by Liz K. Lorde
“What are you really upset about, James?”
His mouth shrivels in frustration as he looks out the front of his truck and then back at me.
“I’m not hiding anything, Evelyn. I’m talking about what’s going on, right now.”
“The present?” I ask, disbelieving. “Not the past? With Shawn and me…”
“Of course, I’m talking about the present, Evelyn. I’m not worried about the past now any more than I was before all this shit started going down. The past is the past—that’s not what worries me.”
“What worries you, then?”
“It doesn’t worry you, Evelyn?”
I shrug. “I…don’t know? What, specifically, am I supposed to be worried about?”
James’s hand travels up towards the dashboard where it rests for a nervous moment. He takes another deep breath before responding.
“That’s his son in there, Evelyn. Your son, and he was gone for seven very important years…”
“Is that a worry?” I reply tersely and meaninglessly.
“Whatever it is, it’s not good. And with that story—if you can buy it—it all seems to be building up to something…well, not good.”
“I don’t know, James. But there’s no reason to jump to conclusions, especially based on fear.”
James shifts on his seat slightly, then leans towards me, speaking more quietly for absolutely no reason.
“You mean valid suspicions?”
“The situation’s evolving.” I don’t match James’s tone. I don’t know what he’s doing, but I don’t want to play into it. “And we’ll deal with whatever happens as it happens, like rational adults,” I say conclusively.
By the way his eyes are subtly widening, I don’t think James is getting the message.
“Choose me.” His voice is getting even louder and turning into a weird monotone.
“What?” I lean back slightly, instinctually towards the door.
“I need you to know it’s me and not him.” I’ve never heard James speak like this, in his words or his tone.
I turn away reflexively. “I knew there was something about this…”
“It doesn’t have to be something, or anything anymore.” James is trying to sound calm, but his measured speaking just makes every word sound less balanced than the last. “It’s simple, Evelyn, just affirm that it’s me you choose. Me. Not Shawn.”
“Affirm?”
“You already did! It was…before this happened…” Now James sounds like he’s running out of gas. “Now that he’s back and in our lives again, all I need is for you to tell me it’s me, and only me, and never Shawn.”
“I thought you didn’t care about the past.”
“I don’t care about what’s lingering from there. I’m focused on the present and the future. And I need you to be, too.”
James is sounding normal again—and a little sad. I look him in the eyes to deliver the news.
“I can’t do that. I can’t give that to you—not right now.”
As James takes in my words, his mouth starts to slowly fall open. For a second, his face stays frozen in a vague look of shock and bemusement. When he speaks again, it’s in a startling hiss.
“Get the fuck out.”
“Excuse me?” I hold out hope I didn’t hear him correctly.
“You can’t give me even that? Then just leave.”
Maybe he expects me to stay to try and talk him out of it, to comfort and reassure him. And to say everything he asked me to say.
“I said leave.”
Although his voice is starting to sound monotonic again, I don’t doubt he means it.
Without saying another word nor looking back, I leave James where he is, and go back into my own home.
Chapter 19
Shawn
I laugh boisterously as Tanner runs around, making goofy faces and laughing at himself. He’s a lively and energetic child. I haven’t known him for long, but God, do I love him.
I leave him to continue doing what he’s doing and walk into the house.
Where’s Evelyn?
I don’t see her when I walk into the house, but I hear noises of clinking dishes coming from the kitchen. She must be in there. I need a drink of water anyway.
When I clear the entrance to the kitchen, I pause. Evelyn is standing with her back to me. Her shoulders twitch as she moves her hands around the sink to clean the dirty dishes.
Even though all I can see is her back, the view is amazing. It’s not a sexy scene, but an ordinary one. An ordinary scene that makes me feel grounded, calm, and happy.
I walk towards her. My hands come up to rest on her hips.
“Hello, beautiful,” I whisper.
I press my lips to her shoulder and slowly kiss my way up her neck.
She shivers slightly, tilting her head back to rest against my shoulder.
“Shawn,” she moans.
Her moan causes me to harden.
Jesus, she’s sexy—and that moan was hot.
My hands start to roam all over her body. I rub them from her hips around to her stomach. One hand pushes her back into me, to press her ass into my erection, while the other hand slides upwards to cup her breast.
This time, I’m the one who groans. Her body, pressed against mine, feels amazing.
She wiggles her ass slightly against me and arches her back a tad to push her breast more firmly into my hand.
“Evelyn,” I moan.
Within the next moment, Evelyn goes from wriggling in my arms to going still and cold as a statue. I stop moving my hands and stop kissing her neck.
She turns around and presses herself against the sink in an attempt to put as much space between us. Taking the hint, I back up some to give her more space.
Her cheeks are flushed, and her breathing is rapid. Past that, her body is stiff, and her eyes look misty, as if she’s fighting not to cry.
What the hell?
I open my mouth to begin to apologize because I forgot myself and the current circumstances, but she speaks before I can get a word out.
“I’m sorry,” she says. “I—I need to go do some laundry.”
She rushes out of the kitchen, giving me a view of her back once more.
“Evelyn!” I call after her.
She doesn’t look back, though. Nor does she stop walking away from me. I comb my hand through my hair. You made a mess there, Shawn. Good going.
I shouldn’t have touched her like that. I shouldn’t have caught her unaware. Shit, I definitely shouldn’t have done that after the debacle with James.
There’s no doubt that she’s probably emotional, confused, and upset. It wasn’t fair of me to do anything with her, as if there isn’t still the huge gap between us from my disappearance.
I’m such a fucking ass.
The high I was on from having Evelyn close to me and touching her body has completely disappeared. Now, I feel like a bucket of ice water has been tossed over my head and has seeped into me down to the bone.
I feel miserable. I have to find a time—and soon—to apologize to her. I’ll be damned if I let her feel upset over the whole ordeal.
Why the hell did she even apologize to me before leaving the kitchen?
I’m the one who interrupted her while she was doing the dishes and started fondling her like a horny teenage boy.
“Shawn, can you come here for a second please?” Evelyn suddenly calls out quietly to me.
I walk cautiously towards where her voice was coming from in the living room.
I see her sitting on the edge of the couch next to a sleeping Tanner. She’s brushing his hair back from his forehead while she gazes at him adoringly.
She glances up at me, not really making eye contact. “Can you carry him upstairs and put him into his bed, please?” she asks me. “I’d do it, but he’s too heavy for me to carry.”
“Yeah. No problem,” I tell her.
She moves away from the couch as I move towards it. I be
nd down to lift Tanner gently off the couch and cradle him in my arms.
Evelyn follows me up the stairs and towards Tanner’s room. She lifts the covers so I can slowly place Tanner on the bed. I take the cover and place it over him.
Before stepping away, I caress his head similar to the way Evelyn did to him when he was on the couch.
After a brief moment of staring at him, I step away to walk out of the room. Evelyn is standing in the hallway, this time without looking away from me in discomfort or embarrassment.
“You’re good with him,” she whispers.
All I do is give her an insecure smile. “Evelyn, I’m sorry about earlier. I was out of line.”
She glances down at the floor briefly, but then looks back up holding my gaze firmly. “You don’t have to apologize, Shawn.”
“Yes, I fucking do, Evelyn. I shouldn’t have touched you like that. Touched you like everything isn’t screwed up right now.”
“You know, you used to do that all the time,” she says. “You would come up behind me at random times to put your arms around me. Sometimes, it would be just to hold me. Other times it would be…like it was earlier.”
She’s blushing, but also smiling at the sweet memories flashing in her mind right now.
I wish I could recall the memories, too. But all I can do is cherish the one from a few minutes ago.
Without thinking, we move closer to each other. I caress her cheek and then let my hand fall away quickly.
I had just finished apologizing for being an ass. I’m not about to be one again. I do have some self-control around this woman. If only a little bit.
I step back.
“I’m going to go to my room and call it a night,” I tell her.
“Okay,” she replies.
“Good night, Evelyn.”
“Good night, Shawn.”
I turn and walk away from her.
Closeted in my room, I pace in front of the bed. I haven’t been with a woman in years—seven, to be fucking specific. Being this close to Evelyn is making me painfully aware of the pent-up sexual tension within me.
I start replaying the moment in the kitchen, where her ass was pressed against me and my hands were full of her lush curves.
God, I may have stepped away so I wouldn’t be an ass, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want her right now. I want her in my bed underneath me, wriggling against me like before—but naked this time.
I growl.
I lift my shirt up to take it off because I’m starting to feel hot. Just as the shirt is coming over my head, I hear the bedroom door open.
Evelyn is standing there in the doorway. What’s she doing here?
“You didn’t have to apologize for earlier,” she states. I’m about to interrupt when she says, “No, don’t argue with me, Shawn. You weren’t the only one in that kitchen. And you weren’t the only one who was enjoying it.”
I don’t know what to say to that.
She walks into the room, shutting the door behind her, and moves towards me.
Her arms go around my neck. Without a thought, I wrap mine around her waist and wait for her to speak or make a move. I don’t want to do or say anything that will remove her from my arms.
“I didn’t run out of the kitchen because I didn’t like what was happening,” she continues. “I ran because I was confused. But now? I’m not confused. I want you, Shawn. I want to be with you again.”
I look at her, trying to see if there is any doubt or uncertainty in her expression. All I see is clarity and desire. Whatever happens next, I know there won’t be any regrets for me or her.
In an instant, I yank her against me so there isn’t an inch of space between our bodies, and my lips are on hers. Her lips feel amazing, and I cradle her head in my hands as I deepen the kiss. I will never get enough of her lips on mine.
We both moan from the pleasure of being in each other’s arms and the freedom of letting go of everything except one another.
Chapter 20
Shawn
Shawn’s lips are so familiar on mine.
James had tried a few times to kiss me, but I wasn’t ready. It hadn’t felt right, ever. The closest he came was kissing me on the cheek.
I just couldn’t help it. It probably was the fact that a part of me just couldn’t believe Shawn was dead. Didn’t want to believe he was dead.
My body seemed to know he would come back to me one day. Instinctively, I melt into his embrace, comfortable and safe. My mind is spinning.
It seems like a dream, and I pull back, breaking our kiss to confirm this is real. As my eyes slowly open, I see Shawn frozen, puzzled, and worried, looking at me. “Too much, too soon?”
“No,” I breathe. Slowly, I trace his eyes and stroke my fingers down his cheeks. “I just can’t believe you’re real.”
Tracing his lips slowly, I caress their familiar form. “Kissing you seems surreal. I’m afraid I’ll wake up.”
Pressing my lips to his, I slip my tongue into his mouth to taste him briefly before pulling back. “You even taste the same.” I drop my forehead to his. “I’ve missed you so much.” My voice hitches, as the emotions bubbling inside me rise to the surface.
“Oh, baby, I’m here.” He confirms his declaration by kissing me deeply, squeezing me to him as reassurance.
Perfect and demanding.
There’s a hunger in Shawn’s kiss, like I’m just what he needs. And it matches my own, because he’s always been exactly what I need. Running my hands down his chest, the familiar planes of his form feel like coming home.
Nothing matters any more. The time he’s been away and the questions I still have about where he’s been just don’t matter at this point. It doesn’t matter, because whatever those answers are, they won’t change what I want to do right now.
He’s mine.
My husband, my lover, and my best friend.
He may not remember it or me, but I do. And I need him.
Now.
My hands frantically drop to his jeans to fumble with his button and zipper. He pulls away to help me, taking over and opening his pants quickly, letting them fall to the floor.
No underwear. Classic Shawn.
Ripping my shirt over my head, I push him back towards the bed until he drops on his butt, so I can follow him, reaching for his hard cock that’s waiting for me.
This part of him is the same, too. Throbbing and hard in my hand.
Groaning, he pulls my yoga pants down, catching my underwear at the same time, trying to work around my hands that are still fondling him.
It’s heaven and hell, trying to get naked but not wanting to stop touching him. There’s an urgent part of my brain that’s afraid he will disappear on me.
Wrapping his arms around me, pulling me towards him and between his legs, he buries his face in my cleavage, panting heavily.
Pausing, I put my arms around his head, breathing in his familiar scent.
A second later, he pulls back, and I realize he’s unhooked my bra, as it slips away from my chest, falling down my arms.
I fight my instinctive reaction to cover myself when I drop my bra to the floor and he gazes upon my chest. A chest that’s changed from having his son.
“Beautiful.” He cups me, squeezing and caressing before drawing a nipple into his mouth.
My cunt clenches as the erotic sensation sends a pulse, creating a throbbing between my legs.
Enough.
I want to give him something he may remember about us.
Pushing him firmly, I break his connection and tip him back onto the bed, following him down. Planting my legs beside his hips, I drop on top of him to capture his lips with mine.
His hands are everywhere as we rub against each other frantically, my wet pussy sliding against him as we grind against each other.
I want more, though.
Pulling up, I slide down him, kissing his chest as I travel towards my goal.
Trying to slow the frantic pace we’ve
set, I kiss his scars and smooth past them with my lips. Leaning up on his elbows, he watches while his breath hitches as I reach the crisp hair by his belly button.
His muscles are jumping under my lips, tightening and flexing his taunt stomach.
My feet reach the floor as I capture his hard cock in my hand to lick the head, which twitches towards me in anticipation.
Tasting myself on him spurs me on, and I lick up our combined juices, moaning at the arousal I feel.
Us, together on my tongue, is so much more than I ever dreamed about.
“Ah, Evelyn. So good,” he pants as I wrap my lips around his head, running my tongue under and up his slit.
“Mmmmm,” I hum in agreement as I suck him in, enjoying him jerking against my lips.
My mouth lowers over him as I draw him in deep, enjoying him lodged in my throat.
Swallowing, I pull back to draw up his length as he moans raggedly. Stroking my hair back from my face, I look up to see him watching me intently.
“Baby…baby, that’s so wonderful.” His whispers spur me into a faster rhythm as his hips arch and his jaw tightens.
The hard base of his cock thickens, and I know he won’t last, so I start stroking in tandem with my mouth, pausing at the back of my throat to swallow with each thrust down.
He loved when I did this. He taught me what he enjoyed during our relationship, and I loved learning.
Shawn was my first. My teacher. My everything in every way.
His hips arch hard as he thrusts into my throat, exploding powerfully. Swallowing, I keep milking him as he groans and jerks.
It’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.
Perfect in every way.
He pulls me towards him before dropping onto his back and rolling us onto our sides.
Kissing me, he runs his hands over me aggressively, spreading my legs with his, pinning me for his view.
His large hand spreads my wet pussy, stroking and exploring before pressing inside.
Gasping, I break from his lips, and he looks down our bodies to watch his hand.
“So wet. You need me.”
I look at him as he observes his fingers stroking in and out of me. “I do need you. I’ve always needed you.”
I’m panting as he spreads my folds to locate my clit with his thumb. Latching onto my nipple, he sets an aggressive pace with his fingers and thumb, sliding and plunging inside me. The wet sound of my cunt drawing him in fills the air as my moans get louder.