We’ve broken so many barriers, he mused, and I realized he could feel me in there with him.Will you give me that vow, now?
Anything you want. Just please don’t keep me out anymore.
I’ve been thinking that I should leave and let you be Empress without me. I’m only dead weight.
No! I protested.
I said, that’s what I’ve been thinking. It’s why I’ve been so quiet. I’ve been trying to think of how to just...go.
My heart seized within me. Would he do that? Disappear when I turned my back for a moment?
I almost did on Nightshade right before I called to you in that storm of shadows, he said.
Why? I asked.
Because of all this. All this injustice and horror can only be fixed by you, but you can’t do it with me along. I’ll hold you back, and that means I’ll be responsible for it in the end.
No, Roman, you won’t. I can’t do it without you. I’m not strong enough without your friendship...your love. I won’t let you leave me for such a bull-headed reason.
It would be better if you left me, Vera.
It wouldn’t. I locked my eyes on his, staring deeply into their depths and hoping that he could see in mine the desperation I felt.
You won’t go, will you? And if I leave?
I’ll come after you.
That’s what I thought. He sighed . It’s the conclusion I finally came to, which is why I can only see one way that this can go.
I didn’t know what to expect. I licked my lips, nervously.
I think I’m going to have to ask for that vow now.
You can’t make me vow to leave, I said, crossing my arms over my chest.
Marry me.
Marry him? I hadn’t thought of that. And why now, after days of painful silence? I wanted to say yes, I wanted to say it quickly before he changed his mind, but would it be fair to him? I’d already asked so much of him.
Really? You haven’t thought of it at all?
I’d been busy trying to stay alive.
What do you think I was doing? Having fun? Lounging on beaches?
Falling in love with someone else. Losing a leg to save my skin. Being there forever by my side. Silently letting my heart rot away. That’s what he’d been doing.
Would I even be able to choose my own husband if I were Empress? Wouldn’t I need to have a dynastic marriage?
So I’m what? The guy on the side? Great. Really great, Vera. And in moments of intense emotion we’ll switch places and what...I’ll find myself in a compromising situation with your dynastic husband?
Yikes. Those were valid points. But what about all that silence. He meant to leave me. What made him want to stay now?
Of course I’ll marry you, I sent, desperate to keep him. Did this mean he’d stop shutting me out? Would I have my partner back again?
Don’t do me any favors, he said, he sent back, and his whole body language showed he was bristling at what he perceived to be rejection.
Well how did you expect this to work? Did you imagine us running off to a priest in the middle of a war? As fugitives?
I thought we could say some vows and then you could generate the legal part on your implant.
That would actually work perfectly.
A moment ago you wanted to leave me forever, I said.
When I thought I needed you more than you needed me. When I thought you’d be fine without me and that I was holding you back. Now I’m starting to think that I’m the only sane person here and you’re lucky to have me.
I am. Without you I’m a Matsumoto.
Well, no one wants that.
Least of all me! Please. You keep me human. I was smiling, now, almost believing this as real.
In that case I’d be doing a public service. He was smiling, too. And it is real.
I do want to marry you, I told him, closing my eyes because it was all too much. The surge of love that flooded to me over the channel was nothing compared to the fire in those cinnamon eyes. A girl could melt in those eyes. Curl up and melt till there was nothing left of her but warmth. Wouldn’t that be nice? How could this be the same man from only a few minutes ago? But what do you get out of it?
I hadn’t realized he’d moved until his hand skimmed under the scarf and over my cheek. I opened my eyes. Little Ryu was sleeping on the ground under the blanket, but Roman was right in front of me, cupping my face in his hands.
“I get life,” he whispered, “Because mine begins and ends with you. I’d never hinder you, but if it helps you to have me, then every bit of me is yours.”
I could barely still my galloping heart enough for one last protest. I didn’t want him to go into this without knowing everything.
But you must realize that it could only be vows, right? Anything else and my implant will automatically signal Nigel and our time will be up.
I can wait to have sex, Vera. I can’t wait anymore to have you.
My heart really did melt then, and his rose up and mingled with the melting like two candles burnt together and swirled into one. I don’t remember moving, but I was suddenly kissing him passionately, my scarf ripped aside, and being kissed just as thoroughly in return. It was like something in me had finally come home and something in him was welcoming me to my rightful place. Better than an empire. Better than belonging anywhere else was belonging right here with him.
Our kissing grew gentler and more tender. His rough thumb stroked my cheek and his kisses traced the edge of my jaw. I could still taste him in my mouth. Satisfaction like none other flowed through me.
I, Roman Aldrin, take you, Vera Matsumoto to be my wedded wife. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others... he hit that note hard, like he meant Ashlyn, to be faithful to you for as long as we both shall live, so help me God.
My lips parted in astonishment, and he took the opportunity to kiss me again. Where had that vow come from exactly? But my implant played it back for me so I could repeat the same to him.
I, Vera Matsumoto, take you, Roman Aldrin be my wedded husband to have and to hold from this day forward for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health and forsaking all others to be faithful to you for as long as we both shall live, so help me God.
He kissed me sweetly one more time with a tender gentleness that spoke of possession.
Well then, Vera Aldrin, he sent with a wicked grin, I believe you are mine now.
I think I’ll keep it as Vera Matsumoto...for now at least. I’m going to need to be a Matsumoto for a while longer, I argued. And you belong to me as much as I belong to you, so no more shutting me out. I need to hear what you think. I need your perspective.
As you wish. It’s always more fun when the girl is enjoying herself.
He had a devilish sparkle in his eyes.
Chapter Twenty Seven
I was wrapped around Roman, enjoying the sound of his heartbeat in my ear as he whispered to me.
“He’s hilarious. Best kid ever.”
I smiled, and my face hurt, because I’d been smiling so much. On a transport ship with a sea of refugees and an impossible battle before me, I should have been anxious, but instead my joy was irrepressible. I breathed in his scent with every breath, and the course of his emotions flowed through me, harmonizing perfectly with mine.
“I never thought of having children,” I said.
“You didn’t daydream of monkey-eared kids with Ian?”
I jabbed his ribs, but secretly I was afraid. What was Roman going to do with a child? We were on an incredibly difficult mission to usurp the throne. It was already dangerous and life threatening, and now – what? – he married me and adopted a child?
“What will you do with him when we get to New Greenland?” I asked, keeping my tone carefully neutral.
“Find a safe place for him, I suppose,” Roman said, but his thoughts were saying: keep him as my own.
I tried not to sigh. It was a conflict of interest that we would need to sort out later, but for now I just wanted to keep him happy and close.
Roman kissed my neck gently, and wrapped his arms around my waist. They were thick with cords of muscle, earned no doubt from his time in the Imperial Marines.
“Better go easy,” I whispered, fighting the enjoyment stealing through me. “People are watching.”
“You mean those goons by bathroom 8C?” he asked, still kissing my neck and tracing my spine with a finger.
I scanned the crowded room for the right bathroom and noted that he was right. There were two men there, playing a quiet game of cards. One glanced in our direction.
“I guess we draw attention showing so much affection in a crowded place,” I whispered.
“They’ve been watching us since we got on the freighter. I think they are wondering if we are the people their friends were following.”
The Fleet team sent to hunt us? I asked, worried enough to jump into the channel.
You didn’t notice? he asked.
You’d better stop kissing me, I said, refusing to admit that I had been too preoccupied with my hurt emotions to notice. It makes us stand out.
On the contrary. It’s the perfect cover. A young family with a child.
Did you think of this before we left?
Of course. What did you think I was doing? Pouting?
Well, you did lose a leg, I said, confused.
I explained what I was thinking, but even with thoughts of leaving you to thrive on your own, that didn’t take away my instincts. I’ve been keeping tabs on them. There are those two playing cards, and another two closer to the cargo doors. Whenever one group isn’t looking at us the other is. It will be impossible to slip off this ship undetected. Your cousin must want to keep it all as covert as possible, but it’s clear that he wants you back where he thinks you belong. Where are we going anyways?
To find a man named Jin Ayumi.
Why? I thought we needed to recruit an army to use to fight Nigel.
We do need to do that, but somehow Jin is key.
Let me guess. Driscoll talked you into this somehow while I was unconscious. He must have loved to have you all to himself.
I turned around to face him so he could see my puzzled expression, and I pulled my hood back up. I didn’t look much like Vera Matsumoto anymore, but it was unwise to take chances.
He’s not exactly all that warm and fuzzy, I objected.
I don’t mean for your company. He smirked. I mean that to him you have always been a means to power and revolution, and he must have been pleased to be the one speaking those things in your ears.
I shrugged.
Maybe, I admitted, biting my lower lip, but this one is my own fault. I accidentally triggered a new program on my implant called Operation Overthrow.
Oooh. Terrifying. So what does it do?
I think it sets things up to destroy Nigel and make me Empress, I said.
He chuckled, but I didn’t join him.
No. I’m serious.
What? Like the programmers of your implant left a little easter egg so that if things got really bad any one of you could start a revolution?
That’s exactly what I mean, I said, and I felt a chill go through my spine as I remembered what Driscoll had told me on Baldric - Nigel was killing off the other Matsumotos. Maybe now I knew why. I would need to double check Driscoll’s facts when I had access to unrestricted data again.
That’s horrific, Roman said, sober now. His own family.
Yes, I agreed. But it’s hardly the first time.
He gave me a quizzical look.
The Hand gave me Neal Matsumoto’s journal and secret Matsumoto histories. We aren’t who I always thought we were. The pacifism is a very thin veneer.
But it’s given you enormous power, he said.
I don’t know if it was ever anything but a sham. There are records of assassinations committed by Matsumotos against Matsumotos. Rumors even that Nigel killed his own father, my uncle Hiro. They were all covered up, but the Hand’s secret histories are...extensive. They have always watched the Matsumotos carefully, like a handler with a beloved, but rabid, dog.
Then why keep the dog alive at all?
Even rabid dogs are useful to keep out the wolves. Besides, what was the alternative? Like Driscoll said, revolutions rarely succeed.
So that is why they want you, he said. They want a tame Matsumoto to take the throne. One that they can control and use.
Yes, I admitted.
Then the joke is on them. You, my dear, are hardly tame.
I smiled wanly.
But you’re good. Or you try to be.
You insist upon it, I teased.
You have never been like the others. You actually believed. It wasn’t a veneer to you.
It wasn’t, I agreed, a tear slipping out of my eye. I didn’t know if I was sorry for what we weren’t or for what we were. I didn’t know if I was sorry for my naiveté or sorry that I could never go back. I’d seen the clockwork and now the toy wasn’t quite as real anymore.
And when you take this Empire no one will control you.
How can you be so sure?
I would never allow it, he said. I refuse to be manipulated, and we’re a team now.
Weren’t we always?
Not like this, he said as he kissed me tenderly, Or don’t you know what marriage is?
What is it? I asked, my eyes drifting closed, and my lips fitting perfectly in his.
The mingling of souls.
Like a shadow army?
He pulled away and touched the tip of his nose to mine.
So much more powerful than a shadow army.
I laughed and broke away but my smile melted into a frown when I saw Driscoll standing uncomfortably close to us.
“Well I see you two have kissed and made up,” he said coldly.
He doesn’t like to see you close to me again. He knows that I can see what he is doing.
What’s he doing?
Racing you to your death like a horse in the Dynasty Cup.
The thought sent chills up my spine.
“Roman thinks we’ll avoid detection better if we pose as a family,” I said aloud.
Driscoll frowned. “That wasn’t part of the plan.”
“Well it is now,” I said.
“It’s important for all of our safety that you follow the plan that The Hand drew up. We have the best information available, and we’ve thought through every contingency” he said, and his frown deepened as his eyes drifted down to our clasped hands.
“Like how to deal with the Fleet team that has tracked us aboard this freighter?” I asked quietly.
His eyes narrowed and he barely kept them from flickering right and left.
“Don’t worry, Driscoll. I’ve got your back on this one,” Roman said, clapping him on the shoulder, as Driscoll’s face darkened at his touch.
“I need to check on Ryu,” Roman said.
“You should leave this planning to me,” Driscoll said when Roman left. “It’s what I do best.”
“Roman has an eye for these things,” I said mildly. Was he really trying to use me like Roman thought or did he see me as a younger version of himself and just wanted for me what he would have wanted in my place? Was there a difference between the two?
“You’re my daughter, Vera,” he said, playing the gene card for the first time. “And what is he when all this is over? Your bodyguard, and that’s it.”
“Apparently our souls are mingled now, so there’s no way to separate us,” I answered cryptically, irritated that he chose now of all times to claim our relationship. Roman had said marriage was a mingling of souls. Could they be separated out after they were mixed?
“Don’t bring the shadows into this,” he hissed, misunderstanding me. “Roman can’t bring that kid along where we’re going. You’ll have to leave them both somewhere safe when we go planetside. You sho
uld be preparing your goodbyes.”
What was it to him?
“You don’t seem very sad to have lost most of The Hand,” I said. “Or maybe your faith in their judgment is not all that you want me to think it is.”
He grimaced and leaned in even closer.
“I don’t advertise my feelings in neon lights. Besides, you of all people should know how easy it is to do what we do best.”
“What do we do best, Patrick?” I asked.
“We move on.”
“I’ll bear that in mind,” I said.
“Good,” he agreed and stormed off, Kitsano on his heels as he left.
I hoped she would calm him down a little, but so far the opposite effect was happening. I wonder what he and Zeta had been like. They must have had chemistry at some time.
Yeah. Explosive chemistry, Roman said as he escorted Ryu to Bathroom 8C to wash up.
Even babysitting he was quick to the punch line. I couldn’t believe I was married to him.
Believe it, Vera.
You were foolish to marry him, Zeta said, returning to scold me, as usual. Marriage is a shackle for the weak.
I can see I’m getting on well with the new in-laws, Roman said, with a twinkle of humor in the channel.
Can you hear everything she says to me? I asked.
Pretty much.
What’s that like?
She could use some nuance. Be more three dimensional. She seems to be a bit one-track in her thinking.
I think being a shadow reduces them to the very core of what they are. She’s my mother, so she’s determined like me.
If you were melted down to the core it wouldn’t be determination that was left.
What would it be?
The Matsumoto (The Matsumoto Trilogy Book 3) Page 17