Ex in the City

by Lillianna Blake

  Our conversation paused as we placed our orders. I made sure that Marley had her favorite chicken with ranch and apple slices. She had good taste, for all of being five.

  “I don’t know, Maddie. One minute I think I have it figured out—that I know what I need—but then I look into his eyes and—”

  “And you fall in love all over again.” Maddie nodded. “That’s why it was good for you to have time away. Distance is going to be the only thing that cures that AJ addiction.”

  “But when I saw him again this morning, it was like not a moment had passed. I just don’t know how to explain it or even to understand it myself. But it reminded me that when I’m near him, everything else really does disappear. I just need to refocus on my journey. So, AJ has a girlfriend. Good for him. And I’m working on me—growing and exploring without a man—and that’s just fine.”

  “Maybe that’s the problem.” Her eyes widened. “Maybe you need distance from AJ, but that’s no reason to shut out all men from your life.”

  “Don’t be silly. This isn’t about dating, it’s about discovering me—what it is I really want out of my life.”

  “I’m not being silly. I’m just not sure how you’re going to learn anything about yourself if you don’t have anyone around to challenge you, to stir things up. One of the problems with AJ is that he gets you—deep down—and as long as he does, he’s never going to push you hard enough for you to see it for yourself.”

  “Hm. That might be true.” I glanced over at Marley as she jumped over a pretend log on the playground. “Good job, sweetie!”

  “See, you’re avoiding.” Maddie shook her head. “I just think it would make more sense to date here and there, to see what it’s like to be with other men, to discover new personalities and how they blend with yours. I mean, sometimes the greatest insight comes from spending time with just the right person for whatever issue you’re working on. Don’t you think?”

  “Now you sound like Sammy.” I laughed. “I guess reading her book has gotten to you too.”

  “I just think it’s interesting. I mean, if you really think about it, the times you grow the most are the times that you are challenged the most, so it makes sense to me.”

  “I guess you’re right.” I shivered a little. “I’m not sure if I’m ready for dating, though.”

  “Well, that’s the best part. It doesn’t have to be dating, it can just be one date. Just because you go out with a guy, it doesn’t mean that you’re committing to a dating relationship. You can explore things for one night and then go from there.”

  “Hm. I don’t know. I’d feel awkward even trying to meet someone.” I bit into my bottom lip.

  “Don’t worry about that. I have a few guys in mind.”

  “Ah, so now the truth comes out.” I laughed. “You had this in mind the whole time, didn’t you?”

  “I’m only looking out for you, bestie.” She winked at me, then groaned as Nathan dropped his pants in the middle of the playground. “Nathan! We go to the bathroom first, then we pull down our pants!” She rushed over and grabbed his hand.

  I had to stifle laughter as she hurried past me with Nathan still half unclothed.

  “If I think of someone, I’ll text you his info!” She waved to me as she disappeared into the family bathroom.

  Only then did I let myself laugh.

  Marley walked up to the table with a yawn. “Blu, I’m tired. Can we go home?”

  “Sure we can, sweetie. Did you have fun with Nathan?”

  “Yes, but maybe he needs stupenders.”

  “Stupenders?” I blinked.

  “Stupenders—to keep his pants on.” She giggled.

  “Oh, suspenders!” I laughed and hugged her. “That’s a pretty good idea.”

  I sent a text to Oliver to let him know that we were ready to be picked up. I knew he wouldn’t be far away.

  As we left the restaurant, I caught sight of a man looking in my direction. He was handsome, with dark hair, bright eyes, and a nice smile. When our eyes met, he winked.

  I felt my cheeks flush as I hurried Marley to the car. Sure, I was going to do just great with the dating scene. Not!

  Chapter 4

  After I tucked Marley into bed, I folded some of her clothes and put them away. Although there was a housekeeper, I preferred to take care of the things that related to the children.

  Once the clothes were put away, I headed into the kitchen to check with the cook about dinner. Most evenings, she prepared something for the children and then Mr. and Mrs. Nickels ate together later in the evening.

  As I was getting ready to have a little rest myself, my phone rang. When I saw Dawn’s name, I couldn’t help but smile. We’d grown close over the summer and it had been so wonderful to see her confidence build up—so much so that she’d felt capable of opening her own bakery.

  Although I’d been back in New York for two months, it felt as if I could send a text and meet up with everyone to hang out. It still stung a bit when I realized how far away they actually were.

  “Hi, there!” I settled on the sofa as I pressed the video button on my phone.

  “Hi! How is everything?” Dawn smiled into the phone.

  “Pretty good.” I breathed a sigh of relief as I realized that it was an accurate statement.

  “Do you have a few minutes? I thought you might like a tour of the bakery.”

  “Absolutely. I can’t wait to see it.”

  “It still needs a few final touches, but so far it’s coming along well.” She laughed—a nervous laugh, I thought—as she walked through the front door of the bakery.

  “I love the colors!”

  “Yes, I thought they might be too bold, but now that I see them on the walls, I’m really glad I went with them. I think it gives the bakery a fun and youthful vibe.”

  “I agree. It seems really inviting too.”

  “Over here is the seating area.” She panned the camera across several tables with chairs on top of them. “I think it will be enough for now, but we do have the potential to expand it if needed. And look—there’s a small stage area.” Pride filled her voice as she continued. “I thought it would be fun to have events now and then—with musicians and maybe artists or poets.”

  “It’s perfect! Really great, Dawn.”

  “Thanks.” She panned the camera toward the front counter. “So, we have plenty of space at the counter and also a warmer for people who call in orders. I’m hoping that the app and website we set up are going to do well for pre-orders. My goal is that it will help prevent customers ever having to wait in line for too long.”

  “Great ideas. You really have everything organized. I’m impressed that you’ve been able to pull so much together.”

  “Well, I had a lot of help.” She paused the camera on a figure halfway up a ladder, who appeared to be installing a clock.

  “Is that Garrett?” I grinned.

  “It is.” She lowered her voice and zoomed in the camera. “Is he not adorable?”

  “Mm-hmm, yes he is. Did you ask him out yet?”

  “Shh! Of course not. We’re just friends.” Dawn hurried into the kitchen, the camera bouncing and wobbling as she did.

  “You can tell yourself that as much as you want, but it’s not going to make it true.”

  “Stop! Seriously. I wouldn’t even know how to ask him out.” She pointed the camera at the large cold storage area. “I made sure I have plenty of storage space—that way in the future we can do some catering as well.”

  “Excellent, but there is no need to change the subject. We should talk about this. I’m just going to step into the dating pool myself.”

  “Are you?” She turned the camera back to her own face. “So you really ended things with AJ then? I thought you two might just be taking a break.”

  “I’m not sure that I would call it ending things. I mean, I’m not sure it’s possible to ever end things with him. But yes, we are not together and he has promised to respect my
need to explore. Heck, he’s even dating someone. Exploring wasn’t going to include dating, but my friend Maddie seems to think that I need to do some casual dating in order to help me figure things out.”

  “That does make sense. It’s so easy to get stagnant if you don’t have someone around to push your buttons or ruffle your feathers.”

  “I’m sure you could use some button pushing and feather ruffling.” I raised an eyebrow as I laughed.

  “Maybe, but I’m not ready yet.”

  “Will you ever be? Be honest. What is going to make you ready? You own your own bakery, you’ve gone after what you want, why stop at that?”

  “Ugh, it’s not like hunting prey.” She laughed. “I can’t just knock him down and drag him off into my cave.”

  “Interesting.” Garrett’s voice drifted at a distance through the phone.

  I gasped as I saw Dawn’s face go pale.

  “Oh, Blu, I should go.” Her cheeks went from ivory to bright pink in less than ten seconds.

  “What are you two talking about?” Garrett peered over Dawn’s shoulder into the phone. “Hi there, Blu.”

  “Hi.” I did my best not to laugh. “We were just discussing dating techniques.”

  “Blu!” Dawn glared at me.

  “Well, any man would be lucky to be knocked down and dragged off by either one of you, so good luck.” He cast a wink in Dawn’s direction, then disappeared from view.

  Dawn turned off the camera and spoke into the phone instead.

  “I can’t believe that just happened,” she hissed.

  “Sounds to me like an opportunity to broach the topic. Go for it!”

  “No, I couldn’t—ugh.”

  “You also thought you’d be stuck in that awful job forever. Now look where you are. You can, Dawn. You can do anything.”

  “Thanks, Blu.”

  “Sure, and just don’t forget it.” I laughed. “We are women, hear us roar, remember?”

  I hung up as a warm sensation spread throughout my body. It was as if I could feel the power of our group of friends—our little tribe—wash over me, even from a distance.

  Dawn had come so far in such a short time, and she was so brave to step outside of her comfort zone. Maybe the last step in my letting go and truly embracing my journey was to be willing to do the same.

  Maybe Maddie was right. Maybe it was time to stick my toe into the dating pool.

  Chapter 5

  When Marley woke up from her nap, I gave her a snack, then loaded her up in the car. Oliver waved to us from the front seat, then we headed off to pick Joey up from school.

  Joey’s schedule was pretty busy for an eight-year-old. He had a flute lesson after school and now I was picking him up to take him to his basketball practice. In some cases, I thought parents over scheduled their kids, but in Joey’s case, it was easy to see that he loved every minute of it. Outgoing and energetic, all of the activity seemed to help him to stay focused and actually go to sleep before ten o’clock at night.

  Marley sang to me as we waited in the pick-up line at Joey’s school. My heart warmed at the sound of her voice. Sometimes I really did think I had the best job in the world. When I was younger, I’d never considered that I would want to be a nanny, but now I was grateful that I’d gone down this career path.

  “Blu, what’s this?” Marley waved a pamphlet through the air.

  “Oh, that’s from a museum I visited.” I smiled as I looked over at her.

  Over the past few weeks I’d been visiting different sites around New York City—places I’d never taken the time to see before. It was funny how much time being in a relationship seemed to take up. I’d enjoyed exploring, but hadn’t gotten the sense of fulfillment that I expected to receive.

  Instead, I found myself wishing that I had someone to share it with. That was just another reminder that perhaps Maddie was right. She usually was. But stubbornly, I held on to my desire to be on my own. Could I really hold someone else’s hand? Kiss someone else? I closed my eyes for just a moment as I realized that AJ was doing just that with someone new.

  If he could, why couldn’t I?

  “Hi, Blu!” Joey popped open the door.

  I got out, giving him a quick hug before I slid into the front seat beside Oliver.

  Joey hopped into the backseat next to his sister. He grinned as he reached over to poke her. “Hi, Snarley Marley.”

  “I’m not Snarley!” She whined and kicked her feet.

  “Joey, don’t start!” I sighed. He’d turned eight and decided that his favorite activity was to torment his sister. “Are you ready for basketball?”

  “Yes, I can’t wait. I’m going to make a basket today, Blu, I know I am.”

  “I know you are too.” I smiled as we pulled out of the school parking lot. I’d been practicing with him to see if we could improve his shot, and he had been doing better lately. “But remember, the important thing is to have fun.”

  Those words echoed through my thoughts as we drove to the middle school gymnasium where the practice was being held.

  Maybe, like Joey, I needed to focus more on just having fun. I was supposed to be having an adventure, after all. So far, I’d made lists of all the places I should see, all the things I should do, but I hadn’t really embraced the idea of being spontaneous and following my desires. Despite my determination to enjoy my freedom, I hadn’t really been having that much fun.

  As I herded the kids into the school, I noticed that there was quite a crowd. Several of the grades held their basketball practices in the large gym.

  Joey spotted his team right away and raced over to join them. Marley and I followed after.

  I found us seats on the bleachers and pulled out some of Marley’s favorite books. She had a hard time sitting through the practices, so I liked to bring some special activities for us to do together.

  Today, however, she was not interested. She kept bolting away from the bleachers and trying to get in the middle of the practice. The first two times, I caught her before she could interfere. Then I dropped one of the books, reached down to pick it up, and when I looked up Marley had stolen the basketball from Joey.

  “Blu!” Joey wailed as his friends gathered around Marley.

  “Give it back!” Joey’s friend Peter demanded. Peter had been to the house plenty of times and Marley was almost like a little sister to him.

  “Peter, that’s no way to talk to a lady.” A man about my age walked up to the three as I rushed toward Marley.

  “Marley, honey, Joey needs the ball for his practice. Now give it back to him. This isn’t play time.”

  Marley pouted, but she handed the ball back. “I want to practice too!” She whined.

  “When you’re a little older you can.” I ruffled her hair and pulled her close. Then I apologized to the coach. It wasn’t unusual for little siblings to interfere now and then, but it was the first time it had happened to me.

  I was embarrassed and frustrated, but I tried not to let that seep into my voice. Marley didn’t respond well to harsh tones, and I didn’t want a meltdown in the middle of the gym.

  “She’s adorable.” The man who’d spoken to Peter smiled at me. “I say they should let her play.”

  “Yes, well, she probably would run right out the door with the ball.” I laughed.

  I couldn’t help but notice the shine of his gray, almost silvery eyes and the way his smile revealed a tiny dimple in his cheek. His thick blond hair was a bit messy and the snug t-shirt he wore showed off how fit he was.

  I’d met Peter’s mother several times. I’d guess that she was in her late forties. Could this really be her husband?

  “Smart girl.” He chuckled. “I’m Chase.” He offered his hand. “I don’t think we’ve met.”

  “No, I don’t think so. I’m Blu.” I took his hand in a quick shake. “I’m Joey’s nanny. He and your son play together often.”

  “My son?” He laughed. “No, I’m Peter’s brother. I know, people make t
hat mistake a lot. Peter is definitely the baby of the family.” He grinned. “It’s nice to meet you, Blu.”

  “You too.” I looked into his eyes—perhaps just a second too long.

  Chapter 6

  I stumbled on my words. “It’s—it’s nice to meet you, Chase.” I smiled at him. “Your little brother is a sweet kid.”

  “When he’s not bossing around little girls.” Chase shot him a look.

  “Oh, don’t be hard on him. He’s used to playing with Marley. She can be very strong-willed. Right, Marley?” I ruffled her hair.

  “I want to play too!” She stomped her foot.

  “Well, there is a basket open. Want to play with me?” Chase tilted his head toward one of the empty basketball hoops. “I bet I can get us a ball.”

  “Will you play too, Blu?” She tucked her head into my side. I always thought it was interesting how bold and brave Marley could be one second, then terribly shy the next. I wondered if she would grow out of it, or if she would always have such a strong tug back and forth.

  “Sure, I’ll play.” I smiled. The thought of tossing the ball around with Chase made my heart beat a little faster. He was the type of cute that made me think of cowboys and long hot summer days. His skin was tanned and his voice was warm and pleasant.

  “Great, I’ll grab a ball.”

  He jogged off to retrieve one while Marley and I headed for the basketball hoop.

  Within seconds, we were all laughing and chasing each other around. Basketball turned into a game of tagging whoever had the ball.

  I hadn’t laughed so hard in a long time, and it surprised me how comfortable I felt playing with Chase—until I had the ball and he decided to tag me with his arm around my waist and his lips close to my ear.

  “Caught you.” His words were wrapped in laughter.

  My heart fluttered and my stomach lurched as his arm lingered longer than it needed to around my waist.

  “He got you, Blu. You have to give him the ball! No cheating!” Marley stomped her foot. Her tiny voice woke me up from the daze I’d drifted into and I pulled away as I handed Chase the ball.