by Nalini Singh
Another growl that had her wolf clawing at her to shut up.
“Go on,” he said in a low tone that was a dare. “Keep on poking the hungry wolf, see how naked it gets you.”
Heat burned her cheeks, but she wasn’t going to allow him to do this to her again. “Cooper, I’m not an idiot. I know something was bothering you when you knocked on the door.”
He made a sound of teeth-gritting aggravation. “I was angry you took off without telling me, okay? Didn’t think you’d like it if I pointed it out.”
It made sense…yet what she’d glimpsed had been far more violent an emotion, somehow old. Akin to the hurt she’d seen in his eyes at the site of the slip. “You don’t have to pretend around me,” she said, uncomfortable with shoving at his defenses but frustrated enough by his refusal to even acknowledge he was in pain that she had to make the attempt.
“Grace, no male wants to further piss off an already pissed-off woman whom he has every intention of talking into bed as fast as possible.” He ran his hands over his scalp. “Goddamnit, now I’m yelling.”
“So? I don’t want you to turn down the volume of your personality or your emotions,” she said, dismayed at the idea. “That’s not healthy on any level for you.” It would drive him slowly insane. “If that’s what you’re having to do when we’re together”—the thought hurt, so much—“you know it won’t work.”
His growl raised every hair on her body. “It damn well will work.” The statement of a man used to getting what he wanted.
Stubborn, infuriating male.
She went to open her mouth to argue, but she’d pushed her wolf’s limits long enough. It clawed to the surface, wrenching the reins from her hands, and doing what it deemed necessary in order to pacify an angry dominant.
A submissive whimper left her throat.
Cooper froze.
Chapter 8
GRACE COLLAPSED TO her knees as the door closed behind Cooper, tremors quaking her frame.
He’d cupped her cheek, rubbed his own against her temple with an affection that soothed some of her wolf’s panic, before saying, “Good night, Grace,” and leaving.
It had happened exactly as she’d feared, her nature unable to stand the sheer, unleashed force of Cooper’s dominance. In her lupine form, she’d have tucked her tail between her legs, maybe even rolled over onto her back to expose the vulnerable flesh of her belly.
Sobs escaped her mouth, filled her chest until she could hardly breathe.
She was simply not built to handle the hot-blooded passions and brutal depth of emotion of a man of Cooper’s strength. Nothing could change the very makeup of her being. What if the next time it happened, they were in bed? What if Cooper was inside her?
Then he’ll stop.
The answer came from the tiny part of her that wasn’t a complete mess. And it was true. Cooper would always stop—as he’d done today. But that didn’t mean she had any right to put him in that position, any right to demand he muzzle the raw beauty of his sexuality, his personality. What she’d said, it was an absolute, unavoidable truth—for him to strangle his instincts would be a horribly damaging act.
It would kill him and destroy her.
“I don’t want to let him go.”
The whispered confession was a slap.
If she couldn’t bear to set him free, couldn’t bear to imagine another woman’s hands on his skin, another woman’s lips on his own, then she had to find a way to deal. But how?
It was as she was washing her tear-ravaged face that she realized she had to talk to someone who’d been through this. Except no one had. Yes, she knew—was friends with—any number of submissives who’d mated with or lived in permanent loving relationships with dominants. Not one of those relationships, however, mirrored the extreme power gulf that separated her and Cooper.
“There must be someone.”
Determined to discover an answer, she was on her second cup of coffee when she remembered the woman who’d been her nursery school teacher while Grace lived in the Sierra Nevada den as a child. Twelve when her family shifted dens, she well remembered the lovely woman with the stunning indigo eyes who’d always had a hug and a word of praise for her long after she’d left the nursery.
Tarah was a submissive not much stronger than Grace. Her mate, Abel, by contrast, was a very strong dominant, a soldier who held a senior position in the pack. One of their daughters was a lieutenant, the other a submissive close to Grace in the hierarchy. If anyone would understand the forces tearing Grace apart, it was Tarah.
Not giving herself time to change her mind, she looked up Tarah’s number in the internal pack directory and input the call, realizing too late that it was past ten at night.
Abel was the one who answered. “Almost threw me,” he said after a short pause, “but I never forget one of Tarah’s kids. How are you, Grace darling?”
The gentleness of the question told her he’d sensed her distress. “Good.” She met the deep gray of his eyes for the barest second. “I know it’s late. I’m sorry. I wanted to talk to Tarah and didn’t think about the time.”
“She’s up. Hold on.”
Tarah took a seat in front of the comm a second later, her eyes the same vivid hue Grace remembered from childhood, her voice brimming with joyful welcome. “It’s so good to see you, Grace.”
They chitchatted for a few minutes before Tarah turned those perceptive eyes off-screen. “Darling, give us a few minutes, will you? Girl talk.”
Abel snorted. “If I know you, it’ll be more like an hour.” Coming into view, he tipped up Tarah’s head to claim a kiss, then glanced at Grace. “You make sure you drop by if you’re ever in the area.”
“Now,” Tarah said once her mate was gone, her face holding a kindness that was innate, “what’s the matter?”
Grace forced herself to describe what had happened, found herself on the brink of tears again by the end. “How can I be with him if I can’t trust my wolf not to regress to instinctive behavior? As if I don’t know him, don’t have faith in him?” His lover’s trust was integral to a dominant’s sense of self. Steal that from Cooper and she might as well stab him in the heart.
Tarah’s expression was sympathetic. “It’ll take work, I won’t lie about that. But it is doable, and when it works.…Abel is my rock and my heartbeat.”
The haunting depth of love in that statement made Grace yearn. “Is there anything you can tell me that might help?”
“Compromise is the magic word, just as it is in most relationships.” A wry smile crept over her face. “Though I should warn you, a dominant’s idea of compromise is sometimes very ‘flexible.’”
Grace’s laugh was a watery sound. “I can imagine.” Taking a shaky breath to settle herself, she said, “What worries me most is the level of control he has to keep over himself. It’s constant. Does—” She halted, suddenly conscious of how intimate a question she was about to ask.
Tarah tapped the comm screen as if tapping the nose of a recalcitrant pup. “Ask what you need to—and to answer that last question, Abel doesn’t hold back. He doesn’t need to, because my wolf knows he never expects submission from me, even when I’m at my most defenseless.” A penetrating gaze. “You can’t rush the development of that trust, because it’s not a conscious choice. It comes from the animal within—for the wolf, learning to judge a predator is a survival mechanism.”
Tarah’s words made too much sense. “Thank you for being so honest.”
“You’re welcome, sweetheart.” Her long-ago teacher gave her a mischievous smile. “Tease him, Grace, play with him, give him the chase he needs, and take the time you need. There’s something to be said for anticipation.”
Later, considering everything Tarah had said, Grace stripped and shifted. It was agony and it was ecstasy, the shift separating her into a million particles of light and color before coalescing into the wolf that was her other half. She shook herself to settle her new skin, then hopped onto the bed and allo
wed the animal to rise to the surface of her mind, felt it sigh at the freedom, sigh, too, at the lingering scent of dark amber and wild earth.
Ours.
Yes, agreed the human part of her, he’s ours.
• • •
COOPER decided he must hate himself as he walked into his bedroom at just past one a.m., after attempting to wear himself out in the gym. He knew Grace couldn’t help her reaction—and that had been fine until the dreams. He’d had the strength to be patient, had actually been having an intoxicating kind of fun coaxing her to him kiss by kiss. Now, however, he had a hell of a time maintaining his hold on his more primitive emotions.
Showering under a cold spray in an effort to control his rebellious body, he shook himself off wolf fashion afterward and pulled on some sweatpants. Then he slumped on his back in bed. Sleep, of course, was a vain hope with his cock in a vise, and it wasn’t as if he’d wake well rested.
Christ, what was he going to do when he and Grace did become lovers?
No way would he ever leave her alone afterward, but he couldn’t fall asleep, didn’t want her to hear him screaming like a child. “And how long do you think you can function without sleep, genius?”
Growling, he got up and decided to make someone else miserable, too, the comm his weapon of choice.
“Whoever you are,” came the voice rough with the gravel of deep sleep, “I will hunt you down, tear out your spleen, and eat it fried with mushrooms.”
“Creative,” he said to Riaz.
His fellow lieutenant’s sleep-mussed hair appeared on the screen, followed by the rest of his face, as if he was levering up on his elbow in bed. “Coop? Is this an emergency?”
“Yes. My cock’s about to break in half.”
“If it was anyone but you…” Disappearing off-screen, Riaz returned with damp strands of hair around his face, eyes of dark gold no longer hazy with sleep. “Right, tell me what’s up.”
So Cooper did. He wasn’t a big talker, especially when it came to something this important, but he and Riaz had been friends since childhood, knew each other inside out. The other man would understand what this meant.
“You’re really gone for her,” Riaz murmured when he paused. “Is she your mate?”
“Yeah.” The mating dance hadn’t begun, but that was a minor detail as far as Cooper was concerned—soon as her wolf was ready, it would. “Only, she doesn’t know it yet.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I think I want to punch you.” A good drag-down fight was what he needed, but in this mood, he’d slaughter anyone but another one of the lieutenants, or the alpha. “You don’t know how lucky you are to be sitting pretty halfway across the state.”
Riaz’s grin was without remorse. “You’d laugh, too, if it was me gaga over a woman.”
Cooper rubbed a hand over his cropped hair, wondered absently if he should just shave everything off like a few of the other guys. Then again, some of their women hadn’t exactly been impressed by the look. So maybe he should check with Grace first. And if that made him pussy-whipped, he didn’t give a shit. He wanted her to care about what he did with his body, wanted her to consider him her damn business.
“I need help, Riaz,” he said to the man with whom he’d first strategized about how to attract female attention—they’d been gawky teens at the time. “How do I court her?”
“Didn’t you say you were with her tonight?”
“Yes.” He hadn’t mentioned any specific details, just that he was frustrated in the aftermath.
“Well, it’s been less than a week—if your submissive’s allowing you close enough that you’ve got blue balls, I’d say you’re already doing things right. We both know you’re a bit much for even some of the dominant females.”
Cooper winced because Riaz was right. He was demanding, in bed and out. Even when he tried to tone it down, it only lasted so long. “Grace can handle me.” She had to—because he’d been waiting for her for a lifetime. “Though maybe I should try a more subtle approach, at least for a while.”
“I gotta ask, Coop. You sure about this?” His friend’s eyes were night-glow in the dark of his bedroom. “Your Grace, she hasn’t got any claws, not in comparison to you.”
Cooper bristled. “It feels righter than anything else in my life; she’s tougher than everyone thinks. She’s already challenged me once. I know she’ll go toe-to-toe with me once her wolf accepts I’ll never use my dominance against her.”
“In that case, balls to the wall, man.” Riaz yawned. “No guts, no glory.”
“Why are you spouting aphorisms at me?”
“Because it’s two-fucking-thirty in the morning and I need to be up for a six a.m. shift.”
“Wimp.”
Riaz gave him the finger. “Get some sleep and chase your wolf tomorrow.” Another yawn. “And Coop? Forget about subtle. That’s not your style.”
• • •
AT nine the next morning, Grace stared at the extravagant bunch of flowers that had been delivered to her office a few minutes ago, direct from the greenhouse attached to the den. Overflowing with color and texture and scent, though she saw he hadn’t forgotten her favorite daisies, it was a blatant public declaration of intent.
Then there was the card. According to the grinning juvenile who’d delivered the flowers, Cooper had inserted it into the bouquet himself, promising a horrible death to anyone other than Grace who dared open it.
Like I said. Lots and lots of foreplay. xx Coop.
Blushing, even as relief coursed through her that he hadn’t been scared off last night, she tucked the scandalous card into her pocket just as the comm panel chimed an incoming call.
“Indigo,” she said, acknowledging the lieutenant with a split-second of eye contact. “Chief’s with the healer—he twisted his ankle this morning. Said to tell you he’ll get in touch later today.”
“No problem,” Indigo said in a distracted tone. “Those are some gorgeous flowers on your desk.”
“Yes. From Cooper,” Grace admitted, knowing the gossip would reach the Sierra Nevada den by the end of the day anyway.
She’d underestimated the speed of the pack grapevine.
“I figured.” An open grin. “So…why do you look mortified?” Her tone cooled. “You don’t share his interest?”
“Of course I do.” Until her entire body ached for his touch. “God, what red-blooded woman would turn away from a man like Cooper?”
Indigo laughed. “Sorry about that,” she said a little sheepishly. “I know it’s none of my business, but he’s my friend. I’d hate for him to be hurt.” A pause before she added, “I can see he’s made a good choice—you’re smart, sexy…and without a doubt want to jump his bones.”
Grace groaned at the sly tease. “Everyone is going to be watching us now.”
She was right. And that was before Cooper stole her away for lunch since he had to be on night shift on a perimeter section and wouldn’t see her for dinner. “Did you like the flowers?” he asked, bracing his arm above her head on the tree trunk on which she leaned.
He looked so pleased with himself that she felt a surge of wild affection. “Yes.” And because there was no pain in his eyes today, she didn’t bring up the worry that continued to simmer in her at whatever it was that was hurting him. Instead, she petted him with her words, her hands. “I’ll miss you tonight.”
“Tomorrow, you’re all mine.” The rough promise melted her bones.
Of course, her family wasn’t so excited about the news of her relationship with Cooper. The only way Grace kept them from coming down to meddle in the situation was to threaten to never return home for a visit again. When she finally got off the comm with them, she fell into bed, her wolf exhausted by the aggression.
Chapter 9
TORMENTED BY EROTIC dreams in which she indulged in the most delicious of sins with Cooper, Grace came into her office the next day to find it filled with balloons and her workmates hanging around with huge grins
on their faces.
The part of her that had been forced into rebellion in an effort to fight her family’s overprotectiveness thought she should be annoyed at the way Cooper was accelerating things, but she looked beyond that, to the core of who she was and knew she was charmed. This male, her wolf said, knew how to make his woman feel good.
The truth was, she didn’t need the reins of their courtship, wouldn’t be comfortable with them. And while it occasionally made her blush, she could deal with the pack’s good-natured and gentle teasing. Of course, Cooper had to keep ratcheting it up a notch—boxes of fine chocolates delivered to her home and office, an honest-to-God gorilla love-gram that had her entire crew in hysterics…and gifts far more private.
Like the exotic perfume he insisted on dabbing on her wrists himself after making her a home-cooked dinner, and the midnight blue silk sheets she found on her bed one day when she went home midmorning to pick up something she’d forgotten. Her breath caught, her fingers unable to resist touching the exquisite fabric, her mind supplying her with vivid images of what Cooper would look like sprawled on those sheets, all darkly bronzed skin and heavy muscle.
Her fingers curled into her palms, a needy whimper escaping her lips. Because in one area, Cooper wasn’t pushing, the skin privileges they shared limited to long, lazy kisses that had addicted both sides of her nature. She knew it was on purpose, that he was seducing her one small, luscious bite at a time, taking care not to set off her wolf’s survival instincts as he had that night in her bedroom, but she ached, sexual frustration a slow burning ember in her gut.
Until when Cooper tracked her down that afternoon, she said, “You’re driving me insane.”
He went motionless where he’d taken a seat in the access corridor beside her crouching form. “Want me to stop?”
No! “I…” And because he mattered, because she never wanted him to think he couldn’t be who he was with her, she found the courage to say, “I like it when you’re bad.”