by Rhavensfyre
For the umpteenth time she glanced up at the clock on the kitchen wall and swore it was working against her. A watched clock should not move that fast. Every minute that ticked by marked her worry, which grew in equal increments with its movement. She took a sip of her coffee and made a face at the bitter taste, then got up and tossed the oily liquid down the sink before starting a new pot. She had been up long enough for her coffee to get cold several times over and she had yet to finish a full cup.
Ellie would be arriving soon. If she hadn’t heard from Dani by then, she would talk to one of them. Until then she was resigned to wait for her to show up and that idea was sitting in her stomach about as well as the cold coffee was. Just as she was about to get up and wander out onto the porch again, she heard the back door creak open. A very tired looking Dani appeared in the kitchen a moment later, her arrival heralded by the Callie’s signature nail tapping happy dance.
“Morning.” Dani grabbed her mug and poured a very generous amount of coffee. She looked exhausted, beyond exhausted—the poster child for every 3am snake oil sleep aid television ad Allyse had ever seen.
“Where were you last night?” Allyse demanded. She heard the sharpness in her voice but she was beyond worrying about hurting Dani’s feelings. It wasn’t her fault that she had been sitting and worrying for the last few hours.
Dani didn’t respond to the obvious bitchiness or the demanding question. She was either too tired to catch it or too tired to care, but the niceties of that distinction was lost on Allyse at the moment. She was practically vibrating with all of the conflicting emotions roiling around inside her. Fear, anger, relief…they all bounced around inside her skull and set her heart pounding. She half-expected the familiar tightness to set in and she rubbed at her chest as if that might discourage it from happening. Most of all, she nearly shook with the desire to grab Dani and hug her, just to feel her solidness and make sure that she was really there and unharmed. What she did do was stand there, slouched against the kitchen counter, and nurse her anger while Dani ignored her for a cup of coffee.
***
From the way Allyse was staring at her, it was obvious she wasn’t going to let up until she got her answer.
“Out.” That was about all she had in her after last night.
Dani didn’t bother sitting down. If she sat, she would lean. Her head would find the table an excellent pillow and she would end up falling asleep in the chair. That wouldn’t do. She could feel a threatening yawn trying to pry her jaws apart. She fought against the urge and lost, then had to pry her eyelids back open before she fell over.
She had spent all night thinking and walking, and not necessarily in that order. She needed to figure out a few things. Why had she responded so badly last night? So Allyse hadn’t wanted to spend the night with her again. That shouldn’t have been a big deal. She was used to being alone, so why was she craving Allyse's company? She could only come to one conclusion and she wasn't ready to acknowledge it yet, so she walked and tried not to think.
“I’m tired. I’m going to bed,” Dani announced, starting for the stairs and taking her coffee with her. She didn’t feel like being interrogated first thing in the morning and Allyse sounded pissed.
“What were you doing while you were out?” Allyse asked, stubbornly following Dani up the stairs. Out was simply not a good enough answer. She had been worried for hours, imagining all the ways Dani could be hurt, and now the object of her concern was ignoring her—woodenly changing into her pajamas right in front of her and acting like that was nothing out of the ordinary. She looked pale and cold and her eyes were red rimmed above dark shadows. Her entire countenance spoke of a long, sleepless night. What would possess her to do this?
“I was walking the trails,” Dani responded dully. She crawled into her bed and curled up in a ball facing away from Allyse.
“All night?” Allyse asked, gingerly sitting down on the side of the bed. She tried to quell the rising levels of frustration that bubbled higher with every unrevealing answer. It was like pulling teeth to get Dani to talk to her.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I needed to think.”
“About?”
“Everything.” Dani shivered beneath the blankets, only now feeling how deeply bone weary and chilled she really was. Her night hadn’t let her go quite yet. She was still trying to process everything that happened and she was having trouble keeping last night separate from now. Allyse’s voice kept dragging her into the present while being a painful reminder of why she had left in the first place.
Her feet led her on the shadowed paths she knew by heart, her only light the round globe of the full moon high above her. It had been chilly, but not too cold as long as she kept moving. Everything around her was washed out by the night, the brilliant blues and greens of daytime dialed back in time to a black and white world that fit her mood exactly. She didn’t need to watch where her feet fell on the familiar trails, but somehow they had brought her to a place she hadn’t planned and didn’t realize she was headed for until she was stopped by a vaguely familiar gate. She had wandered to the far side of the farm, to a place she hadn’t been to in a very long time and not under the best circumstances. It was a place she probably should have visited before now, but had always found a way to put off. In her quest to empty her thoughts, her body had brought her to the one place she could ask all her questions without worrying that someone might answer them. She rubbed nervous palms against her jeans before pushing past an ancient iron gate. The loud creak of unoiled and rusted hinges echoed like a shot in the dark and sent some sleeping bird into a frantic and fluttering bid for escape. A crooked row of worn stones marked the lineage of her ancestors along an overgrown path. The newer graves stood closer to the top of the hill. She retraced the footfalls that had led her from this place three years ago, guided by the shiny surface of the pale granite marker where her uncle lay. Her parents were here too, just off to the left and down the hill. A single large marker reflected a life together that ended in a joined death.
She wasn’t ready to go there yet. Instead she lowered herself to the chilled ground and leaned against the cold stone. Her head bowed against the weight of her grief and gave way to a sudden wellspring of hot, wet tears that found a way to the surface from the depths of her heart. Dani started talking to the silence around her. She talked about her fears, her triumphs, and then somehow it seemed natural that she would come around to the woman who stepped onto her porch just a week ago. She talked about Allyse.
“I am really tired. Is it okay if I just go to sleep?” Dani sounded so defeated, asking Allyse to leave her alone when she had every right to demand it. Allyse's anger and fear seeped out of her. Those selfish and demanding emotions were unable to compete with Dani’s obvious misery. She wasn’t going to help anything by pursuing answers right now.
“Sure, sleep well. I will wake you for our date tonight,” she reminded Dani in a much gentler voice.
“You still want to go?” Dani asked, sounding surprised. She turned over and looked up at Allyse.
“Yes, don’t you?”
“Yes, I just thought…never mind. Yes. Wake me in plenty of time to get ready.” Dani smiled tiredly. Hope fluttered in her chest, waiting for her to decide whether it was worth it to nourish the long untended emotion.
“I will. I promise,” Allyse said, tenderly brushing her fingertips across Dani’s cheek. If she hadn’t felt cool to the touch, Allyse would have sworn she was feverish. She pulled out a spare blanket she had found in the closet and tucked it around the chilled woman, then sat down and watched over her for a few moments. No one that close to dreaming should carry such a troubled expression, she thought. As much as she wanted to know what was going on inside Dani's head, she would wait. Before she left the room, she bent down and softly kissed that pale smooth skin. By the time she reached the door, Dani was already sound asleep.
***
Dani was rudely awakened by a s
udden assault of malodorous doggy breath, followed closely by a cold wet nose pushing insistently against the palm of her hand.
“Callie, what the hell?” Dani grabbed her cellphone in one awkward hand, squinted at the numbers on the screen then tossed the damn thing down on the mattress in disgust. “Shit. Three hours. That’s all I get?”
Allyse looked up from her computer when Dani stumbled down the stairs with Callie close on her heels as if she was herding her. Allyse’s eyebrows shot up, and she actually stopped typing to watch the show. She had expected the exhausted woman to sleep for a few more hours at the very least, so seeing her vertical and moving was a surprise. What wasn’t a surprise was that Dani was doing both in a highly uncoordinated manner, knocking about like a poorly strung marionette doll. That didn’t stop her from laughing when she overheard Dani's next words.
“Callie, I swear to God, Timmy better be in a fucking well!” Dani yelled. Callie sneezed at her, then bowed and rubbed her nose with one fuzzy paw while managing to keep her back half wiggling twice as fast as her front half. Allyse snickered, but did it as quietly as possible. She wasn’t about to bring Dani’s ire down on her. Not when it was more fun just watching the antics between those two. Dani had blown by so quickly she hadn’t even noticed her hiding in the office cubby next to the living room. Staying put would have been safer, but she couldn’t help herself. As quietly as possible, she tiptoed to the kitchen and leaned against the doorframe, just so she could observe all the fun.
Dani wobbled into the kitchen and opened the back door to let Callie out, then stood there, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and bitching to herself. Allyse could see Callie through the screen door. The dog was as bad as an overzealous detective in one of those crime series, following a strict grid pattern looking for evidence and refusing to give up until they found what they were looking for. Callie ran back to the porch when she was done, all toothy smile and lolling tongue and begged to be let back in.
“You know, I’m sure Lassie could have figured out how to get out on her own,” Dani said, casting a baleful eye at her dog. “You know she was a collie, too.”
Allyse snorted. She didn’t mean too, but holding in her laughter for so long had created some back pressure and it escaped. It was an inelegant way of expressing her amusement, but she didn’t have a chance to feel embarrassed by it, not with Dani nailing her with the same malevolent gaze she was giving her poor pup.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing at all. It’s just cute how you talk to your dog.” Allyse bit her lip to keep her grin under control. Even grumpy, sleep deprived Dani was cute. Especially since she had forgotten to button up the jeans that she had obviously pulled on over the shorts she had slept in.
“Aargh. I’m awake and I don’t want to be,” Dani complained, scrubbing her hands vigorously over her face. “What are you doing?”
“Work that Erick sent to me.”
“Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of you being here?”
“I suppose so.” Allyse leaned back in her chair. “Besides, I needed something to do while you were sleeping.”
This time it was Dani that snorted. “I doubt you needed me as an excuse. I think you just can’t relax and let someone else take the reins for a while, not even when you’re supposed to be on vacation.”
“Well, I still have a company to run when I get back.”
Dani caught the sarcasm, but she wasn’t falling for it. Allyse was here to relax, not work, and she knew exactly how to make sure Allyse did just that.
“I have an idea, give me a sec to get changed,” Dani announced, then ran back upstairs without any explanation.
Allyse followed her movements with more curiosity than she was willing to admit and not without a bit of jealousy tossed in. Dani had recovered quickly from her all-nighter and was now surprisingly spry after just a short nap. That kind of energy made Allyse wish she was Dani’s age again. The laptop hummed at her with self-important insistence. She ran her fingertips along the edge of the machine that represented a good part of her corporate life, then snatched her fingers away. Dani was right, she was defeating the purpose of being here.
Dani came back downstairs fully dressed in her favorite old hoody, faded jeans and a pair of comfortable old leather hikers. She pulled Allyse up out of her seat and into her arms for a quick peck on the lips that left her breathless before spinning away. Dani was a whirlwind of activity, stealing all the air in the room with her energy while she gathered up a few things. “It’s too nice to stay indoors. Come on. Grab your computer.”
Dani’s enthusiasm was infectious. Allyse saved her document and closed her laptop, checking the machine to make sure she had a full charge.
“Ready? If you are going to work on your vacation at least you can do it in the fresh air.” Dani had found a blanket and a couple bottles of water somewhere and was practically vibrating with excitement.
“That sounds like a marvelous idea,” she agreed, although in all honesty she would have been perfectly happy leaving her laptop behind.
***
Dani laid the blanket down at her favorite spot in the orchard, under the same apple tree she had brought her to the other day. She took Allyse’s computer from her and let her settle down onto the thick blanket before handing it back to her.
“How's that? Comfortable?” Dani flopped down next to Allyse before turning on her hip to face her.
“It’s perfect. Thank you,” Allyse murmured. She wasn’t lying, it really was perfect. She leaned back against the rough bark of the apple tree behind her and took a deep breath, holding the scent of sweet apples and green grass in her nose. The orchard stretched out in front of and below her, the small brook below them bubbled along a dip in the hill and adding to the sense of isolation and privacy. Best of all, she had a beautiful, blonde haired woman stretched out next to her. She cast a sideways glance at Dani, she had turned her face up towards the sunlight, her eyes closed and her lips slightly parted as if she was drinking in the warm breeze.
Dani seemed content to just be there with her. She didn’t seem to need Allyse's undivided attention, a refreshing change from the fawning neediness she witnessed daily in New York.
Working suddenly became an onerous prospect, and it was all Dani’s fault. She was doing exactly what anyone should be doing on a hot summer day—enjoying it. That lesson was driven home even harder when Dani sat up and slid her tattered hoody up over her head in one easy movement. Allyse watched surreptitiously; silently wishing that the younger woman didn’t have much else underneath it. It was an idiotic wish, of course, since the quick movement revealed a plain tank top rather than the creamy flesh she found herself fantasizing about more often than she wanted to admit.
Dani folded her hoody into a pillow and laid back down, wiggling her shoulders to get comfortable before crossing her legs at the ankle and carefully lacing her fingertips together across her stomach. Evidently, she was ready to restart her nap. There was a delightfully languid quality to the whole setup that discouraged Allyse from opening her laptop just yet. The dappled sunlight shining through the tree branches stole just enough heat from the sun to make it perfect, neither too hot nor too cold to enjoy being out in the open.
Even Callie had succumbed, flopping lazily in the middle of a sunbeam and falling asleep almost instantly. It wasn’t that easy for Allyse. She managed to relax and just enjoy the setting and Dani’s company for almost ten minutes, then nearly managed to ruin it all by doing what she did best…press and push until she got every answer she needed.
“Dani? Why did you stay out all night?” Allyse asked her stretched out companion. It had been bothering her all morning, Dani disappearing into the night with no explanation and no warning. “What did you have to think about?”
“I just took something the wrong way. It’s no big deal,” Dani answered after a slight delay. Her voice sounded thick, and she slurred some of her words. She didn’t even open her eyes to answer her.
>
“Was it something I said?” Allyse persisted. This time she got a one word answer. It wasn’t much, but it was enough.
“Yes.”
“What?” Allyse knew Dani was falling back asleep, but she had to know.
“It’s not a big deal now. I was wrong,” Dani mumbled so lowly Allyse had a hard time hearing her.
“Dani?” Allyse tried one last time, but she was fast asleep and past being able to hear her inquiry.
What did I say that upset her? She felt her frustration threatening to get the best of her. She still didn’t have her answers. She could try to wake the exhausted woman and attempt to question her again, but she couldn’t make herself do it.
At that point, it was better to pick a different poison so she chose to get back to her work. It didn’t matter that she was now using work as a distraction, she needed it to keep herself from dwelling on her frustration. She had to accept it. She wasn’t going to get the answers she wanted until Dani decided to give them to her.
Allyse was no stranger to diving into her work as a means to avoid other problems, so it didn’t take long for her to become distracted from her distraction. Sooner than she expected, she finished her work and found herself with nothing at all to do. She set her computer down and leaned back, trying to emulate Dani’s laid back attitude. If she let herself, she could appreciate the simple beauty of the land around her.
Finally, her gaze returned to the small square patch of blanket she was sharing with Dani. With no one and nothing there to call her on her most intimate thoughts, she could admit that she was captivated by the younger woman and took advantage of the situation to study her. A Mona Lisa smile graced the curved bow of her lips, and Allyse had to wonder if anyone had ever remarked to her that she smiled like an angel in her sleep. A stray strand of hair begged for her gentle touch, daring her to slide her fingers across her smooth brow to brush it away from her face. It stubbornly returned to its place, refusing to be tamed by another’s hand. Allyse gave up. She had seen Dani attempt to tuck back that very same strand, many times, and with pretty much the same result.