I’m glad it worked.
Because I felt a bit dirty flirting with him while ogling over a dress bought for me by another man, and I didn’t need to add that kind of guilt to my trip.
Guilt to my trip. Guilt trip. I made a funny off a non-funny.
But if I wanted a pity party, that could happen back home. Easy.
Resolute, I took my gift and went to the bedroom to try it on, away from potential prying eyes. I knew she wasn’t real, but that virtual assistant was a little too lifelike if you asked me. Damn perfect smile and perfect hair and she was flaunting it. Was still wondering how Ladonna got hers to be a man though.
The Galleria back in Houston was no pushover, but I don’t think I’d ever been a part of such an elegant and expensive shopping experience as this. Venturing out beyond Aquos’s property, I strolled through the Forum Shops at Caesars, away from the hotel to avoid any embarrassment from my reluctance to indulge. The grandiose Roman style impressed me as much as the brand-name stores that had a sister wanting to drop to her knees and cry. I just wished these places would consider catering to women of more realistic sizes. I’d never be able to step inside the knockoff stores on Harwin Drive back home again without breaking out in hives. I was only window shopping, but those gift cards from Ladonna were quietly seducing me with their whispers from inside my purse.
I started on the first level, gazing up at its painted blue skies and billowy white clouds on the overhead ceiling as I walked along. From my dopey smile, some people probably thought I was high or something, but I was just high off the change of scenery. Just when I quit gawking, I’d walked up on a Disney-like show with life-like robots, Fall of Atlantis, that made me break out my phone to film it. On the second level, I was posing for a picture in front of a fountain, since I looked so good, when the man abruptly handed my phone back tome.
“Miss? Someone’s calling you,” he politely alerted me. At least he got my picture first.
“How did your teleconference go?” Julian asked when I answered. He never forgot anything.
Thank God my lies were small enough for me to remember.
“Splendid,” I replied as I pressed my phone close to my ear so as to better hear him. The place was busy with real shoppers, their high-quality paper and plastic bags rustling against one another in passing like it was some obscene consumer orgy. “I’m actually out doing a little shopping,” I stated, feeling odd with just my purse on my arm.
“My gift wasn’t enough?” he asked, feigning hurt feelings.
“Julian, thank you!” I gushed. “It’s so beautiful. I was stunned, but you didn’t have to do that. Really.”
“I know. It was my choice. Just like it was your choice to have dinner with me last night.”
“I didn’t really have a choice,” I clowned him. “And the dress was your payoff?”
“No, no. Just like the note said, I wanted to do something nice for you,” Julian assured me.
“It and the note were most definitely nice. I’ll let you in on a secret. I’m wearing it now,” I admitted, loving the way it made me feel so sexy and free. And expensive.
“Oh? Wow. It fits fine and everything?” he questioned.
“Totally. The way it feels. Oh my God. Mmmm,” I moaned a little too loud. My memory of dancing in the bedroom mirror while running my hands over my curves hadn’t faded. “Tell the truth. Did you have somebody break into my suite and get my size while I was out?” I asked him.
“No, definitely not. I kinda committed your body to memory,” he said smoothly, his smile visible through the phone. “Then I found a woman with similar proportions and dared ask her for her dress size. Rude, huh?”
“You didn’t!” I countered, embarrassed for him and imagining the beat down.
“I did,” he admitted. “She was a good sport once she realized why I was asking. Told me you’re lucky to have me. Uh . . . then I had to explain that we’re not . . .”
“Oooh.”
“Artemis, I’d love to see you again tonight. No pressure.”
“Says the man who just bought me a totally overpriced dress,” I jabbed. “I’d like that too. But I’ve been coerced by my friend Ladonna—she stays on our floor, by the way—to go club hopping tonight. Maybe I could see you somewhere along the way? I’m sure she’ll be too drunk to even notice.”
“So you’re saying I have to hit the clubs in order to see you?”
“No. Just one club. I can’t be in all of them at the same time. Or you can wait until I drag myself in. Whenever that might be.” I giggled, feeling myself.
“If you’re promising to make a late-night house call, that sounds kinda tempting, Artemis. Call me later and let me know where you’re going to be, then we’ll play it by ear.”
“I will,” I sang. Yeah, this dress he’d picked out had certainly unleashed something in me.
I was looking at which store to enter when Miss Nancy called me. As nothing could bring me down about now, I answered. Besides, she was my favorite coworker anyway.
“Girl, are you okay?” she asked, her voice cracking as if she was hoarse. “You ain’t kill nobody and chop ’em up, huh?”
“No, girl. I’m okay,” I replied with a false laugh and my newfound confidence tested.
“Do you plan on coming back to work?”
“Girl, I dunno,” I said with a long sigh. “I’m trying to clear my head, s’all. I’m doing some shopping right now and you would not believe the sights out here.”
I thought that would tantalize Miss Nancy, get her to loosen up and gab like we always do. Maybe demand to know where I was, but no. Instead she went stone-cold silent for a moment.
“Um . . . I don’t know if you’re aware, but HR came by your desk yesterday and boxed everything up. Then Rhonda held a meeting today and reassigned all your accounts. Girl, they fired you,” she sobbed.
Chapter 15
“Did you hear me, Artemis?” Miss Nancy questioned after my pause.
“Yes, I heard you,” I softly replied as I slowed in front of the Dolce & Gabbana store. My heart should’ve been beating like a jackhammer, but it wasn’t. I knew this moment was coming. Knew from the moment I took my extended-indefinite-early lunch and went to Chili’s.
Sure took them long enough.
“What are you going to do?” she stressed, her concern touching me. She was always there and, in a way, perhaps I let her down. “You always could file suit for workplace stress. We’ll all back you up on that one.”
“I’ll deal with it another day,” I answered. “We’ll catch up when I’m back in town. Tell Rhonda and Marisol I’ll miss working with them.”
“Um . . . okay. You sure you’re all right with this, Artemis?”
“Totally. I haven’t felt this good in a while,” I responded. “Oh. One more thing.”
“Yeah, girl?” Miss Nancy commented, dread evident in her voice.
“Tell Karyn I said to fuck off.”
Ooo, I wanted to high-five myself after that, but I got an Asian girl in a mini skirt to dap up the “crazy black girl” instead as she walked by. I couldn’t let a moment like that go to waste without a little celebration. Not that Miss Nancy was gonna share my parting words with the office boss Karyn, but it still felt liberating.
I was a kite with a broken line, so I might as well soar in the wind until I came crashing down.
Or, got stuck in a tree.
And the Louboutin store just to my left had many branches in which to get tangled.
“May I help you?” the olive-skinned woman with large almond-shaped eyes offered as she welcomed me into the “land of the red bottoms” where girls’ dreams come true.
“I’m looking for a pair of boots just like those in the display over there. But do you have them in a size ten?” I asked, imagining myself in possession of them already.
“I’m certain we can more than accommodate you, madam,” she purred. I guess Julian’s dress sufficed to command respect.
“Oh. I have one other question before you inconvenience yourself. It’s a terrible habit of mine, but I don’t like to use cash when I travel. Do you accept gift cards?” I asked with my brightest smile as I held one of Ladonna’s many plastic buddies aloft in my hand.
This kite hadn’t crashed just yet.
Gotta love retail therapy.
I left the Louboutin store with two pairs of shoes: some cute little black Chelita boots and a pair of sparkling ruby red platforms that looked like they’d been dipped in pure color. With my bag in hand, this warrior finally had the tools to fight off the other marauding shoppers. I swear, after this, I should have been on a first-name basis with Mr. Louboutin. Yeah. Stop by his crib and say, “Christian, baby, how do I look?” Then he would say, “You a regular ciao bella, Artemis.” Yes, it was totally irresponsible, but not using my own money gave me a slight moral “out.”
As I planned on finishing my window shopping tour and heading back to the hotel, I got a text from Ladonna.
Call me. ASAP
Oh no. What if she suddenly decided she needed her cards back? Or figured out I wasn’t what I was pretending to be?
Better to call her back now than to risk her calling the cops on me.
“That was quick, bitch.”
“Your text said it was urgent, so here I am.”
“Where are you, bitch?”
“Just doing a little shopping at Caesars,” I responded, mourning the loss of my beloved shoes already. And I hadn’t even gotten a chance to take ’em for a spin.
“I knew it!” She cackled with that awful shrill laugh of hers. “You still there?”
“Yes. What’s up?”
“Did you use any of those gift cards that I gave you yet?”
Uh-oh. Here it comes. Should’ve kept that shit in my purse, but nooooo. I had to test it out. “Uh . . . yeah. I just tipped a few people,” I replied, ready to break out in a cold sweat.
“And?”
“They went crazy over them just like you said they would,” I replied, in reality commenting about myself.
“Good! Toldja. But I’m glad you’re still there.”
“Why?”
“I decided we’re gonna wear white tonight, Artemis. So you need to pick up something while you’re out.”
“Oh.” I gasped followed by a major sigh of relief. I hurriedly checked how many remaining gift cards I had in my purse. Courtesy of my new employment status, some of these were now gonna have to be stretched to cover my bills back home. But I still had a few to spare, so I knew this darn mall better have a store with some white outfits for a plus size like me.
“I’m on it,” I said, ready to add another shopping bag on my arm.
Chapter 16
“Well? How do I look?” I asked as I walked up.
“Gurrrrllll, look atcha!” Ladonna bellowed over the din of blaring horns and piped-in dance music from the concealed speakers around us. And we weren’t even at the club yet. A steady procession of taxi cabs, limos, and hotel guests flowed tonight through the carport while we waited for the valet to retrieve her new sports car; the one with the name I still couldn’t pronounce and which was too fast and too small for me.
I twirled around in my white suit skirt, arms extended and hair flowing in the dry desert air, showing off what I threw together on such short notice. Nothing like a little Ann Taylor to rein in my spending bug after Ladonna’s scare, but I made it hard to tell with my overpriced accessories: the Louboutin boots I’d bought and my white leather Michael Kors fold-over clutch.
Okay! Okay! I bought the clutch after promising to myself to keep it reasonable. And I planned on sticking to that promise, too, except I just haaad to pass the Michael Kors store on my way out of Caesars. With so many people in there, I just had to see what was up. And that’s where the clutch that would be sooo perfect with my outfit caught my eye inside the display case. Just like a new puppy waiting for somebody to take it home. I couldn’t just let a puppy be homeless, could I? Besides, I still had enough of those gift cards of Ladonna’s that one less couldn’t hurt.
“Ooo, there’s my baby!” Ladonna chirped as her car arrived.
“I don’t think I’m gonna be too comfortable, Ladonna,” I mildly groaned, growing accustomed to her blowing me off. “Of course, I told you that before when you first wanted to take me for a ride.”
“Oh pipe down and get in, fussy-pants,” Ladonna jokingly scolded as she hopped into the driver’s seat and began fiddling with the buttons on the console. I doubt she had time to figure out what all they did. “We’re not going to be in it that long. I just want to show it off to the foot traffic and plebeians in line outside the clubs when we pull up. And besides, you’re the one who didn’t want to use your driver tonight.”
“I already told you I gave him the night off,” I chided her as I squeezed into the tiny passenger space, cursing inside my head. Lowell was probably out riding with his biker boys or something and I didn’t want to monopolize his time anyway. Maybe if I was honest, I’d admit I didn’t want Ladonna getting too close again. That odd hug of hers when she met him still had me feeling a little stank.
“Whatever. That man is fine and has spectacular eyes, Artemis. I’d keep him on call all night long,” she sang salaciously before adding, “if he weren’t the help.”
“There you go. I honestly can’t tell if you’re a bigger freak or a bigger snob, Ladonna,” I noted while the limo in front of us pulled away.
“Definitely higher on the freak scale. The snobbery is for my amusement,” she admitted as she slipped the valet a twenty-dollar tip. With a quick adjustment of her breasts perched atop her white party dress, she assessed herself in the rearview mirror and pouted her lips like she wanted to kiss herself. “You all situated, Amiss?” she asked.
“Amiss?” I repeated, not quite sure if Ladonna was just slurring her words. If she was, bitch had no business behind the wheel.
“Term of endearment I came up with for you. It’s still Artemis, just minus the unimportant stuff. Ain’t it cute?” she asked me.
Before I could express just how cute I thought it was, she jammed her foot down on the accelerator, forcing me back into my seat as we zipped away from the hotel, leaving the smell of burnt rubber in our aftermath.
We were only two blocks away from Aquos with Ladonna recklessly switching lanes as she horribly rapped along with the song on the radio, when she got a call. As she recognized the number, her expression changed to joy and she lowered the blaring song invoking, “Deez niggas won’t hold me back” over and over again on her radio. I figured I’d use my brief reprieve from her chatter to check my phone as well. Maybe I had a call from Lowell among the three missed calls I’d intentionally avoided, two of which were the familiar numbers of creditors.
No. No call from Lowell. Maybe he was put off by the odd way I was acting earlier when I still basked in the shock of Julian’s gift. More likely, he was the kind of man to let a woman make up her own mind with no pressure. He was a busy man after all.
Beside us, a limo like the one in which Lowell first picked me up was abruptly stopped along the curb in front of the Gucci store at City Centre, probably to let one of its passengers throw up. As we overtook it, I grinned, hoping the driver might be Lowell, of whom I was thinking. But when he turned to catch me grinning, it was another brother. I still granted him a sweet wave of my hand as the black girls in the all-black car dressed in all white sped along with the impatient traffic.
“Nooo! Get the fuck outta here!” Ladonna remarked to whomever she was speaking, making me cringe.
Who knows what that was about. I decided to check my voice mail real quick and at least attend to one message before my friend reclaimed my attention.
“Miss Clay,” the droning voice on my message began, making my stomach twitch. My now former occupation made me more despondent being on the receiving end of these types of calls, but they’d become commonplace this year. I hoped I wasn’t that obnoxious whe
n pursuing the money. “We are attempting to speak with you regarding your delinquent account. Please call us back at—”
I deleted it before another word was spoken. They’d call back though.
“Good news?” Ladonna asked, having ended her call.
“Just some bullshit back home,” I admitted. “And yours?” I questioned, unable to not notice her wide grin. Somebody must’ve left her another pot of gold or something. These people, I tell ya. Like the rapper was now droning in a lowered volume, “Deez hoes be actin’ up.” Or something like that.
“Change of plans, Amiss,” Ladonna said as she put her turn signal on and slowed.
“Why? Where are we going now?” I asked. Funny, because I didn’t know where we were heading in the first place, just that it was supposed to be the hottest spot in town.
“Back,” she said.
“Back to the hotel?” I quipped.
“Yes, we are!” she whooped in a manner way too happy for that kind of change of plans. “Bitch, that was my hookup coming through. We got something better to do than club hop. And you will not believe it. We are going see Royal T. . . . in private concert!”
Chapter 17
Technically, we didn’t go back to our hotel, so Ladonna got a chance to show off her ride anyway. We drove back to the property, but instead of returning to Aquos, we went to its sister property, Stratus, the one all about the sky ’n’ stuff.
The valets were kinda the same as at our place, except they greeted us with, “Welcome to your dreams. Welcome to Stratus.” Well, my dreams had long been crushed, so I was all about the “adventure.” Guess I’ll stick with Aquos.
“Fortune has smiled on us, Artemis,” Ladonna said as she exhaled.
I was just glad she’d dropped her nickname for me, however briefly. It reminded me too much of Carlos’s nickname for me, Artie, except unlike him Ladonna wasn’t gonna die in bed with me like him. No matter how pissy drunk I got.
Carl Weber Presents Full Figured 6: Plus Size Divas Page 20