by Amy Deason
Why can’t this be over? Why can’t I just go back home and try to pick up the remaining pieces of my life?
You can, she reminded herself. In a few more hours. A few more agonizing hours . . .
“It’s lunchtime. Would you like to eat?”
Brother Garagin’s voice cut through her troubled thoughts. Glancing up into a pair of expectant brown eyes, she forced herself to concentrate on what he was saying.
Eat? How can I eat at a time like this? Impossible.
Apparently, her stomach disagreed. The rolling growl was more like that of a threatened jungle cat than of an internal organ.
“I suppose I should. I haven’t eaten since the boat.” Yes, since the boat and before the man . . .
NO! I am not going to think about it.
“Wonderful,” Brother Garargin replied with a gentle smile. “If you would follow me, I will take you to the refectory.”
The dining hall was an elongated room drenched in sunlight. Though they weren’t needed at the time, five crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling, each one centered directly above a long wooden table. The empty chairs surrounding the tables went on for miles it seemed and the walls were adorned with paintings of Jesus, angels, and saints, the pastels complemented by the charcoal drapes at the windows.
“Come, sit,” Brother Garagin insisted, pulling a chair out.
Cadence settled herself at the table. “Would you like to join me?”
“I’m sorry but there is a strict schedule we must follow here. I’m afraid you must dine alone.”
“No she won’t.”
Turning her attention to the doorway, she was surprised to see Nikolas standing there. She’d never heard him approaching.
Unfortunately, he still looked devastatingly handsome.
Her heart shifted speeds immediately, going from the relaxed eighty beats a minute to something more akin to an acrophobiac person riding a roller coaster. Which she supposed, was a fitting description for her current situation. Lord knows, she was up one minute and down the next. Thanks mostly to the incorrigible man leaning against the open doorframe.
Entering the room, Nikolas cast Brother Garagin a polite nod before returning his eyes to her. He pulled out the chair directly across from her but didn’t sit.
“I’ll join you. If you don’t mind that is,” he murmured, holding her with his gaze.
She wanted to tell him yes, she did mind. She didn’t want him here or anywhere around as long as she was still on this island. But the sight of him materializing in the doorway, his black hair gleaming in the narrow shafts of sunlight and the deep onyx of his eyes caressing her, completely blew the words away, leaving her flustered and unbalanced. With a throat cinched tighter than a corset, she swung her chin first left then right, repeating the motion twice, unable to take her eyes from his chiseled face.
Shooting her a grin full of charm, Nikolas folded himself into the chair with his usual grace. That boyish smile at last broke his hold on her even as it squeezed her heart and she dropped her gaze to the snowy tablecloth.
How can he continue to do this to me? Mesmerizing me with just a look or a word. It makes no sense.
“Wonderful,” Brother Garagin replied, drawing her attention. “Ms. Montgomery, your father had mentioned you are a vegetarian. As I’m sure you saw when you arrived, we have an excellent vegetable garden and orchard. May I suggest tomato soup and a fresh salad? Apple pie for dessert?”
Cadence wasn’t sure she would be able to speak. Her mouth felt as dry as the Llano Basin in the middle of summer. But she couldn’t just sit there like a mute. If she did, Nikolas and Brother Garagin would start to realize how uncomfortable she was. If they didn’t already.
Swallowing thickly, she stretched her lips into a tight smile. “Yes, that would be fine. Thank you. Oh, and maybe a glass of water?” If she was going to eat, she would need something to hydrate her throat or else she might choke on her lettuce.
“Of course. And for you, Mr. Kozlov?”
“I’ll have the same. Thank you.”
“It will only be a few minutes.” The monk quietly disappeared from the dining hall, leaving them alone.
Sucking in a deep breath, Cadence forced herself to look at the man across from her. She had to act normal. The last thing she wanted to do was give him the satisfaction of knowing how uneasy he made her. She had to be strong. Just a few more hours, she reminded herself. And then she could fall apart in solitude.
“I, uh, I was surprised you left earlier. Letting me out of your sight and all,” she quipped, trying for a light tone.
“I knew you couldn’t go far. After all, this is a fortress of sorts. Besides, I had some thinking to do and I couldn’t very well do it with you chattering all of the time.”
His words matched his expression. Stormy, harsh, humorless.
So much for pleasant lunch conversation.
“I’m sorry if my chattering bothers you,” she retorted. Man, this guy really knew how to jerk her emotions around. She’d gone from star struck to nervous to angry all in a matter of a minute or two. “I didn’t realize you wanted a captive that would do as you say, when you say, without a single word.” Bitterness radiated from her, flying across the table and hitting him smack in that handsome face of his. She’d rather it be her hand.
“I don’t. It was not my intention to have a captive at all. As I was saying earlier, things were not supposed to go this way.”
The shift in his tone made her pause and she checked her anger. She could be wrong but she felt an apology coming. Throughout this entire crazy situation with him, the only time he’d apologized had been back at the sewer, and right now, she couldn’t even remember what it had been for.
“Well, how exactly did you see this going, Nikolas?” Maybe he would drop all of the top-secret bullshit and let her in on what was going on inside his head. It was the only way she could understand him better.
Wait, do I even want to?
The main goal was to forget him and move on. If she got to know him better, then she was only setting herself for more pain when he left.
Nikolas ran his fingers through his hair and raised his eyes until he was staring straight at her. Everything about him became still as stone.
“I was supposed to get to you first. Take you somewhere safe and get the information I needed. After that . . .” He paused, gritting his teeth.
The silence stretched between them until Cadence felt she would snap. He was still looking at her but something dangerous had come into his eyes. Something which made her heart catch and not in a good way.
“After that what? What were you supposed to do? Kill me?” she asked jokingly.
It was impossible not to notice the way his jaw clenched or the way his breath seemed to stop for a millisecond.
Her mouth dropped open as the revelation took hold.
Oh God, he was supposed to kill me. But why?
“Because you know too much,” he said, answering her unspoken question with an uncanny talent. One of many it seemed.
Everything she’d been thinking, everything she’d been feeling, suddenly took a nose dive. She was never getting out of this alive. All of this time, his only objective had been to get the information he needed and then dispose of her. She’d known all along that after this was over, she’d never see him again but for him to kill her? Why hadn’t she thought about it? Why hadn’t she even considered the possibility?
Because she hadn’t wanted to. She didn’t want to believe that this man, this beautiful creature, would ever really harm her. Not fatally anyway. But it seemed she had been wrong. The cold knife of apprehension sliced through her belly, freezing every nerve ending throughout her body. She even forgot how to breathe.
Nikolas opened his mouth again but
before he could say another word, Brother Garagin joined by two black-robed monks, entered the room. Each of them carried silver trays piled high with food.
“Lunch is served.”
Chapter 19
Nikolas felt sick.
Cadence hadn’t known he was supposed to take her life when everything was said and done. That much was obvious by the shock rolling across her face. He could see she hadn’t even considered the possibility. Why would she? After all, he’d gone out of his way to rescue her and keep her safe. And he’d had sex with her. Those were not normally the things a killer did. But he was not normal. Far from it.
But what she didn’t understand, what he hadn’t told her, was things had changed. He didn’t want to kill her. He wasn’t going to. He was a bastard, a sick, twisted bastard but he still had enough humanity left in him to not take her life. To snuff out someone as wonderfully talented and beautiful as she was. Charlie be damned, he just couldn’t do it. There had to be another way. He just didn’t know what it was yet.
With their dishes served, the monks retreated quietly to other parts of the monastery, leaving them alone again and for once, he didn’t know what to do. Should he tell her the truth? That he had no intention of following orders? That he would risk almost everything to save her? Would she even believe him if he did? Probably not. After all, how could she trust someone set to kill her? He sure as hell wouldn’t.
The silence between them was as thick as wet wool and nearly as suffocating. But what to say, what to do? How could he make this right?
With downcast eyes, Cadence reached for the glass of water Brother Garagin had set on the table. Her fingers trembled as she brought it to her mouth, taking a small, deliberate sip. She was nervous and on edge. But with the information she had just obtained, who could blame her? It wasn’t every day a person learned that the one rescuing them would also be the one to take their life.
“I’m never going home again, am I?” Her voice, no louder than a puff of wind, shook more than her hand yet it blasted through him with the force of a hurricane.
Raising her eyes, she met his gaze, blue on black, and his heart stopped. There was such pain and fear shining in those cobalt depths. And acceptance. She was accepting her death. Good God no! He couldn’t let her believe she would die. Not by his hand. Or anyone else’s.
“Yes, you are.”
Anger burned away some of the torment in her face. “Damn it, Nikolas, don’t lie to me!” She slammed her hand onto the table, making the silverware jump. “I am sick of being lied to. I’m sick of running, of being shot at, of not knowing what is going on. For God’s sake, if you’re going to kill me, at least have the decency to tell me the truth.”
Raw emotion raged through every part of her as she spoke. He could almost see it crackling on her skin. Pain, anger, fear, frustration. Every one of those emotions were fighting for dominance. The effect was mesmerizing. She was mesmerizing. But she was right on one count. She deserved to know the truth.
“Cadence, I’m not going to kill you. That is the truth. I was supposed to, after I found out where your father had hidden the formula. You’ve become too involved and too much of a liability. To me. To my organization. Don’t you see? No one is supposed to know about me, about who I am, who I work for. Those that do know are either a part of The Perfect Order or are dead. You’re neither.”
“The Perfect Order? That’s the name of your organization?” Curiosity seeped into her voice, diluting the fear and anger. At least for the moment.
Shit! He kept making things worse every time he opened his mouth.
“Forget it,” he said, making his voice as hard as steel. “Just know that I plan to get you out of here alive one way or another. But first I have to know what your father did with his formula.”
He could see she was digesting his words, sorting through them for a nugget of truth. But they were all true. He was going to get her out of her alive. Somehow.
“Why is this formula so important?”
“All I can tell you is it has the power to destroy entire countries if it lands in the wrong hands.”
“Dmitry’s hands . . .” Cadence sat back, a cool understanding overtaking her delicate features.
“Yes. And he will do whatever it takes to get it.”
“Even kill my dad,” she murmured, dropping her eyes again.
“Yes, even that. When your father refused to give him what he wanted, his life was no longer relevant to Dmitry. And once Dmitry learned you were in Russia, he pinned his hopes on you leading him to your father’s research.”
“But that’s just it,” she said, leaning forward again, “I don’t know where it is. Or even what it is.”
Grabbing for his glass, Nikolas took a long drink. “I know that and you know that. But Dmitry doesn’t.”
“So what now?”
“Eat,” he ordered. He’d started this conversation and he would finish it but not before she ate something. If he had any hope of getting her out of this mess alive, she needed to be strong.
“But I want to know,” she started to argue.
“I’ll tell you what I can but you have to eat. A few pieces of fruits and nuts from the boat are not going to keep you going for long. It’s a wonder you’ve made it this far.”
“I’m stronger than I look,” she replied stubbornly. But she picked up her spoon and dipped it into the steaming tomato soup. “And I, uh, I want to thank you for getting me this far.” She dropped her gaze quickly. “Without you, I might still be in that godforsaken room with Dmitry.”
A warm and not unpleasant feeling began to creep into Nikolas’s stomach, making its way to his heart. This time he didn’t try to stop it. It was something new and it felt good. What was the harm in feeling like the good guy once in a while instead of the monster? Smiling softly at her bowed head, he picked up his own spoon and began to eat.
The tomato soup, topped with shredded cheese, was divine. Thick and rich, it was probably the best he’d ever had. And the homemade bread slathered with creamy butter, practically melted in his mouth. Food should not taste this good. Until he took those first few bites, he hadn’t realized just how hungry he was.
For the next several minutes, he and Cadence ate in a nearly comfortable silence. Although he tried not to think about it, he knew he would have to tell her something once their meals were finished. But he didn’t know what exactly. She already knew too much and for her to learn anything more would put her in worse danger than she was in already. It was hard enough keeping her safe now.
Hopefully, Bishop Vasilevsky would be able to help them. If he did, he would turn any information over to Charlie and make more definite plans to get rid of Dmitry. If he didn’t, then he would have to start from scratch. Either way, he would keep Cadence alive. One way or another.
~ ~ ~
Scraping the last crumb from her dessert plate, Cadence thought that she had never had such a good meal in her life. Maybe it was because she hadn’t eaten in nearly twelve hours. Or perhaps it was the idea that this meal was probably her last.
Although Nikolas had said he wouldn’t kill her, there was no way to tell if he was being truthful or not. Anything he could say or do might be a lie. And the worst part of it was, he was so good at it, she wouldn’t even know until it was too late.
Taking another sip of her water, she crossed her legs and leaned back, trying to fake an easiness she didn’t feel. There was no relaxation around this man. He made her into a hyped-up bundle of nerves every time he spoke, every time he moved. Even when he wasn’t paying a bit of attention to her, she felt her eyes drifting toward him like a moth to a flame. A very bright and dangerous flame. Like now. He was concentrating on his meal but she couldn’t stop staring.
Just by looking at him, one would think he was a model. No better yet, an an
gel. A fallen angel, she amended. Gorgeous, charming, protective. But also dangerous, mysterious, and deceptive. Everything he did or said drew her in, creating an intoxicating lure she was helpless to resist. He was the perfect kind of predator and he knew it. And now unfortunately, so did she. Too little, too late, her mom used to say.
Oh, Mom, if you only knew what kind of mess I’ve gotten myself into . . .
How was it possible to have such strong feelings for someone that could and would possibly end your life? Cadence wondered. Was she really stupid enough to believe what he’d said, that he wouldn’t harm her?
“You never did answer my question,” she said, watching him eating the last of his apple pie. Geez, even the way he chewed his food was turning her on.
Playing the part of a gentleman, Nikolas removed his napkin from the table and dabbed at his mouth.
“What question was that?”
He looked confused but she was sure it was just an act to delay answering. He was too smart to forget what she was talking about.
“You know what question. If you aren’t going to kill me, what happens now?” A small part of her swelled with pride, reveling in the fact that, if he was telling the truth, he was going to defy his boss to keep her alive. He must like her a little. Why else would he be sparing her life?
“You still don’t believe me, do you?”
“What? That you won’t kill me when you get what you want? No, I don’t. Can you really blame me? I mean, after all, you’re so skilled at everything, including lying, that a little novice like me wouldn’t know the truth from a lie, would I?” She supposed she should watch her tone. Just because he said he was going to keep her safe didn’t mean he wouldn’t get tired of her mouth and change his mind.
Instead of the ice-cold glare she was expecting, his face lit up with a sultry smile. “So you admit it. I’m skilled at everything . . .”