by Cassie Rocca
“And is that what you were doing?”
“It. Was. Just. A. Kiss,” said Zoe, glaring at her.
“OK. But if it was only a kiss and you like being kissed that way, what the hell are you so angry about?”
“Because Eric knows very well that I’m not some nympho who lets everybody and anybody feel her up, especially in public!”
“Did he call you a nympho?”
“No, but the way he said it made it sound like that was what he thought.”
“In that case you should clear things up with him. Tell him to mind his own business and to stop judging your choices.”
“That’s exactly what I was thinking,” grumbled Zoe.
Liberty looked at her for a long time. “I’m guessing that’s not all, or you wouldn’t still be here with that miserable expression on your face.”
“It’s just… I don’t want Eric to have such a low opinion of me. It’s really upsetting.”
“I don’t think he has a low opinion of you. He just wants you to have the best in life and, since he knows you like the back of his hand, he also knows that what Evan Whatshisname has to offer you isn’t what you need.”
“I told him that he only reacts like that because he’s incapable of kissing a woman passionately,” mumbled Zoe.
She felt genuinely guilty for hitting below the belt like that. What did she know about the way Eric kissed women anyway? Except for that kiss in her dream, of course…
“It’s nice to know that my employees spend their time on the clock insulting each other,” sighed Liberty. “So anyway, at the end of the day, Eric said you were slutty and you insulted his masculinity. I’d say you two are even.”
“I only said it because I was angry.”
“Well maybe he was too.”
“About what?”
“Maybe because he had just hurt himself and was pissed off about it? Or maybe because he cares about you and worries about you?”
“In other words, you’re taking his side. So I am the easy woman who puts out behind the shelves, leaving her colleague to do so much work that he even ends up hurting himself…”
Liberty smiled, unable to hide her amusement.
“Zoe, if you feel guilty about not having helped him and you know that you were behaving in a way that’s not like you then why don’t you just go and apologize to him?”
Lib always knew how to get straight to the point. Sullenly, Zoe crossed her arms across her chest. “OK.”
“Good girl. Now get the hell out of here and let me work.”
Zoe stopped at the door. “Do you think that I’m just a shallow, spoiled kid, Lib?”
“I think you’re a woman who craves attention and who comes on strong to hide her weaknesses. I know how hard it is to show your feelings, Zoe, but there’s absolutely no need to hide them behind weird behavior.”
“You mean it’s better to pretend you don’t have any feelings at all, the way you do?” said Zoe, smiling sweetly at the surprised expression on her colleague’s face. “You are either the most self-confident woman on Earth, Lib, or you’ve just given me a piece of advice that you refuse to follow yourself. In any case, thank you.” Leaving a stunned looking Liberty sitting there, Zoe closed the door behind her and walked downstairs. Her boss was right, she was feeling guilty both for having left Eric alone to manage the shop and for having let Evan treat her like some needy girl who lets people fondle her in public, and that was why she had reacted so aggressively.
But she hated getting caught out.
She had to apologize to Eric. Even though he was a hateful know-it-all, he was right about one thing: not all girls liked to be thrown against a wall in a public place. And she didn’t either, even if she pretended she did in the hope that it would make the men she dated like her more.
*
The afternoon turned out to be a long and tedious one and she longed for the working day to be over. On quiet days like that, there was nothing worse than having to work on your own, knowing that your best friend was mad at you.
When she saw him coming out of the office to help her close up the shop, as usual, she was overwhelmed by tenderness.
His expression was stern and his jaw tense, but he forced himself to be kind anyway. Even when he was angry, Eric was never so predictable that he would sulk or sink to seeking some kind of petty revenge. His good manners and respect for others were evident even in those simple things, and the affection he felt for her wasn’t diminished by a stupid argument.
Zoe hung the ‘CLOSED’ sign on the door, then leant against it staring at him.
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?” asked Eric, averting his gaze.
“You know very well for what.” Zoe walked over to him, forcing him to look at her. “I didn’t mean what I said. Unlike you with mine, I know nothing about your sex life. But precisely because you know every single thing that’s happened to me in the last ten years you should know that I’m not that kind of girl.”
“I do know it, but not everybody else does. So don’t waste your time explaining yourself to me – explain yourself to the people who haven’t worked out that your behavior is just an act.”
“Maybe the others don’t actually care what I’m like. But I care about your opinion, and that’s why it hurts me when you get angry with me.”
“If you really think that the others don’t care about who you actually are then why the hell do you waste your time with them?” he burst out, throwing his hands up in frustration. He was almost ready to start one of his lectures, but at that moment Zoe smiled and Eric gave a shamefaced smirk. “It doesn’t matter, though – it’s none of my business.”
“I’m happy to know that you care about me, really I am. I reacted badly because… well, because I felt guilty for having left you alone. And about Evan – it’s true, he was a little rough, you’re right, but I’m used to dealing with guys like him, and in fact I’ve already dumped him.”
“Meaning that you won’t be seeing him any more?”
“Meaning that I’ll have something else to do tonight and that in the future, we’ll see.”
“Well I guess that’s already something,” he answered grouchily.
Now that they had cleared things up, Zoe felt more relaxed. She rubbed her hands together and said, “What if I buy you a pizza as an apology? If we get a move on, we might find a table even though we haven’t booked.”
Eric hesitated, then shook his head. “I can’t.”
Zoe fluttered her eyelashes. “Why not?”
“I have a date.”
“Oh,” Zoe stared at him in confusion. “With Stephanie?”
“Yes. She’ll be here soon.”
“Got it. OK, we’ll have a pizza another time then.”
Zoe finished organising next day’s orders, but she couldn’t stop thinking about Eric’s refusal.
It was absolutely normal for him to be going out with that girl. He’d had an unrequited crush on her when he was younger so obviously he wanted to make up for lost time. She just wasn’t used to having to take into consideration the fact that he might be busy. He’d had other relationships in the past, but none of them had ever interfered with their friendship.
“And this one isn’t going to interfere either,” she reasoned, frowning at the thought. “Eric is still my friend.”
Even though she knew that, the realization that she wasn’t going to be able to spend the evening with him made her feel… excluded.
They both turned their heads at the sound of two light taps on the window. Stephanie was standing outside, her cheeks red with cold but still smiling beautifully. She seemed excited about the evening ahead. Zoe turned to Eric, who was putting his jacket on, and forced herself to smile happily.
“Have fun! Show her what she’s been missing all these years!”
“I’ll do my best.”
“We’re ok, right?” she asked, a moment before he reached the door. Having caught his attention, s
he looked into his eyes. “I don’t want to go home thinking that you haven’t forgiven me yet.”
“Don’t I always forgive you?” sighed Eric, an indecipherable expression on his face, before saying, “See you tomorrow,” and leaving the shop.
Zoe watched the couple walk away along the road. They were really cute together and she was genuinely happy that Eric finally had the opportunity to fulfil his old dreams of love.
Or at least, she knew she should have been.
But what she was actually feeling was an almost overwhelming sensation of sadness, envy and regret, and when she realized it, she felt lonely, selfish and mean.
She finished tidying up the shop with a lump in her throat, thinking all the time that she really deserved to be lonely.
Chapter 6
“So – did you two do it, then?”
Eric almost fell off his stool at this.
Zoe giggled at his embarrassed expression. “Come on, you can tell me. Am I or am I not your best friend?”
“I don’t think that gives you the right to poke your nose into my private affairs.”
“But I always tell you what I get up to with my boyfriends!” protested Zoe.
Eric got off the stool and began to walk away. “Exactly.”
Ignoring his sarcastic tone, Zoe followed him. “Come on, tell me! It’s driving me mad!”
“Mind your own business.”
“Please! Please?” begged Zoe as she grabbed hold of him, an exaggerated pout on her lips.
“What difference does it make if you know all the details?” he sighed.
“None whatsoever, it just gives me something to gossip about. I did it with Clover, remember?”
“If you think I’ve come here to discuss intimate stuff about Steffy, you can think again.”
“Oh, for God’s sake!” snapped Zoe, starting to lose her patience, “I don’t want to know everything!”
“Well you asked Clover for all the details.”
“Yeah, but she’d just got it on with a film star from Hollywood! And anyway she never actually told me, the bitch!”
“Why all this interest in Stephanie? You’ve never given me the third degree before. You didn’t seem particularly interested in the other girls I went out with.”
“This is different, this is special. She’s the woman of your dreams, isn’t she? Or at least she was when you were twenty.”
Eric began to sort through some of the collectibles on display in the showcase. “That was years ago, we’ve both changed since then.”
“Uh-oh,” said Zoe, shaking her head and looking totally unconvinced. “That sounds a bit weird.”
“Why?”
“Because I thought you were over the moon but instead it’s starting to sound like you’re putting the brakes on. Hasn’t Steffy lived up to your youthful expectations?”
“We’ve only been on one date, for God’s sake!” said Eric, rolling his eyes.
“Well sometimes that’s all it takes.”
“I’m a big believer in rationality, remember? I need time to figure out if I really like a person.”
“But when you were a kid you fell in love at first sight.”
“It might have been better if I’d just been struck by lightning,” he muttered. Zoe returned to the counter, deep in thought. After the argument with Eric, she had spent all night thinking about what she had really felt after seeing him walking off with Stephanie Parker and she had felt so bad that she’d promised herself she’d behave like a perfect friend for the rest of her life. She didn’t want her own regrets to make her jealous or bitter or spiteful towards one of the people she loved most in the world, nor did she want to continue being treated like an object by men. She wanted to start seriously working on herself – to try and become a better person, stop hanging out with people who didn’t deserve a moment of her time and be a better friend to her friends.
She wanted Eric to feel free to ask her for advice or to let off some steam any time he wanted to. He was a special guy and he deserved a special girlfriend.
When she caught up with him, she started again. “Listen, I just wanted to remind you that you can tell me anything. If you need advice, reassurance, whatever, I’m here,” she said, seriously. “Agree?”
“Is there something I should be forgiving you for?” said Eric with a puzzled look, and Zoe took his right hand and stroked the plaster on it.
“This, for example. If I’d given you a hand with the work yesterday, instead of wasting time with Evan, you wouldn’t have hurt yourself. I felt really guilty about it.”
Eric didn’t move, just stood there staring into space, his hand abandoned in hers. “It doesn’t matter. It was just me being clumsy, as usual.”
“Yeah, Mr Troublemaker!” cooed Zoe, giving him a slap on his wrist.
“My mother should never have told you that nickname,” he muttered, adjusting his glasses.
Zoe laughed heartily. “She only told me as revenge for you not going home to her for Christmas.”
“You used your whole arsenal of dirty tricks to persuade me to spend that evening with your family instead of mine. It should have been you she punished you, not me!”
“But I know how to make you forgive me,” said Zoe, pursing her lips and fluttering her eyelashes. “I’m adorable and irresistible, aren’t I?”
Eric grunted.
“Am I interrupting something?”
At the sound of those words, they both turned around to find Stephanie staring at them with a puzzled look on her face. Zoe realized that she still had hold of Eric’s hand, and so she slowly released it. She wasn’t doing anything wrong and therefore didn’t intend to behave as if she had been caught with her fingers in the till.
“Hello, Steffy.”
The girl looked from one to the other, a tight smile on her lips. “I was just passing and I thought I’d drop in for a quick chat. Have I come at a bad time?”
“Of course not.”
“You were absolutely right to come,” Eric said, smiling at her. “You okay?”
“Yes, of course. I have a job interview in twenty minutes and I’m early.”
Eric walked around the counter to join her, and Stephanie leaned over to give him a kiss on the cheek, very close to his lips. Zoe realized that they were not yet intimate enough to kiss each other on the mouth in public, and for a brief moment she felt heartened. Then, scolding herself for acting crazily and remembering her good intentions, she moved away to give them a bit of privacy.
The shop door opened and Zoe set off towards the customer, but Eric rushed in front of her, apologizing to Stephanie before abandoning her there alone in the middle of the room. Seeing the sad look on the girl’s face, Zoe walked over to her.
“There is always a steady stream of people here. They’ve managed to whisk him away from you in less than a minute.”
“Yeah. But I can’t expect him to devote all his time to me and to stop him from working,” Steffy shrugged. “I turned up here without letting him know I was coming, so I wasn’t expecting him to only have eyes for me – and it’s now clear that he doesn’t.”
The last sentence, spoken with a hint of bitterness, made Zoe raise her eyebrows. “What do you mean?”
Stephanie stared at her, “Can I ask you a question?”
“Shoot.”
“Did you and Eric ever go out together?”
“What?” Zoe was stunned. “Me and Eric… no! Why do you ask?”
“You seem very close. When I came in just now, neither of you noticed the door opening and… Well, I mean, I just want to make sure that I’m not facing any… you know, unfair competition.”
Unfair competition? If I had wanted Eric, you’d have already lost him, girlfriend!
That thought appeared so suddenly in Zoe’s head that it gave her the creeps.
She couldn’t feel that she was in competition with Eric’s girlfriends. That was crazy! She laughed, but it sounded a bit hollow.
“W
e’ve been friends for a long time.”
At that moment, Eric returned and Zoe dragged him into the conversation. “Can you reassure your girlfriend, please?”
“About what?”
Stephanie interjected, giving him a hesitant glance. “I’m sorry – I embarrassed Zoe by asking her if you two had ever been a thing.”
Eric took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes with one hand. “What made you think that?”
“You seem to be very close.”
“Anyone would be close after being friends for ten years.”
Zoe stepped back when Steffy took hold of his hand. It wasn’t the first time that one of Eric’s girlfriends had looked at her suspiciously for the complicity they demonstrated when they were together, but it was the first time that one of them had confronted the situation head-on. She had to admire her for it: it was obvious that she really cared about Eric, and Zoe couldn’t help but be happy for them.
“Don’t worry, I’m going out with someone too, at the moment,” she said.
“Oh, cool! I mean, I’m happy for you – I wasn’t trying to insinuate anything, I hope I haven’t said anything weird!” exclaimed Stephanie, almost breathlessly. “You’re just so pretty that it makes me feel insecure, you know? It sort of makes you wonder if any guy would be interested in an ordinary girl after spending the whole day with you.”
Zoe dismissed the idea with a wave of her hand. “Thank you for the compliment, but there’s no need to be worried. Eric has known me for ages, and if nothing has ever happened between us I would imagine that it must be because he’s immune to my charms.”
She tried to catch Eric’s eye, but he looked terribly uncomfortable. He turned and smiled at Stephanie. “And anyway, you’re beautiful girl, too,” he said.
“Thank you. I’m sorry if I’ve embarrassed you.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Listen, Zoe? We’re going to the opening of a new restaurant tonight. Why don’t you come along with your boyfriend?”
Zoe hesitated. She looked at Eric, who looked as if he had just swallowed a live toad, and shook her head.