I couldn’t get up. I was paralyzed with his image engraved in my mind.
After class had ended, Maxime said, “I need to speak to you alone, Alex.” I followed him so that no one could hear us.
“I had you fight Keith and Orion to see if you could handle them, and you can, so I would like you to keep an eye on them. If the slightest thing feels suspicious notify me immediately. Something doesn’t feel right. Okay?” he whispered quickly.
“Sure, but this is ridiculous,” I said.
“Well, you know what they say, ‘Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.’”
I rolled my eyes and he smiled. We separated, and he called Sam away. He told us that he wouldn’t be back until much later, so we left to go hunting.
Orion and Keith had their own gear and had good aim. Sometimes they used an arrow, but they seemed to prefer track-shoots. Together, they shot three deer, two hares, and a wild boar. The rest of us were useless. I led the group back to The Shadows and let them have some free time. Orion and Keith didn’t know where to go or what to do, but I refused to be in their company. I tried to ignore them and walked away, hoping that they would let me be, but they called me.
I slowly turned around and tried to fake a smile.
“What should we do?” Keith asked.
“Do what you want,” I suggested.
“We don’t know what we want to do,” he replied like an annoying child.
I was getting irritated. They were like helpless, little boys.
“You can duel Sam; he’s always looking for practice,” Maxime said. He and Sam were coming in our direction. The three of them—Sam, Keith, and Orion—left without another word.
“Thanks,” I said.
A smile flourished on his face. “Don’t thank me. Sam’s the one who’s stuck with them,” he laughed. We started to walk. “Anything you want to talk about in particular?” he asked.
“You’re the one who came to me,” I remarked.
“True . . .”
“Your ‘meetings’ . . . who are they with, and how do they know me?”
“You shouldn’t be asking me this,” he said.
“If it concerns me, I think I have the right to know.”
“Those people don’t actually know you. They’re simply meetings with other community leaders who are against you and all others from Tamizeh. They know your history, your role in Matthew’s plans, that you have black hair, that you’re five-and-a-half-feet tall . . . but they’re convinced that you’re a boy.”
“How do they even know I exist?”
“Everyone resisting Matthew has made a pact to share information regarding him and his tactics, so as soon as someone knew about you, it became widespread news.”
“Who could possibly know about me?”
Maxime diverted his gaze, then said, “Me—”
“So you’re telling me that you somehow know everything about me and then just told the world? And now they want me dead?”
“It didn’t happen like that, Alex. I’ve only been in touch with two communities on this matter. I didn’t want anyone to find out about you the wrong way, and they were our most valuable allies, so they needed to know.”
“There’s a wrong way?” I was getting irritated.
“I didn’t want them to hear that you’re from Tamizeh and for them to think you’re Matthew’s spy or something. I tried to ease them into the idea of accepting you even though you’re from that community, but it backfired. They don’t believe me, and they don’t trust you. They just want to put an end to your planned future.”
“How do they know my future? That doesn’t make sense. I’m not even aware of it.”
“Are you really ignorant of it?” he said with a mischievous grin.
“What do you mean?” I stopped walking and faced him.
“Didn’t Matthew talk to you?” he sounded confused.
“What are you talking about?”
“Did he ever talk to you about leading the Community? As in, being his heir? The chosen one?” He sounded surprised and perplexed.
“Well, yes, but I refused. How do you know that?”
“Good. Stay away from Matthew; he’s not accustomed to taking no for an answer.”
“I don’t understand.”
“That’s all right. It’s better to keep it that way.”
“No! I refuse to allow you to blindfold me when I’m already in the dark!”
“You’re not allowing it; I’m forcing it.” There was a flicker in his eyes.
“That’s not fair!”
“Life isn’t fair!” Maxime yelled, grabbing everyone’s attention. His eyes were like frozen coals. He stormed away as I stood there in the open with a dagger in my stomach and an arrow in my heart. I hadn’t said much, and in my opinion I hadn’t really crossed the line, but it was obvious that my words had really impacted him. I had never seen him so furious before, and I hated it more than anything. He was the one person I truly got along with, and I had just pushed him away. I didn’t know what I had said that had pulled the trigger, but I was certain my words brought back some dreadful memories; I had seen it in that momentary flicker in his eyes. That was the only thing that could explain his sudden change in attitude. I couldn’t stand hurting him, making him angry, and that was exactly what I had done, complaining about his protection, although it felt more like an imprisonment sometimes.
I slowly walked to my cabin as everyone’s glare burned holes through my back. The atmosphere grew denser, heavier on my shoulders. Guilt and regret from having enraged Maxime became the two sides of me. He had only been trying to help, but I didn’t understand and wanted more answers.
I lay on my bed, wishing I could rewind and take back my anger and my words, wishing it had all been a dream. I lost my trail of thought when someone knocked at my door. I felt too weak and useless to answer, but somehow managed to mutter, “Come in.”
Maxime was silent as he calmly entered. His generous, black curls filled my heart, but his impenetrable aquatic eyes bore into my soul. I didn’t want to talk to him, but I also wanted to apologize over and over again. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. We remained silent.
“I’m sorry,” he finally said. I started to speak, but he interrupted me. “Please, don’t speak, just listen. You apologize too much.”
I couldn’t believe he was saying that when the only two phrases he knew were “Be careful” and “I’m sorry.”
“I shouldn’t have lost my temper like that,” he continued. “What you said reminded me of something, but it had nothing to do with you, and I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you. You of all people have a right to ask those questions, and if I were you, I would expect them to be answered. It’s complicated, but here’s what you should hear: Matthew has big plans; he always does. He wants you to train to perfection so that you can lead his army to wipe out all of the other communities. He’s an insane murderer, as you already know, so refusing the position was what I had hoped for, but it endangers you. Once he finds you, he’ll insert a chip in you, most likely in your left hand for reasons I do not know. It controls your brain, so you’ll think and act to his satisfaction, but you’ll still control your skill, technique, and intelligence on your own. It guides your choices.
“Other communities want you dead because you are Matthew’s secret weapon that will obliterate them. You were training extensively at H.S.H.S. to become exactly like Matthew, only you’re younger with more time to finish what he started. They also want to know Matthew’s plans and tactics, but you are ignorant to those . . . at least I think you are. If you are not, it’s your choice whether to share them or not, but know that if you speak about them, you’re giving up your identity, in other words, protection.
“My meetings have been with a community that was supporting us, but since they’ve found out about you, they’ve changed sides. The Shadows is one of the few communities that are not trying to destroy Tamizeh, but simply trying to stop Ma
tthew. Now, some of our allies have decided to join other resistances to completely annihilate Tamizeh. They haven’t told any other community about their findings, but have threatened to. On the other hand, telling another community means that the information travels and can reach Matthew’s ears. It’s a very delicate situation between us.
“Yes, you have the most complicated life, but stories are not written unless they are complicated. You also have a lot of advantages, such as your skill. You are safest here, but not safe. I am not trying to use you and do not want to keep you captive. I only wish to help. I understand it is hard to trust me, and if you wish to leave, you can, but I must urge you to stay and have some faith in us. If you choose to leave The Shadows, I would fully understand your choice. I will accompany you wherever you go and will do my best to protect you, but I can only do so much. Me being your shadow is not an option. I know this does not answer all of your questions and probably only raises more. Please forgive me. I’m sorry.”
He left before I could respond.
Tears ran down my cheeks, gathering on my neck. I felt more guilt instead of relief. I couldn’t leave after what he had said. Confusion had reached a new level.
I had never fit in at Tamizeh, but then I had found some form of hope and comfort at The Shadows, only for Maxime to destroy that feeling of safety in a matter of minutes. I wasn’t even sure if I really appreciated having some answers; they had destroyed my world. Matthew wanted me to kill, while others wanted me killed, and the only person on my side was Maxime, who knew so much, but kept everything to himself. He wouldn’t even give me all the answers to my questions. That little light I thought I had seen at the end of the tunnel—when I had decided to trust Maxime—had been turned off, and the darkness seemed endless.
Chapter 17
The next day, I walked around in a fog. Maxime’s words played over and over in my head: You are Matthew’s secret weapon. You can lead his army to wipe out the other communities. If you choose to leave The Shadows . . .
Was I really destined to lead an army and destroy millions of people and communities? When Matthew had started to train me, I hadn’t taken it seriously. After all, he was a lunatic, a heartless murderer. Was my purpose in life to be Matthew’s secret weapon, his heir? Was I born to kill? I choked back tears.
I walked down to the creek that Maxime had taken me to when I’d first arrived.
Some of my earliest memories were when I used to sit by the creek that ran through the outskirts of Tamizeh. I would dip my feet into the cool, clear water, then lean over and look at my warped reflection in the mirrored waves. A small, twelve-year-old girl with black hair the color of night and violet eyes stared back at me. I was alone, and always had been alone, but somehow I knew that I was special. It had been obvious, to me anyway, that I would take part in something so great even I couldn’t comprehend it at the time. I hadn’t seriously considered it, but when I was fourteen, I remembered wanting to become a doctor. I wanted to save lives, not become a soldier and kill.
I heard the rustling of leaves behind me. I turned around to see Maxime’s magnificent turquoise eyes.
“You know I can’t leave,” I said as I threw a rock into the stream.
He sat down next to me. “I know you’ll make the right choice.”
I hadn’t been expecting an answer and was silenced by his. His eyes were in deep thought—those eyes had brought me so much comfort since my arrival. I smiled.
“Why are you smiling?” he asked.
“Do I have a reason not to?”
“You can’t answer a question with another question.”
“I don’t know what to answer,” I told him candidly.
“How about the truth?”
“You’re asking me for the truth?”
“That is a question, but you have a point.” He laughed lightly.
“Why do your eyes change color?” I asked. It had been on my mind since the first time I’d noticed.
“Why are your eyes violet?” he questioned.
“You can’t answer a question with one,” I mimicked, and he chuckled.
“You don’t choose your parents, weaknesses, or the color of your eyes. The only choice that you struggle to make is which path to take in life. You are given specific choices: choices 1, 2, and 3, while choices 4, 5, and 6 are not even mentioned.” He was staring at the water. “All because the choice is taken away,” he continued.
“What do you mean?” I pushed further.
“Your violet eyes made the choice for you, didn’t they?”
I pondered what he said, and it scared me. How did he know that the color of my eyes affected my status in Tamizeh? “I’m not sure,” I responded.
“How come?”
“My eyes chose my role and position, but I refuse to believe that they chose my path. They didn’t choose to bring me here.” I forced the words through my teeth, choking on them.
“Or did they? David brought you here because of your eyes.”
I stared into his eyes. I was looking for something, but I didn’t know what, and his eyes were too deep to find any answers. I couldn’t tell if he was mad or not. But I was mad at him. He had just told me that the one thing I had to hold onto—choice—did not exist. I had run away from Matthew to protect that right, and he flatly told me that it had never existed.
“If you’re the one who told the other communities, how did you find out about me?” I asked.
“We’re not too far from H.S.H.S., and David and I used to sneak onto your campus sometimes to get intel or more ammo. I think you were with Matthew in someone’s office when we overheard everything.”
No words came to mind. I had trusted him, and he never told me he had spied on me at H.S.H.S. And then he told me I never had a choice in life!
I got up, needing to flee.
“You promised never to be alone!” he scolded me with a sharp accusation.
“I’m going to my cabin, surrounded by people. What could possibly happen?”
“I don’t care where you are, just keep your promise!”
“You still don’t trust Orion and Keith?”
“No! Why should I?”
“Because they haven’t done anything!” I lied. I didn’t trust them either, but I wanted to prove Maxime wrong.
“So you trust them?”
“I don’t judge them without even knowing them!” I snapped. I was always being judged by the color of my eyes, and I didn’t want Keith and Orion being judged because of another community’s threat. I was aware of my naiveté, but it was a strong desire that I held onto.
“So you don’t trust them,” he said.
“That’s not the point. I don’t trust them because we had a close sparring match and I didn’t appreciate their reactions. You, on the other hand, don’t trust them just . . . because.”
“No, I have a reason, and I thought I had made it rather clear. I think they’re suspicious. Or at least their timing at joining The Shadows is suspicious.”
“They joined your resistance; why can’t you just be grateful for more support?”
“Why can’t you just be careful? As they say, ‘Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.’ Most predators wait for the perfect moment.”
“When I’m surrounded by people in a war camp?”
“Alex! I’m serious.” He grabbed my arm and turned me to face him.
“No, you’re paranoid.” I pulled from his grip and kept walking.
“Better safe than sorry.”
“Safe? You’re the one who just said that I wasn’t safe!”
“I’m being logical. You just don’t want to believe there’s danger here. Well, there is. Matthew isn’t the only threat in this world.”
I stormed off to my cabin. He didn’t follow. I just didn’t want to believe that Matthew wasn’t the only source of peril, and I was annoyed that Maxime was right.
I lay on my bed, closed my eyes, and thought about what had happened. I liked how Maxime c
ared for me, but I didn’t want a babysitter. In some weird way, I almost wanted to be back at the creek in Tamizeh, dipping my feet into the cool, clear water.
Chapter 18
The child looked terrified, the unmistakable expression of someone who had lost everything. He was about eight years old and stood shorter than David’s sternum.
“I found him sneaking into the kitchen. His name is Ryan. He’s from Jarva, lost both parents to Matthew, heard about The Shadows, and has decided to join. You can get a lot out of a hungry child if you offer him fresh meat. He has a huge appetite. What should I do with him?” David sounded as if he didn’t care.
“He can have my cabin tonight, including the bed. Show him the restrooms and settle him in my place. We’ll take him to Maria tomorrow,” Maxime answered.
“No! I want to fight!” the boy yelled. I was surprised by his reaction. His voice was strong, and I already admired his courage. I wasn’t the only one who had been surprised.
“Ryan, your courage impresses me, but you’ll only be in danger here,” Maxime started to explain as he knelt to be at eye level with him. “And you are still growing. You will be able to join The Shadows in a couple of years.”
“What if Matthew destroys everything before that? I want him to know what it’s like to lose what he holds onto, everything. I promised my parents that I wouldn’t let him do anything to hurt Jarva, and I need to keep that promise,” Ryan cried.
Maxime wrapped his arms around him. “Matthew will lose everything; I promise.”
“I want to do what you do. I want to fight,” Ryan said through teary eyes.
“You don’t want to do what I do,” Maxime replied in a calm voice.
“Yes, I do! I want to fight like you. Teach me, please. I’m a fast learner. I promise not to disappoint you. I’m really good with swords. I can help with chores. I can hunt. I can do the dishes.”
“I believe you, but it’s not easy to be here. It takes time, effort, and discipline.”
“I have all of those!”
For once, Maxime didn’t know what to say.
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