by Rhavensfyre
“Allyse? What time is it?” Dani asked. Her heart flip-flopped in her chest, then jump started into a rapid gallop.
“After ten, why? I let you sleep in longer than usual.”
That was not what she wanted to hear. Dani’s stomach clenched around itself and twisted her hunger into something less pleasant. “Where’s my phone?”
“What’s going on?” Allyse asked. Alarmed now, she launched from her chair and followed Dani while she tore through the house, frantically tossing pillows around and pushing papers out of the way.
“Phone. I need my phone. Erick should have been here by now. He isn’t. I need to call him.”
“Erick was supposed to come out this weekend?”
“Yes. This is his weekend. The last weekend of the month, every month. I know I told you that. It’s why I’ve been working so hard in the workshop to get everything ready.”
It was hard to follow what Dani was saying, she was speaking so rapidly her words were blurring together.
“Wait, wait. Dani. Hold on.” Allyse had to physically stop Dani from tearing up the house. “What are you worried about?”
“He’s late. It’s a long drive, and he always gets here by 8am.”
“He’s okay, Dani,” Allyse said. Wide eyed and barely listening, Dani finally stopped fighting her when she touched her cheek. In a soft voice, she repeated herself. “Erick’s okay, Dani. Nothing’s happened to him.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I’m an idiot,” Allyse admitted. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. The next few minutes were not going to go well, she could feel it in her bones. “It’s my fault. The other day he told me he was going to come out, and I told him not to.”
“Why?”
“Because I wanted as much alone time with you as possible. I didn’t know it was a regular thing between you two.”
Dani stilled. She didn’t say anything for a minute, then frowned and pulled away.
“It was still his choice to listen. He isn’t here. This is his weekend to come out and he should have come.” Dani stomped her feet into her boots. “I’m sorry you went to all the effort to make breakfast. It smells wonderful. I’m just not very hungry right now.”
“Where are you going?”
“Out to work the horses…at least they like spending time with me,” Dani said, wincing at how pissy she sounded. Rather than take her bad mood out on Allyse, she thought it would be best to just head for the safety of the barn and get a start to her day—too bad she hadn’t made it there before opening her mouth and letting words fall out.
Allyse was left standing in the middle of the living room with nothing to do but listen to the sound of the screen door slamming. She had caused this by telling Erick not to come today. She had wanted more alone time with Dani and hadn’t considered what it would do to her mentally. Jesus, and her parents had died in a car accident. What kind of hell did I just put her through?
She had to fix this—today. She needed to call Erick and get him here ASAP.
“Phone…I need my phone,” she said, reenacting Dani’s frantic search for the second time this morning. After looking everywhere, she took a chance and patted herself down again. She found it sitting in her back pocket, which meant the damn thing had been hiding and somehow transmigrated back into its proper location. It darn well hadn’t been there on the first pat down. She squeezed the bridge of her nose between two fingers and forced herself to count to ten, a practice she usually reserved for cooling off her bad temper. Today she needed it to get her heart rate down. “Relax. Two minutes won’t change a thing.”
Erick didn’t pick up right away. By the time he did, she had been holding in what she needed to say for so long the words exploded out of her. So much for that useless little exercise, she thought, casting an exasperated glance at the ceiling. “Erick, can you still get here today?”
“Yes, of course,” Erick said. His voice sounded distant and tinny like he was on speaker phone. “Honestly, I’m already almost there.”
“Oh, thank god. I screwed up royally by asking you not to come out today and now it’s going to take both of us to fix it.”
“No problem. I will be there in a few. I had a flat tire or I would have been there this morning,” he said, then after a short pause, asked. “I take it Dani’s not happy I’m late?”
“No, no she’s not,” Allyse admitted, then hung up so she could find Dani and tell her the good news. She didn’t even bother with taking the worn paths that wound through the small enclave of buildings, choosing instead to take the direct route across the lawn.
The soft grass and warm breeze carried all the sweet smells of summer and was too peaceful for all the drama going on. Even the earthy scent of straw and horse manure didn’t bother her like it did the first day, it was just a part of the farm. Dani wasn’t out in the riding arena. Allyse headed for the barn next, crossing her fingers that she wouldn’t have to go hunting for the woman any farther than that. She lucked out. The dim interior was brighter during the day, and surprisingly enough, a few of the horses were still in their stalls. Once again she found her with one of her horses. She was petting Bella’s muzzle while feeding her a treat, her forehead pressed against the muscular neck.
“Dani, sweetheart, Erick is on his way.” Allyse placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. She wanted to do more, but Bella swung her head around to stare at her. Docile dark brown eyes carried her reflection and something more, simple acceptance of her presence. Allyse couldn’t compete with that kind of unconditional love. The horse was simply there for Dani, without any demands or desires of her own other than to be kept warm and fed. She could see why Dani understood and preferred them over humans for basic companionship. There was no confusion as to what was expected, nor was there any need to worry about hidden agendas or unnecessary conflict.
“It doesn’t matter. He’s just coming now because you called him. That’s not the same.”
“That’s not true. He was actually on his way here when I called him.” Allyse tried again. She couldn’t really tell if she was getting through to Dani or not. She looked completely shut down.
“He was?”
“Yes. He said something about a flat tire,” Allyse said, tenderly brushing a wayward strand of hair away from Dani’s face, which looked puffy and red. Had she been crying? Allyse’s chest hurt, but it wasn’t her heart this time, at least not the physical, blood pumping one. Her pain was caused by the knowledge that she had hurt someone she cared for deeply. “Sweetie, I am so sorry. Why don’t we go back to the house and wait for him. He said he’ll be here soon and I’m sure we can still salvage breakfast.”
Allyse held out her hand. What followed was one of the most awkward and harrowing moments of her life. Dani didn’t take her hand, and as the moments ticked away, Allyse was beginning to think she wasn’t going to. Then she moved, so slowly Allyse wasn’t sure if she was imagining it until warm flesh touched hers. She closed her eyes and let out her breath in a long, relieved sigh. She had been holding it, suspending the moment between one breath and the other as if that would help. Superstitious nonsense, sort of like holding your breath while you drove past a cemetery so the dead wouldn’t take notice of you, but it worked.
“Alright.” Dani let Allyse lead her back to the house. Her feet moved, shuffling ahead on automatic while her mind spun out all of the arguments and accusations she had kept bottled up for so many years. She didn’t know how she was supposed to feel and that made it worse.
***
Tense silence greeted Erick when he walked in to the kitchen. That instant silence that makes you feel exposed, because you knew that everything sounded perfectly normal before everyone noticed your presence. A little cold shoulder wasn’t enough to dissuade him. He was used to Dani’s moods. Nodding a greeting at Allyse, he walked straight up to his niece and held out his arms. “Hey, Dani girl. Can I get a hug?”
Dani didn’t run away, but she didn’t welcome h
im with open arms, either. He hugged her anyway. “I’m sorry, I should have been here when you woke up,” Erick whispered. He didn’t let go till she relaxed in his arms and squeezed him back. Even if it was halfhearted, it was something.
“Why didn’t you call?”
“Honestly? I thought I would get here before you woke up. I didn’t expect to get stuck on the side of the road, and then I figured I had a little leeway.” He cast an apologetic shot in Allyse’s direction. “I don’t think I took into account other influences. Not that I’m blaming anyone, but you’re usually dead asleep till late morning. I didn’t want to wake you up just so you could worry about me being late. But this isn’t about me being late today, is it? You’re really upset, a lot more than you should be. What’s going on?”
“I told Dani it was my fault you weren’t here,” Allyse piped in.
“Wait, let me get this straight. You told her I wasn’t coming because you told me not to?” Erick turned the force of his gaze on Allyse.
“And I said it was his choice to listen to you,” Dani interjected before Allyse could say a word. “But what would I expect? He’s never here, he never was.”
Erick physically recoiled from the bitterness in Dani’s voice. “What do you mean? I’m only a phone call away.”
“Exactly.” Dani stood up, intending to leave the room and the conversation.
“Dani sit down. You can’t talk to me like that without explaining what you mean.” Erick looked to Allyse for help, hoping to see some glimmer of understanding because he sure as hell didn’t know what was going on. Allyse raised her eyebrows and shook her head, a bare, quick movement that he might have missed if he wasn’t so familiar with her. It was both a warning and a message. She wasn’t as lost as he was, but she wasn’t going to interfere either.
“It’s not important, forget I said anything. It’s too late to change the past, so why does it matter?”
“You aren’t making any sense. I already apologized for this morning.”
“It’s not just this morning, Erick.” Dani stabbed the kitchen table with her index finger for emphasis. “You weren’t here.”
“For what?”
“When Jay died. You weren’t here. You were in New York. You were always in New York when you needed to be here.” Dani was shouting now. Her hands curled into two tight balls, flexing and opening before she turned on him and hissed, “You weren’t even here when he died. I don’t know why you still bother coming out here at all.”
“To see you.” Erick blanched beneath the onslaught of Dani’s righteous anger. “I didn’t know Jay was going to die then. He sounded okay on the phone the night before. He said he was okay…and he sounded more energetic than he had in a long time. The last thing he told me was that he loved me and that he would see me that weekend. Don’t you think I would have dropped everything to be with him if I knew? Christ, only two more days and I would have been.
“Dani, please understand. I didn’t want to stay away but Jay thought it was for the best. He said you needed to be independent. That if I was there you wouldn’t try as hard. It was always very important to him to know that when he left us you could take care of yourself. That you could run the farm on your own without relying on me.” Erick felt like the memories were being ripped out of him word by word. Tears dripped down his cheeks, but he didn’t try to brush them away. He had no idea Dani resented him for not being here, that she had carried this burden for so many years without saying a word to him. He had tried so hard to preserve Jay’s memories that he had inadvertently made himself the fall guy. He sent a quick prayer out to his one and only love. I’m so sorry, Jay…I never intended to tell her that.
“I never knew that.” Dani seemed to lose steam with her admission. Her body curled up around itself in a form of such abject misery it felt like he should be bleeding.
“You stopped coming down except for your once a month trip.”
“You didn’t seem to want me here anymore. You left me standing at the funeral,” Erick said. He had been such an idiot. How many years did they waste nursing old wounds? This discussion was long past overdue. That it was happening in front of Allyse didn’t bother him. Apparently she was the catalyst needed to finally reconnect with his niece. That and one flat tire.
“I didn’t know what to do. How to feel. It was all too much. All the people there…looking at me like I was something to be pitied and offering their condolences while they acted sad that he was gone. Watching him being lowered into the ground surrounded by all those fake tears…it was just too much,” Dani said, slipping back down into her chair.
Erick reached out and took her hand. “I should have gone after you that day. Jay was always so much better at this than me. He would have known what to say…how to make you feel better. I felt inadequate to deal with your grief.”
“You miss him, too,” Dani said, finally realizing Erick had his own grief to deal with at the time.
“I do. Every day. I miss you, too, Dani girl.”
“Me too.” Dani enveloped him in a desperate hug.
Erick let Dani squeeze the stuffing out of him for as long as she needed to. Allyse smiled at him from over her shoulder and mouthed “Thank you” before getting up and quietly leaving the kitchen. Erick patted Dani on the back then gave her a quick peck on the cheek before letting her go. “Okay you, enough of this sadness for now. I want to see how that orchard of yours is doing and you can show me what you’ve been working on. Any new antiques for me?”
“I picked up a couple of new pieces, but haven’t started them yet,” Dani said, excitement creeping back into her voice. “Including a gorgeous desk I think you’ll love.”
Allyse leaned against the hallway wall and listened to the two of them chatting together. All of their issues couldn’t be fixed with just one conversation, but today was a good start. She wiped her eyes where a couple of happy tears kept trying to escape.
“Allyse, are you coming?” Dani called out to her. A second later, her head popped around the corner and caught her standing there. “What are you doing here? Let’s go. I’ve got something to show you, too.”
Allyse had no intention of horning in on their time together but since she was invited there was no reason to hide. Allyse smiled and pushed off from her hiding place to join them, gladly taking Dani’s hand as they walked out the door. She would never turn down a trip to the orchard.
***
Allyse, Erick and Dani sat in the kitchen and chatted, taking advantage of their Sunday by catching up with the last two weeks. Erick vowed to make up for yesterday’s breakfast by outdoing himself in a lethargy inspiring array of food options that involved way too much sweet cream and butter, leaving the two of them happy to sit and drink coffee even after Dani excused herself from the table. The minute she headed out the door, Erick turned the conversation towards something a bit more serious than office gossip.
“Allyse, you have to tell her. Trust me after yesterday letting something stay unsaid for too long will just fester.”
“And how would I even go about starting that conversation with her?”
“I don’t know, but it’s not fair to her. You’re bringing Stephanie and Kat out here to meet her. I’m assuming there’s some mutual investment here if you’re doing that.”
“Yes. I believe so.” Allyse smiled over her coffee cup. “She’s wonderful. But then, you know that, don’t you? I have to wonder just how much all of this was some devious plan on your part, and if it was, how you managed to pull it off.”
Erick chuckled and threw his hands up in the air. “I have to admit that I was hoping you two would hit it off, but even I don’t have that much power. Besides, I make an awfully funny looking cupid, don’t you think?”
“Maybe, but if you do ever decide to try out for that job, let me know so I can get a photo shoot arranged. Purely for blackmail purposes, you see.”
“Cute, but no.” Erick shook his head, then got serious again. “I wasn’t kidd
ing about Dani before. She’s a hard nut to crack. But if you manage to get inside that shell, there’s a really vulnerable person hiding inside there.”
“I know. I know. I wanted to tell her, but it isn’t something that just comes up in casual conversation. By the time it became something I needed to tell her, I could never find the right moment.”
“You could start by telling me what you’re hiding,” Dani announced from the doorway.
Two heads swiveled around to face her. Allyse avoided looking at her, instead she glanced towards Callie’s bed then craned her neck to see into the foyer. “Where’s Callie? More importantly, where the heck did you come from? I didn’t hear you come in.”
“She’s still outside playing, and I came in through the back to drop something off in the girls’ room. It was easier than traipsing through the house,” Dani said, pulling up a chair next to Allyse. “Now, what is it you need to tell me?”
Erick stood up and cleared his throat. “Yes, well…I am going to take this as my cue to exit. I need to inventory and photograph the new pieces anyway. I’ll be in the workshop if anybody needs me.”
“Thanks Erick.” Dani was starting to get a bad feeling. She swallowed her fear and, pressing through it, made herself ask the one question she didn’t want to know the answer to. “Are you sick?”
When Allyse didn’t answer right away, Dani scooted closer until they were sitting knee to knee. “Allyse, please. If there’s something I need to know you need to tell me about it now.”
Why now? Before it’s too late, or before we get too much farther into this? Dani wanted to laugh at the stupidity of her own question. It was already too late to pretend it wouldn’t hurt if something was wrong. So she held her breath and held in her emotions, pulling on a mental tight rein like she had learned to do a long time ago. She wasn’t sure if she was prepared for what Allyse was about to tell her.