by Cabot, Cara
After breakfast, getting ready and heading to the little white church, the rest of the day flew by in a blur-the wedding ceremony with the Coopers standing for them and a handful of other guests, David saying his vows, promising to honor her and be loyal to her, and then the reception back at the boarding house. Rose was introduced to so many people whose names and faces she'd already forgotten. Before she knew it she was sitting on the buckboard on the wagon next to David, waving goodbye and thanking everyone.
Then it was done. Too late to go back now. She was a married woman.
As they pulled into view of the farm, her heart was warmed by the site of it. A modest, yet cheerful two-story L-shaped white farmhouse stood in front of a cluster of trees on a small hill. She could see a large garden beside the house and a big red barn behind it. Surrounding it were the fields of corn and wheat that David had planted last spring.
He lifted her down from the wagon, but to her surprise, didn't put her down, her carried up to the front door and then inside. “I believe it's good luck for the groom to carry his bride over the threshold. Welcome to your new home, Mrs. Thompson.” Rose was startled for a minute before remembering that she was Mrs. Thompson. She was no longer Rose Greenlee and that was going to take some getting used to.
He put her down gently and leaned in to kiss her. She'd been expecting a kiss last night, but this one took her by surprise-he hadn't even kissed her at the church. She met his warm lips that seemed to fit perfectly with hers all the while telling herself that she needed to get used to this, it was her duty as a wife to kiss her husband. Although, it turned out that she was very glad, after all, that he was indeed handsome; it would make the “wifely” part of marriage more enjoyable, even though it may make it harder to guard her heart. So far, her husband had been kind, charming, handsome and strong. It was going to be hard to resist his charms but Rose had to stay her course and when she felt herself swooning like a silly schoolgirl, she just had to remind herself that Grant had once been kind and charming and handsome and that falling for him had been the biggest mistake of her life.
“I'm going to go out to get your bags and then go out to the barn to feed the animals. Have a look around and make yourself at home.”
“Thank you, David.” She liked hearing the sound of his name.
She looked around at her new home. The front parlor opened up to the kitchen which had a door leading to the garden. There was a small bedroom downstairs behind the parlor that had a chest of drawers and next to the window was a sewing machine. That made her happy, as she assumed she'd be doing all of her sewing by hand. Though her mother had seen to it that Rose was an accomplished seamstress, a machine would save her so much time and make life easier for her. She felt a rush of warmth over her as she thought of David's thoughtfulness to have one for her.
She went upstairs and found the master bedroom at the top of the stairs. A big four poster carved walnut bed stood in the center, covered with a patchwork quilt. She thought about sleeping in that bed tonight with her new husband. She knew what was entailed of husbands and wives on their wedding night, but had pushed those thoughts aside until now. She knew that was an inevitable part of her plan, especially if she wanted a house full of children. She was a little bit afraid as she didn't know what to expect, but she'd have to face her fears soon enough.
She looked in the next bedroom. It was fairly sparse except for a linen cabinet against the wall but then something caught her eye. On the other side of the room was a baby cradle. She walked slowly toward it to get a better look. It was a beautiful, hand-carved wooden cradle. Rose wondered if David had made it himself. It seemed as if he was in a hurry to start a family too, perhaps at this time next year she'd be rocking a baby in that cradle. That thought made her happy, as that was then end goal of this whole plan, to have a baby-many babies, the unconditional love of children who would make her heart full.
Rose unpacked while David finished his chores and then she met him downstairs. She wanted to learn everything about the farm and he was eager to show her. He took her out to show her the fields, the barns full of cows, horses, pigs, the chicken coop, the gardens, the well....it all made her head spin. She hadn't realized there was so much to do on the farm and he'd be counting on her to pull her share. But she would do whatever was needed, she was strong and despite growing up privileged and wealthy, was not afraid of hard work.
That evening, they were nearing time to retire for the night. Rose felt that familiar lump in her stomach that seemed to be a frequent companion the last few days. She was nervous to spend the night with her husband and wasn't sure what he would expect from her. She was his wife and she wanted to be a good one. She went up ahead to prepare for bed. She washed in the basin and there was a dressing screen to change behind. Though she was alone in the room, she didn't want to take a chance on David coming in on her. She quickly got into her nightgown and slipped under the quilt. Though the summer days were pleasant, there was a cool breeze coming through the window, giving her the shivers. Or maybe it was just her nerves.
The feather bed was comfortable and she started getting sleepy as she sat waiting for David. He seemed to be giving her a lot of time to change; he really was a gentleman. Maybe she should just pretend to be asleep. She turned down the kerosene lamp, though the moonlight through the window still provided some light in the room. Soon, she heard his footsteps on the stairs, then heard the door open as he came in. He changed behind the screen and then slipped into bed with her.
“My beautiful Rose,” he said, and gently brushed his hand against her cheek. “I feel like the luckiest man in the world. All of the doubts I had about sending for a mail-order bride were washed away the moment I saw you. I want you to be happy here, let me know what I can do to make you happy.”
Help me to forget him.
He leaned in and gently kissed her on the mouth, then pulled back to look at her again. “I don't want to do anything that you aren't ready for, or move too fast. Let me know if I should stop.”
“This is your bed...our bed, and you're my husband,” Rose answered.
Focus on the baby you want to make, she told herself.
David was a gentle and patient lover, always asking her if she was okay, but Rose felt guilty through the whole experience. She should be spending her wedding night with Grant, he should have been her first...her only lover. Oh, Grant, why did you have to betray me?
Though she did endure some physical pain as her marriage was consummated, as she knew was to be expected, it was nothing compared to the emotional pain that enveloped her soul. She hoped that David could not see the tears rolling down her cheeks in the moonlit room.
***
The next morning the new couple woke up early, David going to feed the animals and Rose gathering eggs to make his breakfast. He came in with a smile on his face and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He was so happy. Rose hoped that he couldn't sense her melancholy.
“Good morning my beautiful Rose,” he said, then started humming to himself as he washed up before sitting at the table. Rose set down a platter of eggs and one of flapjacks and bacon. It smelled heavenly and she couldn't wait to eat. She poured the coffee and was about to dig in when David grabbed her hand. “The food looks so good, you almost forgot to give thanks.” She looked puzzled for a minute before he folded his hands and bowed his hands. She followed his lead, embarrassed. In her family, grace was only said before dinner and usually only if Aunt Gertie was present. Her family attended Sunday services at the Episcopal church, her father had donated large sums of money to them-their family had their own pew. But outside of church, they rarely talked about the sermon, or God, or anything religious, actually. There was a beautiful, elaborately decorated family Bible that stood on a stand in the parlor, yet it was rarely open. In fact, in the short time she'd known David, she'd seen him reading his old, worn Bible more than she'd seen anyone in her family read from it. Maybe that was their problem, Rose thought. She knew Isabel could have used
some Biblical review on the ten commandments, especially the ones about stealing, adultery and coveting.
David said grace, thanking God again for bringing Rose to him and for all the blessings bestowed upon them. Rose said nothing but wondered if what had happened to her was some kind of punishment from God, she wasn't feeling very blessed. She thought being so far away, it would be easy to forget but the pain was still there, haunting her even in Iowa.
“Rose? Rose?”
She looked up to see David waiting for her to answer him. He smiled at her, his blue eyes twinkling. “Did you hear what I said?”
“Oh, no, I'm sorry.”
“You looked like your mind was in another place, what were you thinking about?”
“Um, I was just thinking about how I need to start making bread for dinner tonight,” Rose said, hoping she sounded believable. She must have because he answered, “The kitchen should be stocked for you, you can check out the pantry and the root cellar but if there are any supplies you need, we'll be going to town on Sunday for church and we can go there earlier if you need something before then.”
Rose nodded. “Thank you, you've been so kind. I think I'm the lucky one.”
David's smile spread across his whole face as he kissed her again.
After breakfast, David went outside to work while Rose got the breakfast dishes washed and started on her own chores. She decided that the best way to forget about Grant was to throw herself into her work. And that's exactly what she did. She became a busy farm wife, working from sunup to sundown, cooking, cleaning, helping take care of the animals, anything she could do to keep her mind occupied. Busy was good, much better than sitting around with nothing to focus on but the pain.
Before she knew it, two weeks had gone by. As she got to know David, she started to see what a wonderful man he was. He was patient and level-headed, even when things went wrong. Once she made a big pot of chicken and dumplings and her hot pad slipped as she was bringing it to the table and it splattered all over the floor. Instead of getting angry at her for ruining his supper when he was starving after a hard day's work, he put her at ease, laughed and said he was glad that he wasn't the only clumsy person in the house. He helped her clean it up and they had a makeshift supper of bread, butter and blueberry pie instead. She had heard her father say once that you can tell a lot about someone's true character by how they handle things that go wrong, the unexpected things.
Another time, one of the horses was agitated and injured itself. She watched as David calmed it lovingly and was shocked at how the horse responded to him. David had such a peaceful demeanor and gentle way about him. She often felt guilty that he deserved someone who would love him back. She knew that if she had met him before everything with Grant and Isabel happened, he would be a man that she could have seen herself falling head over heels for. But for now, she still felt as if she couldn't open her heart up to anyone again. Though David seemed like the type of man who would stay loyal to her, she didn't want to take that chance again. Hopefully soon, she would be pregnant with her own child and then after that, she'd write to her family and let them know where she was and that she had a new life of her own.
One cloudy afternoon, David had off to mend a fence in the barnyard. Rose had a few minutes to spare before starting on supper. She went upstairs to their bedroom and from pulled out the familiar burgundy covered book of fairy tales that she'd brought with her from home. She'd been so busy she hadn't even unpacked it since she arrived on the farm. But now, she was feeling a little homesick and hoped the familiar stories would comfort her. She sat down on the rocking chair in front of her bedroom window that looked out over their land. She missed the sight of the old weeping willow that stood outside her bedroom window at her old home. The smell of the book, even just holding it in her hands made her eyes fill with tears. She wondered if they missed her and hoped she hadn't caused her parents too much worry in leaving the way she did. She sat with the book on her lap, crying, missing her family and, despite her attempts to fight it-she was missing Grant.
Lost in her tears and sadness, she didn't hear David enter the room, she hadn't even heard him come up the stairs. But now he was here, looking at her with loving concern, trying to figure out why she was in their bedroom clutching a book and crying her eyes out.
“Rose, what's wrong? Are you okay?”
“I'm sorry, I'm fine. I didn't hear you come in... I'm just a little homesick I guess. This is a book I brought from home.” She held out the book with a shaky hand and he looked at the cover as he sat down on the bed to face her. She'd stopped rocking and wasn't sure what to say. She felt guilty for missing Grant; she'd been so worried about not getting her heart broken by another man when in fact, she was emotionally betraying her new husband.
“It makes me sad to see that you're feeling blue, my beautiful Rose. Let's send a letter to your family, asking them to come out here to see us. Or maybe you'd like to go back for a visit. I can't leave the farm til after the fall harvest, but you could go visit for a spell.”
Rose shook her head, crying even more at his words which were meant to help her but only made her sadder.
“What is it, Rose? What else is it? There's something else bothering you.”
“What do you mean?”
He looked her square in the eyes and this time there was no twinkle in his worried blue eyes.
“There's something else going on, something you're not sharing with me. I've sensed it since the first day that we met. I know that you cry yourself to sleep every night when you think I'm asleep. And there's something I've been meaning to ask you that might give me the answer to your behavior .”
Rose held her breath, feeling her heart beating rapidly in her chest. She wasn't sure if she was ready to answer his questions.
“Why did you answer my ad to be my bride? I've thought about it and I can't figure out why you'd leave your life behind to come out here to be a farmer's wife. Your father's a judge and it's obvious from the clothes you brought that you come from a wealthy home. You are young and beautiful and probably had a line of suitors out the door. So why did you do it?”
Rose looked down at her hands in her lap, not wanting to meet his gaze. She'd dreaded this and hoped that this very conversation would never come up. She could have lied to him, but she didn't want to be that kind of person. The deception and lies that Grant had told her caused to much pain, she couldn't do that to another person, especially someone who had been so good to her. She had to tell him the truth.
“I know it must seem an odd choice for a girl like me, but at the time, it seemed like the only choice. A chance for a new start.”
“What were you running from, Rose?”
She tried to swallow back the lump in her throat but it wouldn't go away. She wiped tears off of her cheek with her hand before answering him. “I'm running from away from heartbreak, but the pain seemed to follow me. I had a beau, he and I were soon to be engaged when he...he betrayed me. Out of the blue. Everything had been perfect but he had an,well, an indiscretion. The girl that he betrayed me with was not just any girl. It was my sister.”
Any fears Rose had that he would be angry with her melted away when she saw the compassion in his eyes. He reached out to hold her hand as she let it all out. It was a catharsis for her to pour out the secrets that she'd been holding in this whole time. She told him all about Isabel and how she had grown up with her sister's cruelty, she told him of her desperation and the plan she'd concocted to leave and make a fresh start as his wife. She told him of the letter that she left for her parents and had to senak out in the middle of the night to catch the train in Springfield. She told him almost everything, only leaving out the part about her never letting herself fall in love again, though she knew he was a smart man and could probably read between the lines and figure it out for himself.
He hugged her tight and she let the tears flow, feeling as if she was melting in his arms.
“Oh Rose, I'm so sorry you h
ad to grow through that, but you don't have to bear this alone. I'm so glad that you finally told me.”
Though he'd have every right to be upset with her for not being honest with him, running away from home without even letting her parents know where she was, he was not. He was full of compassion and sympathy. She wanted to let him comfort her, she'd had to bear this burden alone for too long. In his arms, she felt safe to face the truth.
“I know it's painful, to lose someone that you love. But you will get over it, my beautiful Rose, you will. I promise you that. As time goes by, it will get easier, but you have to let me share your burden. You can't do it alone.”
She was sniffling and trying to catch her breath. His words sounded like he knew how she felt, but he didn't; how could he? How could he know the pain and loneliness that she'd suffered?
He stood up and grabbed her hand, leading her out of the room. “I want to show you something, something I should have shown you long ago.”
She wondered what on earth he had to show her. She couldn't imagine what it was. She followed him, her hand in his, as he led her silently down the stairs and outside on the porch. He turned back once to her and she saw his eyes filled with tears. It gave her heart a pain to see him sad. Was he sad because of her or was it something else?
He turned back around, leading her down the porch steps and around the farmhouse. Now Rose was really curious. She assumed that whatever he had to show her was in the house. Where was he taking her-the barn?
She continued following him as he lead her past the gardens, the barn, back into the cluster of trees that were along the creek behind the house. On the first day she arrived and David had shown her around the property, he had taken her to the little creek but not as deep into the trees as he was taking her now. Neither said a word as they made their way to whatever it is that he had to show her.