This man deserves the truth. After I get back from Shannon’s, I’m going to tell him the truth. First, I need to figure out how to tell him everything, but I will do it. He’s been nothing but honest with me, and I’ve done nothing but lie to him. I want to enjoy tonight, just in case he tells me to take a hike when I get back.
That is exactly what we do. We laugh, we make out like teenagers, and we talk about nothing at all. When we climb into bed, he wraps his arms around me, and I lay my head on his chest. It’s quiet for a long time, and I notice the steady beating of his heart. He fell asleep. “I love you, Blake, and I know you don’t understand what I went through, but when I get home, I promise to tell you everything. I just hope I don’t lose you in the process. I don’t think I’d survive losing you.” I kiss his chest and start to doze off.
I’m scared to death to tell him who I really am, but it’s long past due. No more secrets.
Chapter Fourteen
Blake
London left yesterday morning, and I’m already in a pissy mood. Jax already told me he has no problem kicking my ass, and I’ll admit I want to kick my own ass. I’m annoying myself with my pussy-whipped ass. When she left yesterday morning, it was difficult for me to let her out of my arms. I felt like I was letting her go forever. It isn’t something I’m used to. It’s a foreign feeling, this fear of losing someone. I know she said it was tradition that she goes to stay with Shannon, but I can’t shake this feeling it’s more than that—more like she’s running…from me.
“Are you still moping around? Don’t you have a shoot today?” I don’t even look at Jax. I flip him off and finish my smoke. “Brother, normally you are the one riding my ass for being a pussy, but damn, this time it’s all you. She went to visit her friend for a week. She’ll be back. Nothing has changed. Stop acting like she just stomped on your damn heart.”
I slowly turn my head and stare at him. “You think I don’t know that? You think I want to be sitting around like a fucking lost dog? I can’t help it. I just have this feeling that she’s running from me, and I don’t fucking know why.”
He blows out a breath and glances out at the pool. “What makes you think that? I mean, I’ve seen you guys together. She gives no signs of a woman who appears like she’s trying to run from you. Shit, she’s always wanting to be in your damn arms.”
I continue my chain smoking and light another cigarette. “I can’t describe it. I just feel it.” He turns his attention to me and I shake my head. “When I went over there the other night, she was sleeping outside in a chair. I said her name to wake her up and she started screaming. Not like screaming because I startled her, screaming in complete fear. She nearly knocked over the chair trying to get away. When I talked to her, she cowered away from me, like she thought I was going to hurt her.” This really has his attention and he stares at me with wide eyes. “Brother, you know me. I’ve never in my life laid a hand on a woman, never. I may have been a mut, but I never hurt any woman physically.”
He reaches over and touches my shoulder. “I know you haven’t. Maybe she was just having a bad dream or some shit.”
I shake my head and take another drag of my cigarette. “I don’t know what it was, but that’s when she told me she was going to Shannon’s.” I take a deep breath against the pain I feel in my chest. “She didn’t even want to have sex.”
“You know, you’ve been saying from the beginning that she had a past she didn’t want to talk about. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say maybe it was more than a broken heart.” Hearing him say it out loud makes me feel so much rage, an almost uncontrollable amount. Not just from the thought that something horrendous may have happened to her, but that she would think for even a second that I could hurt her.
I guess Jax can see it in my face because he stands up and he nods his head to the door. “Let’s hit the gym before your shoot. I think you need to hit a few things.” That might be exactly what I need to do.
***
After the gym and hitting on the punching bag for an hour, I feel the slightest bit better. I went home to shower and get ready for my shoot, and Jax headed to Kallie’s. It’s times like this that I don’t even know how to thank him for his friendship.
I am on my way to shoot with Lee again, but this time with Brinley. I should be excited, these photos will be amazing, but I’m not. I just want to go home, get drunk, and pass out. I need to get through this shoot first, though.
I pull up to Lee’s studio and I’m surprised at how big it is. Unlike Kallie, she rents a storefront, but I still like Kallie’s better, if I’m honest. I walk inside and see Brinley talking with Lee. I head over to them, and Brinley gives me a huge hug that I definitely welcome right now. “Hey, Blake. How are you?” I just give her a small smile and tell her I’m fine. She looks at me as if she knows something is up, but thankfully doesn’t say a word.
“Hi, Blake, great to see you again.” I shake Lee’s hand and she tells us to follow her. We do and she leads us to a door. Behind it is like a damn apartment, but for shoots. There’s a couch in the living room area, a makeshift kitchen, a bedroom with a huge bed, and of course, a shower. It’s just one huge room, and you can see everything no matter where you stand, including the shower. It’s different, definitely intriguing. “I wanted to do a few pictures in every space. I figured we could start in the kitchen and move to the couch from there, leaving the bedroom and shower for last.” She tells Brinley to go change into whatever bra and panties she likes best and to meet us in the kitchen. “Blake, I want you to take off your shirt. We will do a few shots with your jeans on, but then I want them gone too.” I’m literally just going through the motions at this point. I nod my head, pulling my shirt over my head and tossing it over to the side. “While we wait on Brinley, why don’t I do a few shots of just you.”
“Fine by me. Where do you want me?” She tells me to just lean against the counter and cross my arms. I do and she begins snapping. I’m hoping she is going for this moody pissed-off look, because that’s the face I’ve got on.
“Perfect. How about a few just on the couch?” We walk over and I sit down. “Lay on your back with your arms behind you.” I do and I decide to pull my head out of my ass for this shoot and give it my all. Without further instruction, I give her a few different positions, and she smiles when she puts down her camera. “Perfect.”
“He always is.” We both turn to Brinley and I grin at her. She gives me a wink and I get up to go back into the kitchen.
Brinley has bright red lipstick on that matches her bright red bra and panties. She’s absolutely fuckable, as always. My heart belongs to London, but my dick still stirs at the sight of Brin.
“All right, this is what I want. First Brinley, I want you to put on this apron.” She puts it over her head and ties it behind her back. That is one sexy fucking look. “Brinley, I want you in front of the stove, and Blake, I want you behind her. I want your hands under the apron on her stomach, while you kiss her neck.” We do as she says, and I can already tell these pictures are going to be hot as hell. She has Brinley do a few different things in the kitchen. She has Brinley wash dishes while I stand behind her and we both have our hands in the water. Next, I pin her up against the fridge, and now the counter. “Brilliant, guys. Now, Blake, lose the pants, and Brinley, lose the apron.” We both do as she asks, and she tells Brin to get up on the counter. I help her up and stand between her legs. We do a bunch of shots on the counter. Some sweet and some hot, like me on my knees between her legs. The final kitchen shot, she has us both on the floor. Me on top of Brin, kissing. Totally hot.
We move to the couch next and do similar shots, except this time, she’s on her knees between my legs. When we get to the bed, it gets real. She does a few shots with us in our underwear, but for the rest we’re naked. I haven’t done a shoot naked with a woman since I’ve been with London. Usually after a shoot like this, I take the model home and fuck her. There’s always so much sexual tension by the las
t photo, but that isn’t an option anymore. Doing these naked photos is harder than you’d think. No pun intended.
On the bed, I’m on top of her with the blanket draping over my ass. I’m kissing her mouth, neck, and chest. Lee has us switch positions, and I’m sitting with my back against the headboard, and Brin sits between my legs. I cover her tits with my hands, and she puts her head back on my chest. I close my eyes for a second and picture it is London, but when I feel my cock start to stir, I whip them open. Brin giggles and I let go of one of her tits and pinch her side. We both laugh and Lee has us move to the shower for the last few photos. These are always very sexy. Brinley stands with her back to the wall with me pressed against her. I stand behind her and I wrap one arm around her tits and hold my other hand over her pussy. I hear her make a soft moan when I touch her, and I pray this is almost over. I’d never cheat on London, not a chance, but Brin is making it difficult for my cock not to rise to the occasion.
“Last shot, guys.” Thank God. She takes a few more shots and tells us it’s a wrap. We both get out of the shower and take a towel from Lee. “I just need to take care of something out front, so when you guys are dressed, I’ll see you out there.”
I go get my clothes that are scattered around and dry off. I get dressed, and as I’m pulling my shirt back on, Brinley steps in front of me. “Hey, I talked to Kallie before when I was changing. She told me London went to visit Shannon.”
I give her a grin and sit down to put my shoes on. “Yep.”
She pulls her dress on and sits next to me. She rests her hand on my knee, and I snap my head to her. She quickly pulls it back and holds her hands up.
“I didn’t mean anything by that, sorry.” I don’t know what the hell she wants me to say, so I just nod and finish tying my shoes. “Listen, I can see how upset you are with London out of town. Why don’t you come out for drinks with us Thursday night?”
I stand up and fix my shirt, staring down at her. “Who’s us?”
She laughs and stands up. “I have to admit, Blake, seeing that you are off limits is a fucking turn-on.” I start to walk away and she grabs my arm. “Damn, relax. You used to love when I said shit like that.”
I turn to face her and cross my arms. “I used to love a lot of fucked-up things, Brin. I’m with London and only her.”
She gives me a small, defeated smile and squeezes my hand. “I know. So anyway, Thursday night, me, Ivy, Monica, and Max are going out. You really should come. Get drunk, forget your worries for a while. Hang out with us like you used to do.” I focus on the wall just past her, and she reaches up and rubs my arm. “Blake, it’s not cheating on her to go out and have fun with your friends, you know.”
She’s right, it’s not. I’m not going to cheat on her. I’m just hanging out with my friends. I deserve to go out and have a good time. I nod my head and grin. “You’re right. All right, I’ll meet you guys there. Same place, usual time?”
She gives me a huge smile and grabs her bag off the floor. “Yes.” We start walking to the door and she peeks up at me. “It’s going to be a good time, Blake.”
I wrap my arm around her shoulders and kiss her temple. “I know.”
***
The week has gone by remarkably slow. I had no idea how long time could be when you’re waiting for something. I’ve called London every single day, and even though she answers, it’s always thanks for calling but we’re out, or eating, or watching a movie. I miss her. I miss everything about her—her soft skin, her smell, her laugh, her pussy. I feel almost like I did when I was going through withdrawals when I stopped doing drugs. I’m nasty. I feel alone and empty.
Jax and Kallie have tried keeping me company and telling me to get over myself, but I just get nasty and they leave. I keep snapping at Brody at work, and he told me that I’m worrying for nothing. He said he hasn’t talked to Shannon much either, but it’s because the girls want their time together. I wish I believed that, but I can’t let myself.
Thankfully, tonight is Thursday and I’m going out to the bar with everyone. I asked Jax and Kallie to come, but they had plans. Jax pulled me aside earlier today and told me he doesn’t think it’s such a good idea I go. He said I’m going to get drunk and let my dick fall into someone. I laughed, telling him my dick doesn’t just fall into women. He felt it necessary to remind me about a hundred times that I love London and not to fuck it up. I appreciate his concern, but there is nothing in the world that would have me cheating on my girl…nothing.
I finish getting ready and go sit on the couch to have a quick smoke before I leave. I pull up Facebook on my phone and see the most beautiful picture of London. She is laughing, looking extremely happy. I decide fuck it, and I comment under it, ‘There is my beautiful girl. I miss and love you.’ I pull up her name on my phone and call her.
“Hello?” My heart beats a little faster just at the sound of her voice.
“Hey, baby. How are you?” She giggles and I hear Shannon telling her she will give her a minute. I smile, thinking finally I get a minute to talk to her.
“Hey. I’m good, having fun. How are you? I miss you.”
It’s as if the life is pumped back into my body. “I’m miserable. I miss you so much.”
I hear a door close and she’s quiet for a second. “Blake, I wasn’t running from you. I was running from a million other things, but not you. I needed this time away. I needed to remember who I was again.”
I close my eyes, soaking up the sound of her voice. “You have no idea how much I needed to hear that, baby. I haven’t exactly been fun to be around lately.” I chuckle and she laughs right along with me.
“Why didn’t you just say something to me? I never want to cause you pain. I feel horrible you’ve been miserable while I’ve been having fun.”
I start walking around the living room. “London, I’ll take being miserable forever if it means you’re happy.” I mean it too. As horrible as this is, knowing she’s happy makes it a little bit more manageable.
“Never.” It’s quiet for a minute and she laughs. “All right, on to lighter things. I’ve come up with a new book idea since I’ve been here.”
I smile, knowing my girl is back to herself. “That’s fucking great. I can’t wait to hear all about it. So listen, I’m supposed to meet Brinley, Max, and a few other people at the bar. Like I said, I’ve been miserable, and they thought I should get out for a while. I just didn’t want to go without talking to you first. I needed to hear your voice, know you’re all right, that we’re all right.”
“We are perfect. Not to sound all jealous girlfriend or anything, but don’t forget about me when you get drunk tonight.”
I smile from ear to ear. “Not even if I was in a fucking coma, baby.” She bursts out laughing, but I don’t see the humor in it because I’m serious.
“Good. Go have fun, and how about this? I’ll be home late Saturday night, so I can either come to your place then or Sunday.”
What am I, a fucking idiot? “I don’t care if you pull up at four in the morning. I want you in my bed Saturday night. We have a week to make up for.” I can hear her breathe a little heavier. “You like that, don’t you? The idea of me touching you, tasting you, and making you scream out my name?”
“Fuck yes.”
I suddenly want to stay home and have phone sex. “Are you alone right now?” She doesn’t say anything right away and I think I lost her. “London?”
“Yes, I’m alone, but don’t you have plans?”
I grin and go into my room, closing the door. “I can be late. Are you in a bedroom?” I sit on my bed with my back on the headboard.
“Yes.”
“Lock the door and get on the bed.” I hear the door lock, and my cock twitches at the thought. “Are you on the bed?”
“Yes. I just climbed under the covers.”
“I want you to touch yourself. First, rub your tits until your nipples are hard, and then run your hand down to see if that soft, pink pussy is we
t.” Just the thought of her doing it has me rubbing my cock over my jeans. I hear her let out a soft moan and it is my undoing. “Talk to me, baby, tell me what you’re doing?”
“I pulled down my strapless dress and started rubbing my nipples. It feels so good, but I wish it was you.”
Fuck, I wish it were me too. I’d have those nipples wet from my mouth already. “Just close your eyes and pretend it’s me. Listen to my voice.” She lets out another soft moan, and I unzip my jeans and push them and my boxers to my knees. I start to stroke myself, listening to her soft moans. “Fuck, London. Listening to you moan while you touch yourself is fucking hot. I have my cock out. I’m stroking it while I listen to you.”
“Oh, Blake.”
“Fuck, baby, touch that pussy and tell me how wet you are.” I know exactly when she touches herself because her moan is a bit louder.
“Oh God, I’m so wet.”
I close my eyes, letting my head drop back on the headboard. “Rub yourself, spread it all over your pussy. I’m rubbing myself, thinking of you laying there, dripping wet with the need for release.”
“Blake, I need you so bad. I need to come.”
Her need for me has me ready to orgasm. “Baby, I’m right there with you. Let’s do this together. Use one hand and push a finger inside yourself. Use the other hand and rub that sensitive clit of yours.” She lets out a loud moan, and I know she has her fingers inside. “Move your fingers, baby, just like I would. Find that sweet spot and rub it.”
“Oh God, Blake. I’m so close. I can feel myself getting tight on my fingers.”
My eyes are rolling back into my head as I pick up speed to come with her. “Fuck, baby, I’m pumping my cock so fast. I’m close too. Keep moving your fingers. Let your body feel it, let it take over.” Between her moaning and the sound of my hand rubbing on my cock, I’m ready to blow my load. “Fuck, London, I’m close. Are you close, baby? Tell me what you feel.”
Behind The Book (Sexy #2) Page 16