“I have no idea. Chase is nice—sweet and really respectful. But I have no idea what he expects from our relationship, and what’s worse is that I have no idea what I expect from it. You know, I started out on this journey expecting to find myself, and I have to admit, I feel more lost than ever.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. Do you think it’s possible that you weren’t as far off as you thought?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, finding yourself doesn’t always lead you down an unexpected path. Sometimes, it leads you right back to where you started. Sometimes, it leads you to a place you forgot you wanted to go. I sure never expected to be dating again, but at the same time, I think it’s somewhere I always knew I’d end up.”
“Thanks, Noella, I’ll consider that.”
She smiled. “And I hear you’re spending the weekend with AJ in Diamond Bay?”
“Yes.”
“Good luck with that.” She winked.
“Much needed, I think. Good luck with your next date too. Keep me posted.”
“Will do. Bye, Blu.”
I clicked off the phone and headed out to pick up Marley.
After we spent a little time at the park, we picked up Joey and then I took them out for ice cream.
We arrived home and a few minutes after, Rachel surprised me by walking in the door early.
“Hey, Blu, I know you have your trip—why don’t you call AJ and see if he wants to leave earlier? I hate to think of you two arriving so late.”
“Are you sure? I was just going to start dinner.”
“I’ve got dinner, don’t worry. Go and have fun.” She winked at me.
I stared at her for a moment. It seemed like she was trying to say something without saying it.
“Thanks, Rachel.”
I texted AJ and he responded that he was on his way.
I waved goodbye to Rachel and the kids, then joined AJ in front of the apartment building.
“Ready for this?” He smiled.
“Good music, good company, and road trip food, here I come!” I settled into the passenger seat and found that he’d already bought all the supplies.
He cranked up the radio as we headed out of the city.
I expected to feel nervous or awkward, but I didn’t.
When AJ rolled the windows down, I started to sing along with the music and moments later, he joined right in with me.
I leaned my head back against the seat of his jeep as I’d done so many times in the past and just like that, I was transported back to our summer in Diamond Bay—to a time when I’d been wide open and curious about everything including my relationship with the man sitting beside me.
Chapter 23
About two hours into our drive, we’d only covered a little less than half the distance to our destination due to the traffic, and it didn’t look like it was going to get any better.
“This is frustrating.” AJ rolled up the windows and turned on the AC while we sat in traffic.
“I guess maybe we should have left later after all.” I frowned as I stared at the line of cars in front of us.
“Well, we can sit in traffic until it moves or we can get off at the next exit and find a place to grab some dinner. What do you think?”
“Sure, I can eat.” I grinned. We’d already made a dent in the road trip food, but I was still hungry.
“Okay, first place we see, we’re stopping.”
He wove his way out of the traffic and took the first exit. Within a few minutes we were in front of a restaurant. From the outside it appeared to be a date night kind of place.
“It looks a bit fancy for what we’re wearing.” I glanced down at my ripped jeans and t-shirt.
“But it’s open.” He grinned at me. “Ready for a little adventure?”
“Sure.” Excitement bolted through me. Anything I did with AJ seemed fun.
When we stepped inside, the restaurant was pretty busy. The hostess eyed my sneakers, sniffed, then escorted us to an empty table.
“See, no problem.” He grinned.
“You didn’t see the way she looked at me?” I laughed.
“Blu, it doesn’t matter what you’re wearing, you’re always beautiful.”
I rolled my eyes, but felt a blush creep up along my neck. When AJ said that kind of stuff, I knew he meant it, that it wasn’t just something to say.
As we settled in and placed our order, I noticed that AJ did his best not to look in my direction. I found this a little unusual, as I was used to him always trying to meet my eyes.
I followed his lead and took a look around the restaurant. My gaze settled on a young couple at a table a few feet from us. Their meals were mostly uneaten, and they leaned so close that the candle between them was in danger of singeing their skin. As I watched, he caressed the curve of her cheek. She closed her eyes and smiled. It was such a perfect moment, but it created a sense of sadness in me.
“Blu?”
“Hm?” I glanced up and noticed that our food had been delivered.
“I thought you were hungry.”
“I am.” I smiled and picked up my fork. “So, how are things with Falyn?”
I don’t know why I asked; I didn’t really want to know.
“Uh...” He set his fork down. “We’re not really together anymore.”
“What? Why?” I met his eyes. “Oh no, it wasn’t because of this weekend, was it?”
“Not exactly. We weren’t serious. She wanted to take things to the next level, but I wasn’t ready.” He shrugged. “Pretty simple, really.”
“AJ, she’s gorgeous and sweet—and she helped you so much. Why wouldn’t you want to take it further?”
“Why do you think?” He stared hard into my eyes for a long moment.
I opened my mouth to answer, but before I could, the restaurant erupted in applause. I looked over in time to see the young man at the table next to us down on one knee. He slid a ring onto the woman’s finger and they kissed.
“Wow, what a thing to witness.” AJ smiled as I looked back at him.
“So sweet.” I smiled in return. “I don’t know how I’d react if someone proposed to me that way.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t do it in a restaurant.”
“What?” I nearly dropped my fork.
“I’m sorry, that came out wrong.” His cheeks went red. “I meant that I’d thought about how I would do it when we were together—and none of those ideas involved a restaurant.”
Suddenly I couldn’t take my eyes off him. “You thought about it?”
“Of course I did. When I said forever, that’s what I meant.” He poked his fork through his food. “A restaurant is nice—don’t get me wrong—it’s just a little impersonal.”
“AJ, I never realized that you were thinking that far ahead.” My heart skipped a beat. “I didn’t think you’d ever be ready to settle down.”
“I guess that depends on how you’re defining settling down. I knew you were the only one for me. That doesn’t mean that I was ready to buy a house and start having kids, but when I was—when we were ready—well, I always thought we’d be doing it together.” He frowned and picked up his napkin to wipe his mouth. “Look, this probably isn’t a conversation we should be having. Ready to get back on the road?”
“Wait! AJ, am I the reason you broke things off with Falyn?” Guilt washed over me.
“Not exactly.” He started to stand up, as if that was all he had to say, then he sat back down again and looked across the table at me. “She really is a good woman and she deserves someone who can appreciate her, someone who is ready to move forward. I’m just not there. I thought dating her would help me to get over us—over you—but it obviously hasn’t. I just kept comparing her, and that isn’t fair. I didn’t want to hurt her. So no, not because of you, because of my not being ready to let go. I don’t want to lie to you, Blu, but I promised you I would respect your wishes and I will.”
“Thank you, AJ.” It was all I could
manage to say.
I’d left for our weekend away thinking that I was going with a friend who had a girlfriend, and now I knew I was going with a man who wasn’t afraid to tell me that he still wanted me.
For the remainder of our drive to Diamond Bay, the car was filled with music and the silence between us.
Chapter 24
As we drove into Diamond Bay, I was flooded with memories of the summer we’d spent there together. Although most of that time I’d spend questioning the possibility of AJ’s really having feelings for me, I had to admit that I’d been falling in love with him almost from day one.
But it wasn’t just memories of him that filled my mind, it was memories of being there with the kids and discovering that I had a natural desire to solve mysteries. I’d never felt so alive as when I found myself helping AJ and his uncle investigate and solve those strange summer crimes.
“It’s good to be back.” AJ had just parked in the driveway at his uncle’s house.
“Yes, it is.” I reached over and took his hand. Why? Habit? I held it a little longer, even after I realized it was a mistake.
He stared straight through the windshield, then turned toward me as his fingers wrapped around mine. As he pulled me toward him, a rush of excitement raced through me.
“There you are!” Uncle Paul turned on the light over the driveway just in time for me to see AJ close his eyes.
I drew back and he released my hand.
“Hi!” I climbed out of the car.
“I was about to send out a search party.” He wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug. “It’s good to see you, young lady.”
“You too. Thanks for inviting me.”
“Well, it wouldn’t be a party without you here.” He looked past me at AJ. “What’d you do, get lost?”
“No, we stopped for dinner.” AJ glanced toward me, but avoided meeting my eyes.
Yes, I know that we almost kissed. I know that was what was about to happen, and how did I let it get that far?
“You two want to hang out in the back for a while? I’ve got some beer in the fridge.” Paul walked with us to the door.
“Actually, I’m pretty tired.” I swallowed hard over the lie. The truth was, I needed to get away from AJ and figure out what had just happened.
“Yeah, it was a long drive.” AJ rubbed the back of his neck.
“Okay, I’ll show you to your rooms.” Paul led us down the hall to one of the bedrooms. “Now, AJ, you can have the other guest room, but you know I’m not uptight about things. If you two decide to bunk together, it’s fine with me.” He shrugged.
“Uncle Paul.” AJ clenched his jaw.
“What?” He grinned.
“I told you, we’re just friends.” He flicked his gaze toward me. “Two rooms. Alright?”
“Right, sure. Sorry.” He winked at me, then walked off down the hall.
“AJ.” I took a step toward him.
“I know, I know.” He frowned. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that—in the car. I’ll try harder.” He looked into my eyes. “Just don’t give up on me, alright? It’s going to take time, but I’ll get there. I know I have to.”
“It’s okay.” I almost confessed that I thought I’d wanted him to kiss me, but I couldn’t. Because I had no idea if that was what I wanted. I was starting to think that coming back to Diamond Bay might have been a mistake.
“No, it’s not okay.” He leaned against the wall beside the bedroom door. “I just got caught up in the moment, in the memories. I guess it doesn’t have the same impact on you.”
“It does.” I looked down at my shoes, then back up at him. “This isn’t easy for me either, AJ. I know you think it’s what I want, that I ended things because I didn’t have feelings for you, but that’s not true. I did it because I need to discover more about who I am—what I’m meant to be doing with my life—but that doesn’t change the way I feel about you or the memories that we shared.”
“Eventually I guess I’ll understand that.” He furrowed a brow as he studied me. “I don’t know what happened, because I never lost sight of who you are.” He gazed at me a moment longer, then he ducked into the guest bedroom.
If I had said a single word he would have stopped, he would have come back to me. I knew that. But I didn’t know what to say. Maybe he hadn’t lost sight of me, but I’d been feeling as if somewhere along the way I’d vanished. At least I thought that was how I was feeling. I wasn’t even so sure about that anymore.
I closed the door behind me and tried not to think about his lips and the way his eyes drifted shut. No. This was supposed to be a trip that would help us become friends, not backslide into a relationship that neither of us could control.
Still, as I closed my eyes, I couldn’t help but wonder just how he had planned to propose to me. What did our future look like to him? Why hadn’t I realized that he wanted so much more than I could have ever imagined?
Chapter 25
I woke to the smell of pancakes. It had been a long time since I’d woken up to the smell of someone cooking breakfast. I didn’t bother to change out of my sweatpants and t-shirt as I wandered into the kitchen.
I expected to see Paul at the stove, but it was AJ—in a tight t-shirt that showed off his physique. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of him, but I pushed the sensation down. The truth was, I had started things the night before. I’d reached for him when I knew that it would probably stir something in him that he wouldn’t be able to resist.
“Morning, AJ.”
“Morning.” He glanced over at me with a smile. “Blueberry, alright?”
“That sounds great, thank you so much. Where’s Paul?”
“Oh, he had to head into town. He’s going to be gone most of the day. He said to just make ourselves comfortable. I thought it might be nice to check out the water. What do you think?” He slid a few pancakes onto a plate and set it down in front of me. “Unless you’d rather do stuff on your own, which is fine.” He turned back to prepare his own plate.
I could tell he was nervous by the pitch of his voice.
“No, I’d rather spend time with you.”
“Oh, good.” He sat down across from me. “I thought you might be upset with me.”
“I’m not. I promise.” I took a big bite of pancake. “These are delicious, thank you so much.”
“I’m glad you like them.”
We finished breakfast, then headed out to explore.
Being by the water again brought me so much peace that I almost forgot about my inner turmoil. I’d been feeling guilty for wanting AJ to kiss me and guiltier for not knowing what that meant and even more guilty for Chase sitting at home, probably waiting for me to text him.
Then a sudden splash of water soaked me from head to toe.
I gasped. “Hey! That’s cold!”
“Sorry, I couldn’t resist.” AJ grinned as he backed away from me. “You looked so serious.”
“Well, now I’m soaked and serious.” I glared at him, then kicked my foot through the water to send a splash in his direction.
“Ugh! Oh boy, that is cold!” He laughed and splashed me back. “Remember when I taught Joey how to make big splashes?”
“Yes, I remember.” I laughed. “He tormented Marley for hours!”
“Hey, I taught her how to splash too.”
“That was so much fun.” I shivered as a cool breeze coasted across my skin.
“Here.” He whipped off his long-sleeved shirt and offered it to me. “You didn’t get my shirt wet.”
“I guess I should have tried harder.” I tugged it on, grateful for the warmth, but intoxicated by the scent that clung to it. “Aren’t you going to be cold?” He was now shirtless.
“No, I’ll be fine. Let’s walk.”
We wandered along the path by the water, but when he headed toward a particular spot close to the Beach Bum, I changed direction.
He didn’t protest.
We walked into town a l
ittle ways, then stopped in at our favorite ice cream spot.
“AJ! No shirt, no shoes, no service,” the stout woman behind the counter hollered at him.
“Oops.” I laughed and pulled his shirt off to give it back to him.
“Now, how about that ice cream?” AJ bellowed as he tugged it on.
I wondered if my scent clung to his shirt the way that his had. If it did, he didn’t show a reaction to it.
“Let’s see, still two scoops—triple chocolate and cherry?” She raised an eyebrow.
“Don’t forget the sprinkles.” He grinned as he leaned against the counter.
“How could I?” She rolled her eyes, then smiled at me. “Hey there, Blu, it’s good to see you. What would you like?”
“Peanut butter, please—two scoops.”
“Great.” She served us the ice cream, then rang it up.
AJ reached for his wallet.
“No, it’s alright, I’ll get it.” I already had a twenty out.
“Oh, really?” He eyed me for a moment.
“It’s not a date, you can’t complain.” I thrust the twenty at her.
“Thanks.” She produced the change and I put some in the tip jar.
We headed back outside with our ice cream cones. For a few minutes we walked in silence, then I caught sight of a sailboat at a dock.
“I miss that.” I smiled. “When we’d go sailing.”
“You were scared, admit it.”
“Alright, I was, but you didn’t let me be.” I gazed at him for a moment. “You talked me into it, convinced me that I could be brave.”
“You were already brave.” He looked into my eyes. “You just needed a little push.”
“I certainly got it with that crazy summer—with everything that happened.”
“Yeah.” He finished his cone. “It was crazy. And wild.”
“An adventure.” I breathed the word.
“Let’s go have another one.” He grinned and grabbed my hand.
I didn’t have time to protest as he pulled me toward the sailboat.
And a few minutes later, as we coasted out across the water, I breathed in the fresh air and felt absolute freedom.
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