrong. Then I wondered if he was starting to feel something other than desire for me. Or was that just his dominant side rearing its ugly head.

  He panted in my ear, holding me still. “I’m sorry. Sometimes I get stupid when I’m mad.” He moved back to the freezer and set me down. “Hold me, and I’ll go easier.”

  “OK.” I was glad he seemed to let it go. His next stroke was more like his usual. “You OK?”

  “Yeah.” He sighed. “Chad just gets to me, I guess.”

  Chapter 34

  “I don’t know if I can do this,” I told Chad as we sat in his van.

  Paulie had called Chad and asked if Inferno would open for Reckless on the second Saturday in January. Their usual opening band had a conflict that night. It was too good of an opportunity to give up, and even I couldn’t dispute that. The day came much faster than I expected. I felt unprepared; blindsided, even.

  I was afraid to see Paulie. My feelings for him were still mixed up. Over the past five months, I had thought of him more often than I figured was normal.

  Chad lifted my hand and kissed my palm. “You can. I doubt he’ll be cruel. He’s not that kinda guy.”

  That much was true. Paulie had tried to keep in touch and stay friendly. I was the one who couldn’t deal with it. After I took a deep breath, I opened my door, pulling my hand away from Chad in the process. All month I had prepared for that night, but it didn’t help. I thought about asking the band to back out, but that would mean explaining who Paulie was. I didn’t want to hurt Bradley by telling him I was still in love with my ex. Not that he knew Paulie was my ex, even after being together with me for four months.

  “How about a quickie, babe?” Bradley was suddenly in front of me.

  I looked up at him. Unlike Paulie, he was not remotely afraid of Chad’s wrath. “Not now. I’m too nervous.” My eyes darted around unconsciously, checking for Paulie. “Maybe later.”

  “I’ll hold you to it.” Bradley pinched my ass, and then walked away.

  Chad groaned as he walked around the van. Once in front of me, he shook his head. “What d’ you see in him? He’s always coming on to you.”

  “I don’t know.” Lately, I had been questioning that as well. We got along, but there was nothing more than sex and fun with him. “I don’t wanna be alone.”

  He sighed. “Yeah. I get that.”

  We were the opening band, so didn’t have time to dawdle. I helped bring equipment into the Atlantic City House of Blues. It was the first time we played in that city. Sound checks went smoothly. The 2000-plus capacity venue was a change for us. The place was close to half filled, which was encouraging.

  Just as I put my bass strap over my neck, my eyes landed on Paulie. He stood just offstage, watching. I froze. My heart pounded. When he smiled, my knees gave a bit. Does he still care? What would I do if he did?

  “You OK?” Chad grabbed my arm as I started to sway.

  Quickly, I got myself together. “Yeah. Just
nervous.” I chanced another look at Paulie and regretted ever letting him go. Then I shook my head and tried to forget he was there. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

  Bradley came up behind me and ground his ever-present erection into my ass cheek. “Maybe we can get that room to ourselves after our set. Wanna fuck you over the table.” He found an empty dressing room when we were searching for the one we had been assigned.

  I rolled my eyes and pushed him back. “I said later.”

  “That would be later.” He ran his tongue up my neck. “You know you want me.”

  Chad glared at him from beside me. “Enough. I’m sick o’ you groping her in public. Treat her right, or I’m gonna make you.”

  “Yeah, right.” Bradley laughed and stepped back. Although he didn’t seem to take Chad’s threats seriously, he usually backed off when Chad was furious enough.

  I took several deep breaths. Our setlist was shorter than usual, but for an opener, that was normal. When I heard the opening notes to “Fearless,” I was automatically ready to play my part. We played about six songs before thanking the crowd.

  When Phil, who had come to help, took my bass, I went in search of a ladies’ room. It was easy to find. I stepped out and spied Paulie standing against the wall across the hall.

  “Hi,” I said quietly.

  He grinned. “Hey. You look great.”

  “Thanks.” My eyes drifted down. “How you been?”

  His fingers lifted my chin. “I’m OK. I understand why you did what you did.” He looked into my eyes. “Otherwise, I would’ve blown the chance. Thanks for that.”

  “Are you happy?” Emotion clogged my throat. I swallowed, trying to get ahold of myself.

  He sighed. “Kinda. You?”

  I shrugged, not quite sure I was without him. “I don’t know.” My eyes wandered again.

  “Look at me. Please.” He smiled. “You have no idea how good it is to see you.”

  I bit my bottom lip. Tears threatened to spill over. “I do.” I lost the battle, and several fell.