The nurse hurried from the room and returned the little boy to his plastic bassinet in the nursery. She took a marker and index card and wrote “Jay” in big curvy letters before affixing it to the bed.
Jordan knew her heart was splintering again. She was leaving a large part of her heart with that little boy. After having left most of it with Cory, she didn’t know how much was left for herself. At least Cory would always be a part of his little boy’s life, she thought, even if neither of them knew it. After all, he would carry part of his father’s name--Cory Jay James.
Later, after Evan became agitated with worry over Jordan’s unscheduled absence, a nurse took him to the nursery to see the new baby. She knew Jordan and Evan were close, and Evan had begged to meet the newest resident. Noticing the window was too tall for the young boy, the nurse swung Evan onto her hip and pointed at the small blue bundle near the side of the room.
“That’s him?” Evan asked, wrinkling his nose. The nurse nodded and smiled as she gazed through the glass at the new baby. Evan tapped on the glass, not knowing that none of the babies would be able to hear his knock. “Hey, you in the blue blanket!” he lectured. “My name is Evan, and I’m going to watch out for you. I promised your mom I wouldn’t let you get into any trouble, so go easy on me, okay?” The nurse turned her attention to the boy in her arms. He was such a sweet little thing. It was only a matter of time before he was adopted himself. “And remember,” Evan instructed with confidence, “no matter what, someone always loves you.”
CHAPTER 13
Jordan replayed her departure from the orphanage in her mind as she lay in the stark hospital bed in a deep coma. She knew that day, so long ago, that no matter what happened to her in the future, she would never feel such pain and agony as she did then. Walking away from that building was like sticking an ice pick directly into her heart. The only thing that got her through the day was the imaginative family she had created for Jay. She said good-bye to each child one by one, hugging them tightly to her briefly before they ran off to play. Bidding farewell to the nurses was not any easier. These individuals had played a vital role in what could have been the darkest months of Jordan’s life. Just before exiting the orphanage, Jordan began to frantically search for Evan. Finally, the last nurse she asked knew where to find him. Since Jay’s birth, no one had been able to take Evan very far from the nursery window. The nurse found him jumping up and down to see the new baby through the glass and took him to Jordan.
Jordan was still trying to decide how to part with the little boy who meant so much to her when he bounced into the room. Evan climbed up on her knee and placed his arms around her neck confidently. “It’s okay, Jordan,” he comforted, as if he were the adult and she the child. “I’ll take care of everything. Your son is in good hands. And don’t worry, I’ll make sure he knows someone loves him.”
Jordan moved her head from one side to the other in sheer wonder. “Oh Evan!” she cried. “What did I ever do to deserve having you in my life?” She grasped Evan’s seldom washed hair beneath her chin and rocked back and forth, savoring her last moments with her favorite orphan. “Someone will always love you, Evan…I will always love you.”
“I know.” Evan stated briefly as he hopped from her lap and moved out of the room to return to his post outside the nursery.
Jordan’s bus ride to her home town was painful, and she was quiet and withdrawn during the few weeks she spent there. She was grateful that none of her friends were home from their respective colleges so she had an excuse to remain homebound. Her painful memories were interrupted when the abrupt squeak of a door pulled her back into the present.
She listened to shoes squeak across the floor and heard the soft thud of someone sitting in the chair next to her. The pad of an index finger was placed on her wrist. It rubbed up to her elbow and back down in quick succession.
“Hi, Jordan. It’s me,” Jay said.
This was a voice she recalled hearing on several occasions since she had become trapped within herself, but it was not familiar beyond that.
“Your husband just left to check out the cafeteria, I think. So I figured it was my turn to keep you company for a little while,” he mused. Jay sighed, gripping the metal side rail of the bed and placing his forehead atop his hand. How long can I continue this way?
Jordan listened to his aimless rambling as long as she could. He seemed pleasant, and during his intermittent silences, she tried to imagine who he might be. When the light began to take her back into the peaceful warmth, she didn’t fight its beckoning.
* * * *
Jordan tried to keep her little boy from her mind. But no matter how hard she pushed him away, the image of his balled up face would creep into her imagination from time to time. The only way she could prevent being overcome with loss and sadness was to imagine his adoptive parents.
Jordan had been graced with a vivid imagination. Jay’s new mom had bright red, wavy hair that flowed slightly past her shoulders. She was pale, had a perfect complexion, and wore only a small amount of make-up. She had a slight southern accent, probably due to Cory’s love of imitating the drawl. Her shoulders were square and her legs were thin, but her waist was matronly. She was a picture perfect mother, like someone you would see on television. Most of the time, Jordan pictured her cutting sandwiches into fancy shapes as she packed Jay’s lunch or creating new cookie recipes so she could have a fresh plate for him every afternoon.
Jay’s father would be a tall, strong man. His jaw was chiseled and stern, but his eyes were round and soft. His stomach was expanded as he partook in too many of the cookies, but he was in good health. He laughed a lot and patted Jay on the head every time the boy passed within his reach. He would leave for work in the morning moments before nine, and he would arrive home promptly at five thirty. He worked hard for his family, but he never spent time working when he could be at home with his wife and adopted son.
Jordan spent a lot of time constructing this perfect family for her son. It was a comfort to imagine their cute little house with the painted shutters and willow trees. The only thoughts that could pull her out of her loneliness were dreams of her son living an idyllic life.
Jordan was much quieter after her semester away, and her classmates often noticed a far away look in her eyes. As much as her heart ached, she carried on with her few memories and active imagination.
* * * *
Jay watched Jordan as she slept soundly. Often, he pretended that she was just sleeping, that she would awaken at any moment. He had run out of things to talk about, but he didn’t want to leave her just yet. He had so many hopes and dreams for his own life. He started to wonder once again what kind of life Jordan had. He knew her husband was loving, and he bet that she had a great family. If she was a mother, she had to be amazing. It was strange how close he felt to a woman with whom he had never had a two-way conversation. Thoughts of his past overwhelmed him once again, and Jay hoped that Jordan had never known his kind of pain.
* * * *
When Jay finally realized what his mother was screaming, he couldn’t believe his ears…the man he thought was his dad wasn’t? Filled with questions, all he could do was open his mouth and close it. Empty words fought to escape in the silence of the room.
Seeing she had caught his attention, his mother’s shaky voice continued as she wiped her palms on the front of her crumpled shirt. “That’s right, Jay. He’s not your father, and I’m not your mother,” she said. With that admission, she rushed away, and he heard frantic rustling in the next room. Jay wanted to flee, but morbid curiosity nailed him in place as he glanced from his cloudy-eyed “father” to the hallway in which his mother had disappeared.
Rushing back into the room, his mother thrust a pile of papers into his waiting arms. “Here,” she said coldly, “not ours, you see? We’re not your parents. You have no responsibility here.”
Glancing at the stack, Jay recognized a few of the documents. His birth certificate lay on top, beh
ind which was another birth certificate on which the Father and Mother lines remained blank. The place of birth line read St. Luke’s Orphan Rescue Facility. Next came the adoption papers.
Adopted! Jay was over halfway through his twenties. How could he not have stumbled on this truth before?
“See?” his mother mumbled. “You have no responsibility here…not your parents,” she rambled, unlike the calm and collected woman he had always known.
Jay pushed past her, nearly tearing the outside door off its hinges. Clutching the papers, he threw himself into his car and sped down the road. He screeched to a stop in front of his apartment, but couldn’t bring himself to go inside to Madison.
He wandered aimlessly up and down the streets for awhile before making the mistake that would nearly cost him his marriage and his life. He entered a bar and ordered drink after drink until the bartender cut him off. He had seen his “father” drown his sorrows with the drink for so long that Jay wanted to see if it would work for him as well. Would it really numb his pain? It didn’t, but it made him forget himself for a millisecond at least. Jay had never been drunk before, but when he was thrown from the bar he was seriously impaired. It was a miracle that he stumbled onto the correct street to make it home. He could only watch as his wife flew out the door moments after he entered, her clothes in hand.
* * * *
Jay shook his head, warning off the memory of that depressing era in his life. He recognized that he had sunk to another low, but he swore to himself he would never go back to the depths of alcohol. “Never again,” he whispered as Jordan lay before him, wondering what he was talking about.
Cory entered the room before Jay realized how long he had been there.
“Hello, young man,” he greeted as Jay turned and swallowed loudly.
“Hello sir,” he gulped, trying to disappear into the creaky wooden chair he occupied.
“The nurses told me a handsome young man had been visiting my wife. I gotta tell you, it inspired me to get well as fast as I could,” he joked.
Jay stared at him silently. He had no idea what to say to the man whose wife he nearly killed.
“So, tell me, what brings you to Jordan’s bedside?” Cory asked.
There it was. The one question Jay’s mind was begging Cory not to ask. Jay’s mouth began to move before he totally decided what to say, “I, um, I used to work here,” he stumbled. Cory watched him expectantly, waiting for more. “I was here the day Jordan...the day your wife…”
“The day of her accident,” Cory supplied.
Jay nodded, racking his brain for the words to tell Cory the whole truth.
“I see,” Cory nodded, filling the silence. “You were here, and she just sucked you right in, didn’t she?” He moved to the other side of the bed and chose a piece of Jordan’s hair. Twirling it around his finger, he said, “She has a way of doing that, you know. Most people who meet her can’t get enough of her, in any state,” he added, taking in her unmoving length.
Had he just done what Jay thought? Cory made an excuse for him. Amazed and still at a loss for truthful words, Jay stood.
“It was nice to see you again, Mr. James. I better be going,” Jay stammered as he quickly moved for the door.
“Don’t be shy, young man. Stop by anytime. I would love for you to meet Jordan when she wakes up. I can’t wait to tell her about the handsome young man she reeled in even in her sleep!” Cory called after him.
Jay closed the door tightly behind him and strode down the hall, wanting to get as far away from his unspoken lies as possible. Head down, he didn’t see the distracted doctor until their shoulders collided. “Excuse me,” they both said briefly before continuing.
Dr. Rodriguez stepped into Jordan’s room. “I think I just saw Jay in the hall,” he said. “Was he here visiting Mrs. James again?”
“He sure was,” Cory affirmed. “Nice young man, a little shy, but real nice. He said he used to work here.”
“He did, and I hope he will again,” Dr. Rodriguez stated, grasping Jordan’s chart from the tray on the end of the bed. “He was the most efficient ambulance driver we had on staff before the accident.”
Realization crept into Cory’s face, beginning with the hardening of his chin. His lips tightened as he placed the pieces of the puzzle together in his mind and raised his stony eyes to the doctor.
Dr. Rodriguez was flipping through the chart, but he felt Cory’s stare and folded the pages back in place. “Mr. James?” he questioned.
“That man,” he spoke through clenched teeth. “He was the one who did this to my wife, wasn’t he?”
Dr. Rodriguez gulped as he recognized that he had let a very large cat out of the bag. Part of him assumed Cory knew, though now that idea seemed silly. Cory hadn’t seemed the least bit angry or disturbed by Jay’s presence. Of course he hadn’t known. Well, he knew now. The doctor raised and lowered his head in one smooth motion.
Cory lowered his head to his wife’s thigh and placed her lifeless hand on his face as the doctor silently left the room mentally making a note to find Jay before Mr. James had the chance.
CHAPTER 14
After Cory regained his composure, he bid farewell to his wife for the time being and went on his mission. He would search that hospital from top to bottom to find Jay. If he wasn’t in the building anymore, he would stay by his wife’s side day and night until the punk returned. Cory strode the hallway of the fifth floor and, finding it clear, he moved to the stairs. Methodically pacing each floor, he ended in the cafeteria, scanning the rows of tables for the dark-headed boy. After viciously tapping the shoulder of a curly headed man only to reveal an acne scarred face, Cory threw his hands up in despair. Jay was nowhere in the building.
Cory burst through the front door of the hospital and rounded the corner, planning to walk a few laps around the outside of the hospital to cool down. As he neared the ambulance entrance he noticed a figure leaning against a brick column. He could see a foot shuffling back and forth on the other side of the support. When a dark curl revealed itself, Cory bolted toward the column. Before Jay realized he was being pursued, a thick lightly tanned arm was pressing against his neck, forcing his back against the rough bricks.
The grave realization hit Jay as hard as Cory had, and the two men stared into each other’s eyes, their heights identical. Increasing the pressure on Jay’s throat, Cory seethed at the man before him. “How dare you!” he admonished, speaking in a menacing rasp so as not to draw attention to their presence. Cory had so many things he wanted to say to this man and so many more things he wanted to do to him. As he pushed him into the column, trying to make Jay’s body go right through the brick, he returned Jay’s stare with malice. “Run my wife over one day and visit her the next!” Cory was brimming with anger.
As his eyes searched Jay’s for answers to his impossible questions, he saw only deep sorrow, guilt, and resignation to whatever punishment was about to come his way. Cory melted as he recognized himself in the youth of the face before him. He had been careless. Anyone could be caught in this situation. Accidents happened, and no one could really be blamed. Loosening his grip on Jay’s arm and releasing his neck, Cory fell back a few feet, burying his face in his hands.
Jay took this chance to finally speak, “I’m so sorry, sir,” he said with a wavering voice. “She came out of nowhere…I only looked away for a second…I’ll do whatever you ask…anything…please.”
Cory placed his hands on his knees and leaned over. He heard the distress in Jay’s voice, and his heart throbbed with emotion. He felt Jordan’s struggle in the depths of his bones, but he could also feel the remorse of the man before him. As Jordan’s smiling face crossed his mind, he knew he had to forgive Jay. It is what his wife would do…it is what his wife would want. Before he could rationalize his actions and pull back, Cory had closed the distance between the two men and gruffly wrapped his arms around Jay.
Shocked into immobility, Jay hesitated before responding to t
he motion with his own embrace, thumping Cory on the back.
Nurse Ester rounded the corner, weary from another long day on her feet. As she leaned against the cold building, waiting for her ride, she caught a glimpse of the men, fiercely embracing and sobbing into each other’s shoulders.
CHAPTER 15
Embarrassed when they separated, Cory and Jay turned in unison and trudged toward the hospital entrance in silent understanding. Nodding to Ester, they both prayed that she had appeared too late to witness their burst of emotion. Neither knew how to revert to a normal conversation as they walked side by side through the front door, causing the nurse at the front desk to glance up from the sticky yellow phone she held.
The two men entered the elevator, still silent and unsure. Jay shoved his hands into his front pockets as Cory crossed his arms over his chest, and they both stared straight ahead as the lights rose from floor to floor. When they arrived at room 305, Jay held the door open for Cory, expecting him to enter and nod farewell. Instead, the older man swiveled on the balls of his feet and gestured toward the room, inviting Jay in to sit with his wife.
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