In a blink, Sebastian was staring back at me. His green eyes clouded over to mirror my own. He smiled, showing perfectly white teeth. His face was more handsome than I remembered. He whispered my name. I took a step back, watching the image morph again, returning to me. The glass cracked and I watched in horror as my face twisted from girl to demon, back and forth, from blue-eyed innocence to black-eyed wretched demon. I screamed but no sound escaped my lips. Sebastian’s laugh filled my head until I fell to my knees, hands covering my ears. My pendant glowed brightly, singeing my skin. I grabbed for it and tried to pull it off. The palms of my hands began to burn and Sebastian’s laugh grew louder until it wasn’t just inside my head anymore, it was a part of me, covering me.
I lay on the floor of the room, cowering in the fetal position when the scream that wouldn’t come finally escaped. The sound of my voice was primal, conquering the space. Over and over, I screamed, willing Sebastian to leave me alone. Willing someone to kill him. Hoping someone would kill me.
Images of my father’s murder played in my head followed by the deaths of Jesse, Scott and Malena. In slow motion, I replayed my meeting with Azrael and the choice I had to make. Finally, Scott returned to my thoughts. Scott as one of them, begging for me to kill him, begging for mercy, his own sword piercing his heart at my hand and his wings falling to the ground. I replayed his soul’s ascension as it disappeared into the night.
From somewhere I heard my name weaved with panic. From outside I heard the door rattle and muffled yelling. Sebastian’s laugh continued to envelop me. It tore at my skin, boiled my blood, pulled sanity from my thoughts. Forced anger to take over.
When I could finally move, I didn’t move toward the door. If they wanted in, I was certain it wouldn’t be that difficult. Sebastian’s laugh didn’t fill me as it had moments ago. Instead, he was there, on the other side of the mirror. His angelic features suggested innocence. His smile was relaxed, welcoming. Standing in front of him, I reached over to the dresser with my right hand and wrapped my fingers around a heavy crystal vase containing bright yellow, out of season tulips. As I lifted it, I kept eye contact with Sebastian, forcing my face to give away nothing. His arms reached for me. Tulips and water spilled onto the floor. Hands outstretched, he beckoned me forward. My pendant continued to burn white-hot but the pain had long since gone. As he whispered my name, heat churned in my belly. I shut down, kept him out with a strength of will I’d never felt before and the vase fell to the floor.
I slowly lifted my arms and his eyes grew wide, his face once again twisted into the demon I knew him to be. He screamed when I threw my hands toward the glass. Light filled the shadows, surrounding him. Pieces of him shattered within the mirror, braking down like fading pixels. I rose from the ground and continued to barrage him with light and hope. Then, suddenly, all the noise stopped and the bedroom door opened. Lucas and Damien rushed in before taking a step back.
The room was a mess, but nothing of Sebastian’s visit remained. Nothing other than the destruction I’d caused. I shook in fear, anger, hate and confusion.
“Samantha?”
“Leave me alone, Lucas.”
“You need to calm down.” Lucas held up his hands and tensed.
Damien’s expression was calm. He almost seemed amused by what he saw. “Now this isn’t control. What are you doing?”
“I’m angry.” The voice came from deep inside me.
“We know you’re angry. We need you to calm down though.”
Lucas took a step toward me and I threw him back. Damien let him fall, keeping his eyes on me. “Close your eyes, Samantha. Close your eyes and remember who you are. Anger is natural. This is not.”
I threw my palm at him but he deflected it, lazily.
“Now, we both know that isn’t going to work on me.” He continued to move closer.
“Don’t.” I lifted Lucas from the floor and held him suspended.
Damien looked to his left as Lucas kicked in protest, trying to remove invisible hands from his throat. Still, Damien did nothing to help him.
“Why are you here?” Each syllable was a bullet intended for Lucas.
“Why do you think I am here?”
“Stop screwing with me! Answer my question.”
Damien stepped in front of me. “Let Lucas go and I will answer your question.”
“No. I want to know why you’re here. Why he’s here.” I jutted my chin towards Lucas who was struggling to release himself from my control. “Someone is going to give me answers.”
“Or what?” Damien was close enough that I could’ve reached out to touch him, but I fought the urge to do so. “Are you going to kill Lucas? If you do that then you’ll never get the answers from him.”
He threw something at me and I had to drop my hold on Lucas in order to catch it. It was an apple. I stared at it, unsure of what to do while Lucas scrambled to his feet.
“You haven’t eaten, Sam. You must remember to eat in order to keep up your strength.”
Alarm bells went off in my head but I brought the fruit to my mouth anyway. I knew why he gave it to me. Control. Damien was all about control and at that moment, I didn’t care. I wanted no part of what I was. Damien’s eyes never left mine. Lucas stood behind him with a look of confusion. Despite the internal warnings, I took a bite. Calm immediately coursed through me, my anger dissipated to nothing. I felt nothing. I was empty and I was grateful for it.
I noticed Ethan standing at the door to Malena’s bedroom. With his head down, he shook it almost imperceptibly and walked away. My heart broke into a thousand pieces and part of me longed to run to him, to fix everything, to go back to what we were. But the stronger part of me, the part now controlled by Damien let him go. It was for the best. The best of what? I hadn’t figured that out yet. And in that moment, I didn’t care to do so.
Lucas left Damien and I alone. The door barely clicked softly behind him before our hands were on each other.
Chapter 21
The morning was colder than any October morning I remembered. Then again, I wasn’t in Florida anymore. That life was long gone, barely a memory.
All of us had gathered in a circle in the back yard. It was time to break me down, force me to control myself. Damien had mentioned before that it would be painful – physically, mentally, and emotionally. But that didn’t matter. I was used to pain. It was a part of who I was. It was time to get my head straight. It was time to confront Sebastian.
Noah had been following Sebastian’s movements in the news. He was trying to be visible. Visits with celebrities and politicians, museum galas, dinners with CEOs of Fortune 500 companies kept him in the spotlight. He knew we were watching him and didn’t seem to care. He was mocking us, daring us to go after him. As much as I wanted to do just that, I had a nagging feeling that the next confrontation would be deadly, not only for him, but also for someone else I cared for. I was tired of losing people to him. I was tired of always being one step behind, of being unsure of myself.
Last night proved that I could get to him. Though the image I destroyed was just that, an image. Despite my anger, I was able to defeat him. I was able to rid my head of his taunts. I knew it was only the beginning, but at least it was a start.
“We will begin individually.” Damien’s voice interrupted my thoughts. “What you all need to remember is you will need to do everything you can to break Samantha down. Physically, none of you seem to be much of a match against her but emotionally—
emotionally, she is weak. The chinks in her armor will be found in her emotions. That is where she needs the most control. That is where you will defeat her.”
I looked around at my friends, at least I thought maybe they were my friends. Then again, maybe Damien was right. None of them trusted me and that meant anyone of them could turn on me at any moment.
“How do we do this, exactly?” Branna spoke up and my attention turned to her.
“The very worst things you think of her, the very disappoin
tment, distrust and hatred you feel for her deep down in places you don’t want to admit to having – bring those to the forefront. Barrage her with your fears. Verbally, telepathically, whatever suits you best. Break her down.”
“I’m not comfortable with this.” Mara’s eyes were downcast.
“Your comfort is of no consequence. It doesn’t matter, especially if it means Sebastian wins. If we are to defeat Sebastian, if we are to retrieve the box, you need to do this. She needs you to do this. It will make her stronger.”
“But what if I don’t hate her?” Ethan’s voice was small and quiet.
Damien laughed. “You, of all people, can break her down with a look. You’re telling me there is nothing you want to say to her? There is nothing you want her to know? She has not put enough cracks in your heart to do this? You, Ethan, will bring her to her knees. Which is why you’ll go last.”
I started to shake at Damien’s words because I knew they were true. Of everyone there, Ethan was hurt the most. And what he thought of me, even though I tried and tried to convince myself it didn’t matter and was for the best, could either heal me or destroy me. At that moment, I was betting on destruction.
No swords, no weapons would be part of the exercise. I tried to retreat into myself to prepare for the mental onslaught. I wasn’t sure any amount of preparation would ready me for what was about to happen. I reminded myself that, in one way or another, I loved each and every one of them. I tried to convince myself that what was about to happen was in the name of training, of developing control. I was scared out of my mind.
“I’ll go first. Get it over with.” Lucas stepped forward, hands in his pockets, head down.
“Come to the middle and stand in front of her. The rest of you, complete the circle. Whatever happens, don’t let her out of it. Lucas, be prepared for anything. We’ve all seen how she’s reacted in the past, even just last night.”
I’d bitten my fingernails low enough to draw blood. They stung and throbbed but I’d figured physical pain would keep me grounded.
Damien looked around the circle. “Ethan, when you see her filling with Darkness, do what you can from there to fill her with Light and I’ll pull the pain from her. In the beginning, we’ll need to help her balance. By the end, the goal is to have her balance it all on her own.”
They all nodded in tentative agreement before Damien stepped in front of me, grasping my hands in his.
“Are you ready for this?” His eyes searched my face but I’d wiped it blank, refusing to show any emotion. A curt nod from me satisfied his question.
Leaning down, his lips placed a soft kiss near my ear. “You can do this.”
His belief in me did nothing to quell the anxiety that had built up. In an instant he was gone and all that was left in the middle of this circle of hell were Lucas and I. Strange that I took the time to notice he was unshaven and thinner than usual. His hair obscured eyes that no longer shined with friendship and love.
“Lucas, are you ready?”
“Sure. Whatever. Let’s just do this.”
Lucas’ eyes never left the ground. He shuffled his feet, crunching the morning frost that covered the grass.
Lost in my head, I was unprepared when he hit me with telepathic words.
I loved you once, you know.
Confused, I allowed him to come into focus. I didn’t want to fight back. I wanted to hear him out. Finally. The one thing he’d been asking me to do, I was finally willing when it was backed by the intent to hurt me.
I never understood why you didn’t love me back. It was always Ethan. I was good enough to be your buddy but never good enough for you to allow us to cross that line.
His hands moved from his pockets and fisted at his side.
I did love you. You were my best friend. No matter what happened, you were my always.
His face screwed up for a moment. Not good enough.
I don’t understand what I ever did to you. What my father did to you. What anyone did to make you side with Sebastian.
My silent questions hit him and I realized he didn’t have any concrete answers.
Sebastian showed me how things really were. You never would have loved me the same way. Your father would never have seen to reason. Both of you, hardheaded and stupid, following a set of rules someone else made up. With Sebastian, the only rules involved self-preservation and survival. He continued to squeeze his fists together like he was trying to crush something within them.
I cocked my head to the side. Heat rose from the ground and flowed into my body. So you do remember.
Yes.
My hair whipped in front of my face and my wings opened with a deafening crack. My fists opened and closed at my side as I fought to control the urge to hurt him. Finally make him feel everything I’d felt since his betrayal. I barraged him with thoughts and images of our past. Toddlers playing hide and seek, children walking to school together, teenagers holed up in a room listening to music – I hit him with every happy memory he and I ever shared.
For a time he held up and I thought I’d be able to break through and defeat him with the hope that we’d return to the way we once were. Then his wings, the iridescent color of oil on asphalt, opened fully and I saw for the first time he was finally healed and they were just as majestic as I remembered. Eyes open, he took a step toward me, lifted his hands and began to show me just how deep his hatred had become.
His memories pushed into my head. His parents teaching Ethan. Ethan scoring the winning touchdown. Images of Ethan and me laughing, talking. Stolen glances I’d never thought were obvious shoved into my mind. An image of Ethan carrying me upstairs and placing me on a bed, kissing.
Stop. I wanted him to stop, but the images came faster, stronger and finally slowed only when he allowed the picture of him first meeting with Sebastian.
He had been jogging through the dark woods when he came face to face with the one who would eventually kill my father. At first, it looked like Lucas wanted to fight, to run away but he resigned to his fate. I saw him yank the ear buds from his ears.
“You’re a hard man to get a hold of.” Sebastian spoke to him in a familiar tone I didn’t understand.
“I’ve been busy.”
“Have you thought about my offer?”
“Yeah.”
“And?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” Sebastian’s eyes lit up. “You know this is where you belong. Your parents never gave you the tools to properly fight me. Your brother is the golden child. Even now, that they’re both dead, Ethan is the favorite. And he’s not even their son.”
“That doesn’t matter.” Hearing how dejected he sounded made my skin tingle.
“I can help you get her.”
At those words, Lucas finally stood at attention, finally looked as though he was paying attention. “How?”
“Get me her father and I’ll do the rest. You two belong together. At the rate this is all going, she’ll be with Ethan before you can blink. I can stop that from happening.”
He seemed to contemplate Sebastian’s offer.
“She’s never done anything wrong.”
“Other than not love you back.”
Lucas didn’t answer. He just stood there, his gaze focused on the ground.
“You have two days to make a decision. I will kill her father with or without your help. And if you make the right decision, maybe I’ll let her live.”
In an instant, Sebastian was gone, leaving Lucas in the woods alone.
My heart stopped as Lucas’ pain filled my heart. He’d done it for me. He’d sacrificed himself to Sebastian to save me. The revelation hurt. I was unsure of how to go on from there. And before I could react, he threw more at me.
Lucas finally relenting.
Lucas telling Sebastian about the box.
Lucas telling Sebastian where my father was.
The last memory floated in my mind and any hope or sorrow for the pain I’d i
nadvertently caused him disappeared. Throwing my hands up, he flew through the air, his wings only finding purchase right before he hit the ground.
That’s it, Sam. Fight me.
Over and over again, I attacked and he did nothing to stop me. Anger drove me and I could feel Ethan trying to fill me with Light. I knew Damien was trying to siphon the pain from me but I’d closed them both off. Lucas was getting weaker and weaker with each attack. Over and over I hit him with memories. Again and again I hit him with anger. With every step I took, I broke him until he was all but finished. And when I was finally standing in front of him, inches from him, he took me down.
Tired and barely able to stand, Lucas filled me with images of his torture. I watched as Sebastian welcomed him with open arms before slowly and methodically breaking him down. Over time, he had sufficiently filled Lucas’ head with lies, brainwashed him into believing everything he said. And when I’d defeated them, Sebastian’s physical torture of Lucas was almost too much to bear.
I turned my head to shake it all away when Lucas grabbed my face and forced it all inside me: every beating, every cut of the sword, every burn of fire, every evil word and drop of blood. I watched Sebastian take his anger at me out on my oldest friend. And I saw the one thing that kept Lucas alive – me.
He pushed one last thought into my head, I loved you.
Shadows began to dissipate and I fell to my knees, tears flowing fresh cleansing my heart of hate and despair. Without a word, Lucas turned and took his place in the circle.
One by one, each of them came at me with their disappointments and hopes. And one by one, I filled with anger and attacked the only way I knew how. I’d hurt all of them in one way or another and fighting back, I used their pain against them until each and every one of them defeated me with hope.
When Branna came to face me, I did what I knew would tear her down. I nailed her with images of Malena sacrificing herself. I filled her head with guilt for allowing one of us to take the target from her chest. By the time I was finished with her, Branna was a sobbing mess of guilt and sadness. Unfortunately, alone in my self-involved pain, I didn’t feel sorry for her. That thought alone should have broken me.
Darkness Betrayed (Torn) Page 14