‘I do not understand,’ Amy said tremulously. His anger shook her. ‘I do not understand why you took the blame and allowed your father to banish you, and I do not understand why you did not wish me to know—’
Joss was looking furious. ‘Oh, you understand well enough, Amy! I took the blame out of misplaced chivalry, in the same way in which you wanted to save Lady Spry from Massingham!’ His tone was savage. ‘Juliana is my little sister and she was a different girl then. Oh, she was wild, and she gambled too hard, but she was gentler—she could have been so different if our childhood had not been as it was!’ Joss brought his fist crashing down on the mantelpiece. ‘Juliana came to me in tears and told me that she had made huge losses at the gaming table. I confess that when she told me the sum I was shocked. She was in despair—Myfleet was on the point of proposing and I knew she was head over heels in love with him. I also knew that if the scandal of her losses came out our father would send her away and ruin it all for her. Myfleet would have forgiven her, but our father never would! He was always unbending and she…she had lost eighty thousand pounds! She almost brought the family down! To my father the dishonour was more important than anything else!’
Amy sank back down into her armchair. ‘But how did you fool him?’ she whispered.
‘It was simple enough.’ Joss shrugged indifferently. ‘My father never comes up to town. Juliana had some hen-witted female as chaperon—the woman could not control her and knew nothing of her antics. And I was a young man about town who gambled sometimes…No one thought it strange that I should have incurred such losses.’
‘But your father sent you away…’
‘Yes—’ Joss gave her a grim smile ‘—but Juliana married Myfleet and was happy and I thought…’ His face twisted. ‘I thought it might make up for all the callous indifference that our father had shown her over the years. I still believe that, if Myfleet had not died, Juliana would be quite different…’
Amy went across to him. ‘But what about you, Joss?’
‘What about me? I was luckier than Ju—he always suspected that she was not his daughter, you see. Whereas I had my father’s attention, his good opinion—’
‘Until you deliberately threw it away.’
Amy saw him flinch. ‘It does not matter. It was all a long time ago.’
‘It does matter!’ Amy felt a surge of rage so powerful that she was shaking. ‘Surely Juliana could tell your father the truth now? It could not hurt her after all these years! Whereas you have borne his disapproval and dislike unnecessarily for all this time—’
Joss moved away from her. His voice was cold, forbidding her to trespass further. ‘It would make no difference now.’
Amy made an impotent little gesture. ‘Do you not care?’
Joss gave her a sideways look. ‘Not any more. Now…’ his tone eased ‘…it is time that you were going.’
Amy stood her ground. ‘You have not told me yet why you did not wish me to know.’
Joss stopped. ‘I was afraid you would interpret it as a noble gesture, my dear, and I wished to avoid that above all things.’
Amy was stung by the contempt in his tone, though whether it was for her or for himself, she could not tell. She went up to him and put a hand on his arm. ‘Well, and so it is a noble gesture—why deny it? What you did for your sister was truly generous and shows the essential goodness of your character.’
‘It shows nothing! This is exactly what I knew you would say!’
‘Then why make yourself out to be worse than you truly are—?’ Amy stopped, at a loss.
‘I shall tell you why!’ Joss grabbed her arms. For a moment Amy thought he was about to shake her, but he just held her in an iron grip, his fingers biting into her flesh. ‘One noble deed does not make a hero, Miss Bainbridge, and it is naïve and foolish to think otherwise.’ His furious face was heart-stoppingly close to hers. ‘Every other thing that you have heard of me, every stupid and dangerous and arrogant thing—the gambling, the women—everything is true. Probably it is worse than you have heard. That is why I cannot have you believing me to be good.’
He let her go as swiftly as he had grabbed hold of her. ‘Now will you leave?’
‘No,’ Amy said. Her voice was shaking and distantly she realised it was because her throat was thick with tears. ‘I will not go until I understand what you are trying to prove to me.’
With an infuriated groan, Joss wrenched her into his arms.
‘Amy, you try me past endurance! Not two hours ago I was resolved to offer you marriage, but now I am indebted to you for showing me why it can never be! What can I do to make you see that we can never be together? Our worlds are so utterly different—’
‘You do speak a deal of nonsense, Joss,’ Amy said clearly. Her heart had leapt at his words, but now she schooled herself to calm. She raised her hand to his cheek and felt the stubble rough against her palm. Inside she was trembling but she knew she could not let it show. Any uncertainty on her part now would compound his own agonising doubts and then she could never break through them. The only way was to show absolute confidence, when inside she was terrified. This was the biggest gamble of her life.
‘I am tired of being on a pedestal,’ she said. ‘I have made mistakes and misjudged people and thought that I knew best. I do not want to be treated like a saint!’ She pressed her fingertips against his lips. ‘I want you, Joss.’
Amy felt Joss go very still. After such a declaration it would have been impossible to withdraw, even had she wanted to do so. Her hand fell to his chest, pressing against the smooth material of his jacket. Would he never move, never speak? She loved him so much that she could feel the desperation and longing rise within her in a devastating tide. She had gambled now—was she about to lose it all? She could not help the lone tear that slid down her cheek.
Joss bent his head and captured it, his lips following the salty trail to the corner of Amy’s mouth. She was shaking like a leaf now. His lips brushed hers, the lightest of contacts, and she shivered and opened to him, the desire burning through her as the kiss deepened.
Joss swung her up in his arms and took two strides over to the sofa, where he sat down with her on his knee. Amy slid her arms about his neck and held tight. She found that she liked their new position; she turned her head and pressed her lips against his throat, inhaling the scent of his skin overlaid with the spice of sandalwood. Excitement flared inside her. She felt as though she was on the edge of some precipice, about to step into thin air, but in the knowledge that she could fly. Tentatively she parted her lips and touched her tongue to his skin, tasting, marvelling. She heard Joss groan, and then one of his hands came up to tangle in her hair and he turned her lips up to his again, plundering her mouth with his own. The world spun, ignited by their mutual passion.
When Joss finally broke the kiss and drew back, his breathing was ragged and his eyes dark with desire.
‘Amy, believe me, I want nothing more than to keep you here with me and make love to you, but it must not be—’
Amy leaned forward and kissed him again, her teeth closing over his bottom lip, biting gently. Joss smothered another groan.
‘Amy, damnation…’
Joss could feel his self-control slipping perilously. He had been fighting this ever since she had stepped into the room. When she had removed her ridiculous hat, the sight of her hair loose about her shoulders had transfixed him. When she had taken off the cloak he had wanted to ease her out of every other item of clothing that she was wearing. He had barely been able to concentrate on what she had been telling him about the blackmail attempt because all his senses were focussed on her and the devastating need that possessed him. He had thought that if he could only get rid of her, finish the discussion and send her home, he might at least have some chance of getting through the encounter with Amy unscathed. Then Amy herself had turned that upon its head and now…
His hands tightened about her waist, drawing her against him. He let her pursue
the kiss, his senses tightening as she took the initiative and tentatively touched her tongue to his. Joss could feel her breasts crushed against his chest and his entire body clenched in anticipation. He eased her bodice down and her left breast, small and perfect, fell into his hand. He rubbed his fingers over the taut nipple and felt Amy tense in his arms.
‘Oh, my goodness! Joss…’
She sounded dazzled and profoundly intrigued. Joss bent his head to take her nipple in his mouth. Amy stifled a small scream.
‘Joss! Oh, please…’
In the firelight her skin was flushed warm and pink, too tempting to resist. He could see the dawning passion in her eyes, their topaz blue dazed and slumberous with desire. He kissed her again, his hand cupping her breast, and tumbled her beneath him on the sofa.
‘Amy…’ He brushed the shining hair back from her face. ‘Sweetheart…you know what will happen if you stay…’ In about ten seconds, he thought wryly, if I do not find my self-control. He drew away from her. ‘You must go home.’
Amy reached up to slide her arms about his neck. ‘I know.’ Her words were a whisper. ‘I love you, Joss.’
It was almost his undoing. He brought his lips back to hers, sliding his tongue into the intimate depths of her mouth, kissing her with all the pent-up desire that possessed him. Then, carefully, he drew away. His fingers were shaking as he helped her to rearrange her dress and to get to her feet.
‘This is not how I want it to be between us, darling. Not some midnight tryst in my rooms with your reputation in ruins if it were to ever come out. No!’ He warded her off when she would have come into his arms again. ‘Grant me this, please. If I am to have you, then it must be done properly. I must ask your brother’s permission and speak to you in form and…’ he hesitated ‘…give you the opportunity to think about it in case you wish to refuse me…’
He saw the tender laughter in Amy’s eyes and felt his heart leap.
‘Very well, Lord Tallant,’ she said demurely. ‘In that case you had better escort me home.’
The streets were wet and dark, with a cool rain still falling. It felt like tears against Amy’s cheek and she ducked under the shelter of Joss’s umbrella to keep dry. She gripped his arm tightly and pressed close to his side, comforted by his proximity. Their earlier passion had melted into companionable warmth but under it a current of excitement still ran strongly. Every so often Amy would glance up at Joss’s face and, even though it was dark and shadowed, she could see the faint smile that curved his lips. She felt so intensely happy that she could not stop herself smiling. She knew that she would not be able to sleep.
At the door of Number 3 Curzon Street, Joss turned to her very formally and kissed her gloved hand.
‘I will go to see Massingham now and I will bring Lady Spry’s letters for her in the morning. Then, perhaps, we may talk, Miss Bainbridge?’
‘I should like that,’ Amy said shyly.
Joss smiled and bowed, then turned and walked away. Amy watched him until the shadows swallowed him up and the echo of his footsteps died away.
A light still burned in the house and Marten came out into the hall when she opened the door. He showed not a flicker of surprise to see Amy returning alone at that hour of the night, informed her that Sir Richard had yet to return and wished her goodnight. Amy climbed the stairs slowly. The euphoria that had filled her in Joss’s company had settled to a simmering of excitement now and the ache of unfulfilled passion had eased. She felt precious and, in a strange way, fiercely proud of Joss.
Patience had had the foresight to make up a bed for her in the small, spare room, and as Amy slid between the fresh, lavender-scented sheets, she thought of what Joss had said about Juliana, and about his relationship with his father. So much unhappiness and misunderstanding…
Amy was too tired to think properly but she knew there was one more thing that she had to do, one more wrong to be righted. Joss would deal with Massingham, but in the matter of Juliana’s debts he would never tell his father the truth. Amy turned over on to her side, pressing her hot cheek against the cool pillow. She suspected that were Joss to discover what she intended, he would do everything in his power to prevent her. Which meant that she would have to leave London early and go to Ashby Tallant alone. On that thought, to her vague surprise, she fell asleep.
Chapter Thirteen
After Joss left Amy he did not, as she might have supposed, go back to Number 12, St James’s but went instead to an elegant house in Cavendish Square, where a slightly flustered maid showed him into the drawing room and informed him that her mistress was from home but was expected back soon.
Sure enough, not five minutes had elapsed and Joss’s glass of brandy was almost untouched when the front door banged and there was the sound of angry footsteps on the hall tiles, followed by the murmur of the maid’s voice.
‘Lord Tallant is here to see you, ma’am—’
‘Joss is here? At this time of the night?’
The drawing-room door was thrust unceremoniously open and Juliana Myfleet swept in. Joss thought that she, too, looked flustered for one brief moment, then her expression changed to chagrin and finally amusement.
‘Joss, dearest,’ she said coolly, ‘I scarce expected to see you tonight! Whatever can have brought you here?’
Joss smiled. ‘May I pour you a glass of wine, Ju? You will need it if you have been out in the rain. I always say it is so time-consuming owning two properties. One is called out at all times of the night!’
Since Lady Juliana was even now shaking the raindrops from her black cloak, she did not waste time on denials. She gave her brother a faint smile.
‘A glass of port would be welcome, I thank you, Joss. But I repeat, what do you do here?’
‘I came about a business matter,’ Joss said. He poured for his sister and took the glass over to her by the fire before resuming his seat in the other armchair. ‘Your business, to be precise. I fear that you have had a wasted journey, Juliana.’ Then, when she made no move to reply: ‘To Number 12 St James’s.’
Juliana’s gaze flickered slightly. ‘I do not understand you, my dear—’
‘I think that you do.’ Joss’s tone was very even. ‘Lady Spry did not arrive for your assignation, did she?’
‘I know nothing of a meeting with Amanda Spry.’ Juliana gave a petulant little shrug. ‘The apartment in St James’s belongs to Massingham. He uses it for certain…business arrangements. It is so much more convenient. I was awaiting him there but he—’ She broke off.
‘He failed to arrive. I understand that Massingham is normally to be found in Covent Garden these days, enjoying the company of Miss Templeton. Why do you tolerate it, Ju?’
Juliana gave a slight shudder, so imperceptible that Joss almost missed it. ‘Massingham’s amours do not trouble me. A woman is a fool if she expects a man to be faithful and that little bitch was always for sale to the highest bidder! You know that, Joss! You were the one who left the vacancy!’
Joss put his brandy glass down gently. ‘I am less concerned with Massingham’s amours than I am with your business affairs, Juliana. If you needed money, why did you not ask me, instead of trying to extort it from Lady Spry? That was needlessly cruel.’
They stared at each other for what seemed an hour. There was no sound but the crackle of the fire and the pale hiss of the candles burning down. Joss refused to break the silence and Juliana’s composure smashed.
‘I did not ask you because I detest being your pensioner, Joss, and I knew…’ She swallowed a sob. ‘I knew that you would not give me the money if you found out why I required it! Massingham and I are to go to Paris, but we cannot do so without the funds to support us and I knew you detest Massingham and would never pay! For once…’ she gave him a self-deprecating smile that wobbled slightly ‘…I did not wish to lie to you and pretend that this was a gambling debt…’
‘You mean that Massingham will not take you for love alone?’ Joss’s face twisted. ‘Juliana
, the man is worthless. Have done with this!’
‘No!’ Juliana’s glass smashed on the marble fireplace. She jumped to her feet and swung round on him, the tears streaming down her face. ‘I love him, Joss! Was that what you wanted to hear? You have driven me to say it. I love him without pretence or illusion and I still want him! If he will not take me without fortune, then fortune I must have!’ She scrambled for a handkerchief. ‘I do not expect you to understand.’
Joss handed her his handkerchief. His heart felt heavy. He knew that he had to let her go, had to help her, even against his better judgement. ‘I do understand, Ju. I understand better than you might imagine.’
Juliana stared at him. ‘Because of Miss Bainbridge? The cases are not the same.’
‘No, they are not, but loving Amy has made me see that one cannot always control love as one might choose,’ Joss sighed. ‘If Massingham is what you want, Juliana, then I will give you the money to go with him. Now, come here.’
She came to him and he hugged her in much the same way as he had done when they were children. He rested his chin on the top of her head and spoke quietly.
‘How did you come by Lady Spry’s letters, Ju?’
He felt a shudder go through her. ‘I found them. Clive had kept them all, bound in pink ribbon. Pink ribbon, for pity’s sake! And I was so angry, Joss, so angry and jealous that I took them all. I was going to destroy them, to burn them all, but then Amanda Spry came up to town and I suddenly thought to have my revenge on her and gain something out of my loss…’ She freed herself and scrubbed her cheeks viciously. ‘I do not believe that Clive even knows that I have them.’
Joss shook his head. ‘So much hatred, Juliana. And Lady Spry did not even have the money to give to you.’
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