I didn’t raise my hand to wave, only tipped my chin because I knew Jude didn’t like to draw attention to himself in public. I noticed how his eyes darted around the arena, looking for signs of trouble.
“And he only has eyes for Cory,” Emmy said, sighing.
I smiled despite my nerves because it was nice to hear.
As Jude headed toward us in the stands, I studied the arena corner to corner, my neck prickling with watchfulness. Thing was, plenty of people could appear suspicious for perfectly common reasons. I didn’t really know what to look for, but I sure as hell wanted Jude to be safe, so I kept my eyes peeled for anything out of the ordinary.
Jude sat down and threw a wave to Emmy and Dex on the other side of me. This was the perfect setup, given Jude’s vigilance. It made it seem like he’d run into some friends. I felt the heat from his thigh briefly pressing against mine, and I had the urge to link our fingers together.
Before we knew it, the competition was underway. It was really cool to watch. The sport had rabid fans, and they collectively held their breath and cheered for their favorites. The skaters performed impressive twists along the walls as well as in the air, some of which appeared gravity defying.
“This guy’s going to perform that trick I told you about,” Jude said. “He’s fucking ace.” The skater seemed flawless in the bowl, and as he performed his 360 stunt by hanging upside down, the hairs on my arms stood at attention as I waited for him to fall back down to earth.
The crowd went wild afterward, jumping to their feet and clapping for him. When he was finished, he simply nodded and waved to the stands before returning to the bench with the other skaters.
“Damn,” Dex said, still on his feet. “That was way cool.”
“That guy was amazing,” Emmy said in an awed voice. “Do you know him, Jude?”
“No. Only heard of him,” he said, a bit of wonder in his eyes, and I couldn’t rip my gaze from my beautiful skater boy even if I tried. I could only hope that one day he’d get his chance to perform his stunts and reach any goals he’d dreamed of, even if they were death defying.
As the next skater approached the lip, Jude’s entire body tensed.
“Jesus,” Jude whispered to himself as the skater held his board firmly, helmet securely in place, awaiting the signal.
I studied the guy. He was short, with a wiry stature. His face was attractive, with long eyelashes and full lips, and I briefly wondered if Jude was also captivated. I felt a wash of jealousy until it became clear that something was very wrong.
Jude had turned ashen, and his movements were jerky as his gaze stole toward the exit.
“I have to go. Will explain later,” he said as soon as the skater began his time in the bowl. “Stay right here. Do not follow.”
What the hell was going on? Were they old friends from another life? My stomach churned as I watched Jude’s retreating form.
Dex and Emmy were enjoying the guy’s performance, unaware of the alarm sounding off in my body. I kept looking at my phone, hoping Jude would text me that he was okay.
“What happened to Jude?” Emmy asked once the skater’s performance ended.
I tried to keep my voice steady. “He had to leave early.”
“Bummer,” Dex said, though he looked as if he didn’t quite believe me.
The skaters in the current category lined up to hear how they had placed, and I stood up, so filled to the brim with nervous energy, I could no longer remain seated.
Through the tent entrance, I noticed that the sun was now peeking from behind the clouds. The strangest thought occurred to me in that moment. That rain or shine, the earth would still rotate on its axis without Jude. But it would be my center of gravity that would remain off-kilter. Permanently.
My phone finally buzzed with a text, and I shakily withdrew it from my pocket.
Sorry I had to leave. That was him. Mateo. The guy I told you about.
My stomach hollowed out as my eyes darted across the way. But the competition had ended, and everybody was filing out of the tent. I didn’t see Mateo anywhere.
When we got to the parking lot, I immediately spotted Smoke, who shook his head as if in a warning not to react to anything. Jude was nowhere to be found, and as we got to Dex’s car, I almost felt compelled to stay, but there was nothing I could do. I didn’t even have my bike.
Jude never responded to my text questions, so as soon as Dex dropped me home, I got on my bike and rode. I drove past his house, the marina, and then the Board Room before pulling into the back lot near the Hog’s Den, because I didn’t know what else to do.
The first thing I noticed was Chopper tied to the bike railing out back, and I strode toward the dog, my mind a flurry of activity. Was Jude inside, or had he abandoned his dog?
“What are you doing here, boy?” I knelt down and petted his scruff.
Then I swallowed back my despair and fear and stormed inside the Hog’s Den, heading straight for the bar.
“Should be temporary,” Vaughn said before I could get any words out. “He’ll be at the compound until Mal gets the all-clear.”
My pulse skittered in my veins.
“Chopper stays with me,” he said, filling up a glass of beer as if nothing at all had happened. As if my entire world hadn’t just spun out of control. “If it’s longer than a day, I’ll take him to Jude.”
“Why can’t I—”
“This is club business now. Let it play out.”
My fingers shook as I gripped the edge of the bar. “That guy at the event?”
“Pretty big coincidence that he was only in town for the competition. They have to see if his story checks out.”
“And if it doesn’t?”
Something dark passed through his eyes, and my stomach dropped to the floor.
“He had to pitch his phone, so he left you something,” Vaughn said as he reached under the bar and pulled out a folded sheet of paper that was some sort of dingy receipt with the Hog’s Den insignia embossed at the top.
Jude had scrawled a note on the back.
Cory,
No matter what happens, I need you to know that I love you.
I will never not want you.
I’ll always try like hell to make my way back to you.
Yours,
Jude
I gripped the bar, overcome with warring emotions. A visceral flooding of love that welled in my soul, but also a sorrow that ached deep in my bones. The air in my lungs felt trapped by the weight of my despair, and I choked for a decent breath.
“Don’t worry,” Vaughn said, studying me. “For now he’s safe.”
I blew out a breath. “So he’ll be coming back?”
“That’s not up to me, Cory.”
Vaughn walked down the bar to hand some drafts to a couple of guys watching the game on the big screen. When he came back my way, he looked pointedly at me. “You’ve fallen hard for him, haven’t you?”
I nodded, even though I was certain he saw the answer plainly in my eyes.
“Well, shit. I don’t envy you, my friend.”
That was comforting. But what the hell did I expect with this crew?
31
The most excruciating forty-eight hours of my life followed. I didn’t know if I’d see Jude again, and the not knowing was pummeling at my heart. It was almost like grieving Damon all over again. Except this time, I could still hold on to the hope that Jude would come walking through the door.
After my shift at Raw Ink, where I attempted to hide from Emmy’s and Dex’s probing eyes, I headed home. Once I fed the dogs, I planned on checking in with Gram and then riding to the Hog’s Den for any news.
I sat on the couch and stroked Patch, who had curled up on my lap. I sank my head against the cushions and shut my eyes. I had barely slept all night, and it was catching up to me. I ignored my aching back because I knew it was probably stress related, and until I knew Jude’s fate, the anxiety wasn’t leaving anytime soon.
&n
bsp; I heard the sound of a motorcycle barreling down the street, and my eyes flew open. Would that reaction ever leave me?
Next there was a tap on my door, and my heart crashed against my rib cage. I walked to my entryway, fearful of what I’d find. Maybe Smoke was giving me the courtesy of an update about Jude.
I pulled open the door and sagged against the frame when I saw Jude standing on the stoop with his hands shoved deep in his hoodie. Goddamn, he knocked the wind out of me. He bit his lip, as if uncertain of himself or how I’d respond.
Immediately my defenses heightened, and at the same time something inside my chest latched closed. I looked around the yard and then down the street for any signs of danger. I noticed Smoke driving off in the distance.
“Cory,” he said, his voice filled with anguish.
“Jude.” I stayed back, terrified of allowing my heart to believe it was truly him. “I’m… Goddamn, I’m glad you’re safe.”
I wanted to bury my head into his shoulder, feel him, smell him, and unleash all my emotions onto him, while simultaneously wanting to shove him away because he felt like the sand in an hourglass. Always slipping through my fingers.
“Can we talk?” he said, taking a tentative step forward.
“I thought…” I moved aside to allow him to get by, my chest tightening like a screw as an overwhelming well of panic arose inside me. Like maybe Jude was only here for a brief visit, and then he’d be on his way again. I was having great difficulty believing he was actually standing inside my house. “I figured you were probably gone. You know, for good. Like…like everybody else.”
He stepped toward me, lifting his hand partway before letting it fall. “Like everybody else?”
“Yeah, you know.” My head dipped, my shoulders hunched. “Like the other people in my life who’ve left me.”
“Fuck, Cory. I’m not. I would never…” He trailed off, as if struggling to get the right words out. “I would never leave you. Not unless I was forced to. This was only a precaution until things got sorted.”
I studied him as all the air occupying the space between us seemed to pulse and vibrate.
“So then everything stays the same?” I mumbled, then swallowed roughly, still not quite believing his words. Not yet. “You don’t have to go?”
“Alex and Malachi think I’m safest here.”
I stared at the floor, attempting to gain control of my pounding pulse.
“Can you…can you look at me, Cory? Allow me to explain?”
My gaze snapped to his, and he blew out a sharp breath.
“When I saw Mateo skating at the event…I was shocked as well as confused. I hadn’t seen his name in the lineup.”
I remembered the program they handed out at the door and didn’t recall any skater named Mateo either, not that I was looking.
“Alex cross-checked government records and found him living on the East Coast. Apparently he’s also under protection and using an alias.”
I felt my eyes widen at the news.
“They needed to make certain that him showing up at the same event was purely a coincidence.”
My heart was battering in my chest. “And was it?”
“His story seemed to check out,” he said, and I released a jagged pant. “He’s done a couple of events under his pseudonym; no way could he have known my name or the town I was staying in. Besides, I’m not even sure if he saw me.”
I remained silent, awaiting the upshot. For everything to come crashing down around me. I still couldn’t inhale a goddamned decent breath.
“We used to… We’d skate together. It was the thing we had in common.”
“So he left his former life behind too,” I said, trying to piece it together. “Do you feel like you want to—”
“He means nothing to me, Cory.” He stepped into my space, backing me against the door. “And you mean everything.”
My chest felt crowded and uncomfortable, and I wanted to touch him so desperately. But I still needed to get some things square in my head. He kept his distance, understanding dawning in his eyes.
“I’m sorry. This must be difficult for you to deal with,” he whispered. “I just wanted to make sure you were alright. You don’t have to do this—be with me.”
My gaze snapped to his, and I saw profound sadness in his eyes. I didn’t want to hurt him any more than he wanted to hurt me. My fingers reached for his chin, grasping firmly. “How can I not be with you?”
He gasped but remained silent, allowing me to get my thoughts out. “You mean everything too.” My forehead rested against his as I breathed him in, his earthy scent heady.
His eyes searched mine as he reached up to remove my cap and run his fingers through my hair. His lips grazed my forehead, then my cheek. I felt myself falling into him. Impatient to kiss him. Touch him. Be with him.
I placed one hand behind his neck and the other on the small of his back before my mouth rushed over his. My lips traced his, top and bottom, and then my tongue parted his mouth and nudged inside. Just that small taste of him brought the universe back in alignment.
He brushed his tongue against mine, slow and sexy, until I could barely catch my breath. My fingers dug into his hip; I desperately needed him closer. My tongue twined along his, exploring his mouth, while my hands skimmed up and down his spine. I wanted to slide beneath his skin, dissolve into his bones. To make absolutely certain he would never leave me again.
His breaths were heavy and hard as I wound my fingers through his hair, pulling him even nearer. He drew my tongue inside his mouth and gently sucked on it until he dragged a whimper from me. I tightened my hold on his hips and tugged him forward, bracing myself against the doorframe. He slanted his head to deepen the kiss, and I felt every place on his body that touched mine—our thighs, our stomachs, our chests. He traced a fragile line with his thumb along the small of my back, above the loop of my jeans, and I groaned into his mouth.
“Jude…” We broke apart, breathing heavily, and I warily turned my gaze to him, my heart bouncing around my chest.
“Cory?” he asked, no doubt seeing the agony in my eyes.
“I just… I need to know this is real. That you’re real,” I whispered. “Do you understand?”
His eyes held mine for entirely too long as he seemed to read something in them. “I understand.”
We didn’t waste any more precious seconds. By the time we made it to the bedroom door, our clothes were wrenched off, and Jude had me facing the wall, my hands above my head. He was using that assertive, confident voice that made my dick swell.
And then his groin was rubbing against my hip as he bit and sucked my neck.
“I need you, Jude. Inside me. Now.”
He must’ve heard the desperation in my tone. Without another word, he drove his hard cock against my back, his fingers gripping my hair as he took my mouth in a fervent attack of teeth and tongue and mouth.
“Second drawer,” I whimpered. His tongue dug deep in my mouth, and shockwaves ignited through my body.
“Don’t move.” He backed away from me, and I heard the crinkling of a condom wrapper as he suited up and returned to me.
His fingers were already lubricated, and he found my crease and rubbed my puckered hole until a guttural groan ripped from my throat.
“Fuck, I’ve missed you,” he said, pushing one finger inside. I arched my hips and drove back against his hand as he added a second digit.
His hand reached around to fist and pump my cock, and he swiped a finger across my tip, sending needy pinpricks of desire across my spine. His wet tongue and the small nips on my shoulder drove me to the brink. “Please.”
“Bend over for me,” he growled against my ear. “I need this arse.”
My legs trembled as I thrust my hips out. He parted my cheeks, and I felt a whisper of lips across my nape.
“Fuck,” he shouted as he pushed inside me inch by magnificent inch.
I lost my breath and braced my forearms roughly again
st the wall. The stretch and feeling of fullness were almost too much to bear. He stilled, his forehead digging into my shoulder as he hissed through his teeth. Jude was inside me, and holy fucking Christ, it felt unbelievable as flames of heat licked all over my skin.
“This is too good, Cory,” he grunted. “Fucking brilliant. So damn tight.”
“Give it to me, Jude,” I said as the friction and burn transformed into tingles of pleasure rippling across my limbs. I wanted to feel the tightness, the fullness, the blistering sting all the way into next week. “I need this. I need you so much.”
“Do you believe me now?” Jude’s teeth bit into my shoulder, and then he licked the stinging skin to soothe the ache. “I’m fucking real, Cory. This is real.”
He growled and thrust inside, fucking me with such determination that stars began to flare in front of my eyes. It didn’t take long before I blew apart completely, shivering and shaking and melting against the wall as Jude’s hands dug further into my hips.
As Jude chased his own release, his groin propelling against my ass, two thoughts clicked solidly into my brain: Jude York was real, and I’d just had the most intense sex of my life.
32
Jude and I had fallen into a makeshift routine the next couple of weeks. We’d have lunch or dinner at his place or mine whenever our schedules would allow. But out in public we remained under the radar, attempting to look like nothing more than friends.
Behind closed doors was a different story. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other and usually ended up in bed, with Jude begging me to fuck him and me happily obliging. Or we’d skip the meal, preferring to use our time together to talk about everything under the sun, as if making up for lost time, our bodies constantly touching, our mouths perpetually hovering, our fingers frequently entwined.
“You want my mouth on your cock?” I’d asked him last night, my fingers hovering above his zipper. I’d stopped over after my night out with the Raw Ink crew. Jude had come by Zach’s Bar to hang out briefly, but we always made sure to leave separately.
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