“All right, fine. You’re like Fort Dix.” She smiles and we start eating. “How is it?”
“It’s really good. I’m impressed.”
We continue to eat, and when we’re finished, I clear the table and tell her to relax. I put everything in the dishwasher and go back outside. “Would you mind if I have a cigarette?”
“No, of course not.”
I light up and sit down next to her in one of the lounge chairs. “Let me know if the smoke bothers you. I can go over by the fire pit.”
She smiles at me. “You want to know a secret?”
I turn to face her, intrigued. “Hell yes, I do.”
She laughs and glances out at the pool. “When I’m completely stressed, sad, or angry, I have a cigarette. I have a pack hidden in my nightstand, and I sit in bed and smoke.” Never saw that coming. “I can’t believe I just told you that. No one knows that, not even Shannon.”
Holy shit, she trusts me. She trusts me enough to tell me something no one else knows. Damn it, I sound like a fifteen-year-old chick. “Your secret is safe with me.” I give her a wink and she smiles. “Well, since we’re giving secrets away, let’s get to know each other better.” She gives me an unsure look and I laugh. “Not, like that. I just mean, how about instead of me saying tell me about you, we ask each other questions?” She still seems unsure, but I think this will be a good thing. “I’ll go first. What’s the name of your first boyfriend?”
She laughs and turns her body to face me. “Joe Marcell. It was fourth grade and he gave me my first kiss on the playground, but then he broke up with me for my friend Cindy.”
“What a player.” She laughs and asks me the same question. “Jennifer Cloom. It was second grade. I didn’t kiss her, though.”
“You were probably such a cute little kid.”
I put out my smoke and wink. “Damn right, I was. All right, next question. How old were you when you first had sex?”
“Holy shit, getting personal.” Hell yes, I am. “I was eighteen. How old were you?”
Well, the mut in me will shine through now. “I was fifteen.”
She leans forward and hits my chest. “Get the fuck out of here. You’ve been having sex since you were fifteen? How many women have you slept with?” Nope, I was wrong. This is where the mut in me will really come out. She’s definitely not going to like this answer. I’m actually embarrassed.
“Shit, I hate to say this.” She raises her eyebrows, waiting on an answer. “I don’t actually know the number.” She stares at me, waiting for me to say something like I’m kidding, but I’m not. I honestly have no idea the number of women I’ve slept with.
“Oh, you’re serious. You’ve actually been with that many women?” I nod my head and she looks down. Fuck, between the comment last night about jail and tonight about my mut life, she’s sure to run.
“Listen, I told you there are things I’m not proud about from my past. I love women, I love sex, but if I’m being honest, I haven’t slept with anyone since we were together.” I totally put myself out there and it scares the shit out of me. I’m sure I’m scaring her off with every word out of my mouth.
“I haven’t either. Hell, I haven’t been with anyone in years, though.”
I reach over and squeeze her hand. “Why?”
I just can’t understand how this beautiful woman could go for years without sex. Why doesn’t she have men throwing themselves at her? Hell, look at me.
“It’s not something I want to talk about. Next question. Did you have any pets growing up?” Well, now she has me wondering. She doesn’t visit her family home often even though she loves it there, and she doesn’t want to talk about why she hasn’t had sex in years. I want to push her, I want to know, but I also know if I do that, I run the risk of her changing her number on me again. For now, I just let it go.
“I had a dog named Herbi. He was awesome, but he died when I was in high school. I’ve been wanting to get another dog, but Jax doesn’t want to smell dog shit.” We both laugh and the tension is starting to lift.
“I had a dog too. His name was Duke. He was a great dog, a chocolate Lab. I had to leave him when I went off to college, and he passed away my sophomore year. It broke my heart I wasn’t there.”
We go back and forth with a few more questions that are ridiculous, and she looks at her cell phone. I knew before she even said anything that she was going to leave. I walk her to her car, just like I did the first night she was here. This time I’m not letting her leave without another kiss.
“Thanks for coming tonight, London. I had a great time.”
“Thank you for the invite. Next time, my place.” Next time. At least I haven’t run her off yet. Just like when she came, I press my lips to hers, only this time I didn’t seek permission. I bite her lip and when she moans, we devour each other. I lift her up, set her on the hood of her car, and kiss every inch of her sensitive neck before kissing her lips again. She has her legs wrapped around me and her hands in my hair. I have mine tangled in her hair and I can’t get enough. I’m so turned on, my cock is hurting. When I start kissing down to her tits, she pushes me back a bit and I look at her. Her chest is heaving, her face is flushed, and her lips are swollen from mine. “We need to stop. I’m so sorry.”
I nod my head and kiss her lips gently before setting her back on the ground. “I’m sorry, I got carried away. It’s just once I taste you, I lose all control.” She wraps her arms around me and rests her head on my chest. I hold her close to me, loving the way she feels in my arms.
“I get carried away too. I just get scared,” she says it quietly into my chest, maybe even hoping I won’t hear her, but I do. I hold her tighter.
“Please don’t ever be scared with me. I’ll never do anything to purposely hurt you.” I hope she believes me, because it is the first time I’ve said something like that and I truly mean it. She is becoming special to me, and the more time I spend with her, the more I realize what Jax went through with Kallie. Not that London is denying me like that, but I get how he wanted her without knowing much of anything about her. That’s exactly how I feel with this beautiful woman in my arms. I just hope she doesn’t run off before I can prove it.
Chapter Seven
London
“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. Never in my life have I been this turned on or attracted to someone. I’m not good with words, London, but I can show you everything I’m feeling with my body, all right?”
I sit up gasping for air and looking around my room. I thought maybe after seeing Blake a few times, the dream would stop, but it hasn’t. It’s gotten worse. I’m dreaming about feelings now, a true connection. I wish I remembered that night to know how it actually happened. Maybe I’ll feel comfortable enough with Blake one day to ask him, but I’m not sure about that.
Even though we haven’t seen each other since dinner at his house on Monday, we’ve talked every day. I invited him over tonight, but he has a shoot after work. It’s for the best really, because I need to finish this book soon if I’m going to get it published on time. We have our shoot tomorrow and I’m really excited. I can’t wait to see how it all unfolds. I need to meet everyone over at Kallie’s at noon. We’re going to shoot for a few hours and then head to the guys’ for a barbeque. I’m really looking forward to spending time with Blake again, especially with Kallie and Jax.
After I take a shower, I get ready for work, and during my drive, my phone rings. I know without a doubt that it’s Shannon. “Hey girl.” I put her on speaker and continue driving.
“Hey. So, listen to this. I was talking to Brody last night, and he was telling me that Blake has been doing nothing but talk about you. He said he’s never seen him like this before.” I know she means well, but when I hear things like that, it scares the shit out of me. I like Blake, I like being around him and talking to him, and to be honest, he’s awakened my sexual side again, but that’s what scares me. I am terrified of being in a relat
ionship again. With Axel, it was great in the beginning, just like this, and then it all went to shit. I know in my heart that Axel is just a crazy bastard, but I can’t convince my head completely of that. “Hey, did you hear me?”
“Sorry. Yes, I heard you.” I don’t know what else to say. She has my head all over the place right now.
“Sweetie, don’t do this. You’ve been doing great. Don’t climb back in that bubble. I’m telling you this to show you that he isn’t using you. He doesn’t have a hidden agenda. He likes you, he’s into you. Enjoy it, and for Christ’s sake, have sex already.” She always knows how to make me laugh.
“You’re one to talk. At least the guy I’m kinda seeing is in the same state as me.” She bursts out laughing and I’m glad I didn’t piss her off with that. “Seriously, how are things going? I know it’s only been a week and all, but still.”
“Honestly, it’s great. We talk all the time, and he’s already planning a time to come out here.” I’m so happy for her. She might talk a lot of shit about me not dating, but she’s just as bad, except she sleeps with them.
“That’s great, Shan. Listen, I just got to work, so let me go and I’ll call you tonight.” We hang up and I grab my coffee and take a deep breath to prepare for the shit show I’m about to head into. I’m going to fire Todd, the waiter who gives me shit, and I know he’s not going to go quietly. I climb out of the car and head inside. “Good morning.” I get a few moans and groans from the staff and head to my office to prepare for Todd.
After I get everyone on the same page for the day, I look around and still no Todd. This guy really thinks his shit doesn’t stink. My boss, Ben, knocks on my door and walks in. “So, I read all the write-ups on Todd. You’re right. He needs to go. If he gives you shit, just call me and I’ll come right back down.”
I smile up at him, appreciating the gesture. “Thanks, Ben. He’ll be a pain in the ass, but I’ll be fine.” He nods his head and leaves until later tonight, when he’ll come back and check on the night staff. An hour later, Todd comes strolling in as if he’s on time. He’s laughing and cracking jokes with the staff, making my blood boil. “Todd, my office.” He ignores me and continues to joke around. “Now!” I start walking when he finally gets the message I’m not kidding.
We walk into my office, and I tell him to have a seat. “What’s up, London?” I sit down and pull out all the paperwork I have on him.
“Todd, I’m going to get right to the point. You obviously don’t care about your job. You’re always late, constantly giving me problems, and honestly, you can’t wait tables all that well. It’s in everyone’s best interest to let you go.” I hand him his last paycheck and fold my hands on the desk. “That is your final paycheck. Please clean out your locker.” He glances at the check and back at me.
“Are you shitting me? I’m not leaving, I need this job.”
I smile and lean back in my chair. “Well, I guess that’s something you should have thought of for the last couple of months. I’ve given you plenty of chances to change, and you’ve only gotten worse. Don’t make this any harder.”
He throws the paycheck at me and stands up. “Not on your life. I’ll be on the floor if you need anything.” He goes to leave and mumbles under his breath what a bitch I am.
“You will leave on your own or I will have the police escort you. It’s your choice.”
He turns around, picks up the chair he was just sitting in, and throws it at the wall. “Fuck you.” I’m frozen in place. I can’t speak. I can’t move. I can’t breathe. All I see is Axel. The way he used to break things, throw things at me, and yell at me. I’ve taught myself to just freeze because if I did, I might not be hit. “You dumb bitch. You think you’re so much better than me, but you are nothing, a waste of space. You can tell Ben I think he’s a pussy for sending a cunt to do his dirty work.” He grabs his check off the desk and walks out, slamming the door. I sit completely frozen. The only sound is my heart pounding in my ears.
I don’t know how long I have been sitting here, but when Terry, one of the waitresses, knocks and comes in, she rushes over to me. “Oh my God, London, what’s wrong?” That’s when I realize I’m crying. Have I been crying the whole time? “Hey, look at me?” I slowly turn my head toward her. “What happened? You look absolutely terrified.” That’s usually what happens when you see a ghost from your past.
“I just got some bad family news. I actually need to take the rest of the day off. I’ll call Ben, but can you take over until he gets here?” I try to stand up, but my legs are shaking so badly I sit right back down.
“Do you need me to call someone?” Call someone? Who the hell would I call for help?
“No, I’m fine.” I stand up, and with shaking hands, grab my purse and cell phone. I don’t even wait for her to say anything else. I just walk right out. Once I get into my car, I break down. I can’t control the sobbing. I haven’t felt this kind of fear in years, and it has a complete hold on me right now. My phone rings and without thinking I answer because I assume it’s Shannon. Through my sobs, I manage to get out, “Hello?”
“London? What the hell is wrong?” I pull the phone away from my ear and look at it. I close my eyes and cry harder. It’s Blake. I don’t want him to hear me like this or question me.
“Oh I’m fine. Just PMSing.” Holy shit, PMSing. What the hell is wrong with me? I need to go home, climb into bed, and stay there.
“Where are you?”
I take a deep breath to try to control the ugly sobbing I’m doing. “I’m at work. Well actually, I’m on my way home. I’m just having a bad day and I’m going home.” I wipe under my eyes and just want to get off the phone. I don’t want to talk to him right now. I just want to be alone with my thoughts. “I’m about to drive, so I’ll call you later.” I’m a complete bitch because I just hang up, but I don’t want to deal with it. I start the car and throw it in drive. I just drive, and I don’t know how I got home. I have no memory of the ride, but I’m in my driveway. I go inside and the second I close the door, I curl into a ball on the couch and cry so hard, it’s deafening.
It’s been an hour since I walked in the door, and my sobbing is finally down to just tears. I’m pissed that after all these years, it came back to me as if it was yesterday. In the same breath, I’m terrified that I will never get over what he did to me. I can feel my eyes are swollen from all the crying, and my stomach hurts from sobbing so hard. I need to get myself a bottle of water, but I can still feel my legs are like jelly. “It wasn’t him. He hasn’t bothered with you since you left.” I don’t know why I think I need to say it out loud, but I do. I wipe my eyes with the heels of my hands and take a deep breath. I scream and nearly fall off the couch when my front door flies open.
“London, relax. It’s just me.” I look through my swollen eyes and see Blake standing in my living room. He’s in his work clothes, dirty jeans and shirt, and the second he comes closer, I feel the tears again. He sits down and pulls me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me. “I wish you would just tell me what’s going on. I can’t help you if I don’t know.” The guilt eats at me and makes me feel like a horrible person.
“I had a bad day at work. I fired Todd and he flipped out, threw a chair, and kept screaming at me. It scared me.” That’s the truth, a part truth, but at least I’m not lying. He holds me tighter to him and kisses the top of my head over and over.
“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I told Brody I wasn’t coming back. No one is going to hurt you, not as long as I’m here.” For the first time since this whole thing happened, I feel myself start to relax. He’s here to protect me, to take care of me. No one has ever done that for me before, and the longer he holds me, the safer I feel.
***
“It’s been a long time since I’ve been with someone, Blake, and I can’t wait any longer.”
I wake up breathing heavily.
“I’m here. I told you I’m not going anywhere.” I glance over and see Blake sit
ting in a chair in my room. I must have fallen asleep on him and he put me to bed and then sat there making sure I was okay. This is not the guy I thought he was, not the player he makes himself out to be. He makes me feel safe, and no one has ever been able to do that for me before. I’m done fighting this.
“Blake?”
He stands up and walks over to me. He sits on the edge of my bed and stares down at me. “I’m right here.”
Yes, he definitely is. I lean up onto my elbows and stare into his eyes. He appears so worried and it melts my heart. I grab his shirt and pull him down to me. He comes willingly and I press my lips to his. I wrap my arms around his neck and deepen the kiss. I melt into him when he puts his hands on either side of my face. He is so gentle, so incredibly sweet, exactly what I need.
After a few minutes, he breaks the kiss and rests his forehead on mine. “Thank you, Blake. I didn’t realize how much I needed you.” He presses his lips to mine again before giving me the most sincere smile.
“I didn’t realize how much I needed you either, but let me tell you something, London. When I heard you crying, I’ve never felt that kind of emotion before. I felt enraged and heartbroken. I couldn’t get here fast enough to make sure you were all right. I’m not used to this…the need to want to protect someone…but with you, it’s like breathing. It comes without thought.” I blink back the tears that I feel, because I’ve never had someone say something so real to me before. “How about you go take a shower and I’ll order us some dinner?”
“That sounds perfect.” He kisses me again before standing up and helping me out of bed. “I didn’t even realize I fell asleep on you.”
Behind The Book (Sexy #2) Page 8