6:29 p.m.
This evening the town held a meeting to discuss our supply situation. We ended up voting almost unanimously to expand our search area. Now we will include territory outside the 10-mile perimeter that had previously been our limit. Up to this point, we’ve tried to stay reasonably close to home to avoid stumbling into someone else’s territory, but the amount of supplies we’re bringing back has been steadily declining. I wouldn’t mind this expansion so much if Chase didn’t go on many of these missions. He has to go in the event there are mechanical issues with the vehicles. I worry about him being out there and what could happen. While we’re isolated here, it doesn’t mean that other groups aren’t taking similar steps to expand their search areas as well. Should we meet up with less than friendly outsiders, I can see there being issues about who has first dibs on the stuff that we (or they) are taking. But what choice do we have? Until spring, there’s not much hope of growing enough of our own food to sustain ourselves, so we have to make due with the pre-flu leftovers until then.
Our town meetings are always interesting, and sometimes a little tense. We (as in the Spencer side of town) don’t always see eye-to-eye with our Glasgow counterparts. So far, they’ve been largely isolated and haven’t dealt with people looking to take what they have, as we did back in Spencer. I mean, yes, WE invaded them, but it was a peaceful invasion and we brought our own stuff. This means that they’re a little more naïve about what the post-flu world is really like. Living in their little bubble here, they haven’t seen what we’ve seen, and haven’t dealt with what we’ve dealt with. They think they’re safe here, and that seems to lull then into a false sense of security that affects their decision making.
I also don’t think that the residents of Glasgow have completely gotten over our being here. While we came in peace, they don’t seem to appreciate our being here. I can’t blame them in a way, but we’ve helped them more than they know with the knowledge and manpower we’ve brought to their tiny town. I think they’d be a lot worse off without us. However, feelings are still somewhat strained between our two groups, which makes it even more difficult for the people of Spencer to settle in and feel comfortable. Most of them probably never will…it’s not home. I don’t think it bothers me as much since Spencer wasn’t my home either.
In an effort to sooth some of their misgivings, we’ve tried our best to keep things on an even playing field when it comes to major decisions that affect the entire town. When we hold votes on these decisions; since we outnumber the natives of Glasgow nearly 2 to 1, their votes count for double so that it doesn’t seem like we’re trying to take control of their town. I think that this has helped to placate some of their concerns regarding our presence here, and maybe over time, they’ll grow to accept us more. Right now, though, things are still somewhat strained, and you can feel a certain level of distrust whenever we hold meetings, almost as though the residents of Glasgow are waiting for the other shoe to drop and we tell them we’re taking over. I hope that they soon realize that such a move behooves no one. With our supply levels now decreasing, it should be glaringly obvious that the more we work together, and the more hands we have pulling the towns’ weight, the better.
I guess only time will tell.
Monday, February 10 th
7:15 p.m.
Dylan is sitting here beside me reading on our apartment’s couch. Sorry it’s been so long since I last wrote, but there just really hasn’t been much to say lately. I’ve been very busy with work. With having expanded our scavenging radius, more supplies are coming in and I’ve been very busy at the store (mostly with organizing inventory).
In the meantime, I’ve also had two more dates with Chase. Yep, things are starting to get a little more serious. I think I’m ready. Plus, staying busy at work and spending more time with Chase helps keep my mind off Violet (although she’s always there). Her death haunts me far more than even that of Chris. The passing of a child has to be the worst thing anyone can suffer through – so much potential lost, so much she never got to see or do, so much I’ll never get to do with her, tell her, and see her accomplish. Just writing about it is making me start to cry.
I go visit Violet weekly at the local cemetery. I tell her what’s happening, what her brother is doing, and generally just talk to her as though she were sitting right beside me. I could go visit more often, but it’s just too heartbreaking. I’m always left in a funk for a day or two after I leave her. It’s hard, very, very hard. I miss her so much. Okay, enough of that. I need to put this down for a little while and regroup.
Friday, February 14 th
8:32 a.m.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Chase stopped by earlier this morning and brought me chocolates – so sweet! He saved them from one of the scavenging trips he went on last week. He said he would have brought me flowers too, but he couldn’t find anything nice blooming in mid-February. I told him he was forgiven.
He’s coming for dinner tonight. He offered to take me to what has become “our spot” – the pond where we watch the stars. But I explained that I didn’t want to leave Dylan on Valentine’s Day. He told me that he understood and that he’d be fine with eating at our place. He jokingly said that if I’d cook, he’d pay. I’m fine with that since we can’t exactly go out for dinner at a restaurant, and I’d MUCH prefer my cooking over his.
10:38 p.m.
Dinner tonight was nice. I made grilled chicken (it’s kind of a delicacy these days) and pasta seasoned with Italian herbs. Chase brought wine (alcohol is one thing there’s no lack of). After dinner was over and Dylan went to bed, Chase gave me my Valentine’s Day gifts. To start, he presented me with a pair of diamond earrings and a matching diamond necklace. And while beautiful, such things are a dime-a-dozen these days. His BEST present was a full-body message (clothes on…aww shucks!). It was a wonderfully thoughtful gift, though, and I’ll take it over a bouquet of flowers or even diamonds any day. I guess it’s also a good indication of how our relationship is progressing.
Wednesday, February 26 th
7:14 p.m.
Today was weird. It started out fine, just another day. At work, we were busy. Another big load of supplies was hauled in from one of the scavenging trips. There were several pickup trucks full of inventory that either needed to be put out on display to restock the store shelves or put away in the back of the store to be sold later. We divided our store personnel, Betty and Doug (two of the Glasgow residents who work at the store) said they would restock the shelves, while Lamar (my neighbor who lost his wife back in Nashville) and I worked on inventorying the excess and finding places for it in the storeroom.
We have a big handwritten list (everything is handwritten now – such a change after doing so much on computers before the flu) of all the items in our storeroom and their various quantities. We update the list when we put new stuff in as well as when we take it out so that we have a running tally of our available inventory. This helps us with pricing our items since it provides insight into supply and demand. It tells us how much of particular items we’re selling, what we’re running low on, and where we have an excess. It also helps us with loss prevention, yet another way to ensure that employees of the store remain honest and don’t dip into the stock for personal use when no one is looking.
So anyway, Lamar and I were working together. He would carry stuff in from the trucks or from where we had offloaded some of it just inside the building’s rear entrance (there’s a dock area there – it’s our loading/pickup spot). I was noting what came in on our inventory list and stacking it where it belonged with similar items. Around noon, Lamar told me he was ready for his lunch break. I was finishing with the last few loads he’d brought in since sometimes it takes me a little while to catch up depending upon what the items are. Occasionally, I have to go through and sort boxes of stuff that the scavenge crew has thrown together in disarray. We’ve asked them repeatedly to try to sort the boxes into pre-set categories – “use-s
oon” food, “long-term” food, alcohol, firearms, ammunition, tools, clothing, medicine, toiletries, etc. – but some things don’t have “easy-fit” categories and they fall into these jumbled assorted boxes that then have to be sorted item by item. Other times, our scavenging crews are just lazy and toss everything in together.
Anyway, I told Lamar I’d catch up with him and our co-workers in a few minutes once I finished. He asked if I wanted him to wait, but I told him to go on ahead. He’s such a sweet man. He reminds me a little of my grandfather, God rest his soul.
A few minutes after he and the others left (we typically close the store from noon until one so we can eat at home since we all live so close), I heard a knock at the storeroom door. It was Barker, the head of the Glasgow group. He stops in from time to time to see how things are going, and I think he hits up his people for extra stuff when the Spencer employees aren’t around. I have a feeling that he takes stuff straight off the trucks when his people are working them. This is one of the reasons I like it when Lamar and I are here when Barker shows up, it crimps his style. It’s not fair. Just because he’s one of the town’s leaders, he thinks he gets to take extra stuff. Gerald doesn’t do it. Hell, I don’t think Gerald has ever even THOUGHT of doing it.
Anyway, Barker just kind of hung around for a while, lingering as though he wanted something. He made a few attempts at small talk that fell flat. I was busy, and I frankly want nothing to do with the man – there’s something about him that just makes my skin crawl. Plus, I was trying to concentrate on our inventory numbers. After about five minutes (which felt more like 20), he asked if I’d like him to treat me to lunch. I found the offer a bit odd since I don’t know how he would manage that with no restaurants in town. Then he clarified, saying that he had gotten a hold of some steak (I’d like to know how, since steak is worth its weight in gold these days), and was going to prepare it back at his place if I was interested. And while a nice juicy steak sounded about as heavenly as a full-body massage from Chase (MINUS clothes!), I did my best to politely decline. Something about the offer (probably the “back at his place” part) just sounded a little bit off. Then he started going on about how he knew how hard it was for me being a single parent, and how sorry he was about the loss of Violet (he’d heard about her getting the flu on the way here), and how it must be very lonely for a single woman in this new world.
I was only half listening since I was trying to keep running tallies in my head before noting them on our inventory chart.
Suddenly, while I was lifting a box, this scumbag was right up behind me, hands all over me. I dropped the box in surprise and quickly shoved him away. Meanwhile, he’s looking at me like I’m crazy. He explained that he was only trying to help me with the box since it looked heavy. I don’t know how wrapping his arms around me and grabbing a boob is his idea of help, but it certainly isn’t mine. But his reaction left ME feeling like I was the one who was in the wrong.
I didn’t know what to say, but Barker took care of the reconciliation. He came back over, and without asking, gave me a big hug, saying it was all a misunderstanding. I really didn’t want a hug from this skuzzball, but I figured that rather than make a big deal over it (and potentially blow it up into an issue that widens the crack in our community relations), I’d just let it go and move on. But Barker wasn’t about to make it that easy. After our hug (that went on for far too long in my opinion), he tried to kiss me – on the LIPS no less! That’s when I lost it. I pushed him away hard and then smacked him in the face. I mean, I REALLY let him have it. It left a big red mark on the side of his face. But come on, the guy is MARRIED! I thought he was going to come after me again for a minute, and I think he would have. Thankfully, Lamar re-entered the storage area saying he’d left behind the keys to his apartment. With a witness in the room, Barker promptly beat a hasty retreat. I think Lamar realized that he had interrupted something, and he could tell that I was visibly shaken, but he didn’t say anything. And I really didn’t want to get into it. So we both left the store together. On the way out, I saw neither hide nor hair of Barker. Just as well. I don’t like seeing him on normal occasions, let alone after something like that.
The rest of the day, I was all in a fuddle. My mind just wouldn’t work. I kept making mistakes on the inventory list and screwing up my counts. God only knows how far off we’ll be when we do our end of the month inventory verification.
I’m doing my best to let it go, but it was such a sleazy move. I keep replaying it over and over in my mind, and I just can’t figure why he would think that trying something like that would be okay. Maybe it’s that in this post-flu world, some people (like Barker) are starting to think that they no longer have to play by the rules since no one is really around to enforce them. Maybe the power that comes with being in charge of a group of people is going to his head.
I don’t know, but whatever it is, I certainly don’t like it, and I’m DEFINITELY not going to say anything about it to Chase. He’d probably kick Barker’s ass or worse, and I have a feeling that wouldn’t help things between our two groups much either.
I kind of hate to admit it, but I’m starting to not like it here. Things continue to feel very strained between the two sides of the town. Back in Spencer, we used to have our communal dinners and entertainment like movies or the Fall Harvest Festival to help bring us together and maintain community relations. But we don’t have those things here. It’s not like it hasn’t been brought up. We’ve just been so busy that it seems like no one has the time or energy for extra, more trivial pursuits like entertainment. Maybe one day we’ll get to that point, but I tend to wonder. Instead of settling down and things feeling like they’re getting easier as they did in Spencer, it almost feels like they’re getting harder. And as our search broadens for more supplies, it makes me wonder what will happen when the food eventually runs out. Will we be able to grow enough for the entire community?
For now, except when we’re working, it seems like people are staying to themselves more and more, almost as if they’re becoming distrustful of one another. Personally, I feel somewhat uncomfortable when I’m around native residents of Glasgow. It’s like they look down on us. Maybe it’s just me, or maybe it’s the day I’ve had…I don’t know.
Thursday, March 6 th
8:22 a.m.
It’s starting to get warmer out and I can tell that the days are beginning to stretch just a little bit longer. Spring is almost here, and summer will be upon us before we know it. We’re already starting to get things ready for our community garden. The scavenging teams have been gathering tools, equipment, and seeds to plant, and we’ve even put together a team to start staking out our garden areas, tilling the soil, hauling in fertilizer and top soil, and collecting fencing materials to keep the wildlife away from our crops once they are planted.
I’m looking forward (actually, I think we’re ALL looking forward) to this new food source. Once again, our scavenging crews are coming back with fewer and fewer supplies each time they go out. If we have to keep expanding our search area like this, we’ll be making trips into Atlanta come June…and nobody wants that.
From what I’ve heard, the other day one of our teams encountered another group searching the same area. There was a confrontation, and things got tense, but no shots were fired. I have a feeling that the farther these missions head from home, the more likely it is that they’re going to run into trouble, so the sooner we can start moving toward self-sufficiency, the better.
Overall, though, I’m feeling somewhat better this week. Maybe it’s the start of a new month, maybe it’s the prospects of spring, maybe it’s that Chase has been paying me more attention than ever, maybe it’s that I haven’t had anymore encounters with Barker (ugh…just the mention of that man makes my skin crawl), or maybe it’s just the warmer weather. I don’t know, but I’ll take whatever it is.
For a Chicago girl, it’s strange to go through almost an entire winter without snow. Last time I saw the white st
uff was back in Chattanooga. Heck, it hardly even falls below freezing here in Georgia, even in the depths of what we would have considered the winter doldrums (January and February) back in the Windy City. But heck, I’M not complaining.
I’m trying to head into spring with a more positive outlook. Hopefully, the whole Barker thing was just an isolated incident, something we can move past and try to forget (although I admit, as much as I’d like to, I will NEVER forget it).
I’m hoping that Dylan and I can start getting outside and doing more as the weather warms. Chase said he’d like to teach Dylan how to fish, which I think sounds like a great idea. Dylan needs a few hobbies, and the more he can get outside activity at his age, the better. Without many friends or organized sports like baseball, basketball, soccer, or having recess at school, he’s becoming rather sedentary when not working at the store with me. I think it affects his mood too. It’s hard enough being a young boy without many other kids around to play with, but then being stuck inside much of the day either learning skills and trades or helping at the store doesn’t really provide him with much of a chance to be a kid. Poor little guy. He’s such a good boy. I feel bad for him and all he’s gone through, but there isn’t much I can do about it. I’m happy that Chase is starting to take a more active interest in him. I think Dylan needs a father figure. And while I know that Chase will never take Chris’ place, he certainly helps.
Sunday, March 16 th
7:55 a.m.
It’s been too long since I’ve written, I know. There’s just not much to write about lately. It’s the same thing every day, and there’s hardly anything exciting to break up the monotony. It’s just wake up, get ready, see Dylan off to whatever it is he’s doing for the first half of the day, get to work at the store, come home, make and eat dinner, maybe take a walk, play a few games with Dylan (sometimes with Chase too), read a little, and go to bed. Then it’s rinse-and-repeat the next day. I guess that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s a heck of a lot better than walking the rails and eating ramen noodles for breakfast, lunch and dinner, that’s for sure. But I can’t say it makes a very cozy bed for dreams of the future either.
The Pandemic Diaries [Books 1-3] Page 31