All Night Long

by Madelynne Ellis

  ‘Honestly?’ She got the impression he wasn’t entirely sure, but he nodded, so she let the idea sink in. Fancy that. A grin stretched across her face. Dani had actually hooked up with someone. She was tickled to bits. That girl deserved some love.

  ‘Did he look OK?’ she demanded of Ash. ‘He didn’t look like a maniac or anything?’

  ‘Um – he kinda looked like Xane.’

  Ginny breathed an enormous sigh of relief. ‘Yeah, that makes sense. She’s a massive Xane fan. I’ve never known her to even look at another guy.’ Dani had placed Xane on such a high pedestal that ordinary guys couldn’t hope to compete. She’d probably be disappointed if she ever actually met the guy in person.

  ‘Call her if you’re worried.’

  ‘What if she’s busy? I wouldn’t want to interrupt.’ There was nothing worse than coitus interruptus.

  Ash wrinkled his brow, clearly perplexed by her reasoning. ‘If she’s busy, she won’t answer. Simple as that. But at least if you’ve tried you’ll feel better.’

  Good point. She hit speed dial but there was no reply, and after several rings a very proper lady informed her she could leave a voicemail message after the tone. Ginny hung up instead.

  ‘I guess she’s busy fucking,’ Ash said.

  Ginny wasn’t quite so sure, but didn’t like to say so. Dani was the most strait-laced individual she’d ever known. Sex on a first date seemed unlikely. Maybe they were enjoying a long chat about religion over a pot of tea.

  Ash turned off the TV. The resulting silence made her feel she ought to whisper. ‘I wish she’d thought to call.’

  He cuddled her tight. ‘Gin, you’re sweet, worrying about her, but she’s a big girl, right? Capable of looking after herself?’

  ‘Yeah. True.’

  ‘Then trust me. I don’t think she’s in any danger, just having a good time. I bet you she turns up tomorrow full of smiles and sporting an enormous hickey. The thing you have to remember is that even the most saintly among us has to cut loose once in a while.’

  ‘You’re right,’ she agreed with a nod. ‘She’s probably just copying my bad example.’

  ‘Exactly.’

  ‘Hey,’ she prodded him in the ribs. ‘You’re not supposed to agree.’

  Ash dodged a second prod and wrestled her down so that they lay parallel under the covers, facing one another with their heads on the pillow. ‘I hate to say it, but I think I may actually be knackered,’ he sighed.

  ‘Hm,’ she snorted in mock disdain, while yawning herself. ‘Your stamina is supposed to be legendary, Mr Gore. Sleep? You promised me a whole night of fun.’

  He smooched a kiss against her lips, soft, gentle and so sweet it left her yearning for more. ‘Yeah, but that was before I learned you’re not like other girls.’

  ‘I assure you, I totally am.’ She knew what he meant, but made a point of running her hands over her assets as if to check they hadn’t magically disappeared. Suddenly, things felt serious. When had they moved from this being purely no-strings fun, to something with far more depth?

  ‘Quit teasing. No one else blows my mind like you do. I didn’t think it was possible to come that many times in one night.’

  She grinned, pleased by the acknowledgement, but aware of the raw emotion in his voice. Normally she’d have been backpedalling like crazy if a guy had sprung a moment like this on her, but she actually liked that Ash sounded slightly intoxicated.

  ‘Tomorrow.’ He drew away a fraction, stifling another yawn. ‘I swear, if you do me again tonight, I might lose my frickin’ mind and do something really crazy.’

  ‘Such as?’

  Ash shook his head and closed his eyes.

  ‘Ash?’

  Oh, no fair. He couldn’t spout stuff like that and then leave it hanging there like an enigma puzzle.

  ‘What, have you suddenly lost your voice?’

  He faked a snore.

  ‘You’d better talk, buster.’

  ‘I can’t. I’m biting my tongue.’

  ‘Why?’

  The look he gave her said it all. That she knew perfectly well why he was staying silent and that she’d better accept that, because forcing him to speak would defeat the object of him keeping quiet in the first place. She let it go, not sure she was ready to hear what it was that was dancing about in his head. She didn’t say anything until she heard his breathing quieten and grow more even.

  ‘Ash?’ she said, after a few more minutes had passed. ‘Have you ever gone steady with anyone?’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘I’m just curious.’

  ‘Well, be curious about something else.’ He wriggled about, clearly uncomfortable but acting as though it was the fault of a lump in the mattress.

  ‘You don’t like answering questions, do you?’

  He gave the pillow another thump, and then settled again. ‘I’ve no problems with you asking questions. Ask something else. Go on, I’ll answer it.’

  Open question … It’d be a shame to waste it. ‘OK. Why’d you pick up so many girls each night, if you know from the start that they’re not going to satisfy you?’

  ‘Who says they don’t?’

  ‘You have, with your actions.’ And his friends had with their less than subtle remarks. ‘Wouldn’t jacking off be less frustrating than humping your way through a horde of groupies that leave you cold?’

  Ash lifted one eyelid and peered at her along the length of the pillow. ‘Wanking isn’t very rock and roll. It’s what sad jerks do. I think I prefer being known for my prowess and for keeping the fans happy, rather than as rock’s foremost wanker. Besides, the repetitive strain injuries to my wrist would fuck with my playing.’

  ‘Does it actually keep the fans happy, you playing the field?’ she asked. ‘I mean the actual fans? The ones who pay for tickets and send your stuff into the stratosphere by downloading like crazy on release day? I’m sure they’d much rather you spent your time making more music than whoring yourself out.’

  ‘Christ!’ Still-damp strands of his black hair flicked water droplets over her as he shook his head in dismay. ‘Seriously? You’re criticising me about sleeping around? Have you forgotten where I picked you up?’

  He sat up, clearly vexed, thus dislodging the covers from around her shoulders. While Ginny scrambled to cover herself and retain some heat, Ash hopped out of bed and paced back and forth. ‘Fuck, Ginny!’ he snarled. His head snapped around, and this time the droplets from his hair splattered on the bedspread. ‘I didn’t realise you were a therapist.’

  Ginny rolled her eyes at his wilful misunderstanding of her point. ‘I’m not saying don’t fuck about if you want to. I’ve no problem with casual sex. I’m just trying to establish why the hell you’d routinely do something that doesn’t benefit you. Sex is supposed to leave you with a smile on your face, not feeling shitty.’

  ‘I’ve been smiling, haven’t I?’

  ‘Yeah, but I made you come. That’s not the norm, is it?’

  Lips pursed tight, he closed his eyes. ‘Fuck you,’ he snarled defensively. ‘I do fucking get off. You’re not that special.’

  ‘Never said I was.’

  ‘Fuck!’ he said again, then stormed out of the room, stark bollock naked.

  ‘Ash!’ Ginny wavered between going straight after him and first grabbing some clothes. That hadn’t gone how she’d intended. Finally she grabbed a towel off the floor and dashed after him.

  She found him in the stairwell at the end of the corridor. He stood with his forehead pressed against the curved glass of the window, unwittingly flashing whoever was down below in the car park. On tiptoes she crept forward, and gently curled her fingers around the firm muscle of his bicep.

  ‘Don’t,’ he said before she said a word. ‘I don’t want to hear it. It’s none of your fucking business why I do it.’

  ‘You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated on your behalf.’

  ‘Frustrated?’ He turned, seeking answers in her expre
ssion.

  Ginny allowed him to read whatever it was he was searching for. Anger made his features sharper and formed ridges around his eyes. ‘I want to smack them. Tell them to fucking wake up and not to be so selfish. It’s not right that they only take from you. I mean, don’t any of them ever genuinely try to make it good? Don’t they notice that you’re …’

  She stopped herself, realising she was stumbling back into the same stream of thought that had irritated him in the first place. That, and did she really want to say ‘difficulties’? Implying that he was in any way sexually dysfunctional was only going to piss him off even more. ‘They’re not turning you on as much as they could. That’s what I’m trying to say.’

  ‘Maybe it’s as much my fault as theirs.’

  ‘Oh.’ There was that possibility, but why would he do that to himself?

  Ginny folded her arms so that she could rub some warmth back into her skin. Why deliberately pick up girls you knew you weren’t particularly excited by? And why, if that were his modus operandi, had he picked up her? Unless he’d imagined she’d be just the same as all the rest. Hot enough to pique his interest and maybe eventually get him off, but no threat to his heart.

  Bingo, Ginny. That was real simple. The guy’s relationship-phobic.

  ‘Got me sussed?’ he enquired.

  Ginny hushed him. ‘There’s someone coming up the stairwell.’ Voices and footsteps echoed between the floors, making it difficult to judge how close the approaching couple were. ‘I suppose you realise that you’re naked?’

  He glanced down at himself, as if unconcerned by his nakedness. ‘So stand in front of me.’

  ‘They’ll still see your naked arse in the glass.’ That possibility didn’t seem to hurry him up any. ‘Come back to the room with me. Please. I’m sorry I overstepped the mark. Let me apologise by working off some of the tension I’ve caused.’

  ‘I don’t think I need my mind blowing again.’

  She smiled. ‘I was thinking more along the lines of a back rub.’

  He actually looked mildly interested, until it seemed to dawn on him that was probably going to create a new level of intimacy between them. ‘I’m not sure I want you to work my kinks out.’

  ‘You’re joking,’ she scoffed, determined to lighten the mood. ‘I’ve already got those figured. This is purely about me trying to apologise. I promise, no more impertinent questions and no more digging about in your head, just something to help you chill out and go to sleep.’

  ‘OK,’ he finally agreed, when the tops of the approaching couple’s heads were visible over the banister. ‘I’ll come back to bed.’

  Chapter Nine

  Ash climbed into bed with Ginny but lay stiffly on his side staring into the darkness, wide awake and unable to settle, long after she’d finished soothing him by pummelling his muscles. Her presence left him too agitated. What Ginny had said had made him uncomfortable. It wasn’t as if he didn’t know he was being used by the groupies that passed through his bed, but he was using them too, and it was all consensual. Everyone got off, even him eventually. Meanwhile, he pleased four or five fans a night, rather than one lucky one. That might not mean a great deal now, but it had seriously boosted their fanbase in the early days.

  Actually, if he were truly honest, it wasn’t anything she’d said about the women passing through his bed or why he chose to do it that had bothered him. It was the fact that stating it had highlighted to him just how different the experience he’d had with her was.

  Ginny made him come but, more importantly, she made him feel.

  He’d blanked out feeling for so long that he’d actually forgotten what it was like. She was turning him inside out.

  The sensible thing to do would be to leg it. Prod Spook, run down to the van and have Paul drive them off into the night.

  He couldn’t do it, though. He couldn’t make himself get out of bed and leave her side.

  Ash closed his eyes only to discover her image burned onto the inside of his eyelids. He blinked his eyes open again, uncertain that he liked her having so much control over his senses. How? What was it about her that made her so different?

  He ruled out both her looks and her stockings, convinced that even if he met her in a pitch-dark cave she’d still have ensnared a vital part of him.

  Maybe the shit with the band was behind it. Xane taking off like that had shaken the hell out of him, even if he wasn’t vocally admitting that. Didn’t stress tend to make people soft in the head?

  She’s just a woman, he told himself.

  Except she wasn’t … For no sensible or logical reason, she wasn’t.

  Ash rolled over and wrapped himself around her so that they were positioned like spoons. God, it felt good just to hold her and breathe in her fragrance.

  He rested his head against her shoulder. Teased her earlobe.

  If he let her into his life, would she completely unravel him, or would happiness make him stronger?

  If he loved her, what happened if she decided she didn’t love him back? Wasn’t it easier to carry on as he’d always done, fucking without becoming emotionally engaged?

  And continue feeling empty, said his heart. It sucks and you know it. It’s been years. Perhaps it was time to be brave, work on giving his mum the daughter-in-law she craved and the babies she hoped would follow.

  Ginny wriggled within his embrace. ‘Is that you, Ash?’ she muttered sleepily. ‘You’re squeezing too tight. Making me too hot.’

  ‘Sorry.’ He released his hold.

  ‘No, don’t go away entirely.’ She grabbed hold of his arm and wrapped it back around her. ‘Am I forgiven, if you’re holding me?’

  ‘I was only ever pissed off at myself.’

  ‘Ah.’

  ‘Do you mind if I touch you?’ He skimmed his palm over the contours of her body, viscerally aware how desperate he was to make love to her.

  ‘Sleepy,’ she murmured.

  ‘You don’t need to move. I’ll take care of everything.’

  ‘Sure then. Touch away.’

  Ash didn’t try to rush anything, instead allowing her to awaken slowly, while he attempted to convey the feelings of heat and hunger she evoked in him, and make her feel them too. When, after what felt like an eternity playing with her nipples and stroking her skin, he finally slipped a hand down between her thighs, he found her more than ready for him.

  Ginny mewled softly. Her body liquefied at his touch, convincing him that even tired she wanted him, craved the connection of their bodies as ardently as he did.

  Ash snuggled his loins up tight against her rear. He rode his cock back and forth against the groove between her cheeks, but didn’t demand anything.

  ‘Are you ever going to come inside?’ she asked, when he began shaking from trying to hold back.

  ‘Only if you’re awake enough to be considered consenting.’ He tugged gently upon her uppermost leg, making a space for himself between her thighs.

  ‘I don’t think I can pretend I’m asleep any more. Get dressed and I’m all yours.’

  ‘You know, I’ve never done it bare,’ he whispered. ‘Never ever. I’ve always wondered if it feels different.’

  ‘It’s smoother, silkier,’ she told him. He felt a stab of jealousy that the opportunity to be her first was denied him. ‘It’s wetter too, especially once the guy’s come. Someone has to sleep in the wet patch.’

  He nodded, taking in the description and internalising it. ‘You’ve done it that way, then?’

  ‘Only with long-term partners, after we’ve both been checked out. And even then I mostly insisted on doing it with. It’s safer. I don’t like nasty surprises.’

  Ash mouthed along the edge of her jaw, sought out her lips. ‘I’m confused as hell,’ he confessed. ‘My head’s telling me I should leg it, to save myself from future hurt, but I can’t tear myself away from you.’

  ‘It’s late, Ash. You’ve had a long day. You’re probably just overtired. I’m sure that in the
morning you’ll feel yourself and regret saying any of this to me.’

  ‘Maybe,’ he confessed, still touching her intimately, ‘Or maybe I’ll just want to do this all over again.’

  He stretched an arm out to reach for a condom on the bedside table. He opened the foil with his teeth, then dressed himself one-handed, not prepared to let go of her for even a second. Ash pushed in slowly. There was no need to rush. He only wanted to be bound to her, and to feel connected.

  Aw – hell, he was going to rip a hole in his own chest if he didn’t start sobering himself up soon. He wasn’t about to change his ways or commit to a relationship. This lovey stuff was fine for the hours after midnight, but come tomorrow, yes, he’d probably feel like an enormous twit.

  ‘That feels so good,’ Ginny murmured. ‘Give me your fingers.’ She sucked them into her mouth. ‘I think I’m going to come.’ She did so quietly, arching against him, while her inner muscles fluttered around his cock.

  Ash didn’t push himself to try to finish. He relaxed and let himself float towards his release at his own steady pace. When it happened, it wasn’t like any other climax he’d ever had. It was in his head as much as his genitals. He wasn’t even sure if he ejaculated.

  ‘I did have a relationship once,’ he confided as they lay cuddling afterwards. He felt confident that she’d drifted back to sleep, for her breathing had become deep and even. ‘I’m not sure I’m strong enough to do it again.’

  ‘Only one?’ she asked, shocking him by revealing she was still awake. ‘How old are you, about twenty-seven?’

  ‘Twenty-five.’

  ‘Seems incredible you’ve only had one steady girlfriend. Even I’ve had a few more than that.’ She rolled over to face him, though she didn’t open her eyes, and for that Ash was grateful. Even now, thinking back to his time with Connie etched new lines upon his face. The pain had never faded or lessened. His heart remained as bruised now as the day she’d left him.

  No one except Spook knew how badly her rejection had screwed him up. He’d spent six months hooked on depression tablets that rendered him incapable of coherent thought. Only being part of Black Halo had got him through it. The music had given him something to cling to.