by Liz K. Lorde
I knew she’d say that. I know it’s the right thing to do—and yet, I don’t know if I trust the system.
If those guys have been able to start logging here, who’s to say they don’t have someone on the books in the police department and get off, despite all the evidence I’ve got against them?
I guess you can’t go second guessing in life. I’ve just got to do it, and trust that it’ll be alright.
Just as I’m about to go find the police officer, a tall thin man in a suit pant and thick jacket approaches.
“FBI,” he says and flashes a badge. If he thought I could make out anything from the official pass, he’s mistaken. “Special agent Jackson.”
I nod and wait.
“Constable Brown thought you might tell me a bit more about these guys and what they were up to.”
I sigh. I reach into my pockets and pull out a little memory stick.
“I think you’ll find all the information you’ll need on here.”
With a raised eyebrow, Jackson takes the memory stick.
“And if you happen to accidentally lose it,” I say with emphasis on accidentally. “I’ve got a copy in a safe place.”
Special agent Jackson takes the little object.
“I can assure you we’ll do everything to put these guys behind bars for good. They won’t be a threat anymore to you or your girlfriend.”
Emma’s cheeks color at little at his words and my insides melt.
“Well,” the special agent makes to leave. “I think I’m all done here.” He hesitates. “You want a lift into the city?”
His question is directed at Emma. I see a mixture of emotions travel across her face.
“That would be great,” she finally says and avoids my gaze.
Suddenly, a huge rock settles in the pit of my stomach. She was going to go back. I knew she would, but I had hoped she wouldn’t.
Of course there’s nothing here for her, particularly since the cabin’s burnt down.
“Well,” I turn to her and I’m not sure if I should hold out my hand or give her a kiss.
“Thanks,” she mumbles, and the way her shoulders sag reminds me of a lost puppy.
“I don’t think Boss will come over to say goodbye.”
She nods.
“Look after him for me.”
I nod.
Jackson clears his throat.
“We better get going.”
I watch him give me a curt nod and walk off.
For a second, Emma hesitates. Then she turns around to follow the FBI agent.
“Emma,” I call after her and she stops.
It takes me two strides to be beside her.
“Goodbye.”
I take her by the shoulder and kiss her. My mouth is gentle and soft.
She leaves without another word.
When the last of the cars is finally gone, Boss comes out to stand next to me. He’s crying.
“Yeah, my friend. She’s gone.”
I pat him on the head and crouch down beside him. He nuzzles his head into me and I pick him up.
“Let’s go and find a place to spend the night.” I say, but stay rooted to the same spot for what seems like hours.
In my mind, I still see Emma standing here. I can’t believe she’s gone. My brain can’t accept it and neither can my heart.
Much later, Boss and I head back to the ruins of my cabin. Nothing is left but the memories I made with Emma over the last few days.
She’s made such an impact that I can’t accept she won’t be here anymore. I half expect her to come jumping out from behind a tree and call ‘peek-a-boo.’ But of course, she doesn’t.
As I stare at the rubble, I vow to rebuild not only my cabin, but my life—a life without Emma.
Emma
There’s a slight hesitation on my part before my index finger clicks on the mouse to send the email.
It took longer to write the press release than I had anticipated. How do you put into succinct words what happened in the mountains and the ripple effect of it all on the company? Less is best, I decided, and I’m already wondering if I said too much.
The to-do list on my spotless desk glares at me.
There are five things left. Shit. Is this day never going to end?
The phone rings and I pick it up. It’s the internal line so at least it’s not another angry caller I have to pacify. When I’m not answering hate mail, I spend my time on the phone explaining the changes I’ve made around here.
“Don’t forget your hair appointment.”
“Thanks Phoebs. I’d be lost without you.” I tell my personal assistant and mean it. She’s been the best since I’ve returned to the company—the company Dylan and I used to run.
Dylan.
What is he doing now?
I allow my mind to drift for a few minutes. Dylan, the mountain man with muscles of steel, sparkling eyes, gorgeous smile and the most delicious lips—not to mention his massive cock. Just thinking about him makes my pussy ache. How long has it been now?
Too fucking long my mind screams at me.
Okay, I get the picture.
My flesh is weak and longing for his touch. In my long and lonely nights, I lie awake dreaming about my man, his large strong hands gently caressing my body. Exploring places on me I didn’t even know existed.
Stop, enough daydreaming, time to focus and get on with work.
I don’t get paid to daydream.
But it’s almost impossible not to think about Dylan. It’s just that I can’t simply abandon my life here and throw away everything I’ve worked for. With a sigh and one last look at what else I’ve got left to do, I push my chair back and head out of the office.
When I take a seat at Emilé’s Hairdressing Salon, my eyes stare back at me accusingly.
“Usual?” the French accented man behind me asks, and I nod.
Emilé immediately starts his small talk. Lucky for me I only have to occasionally nod or shake my head.
It means I can think of my mountain man. It’s been three months, five days, and four hours since I’ve left Dylan, and I can still see his hurt eyes. They follow me everywhere.
He had looked as if I had shot him myself the day I had agreed to catch a ride with the FBI agent back into the city.
When I had been asked by the agent if I wanted a lift into town, I had reacted instinctively, not because of any plans on my part to leave the mountain or Dylan. Events had happened too fucking fast.
Of course I always knew I’d have to come back. I mean, I can’t just disappear. There are work colleagues to inform, insurance claims to file for the burnt apartment and all kinds of other shit.
But I do miss him.
My Dylan. My mountain man.
Not to mention Boss.
The little bear cub whose mom left him to us to raise just before she died.
Okay, technically she shoved him to me, but I could hardly take him back to Manhattan.
I look into the mirror briefly. The chatter has stopped and my hairdresser is holding up a mirror so I can see his handy work.
“Brilliant as always,” I praise him and pull out my credit card.
“You’re a little distracted, Cheri,” he says as he charges me a fortune so I look good.
I dismiss his comment with a shrug.
“It’s a man isn’t it?” He winks knowingly at me. “They’re all possessed by the devil and only know how to think with their…you know.”
Instead of a reply, I kiss him on each cheek.
“Thank you.”
And then I leave the shop. Outside, people are getting ready to head home. It’s nearly five o’clock. I bite my bottom lip.
There is still a mountain of work to be done back at the office.
Mountain. Dylan. My thoughts threaten to stray again.
Work.
I need to focus on work.
Amazing how much work is involved in getting a company back on track. When I returned from the moun
tain armed with all the dirt on the directors, I was asked to stay and sort things out.
Why I agreed is beyond me. I mean fuck, if I’d known how much work was involved, I might have passed on the opportunity.
I guess I couldn’t say no to their proposal. They offered me a ridiculous amount of money. It would’ve been madness to knock it back.
But with a growing bank balance comes a lonely heart.
My feet take me to my favorite café and I grab a take away strong flat white with one of those delicious white chocolate muffins. Might as well have a sugar hit if I’m going to work late.
No point going home to an empty apartment.
Back at my desk, I answer emails and work through a shitload of mail.
The press has been having a field day with the old company and its shocking work practices. It’s been a hard slog to get shareholders on board and upright the sinking ship.
Dylan would be impressed.
There he is again, invading every part of me. I can’t seem to shake him off. He’s with me 24/7. Without a picture of him on my desk, phone or at home, I have to rely on my memory.
No doubt I’m embellishing his features, his muscles but not the size of his cock. His cock was massive.
What am I doing sitting at my desk and daydreaming about the man’s penis? I try and get my mind back to my job.
If I’d known how hard this was going to be, I would have…
I stop. What would I have done? Played Tarzan and Jane for the rest of my life in the mountains as opposed to the jungle?
What about all the things I love? I try and rack my brain.
The ability to walk down the road and choose from a hundred different cafes, where to have coffee, or the nightclubs, or restaurants or…I’m running on empty.
Since I’ve come down from the mountain, I haven’t visited one nightclub, or a single restaurant.
With a sigh, I leave my desk and start to pace the length of the office.
Was this really what I wanted?
Choice. Choice is so overrated.
Up and down, I walk like a caged animal.
My hand runs through my hair. It’s smooth and silky, thanks to the ability of visiting Emilé. What the fuck did the state of my hair matter, anyway? With no one to admire it, run their hands through it or compliment it, the whole thing was a waste.
Okay, so no, I don’t go and get my hair done just so people can compliment me on it. I go and get my hair done because I enjoy the experience, and I don’t want to end up looking like an unkempt poodle.
Would living with Dylan mean I’d have to give up all my little luxuries? Could there be a compromise?
The longer I think about this, the more convinced I become that I acted too fast when I just left him alone in the mountains.
I mean maybe we could talk about us. We probably should talk about us, since we never really got the chance to.
Now, self-doubt is creeping through me. It was all fine and good to think about going back to him, but would he actually want me living there?
We never actually talked about living together. There may have been a moment, just before we thought we were going to die, where we confessed our love for each other. But we never talked about us beyond fucking.
I briefly stop in front of my desk again. Half of the hate mail have been answered. Shareholders have been informed of the companies new policy, namely not to hire hitmen any more to kill people, to stick to the law and not bribe officials and fudge documents to log in areas where it is illegal.
Today, I just finished my press release announcing our company was putting two million dollars into conservation.
The majority of my work is done. Anyone can do the rest. Maybe I can even help out remotely.
I don’t know how long I’ve paced and thought, but I eventually grab my phone and head out the door.
I scribble a note on my assistant’s desk and stick it on her monitor so she sees it first thing in the morning.
It takes me no time at all to get organized. Over the last few weeks, I’ve been tempted so many times to just abandon my city life again.
I’ve got a bag packed, and I’m ready to go. I’ll just have to turn up since I don’t know how to contact Dylan.
Of course, I’m not sure how I’ll react if he doesn’t want me. It has never occurred to me that he may not live there any more, until I’m…well, on the way.
How stupid have I been? His fucking cabin burnt to the ground. What if he’s moved on, found a different place to call home?
I guess it’s too late to stop now.
I’ll have to go and see for myself if he’s still there, or what’s happened. And I’ll have to hear from him what his thoughts are about us—and our future.
Dylan
The hammer collides with my thumb and misses the fucking nail altogether. Fuck, I swear. This is the third time I’ve missed.
Something is wrong. My mind is all over the place. I’m surprised I’ve come this far in my building endeavor.
Boss is standing next to me, watching. He can’t understand why I’m jumping around on one foot, cursing.
At least I keep hitting the same thumb, which means I’ll only end up with one fucking bruise and not several.
“What do you think, Boss?” I ask the bear and stand back to admire my handy work once the pain has subsided.
There’s a howl from the bear, which I take to be a sign of approval.
“How about more nails? Can you hand me some?”
It’s been surprisingly easy to train Boss. He’s been an awesome apprentice. What’s more is he doesn’t come with all the hang-ups of human apprentices. There’s no complaining about the work hours or work conditions. Boss keeps his opinion to himself, mostly, and all in all only gets sidetrack from time to time.
Of course, conversation is a bit one-sided.
I grab another nail from the massive bear paw and whack it in. This time I don’t miss.
“There you go, my friend. Nearly all done.”
We both admire our work.
At first I pay no attention to the sound of an approaching engine. Since the snow melt, it’s not unusual for the occasional car to take the main road up into the mountain. No one ever takes the little dirt track to my patch of heaven.
Heaven.
It could have been heaven.
Emma has been gone a few months now.
When she didn’t come back after the first few days of leaving, I knew she was never coming back.
It was a bit too much to hope she’d choose a life with me in the middle of nowhere over returning to the bright lights of the city.
Who could blame a young woman wanting the creature comforts of the big smoke? Nightclubs, cafes, restaurants and all that shit is what people want—not nature, fresh air and the ruggedness of the mountains.
It took me a while to get used to being out here by myself, but now I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Fuck, I miss her though.
“Do you miss her, Boss?”
I glance at the bear, who came to us as a baby and was anything but now.
“Soon you’ll be on your way too, won’t you, my friend?”
A rock settles in the pit of my stomach. When the bear goes, the last of Emma will leave as well.
Whilst Boss is here, part of Emma is still with me. I know it’s stupid, sentimental shit, but I might have become a little fucking sentimental over the last few months.
Boss suddenly turns his big head away from me. He lets out a different kind of howl, not his usual growl when he believes he senses danger.
Of course, his senses are not as good as mine. The other day he growled at something in the woods, and eventually it turned out that a bunny was hiding behind a tree.
It was funny to see this nearly grown bear quiver in fear of a rabbit. Before he flies the coop, he’ll have some quick growing up to do.
“What’s up my friend? Another bunny got you terrified?”
&nbs
p; Laughter has me spin around.
I nearly trip over my own feet and tumble down the steps of my new veranda. It seems like I’ve finally gone mad. Too much time on my own has taken its toll.
My eyes see her, but my brain won’t accept it’s her.
She looks exactly how I remember her. No, she looks better.
Her smile lights up her face and her eyes sparkle brighter than the most exquisite diamond.
“Boss I’ve gone fucking mad,” I say to the bear. “I’m fucking imagine Emma standing in front us.”
“Look how big you are,” my imaginary Emma says and moves toward us.
Of course she would say that. I mean she hasn’t been here for the last few months.
Mesmerized, I watch my imaginary Emma walk up the stairs and come toward us. I only snap out of it when Boss bounces up to her and nearly sends her flying down the steps again.
“Boss,” I growl and walk toward her.
She’s looking at me from under her long eyelashes. Her lips are drawn up a tiny bit at the corners, hinting at a smile.
No fucking way. She can’t be real.
“Hey,” her voice is soft—almost too soft.
My mouth suddenly feels like sandpaper and I can’t get a single word out. Instead, I nod.
“I…” she starts and stops.
We just stand there for a while, like strangers. I can’t think of a single thing to say and she seems unsure herself.
It’s the noise of branches breaking in the woods that breaks the sudden spell.
Boss looks up and leaps off the veranda. My eyes search the perimeter.
It takes me a while, but then I see her. I know it’s her, and it’s not the first time I’ve spotted her.
“Look,” I mouth and point to the edge of the forest.
Emma’s eyes widen and I know she’s seen the female bear.
Baby bear takes a few tentative steps in her direction. Amazingly enough, the wild female bear seems to be waving at him, inviting him to come to her.
Boss takes a few steps and stops.
“Go on,” I say, and I’m surprised at how fucking rough my own voice sounds. Surely, I’m not going to be overwhelmed with fucking emotions? I mean, this is what I prepared for over the last few months.
“Has she been visiting often?”
My skin burns where Emma touches me. I flinch at little.
“Sorry,” she mutters, and I see the confusion in her eyes.