Oh well, she thought, I did the best I could with what I have. Jordan flicked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and scoffed at how flat and straight it already felt, not thirty minutes after she had curled every strand to perfection.
She felt a few butterflies in her belly as she strapped on shoes with tiny heels, dyed to match the blue and black hue of the glittery dress. As far as she knew, she was the only seventh grade girl invited to the big end of the year eighth grade dance. Granted, she wasn’t thrilled with her date who loved watching Star Trek and vacuuming carpets more than anything else. But at least she had a date, and that was more than all of her friends could say.
Jordan was the type of girl who didn’t judge a guy by his appearance. In fact, she didn’t even think of his looks until she knew his personality. She could see the geekiest guy as cute or even handsome if they had things in common. Conversely, she often didn’t think the football star who all of the girls constantly swooned over was anything special. Jordan saw the quarterback kick a cat in the parking lot once and over heard him talking about his mom quite rudely. That was enough to spoil his chiseled jaw and piercing green eyes. She always looked the other way when he tried to catch her gaze in the hall.
When the doorbell rang promptly at 6:00, Jordan was ready and waiting. She was a low maintenance girl who required only a coat. What would she put in a purse even if she had one? She didn’t wear make-up yet, and her parents would wait up for her so she didn’t need a key. She couldn’t have combed her hairspray hardened hair if she tried.
She waited around the corner, allowing her mother to open the door for Dean who stepped inside, blowing lanky brown strands of hair from his eyes. He was an odd looking young man with an angular face and features which hadn’t caught up with his lengthy nose. Many boys in her class were thin, but Dean was so small he almost disappeared when he turned sideways. His blue shirt was a perfect match to her dress, and his shoes, though still shiny, were also scuffed. My first real date, Jordan thought, leaning against the wall. A night I will remember forever. Jordan peered around the corner at her date, anxious to see how he looked dressed in something other than a Star Trek t-shirt and ripped jeans. Good old Dean, she thought, smiling as she caught a glimpse of her date. He looked just as he always did, only in nicer clothes. But Jordan saw the friendly glimmer in his eyes. That little sparkle had attracted her to him the moment they met, and their friendship had grown and blossomed since. Most of her peers missed getting to know Dean, but she saw through his unusual exterior and was rewarded by his heart of gold.
Inching her way around the corner, Jordan felt a little awkward about revealing her own dressed up image to her date. The sparkle in Dean’s eye ignited into a full fledged flame as his smile widened upon seeing his date. His gaze began at her hair and moved down to her dyed shoes. Dean’s face reddened when he remembered Jordan’s parents standing near-by. He thrust a crushed corsage into her hands and focused all of his attention on the wall behind her.
The night went as smoothly as any first date could. After Dean regained his composure, he told her she looked nice; she smiled and blushed. Her parents took pictures before the couple left to meet the rest of their group for dinner. Dean couldn’t drive yet, so he “hired” his uncle to chauffer them. Driver’s cap and all, the chauffer opened the door for them.
Bumping along in the back seat, they awkwardly glanced at each other, not really knowing what to say with the uncle’s ears so near. This formal setting was so unusual to them. They were used to being buddies who teased and lounged, not young adults in finery acting properly.
Jordan only knew one other person in their dinner group, but she felt like she fit in. She laughed at the jokes and smiled at the right times. Later, on the way into the school auditorium, Jordan was horrified when her mother’s pearl bracelet snagged on her dress and snapped off, hitting the ground in pieces. Embarrassed about the accessory malfunction and wishing for the purse she so glibly rejected or the coat she’d left in the car, Jordan swiped the pearls from the ground and hid them in her hand. As always, she didn’t want to cause any inconvenience. So rather than asking Dean to house the broken bracelet in his pocket, she deftly bent over to adjust her shoe and slipped the bracelet inside. The rest of the evening was spent dancing and cajoling with a constant reminder of the broken bracelet digging into her foot.
Jordan had nearly forgotten the blister on her foot caused by the bracelet when she called to thank Dean a few days after the dance. He had just finished vacuuming and was about to watch Star Trek, so she didn’t keep him long.
* * * *
The light faded again, allowing a dull gray color to return. Her warmth slowly faded and she could feel her temperature dropping with each passing moment. Jordan felt heavy and lethargic; her eyelids were surely cemented together.
“Just came to tell you…” she heard a male voice gently croon. It seemed so far away. She felt a gentle squeeze on her hand, the pads of his fingers rubbing the place where her wedding band usually sat. Cory! Jordan tried to roll her hand to grasp his.
“Nurse Ester is taking real good care of me, Darling, so don’t you worry about a thing,” he continued. “You just get your rest, and when I’m ready to leave this place I’ll let you know. We’ll walk out together, okay?”
She wanted to interrupt him. She wanted to tell him she loved him and ask him if his heart was okay...Why couldn’t she move? Her confusion overwhelmed her fragile mind as the warm light washed her back into oblivion.
CHAPTER 5
Jay slid his key into the lock, hoping the quiet click wouldn’t disturb Madison. It wasn’t all that late, but she had been very tired these days, and he didn’t know if he could face the disappointment on her face after missing her appointment. Jiggling the door knob expertly allowed the old door to give way and open without too much trouble.
Peering through the crack between the door and jam, Jay saw two large socks propped up on the scratched coffee table. Madison was petite in every feature except for her feet. She had the feet of a tall, plus sized woman or perhaps even a man. Jay opened the door wider, revealing her pajama covered legs, torso, arms crossed over her chest, and finally her face. Her head was tilted back on the couch, mouth slightly open.
Jay sneaked by her into the cramped kitchen and put the kettle on the stove, hoping the inevitable whistle wouldn’t disturb his slumbering wife. He shuffled through the mail, discarding the junk, hesitantly opening the bills and trying not to pass out from his quick addition of the “total due” lines. Replacing the pile as the kettle hissed and hooted, Jay swung around to grab the pot before the noise got any louder.
Choosing the cleanest glass from the cupboard, Jay balanced its broken handle against the counter as he poured the hot liquid. Then, after dunking a tea bag expertly, he added a tiny smidge of honey to the mix and took two steps back into the living room.
Madison had stirred, balling her fists against her eyes and stretching her legs further over the coffee table. As her arms came down, Jay placed the mug into one of her hands and his own palm into the other.
“Morning, sleepy head,” he cajoled, attempting to sound chipper.
“I’m trying to be mad at you,” she scowled.
“I know, but I’m just so darn cute,” Jay teased.
Madison smirked, sipping the tea. “Mmm, perfect,” she stated, as she inhaled its sweet aroma. “Don’t think it’s you I can’t resist. It’s really just the tea.”
Sticking out his bottom lip, Jay cocked his head to the side.
“I really am angry with you, Jay,” she said seriously. “I didn’t agree to become a mother so I could go through this alone. I want our child. I want the life we always dreamed about.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. You’re the best mother any kid could ever ask for, and I’m the worst father. But I’m counting on you to show me what I need to become before the big day, okay?”
Jay loosened his grip on her hand and dropped to his kne
es on the floor beside her. Placing his hands on her waist, he lowered his ear to her belly. “Hey there, little guy, it’s your dad,” he began. “Sorry I missed seeing you today, but I promise I wouldn’t miss your grand appearance into this world for anything. And I’ll be here for every single day after that, whether you like it or not.”
As Jay glanced up at Madison, he could tell this was working. Placing his lips to her tummy, he whispered, “Just hurry! I could really use another man around here!”
Madison playfully swatted the curls on Jay’s head, “Jaaaay,” she protested, moving the A in his name up and down her vocal scale. “I’m not due for months. Now leave our boy alone!” Madison’s bad mood and stubborn attitude melted as Jay continued to whisper promises and stories to their unborn son. She couldn’t wait for Jay to be a father. Having Jay in her life made the entire world feel like a better place. She knew any baby would be lucky to call him daddy. As her anger evaporated, new worries crept into their place. “Jay,” Madison spoke softly, not wanting to interrupt his conversation with their baby.
“Hmm?” he muttered, rubbing her extended belly and settling his head onto her lap.
She hated to put a damper on the tender moment, but she just had to ask. “How are we going to afford this?” The question was often on their minds, but seldom on their lips. Madison taught because she loved it, not because it paid well, and Jay hadn’t returned to work since the accident. The couple was already in debt from Jay’s stint at the rehabilitation center, and the loans from school. There was no end in sight to their bills.
“We’ll find a way,” Jay sighed, trying to satisfy Madison without answering her question. Madison had health insurance, but it wasn’t great. It would cover medical expenses to a point, but once the baby was born, it would also leave large bills to be paid by Jay and Madison. On top of those concerns, they would have a newborn on their hands along with all of the costs that come with it. Jay raised his head to his elbow, trying to come up with a plan that would ease Madison’s concerns.
Madison could see the wheels turning in her husband’s head and began to feel guilty. Jay had so much on his mind with Jordan, he didn’t need to worry about their finances too. She would just have to trust that he was right, they would find a way. Pulling him toward her, Madison tilted her head to welcome his chapped lips to hers. The evening breeze had stolen their warmth, but she quickly replaced all that he had lost.
CHAPTER 6
Jay awoke, feeling more rested than he had in over two weeks. Rustling his hair from his eyes, he glanced at the window. Darkness clouded the sky with only the first hints of the morning beginning to gleam through the black. Jay untwisted himself from the sheets and carefully covered Madison with the blankets she had thrown from her body before he swung his feet over the side of the bed. Withdrawing his toes from the cold floor the instant they touched, he picked slipped his hastily thrown socks onto his now cold feet, and plodded out of the room, softly shutting the door behind him.
Oh Madison, he thought, how can I be the man you deserve? He wanted so badly to be the father he had had during his early childhood. Jay wanted to be the exact opposite of the husband his father had been to his mother later in his life. He’d already fallen into his father’s black hole once, and he wasn’t going to let it happen again.
If only he could fall into the footsteps of the man his father had been when Jay was five, before he began valuing the bottle over every person and every thing in his life. Grabbing the milk cartoon from the fridge and raising it directly to his lips, Jay conjured the image in his mind of his fifth birthday party, the last happy memory he had of his dad.
* * * *
The afternoon breeze did nothing to calm the twelve boys ecstatically bouncing around on the freshly mowed lawn. Ramming into each other and falling to the grass only to rise again and put new laughter in the air, the boys were ready for an afternoon of fun. Jay’s unruly curls stood out in the bunch, bouncing with every movement and catching the glint of the sun. His mother observed safely from the kitchen window, attempting to block out the noise and finish her preparations for the afternoon. She still had to ice the cake, divide the party bags, and get out the plastic glasses she would distribute with punch.
A full sized black and silver van pulled up to the curb, spilling two more boys onto the already busy lawn. Jay’s father lay on his back, laughing and breathing hard from all of the play. He had served as a horse, the “safe” base for tag, and an all around jungle gym. Though beginning to feel older than his age, he didn’t slow down and grabbed the next set of feet zooming by, tipping the captured boy over onto his stomach.
“Daddy!” Jay giggled. “Let me up!”
“I can’t Jay. I just can’t,” he cried back, “because,” pausing dramatically he positioned his curled hand over his son, “the claw must be satisfied.” Swiftly, he lowered his bent hand to Jay’s belly and viciously kneaded his fingers against the boys’ ribs, resulting in a fit of giggles and squirming as Jay struggled to free himself.
“Okay, boys,” Jay’s mom called from the door step, “who wants to pin the tail on Mickey first?”
Jay was saved as his father gently dumped him onto the grass, extending his tall frame towards the sky. “Me! Me!” he cried, jumping up and down above the other boys. Jay’s mom gave him an admonishing look and he backed up, letting the fourteen or more kids rush past him to pin tails on everything from the Mickey Mouse poster to the garage wall and even into the work shirt that hung on a hook nearby.
Next came the animal balloons as Jay’s dad expertly twisted the long thin balloons into poodles, hats, and the favorite of the day, swords. Colorful wars exploded on every side of the house, making his parents quite glad it was nice enough to have the party outside.
The afternoon was filled with games and sugar, and Jay’s dad participated in every instant as if he were one of the boys. “Your dad’s the coolest,” Jay heard during the party and for weeks after.
When his mom rushed for the house upon hearing the shrill ring of the phone, Jay didn’t think the day could get any better. And he was right. Her voice interrupted the party with a shout, calling her husband indoors with an urgent voice. Jay could see very little through the kitchen window. He saw his dad pace by the glass a few times, running his hand through his hair. He saw the phone fall from his hand as his body moved to the door leading to the garage. Without a word, his father started the car and screeched out of the driveway, finally quieting the boisterous boys.
As they returned to their various games, Jay sauntered into the kitchen to find his mom. With one hand on the wall near a spot of peeling paint and the other covering her face, she didn’t notice Jay’s entrance. He tugged on the tail of her shirt, un-tucked from the disarray of the afternoon. “Mommy?” he questioned.
“Everything will be all right, sweetheart,” she comforted, bending to take him in her arms. She pulled him toward her and tried to push her fingers through his thick curls but ran into a large mass of knots. “Aunt Jenny’s sick, but Daddy will take care of her. Don’t worry.”
Jay wouldn’t learn until years later that his aunt was manic depressive. Jay usually only saw her when she was having good days, and she was his favorite aunt. His family shielded him from her bad side when she would stay in bed for days at a time and curse anyone that entered the house to offer kindness. He wouldn’t know until years later that she had been rushed to the hospital twice before from attempting suicide. Jay wouldn’t know until another decade had passed that the nights his father spent away from home were not due to business, but rather another bout with his aunt’s depression. His father stayed on watch, stroking her hair and bringing a straw to her lips to make her drink cool water. Jay would never understand the exact nature of the call that came on his birthday, forcing his father to rush off in such a panic.
Jay only knew his aunt Jenny was an angel, as his father described her. To his father, she was the light of the world, second only to Jay’s mothe
r. She was beautiful and creative and smart, and his father would do anything for Aunt Jenny.
The next morning, Jay heard the roar of his father’s engine pulling into the driveway. He dashed into the hallway, stopping only when he saw his dad in the open doorway. He had never seen his father in such a state. His closely cropped hair seemed to be twisted around itself, heading every direction at the same time. His hands looked dusty and grimy, and his shirt harbored a large dark stain. Jay’s mother rushed to his side, but he pushed her away rudely. “She’s gone. Jenny’s dead,” he spit with venom and evident pain. Lip quivering, Jay ran back to his room and buried himself under his myriad of blankets and stuffed animals, hoping that he would soon awaken from this nightmare.
I never did wake up from that nightmare though, did I? Jay thought as he sprayed cologne on his shirt to mask the smell of sleep. He couldn’t be bothered with hygiene these days. He was always in a hurry even though he really had nowhere he had to be…only somewhere he felt he needed to be.
CHAPTER 7
Jay decided to visit Cory first that morning as his shoes squeaked against the freshly waxed hospital floor. He nodded to the night nurse still on duty as he swung around the corner to the elevator. Fast becoming a frequent rider, he punched at the buttons without looking down and rode in solitude. Cory’s door was only a few short steps from the elevator, and Jay was surprised to hear voices coming from the room at that time of the morning.
Someone Always Loved You Page 3