by Blue, A. J.
“Do you often use this place?” I enquire.
“No, why?” Alex seems genuinely startled by my question. “I’ve never been here before. This was supposed to be something really special. Just for you.”
Although I’m flattered, I don’t really buy it.
“Bullshit,” I say. “I bet you’ve been here many times before. How else would you have managed so well in the dark?”
“Compared to most people I’m not afraid of it. When my older sister was nine years old she lost her sight in an accident and had to learn how to cope without it. I was seven at the time and took part in her lessons. I wanted to know how it was for her and give her the feeling that she wasn’t alone. So I blindfolded myself and tried to recreate what she felt,” Alex explains.
“I’m so sorry,” I stammer. “I didn’t know.”
“No need. My sister is the strongest person I know. She regards the fact that she could see as a child as a gift. And she trained all her other senses so well that she gets by without any external help whatsoever. I’ve learned a lot from her.”
I remember Liam telling me that Alex is the most empathetic man he knows. Having listened to the story, I agree with him. How many other children would have done something like that for their sister? Not many, I guess.
At last I’m told some personal information about one of the guys, I think pleasantly surprised.
Alex is watching me buttoning up my blouse.
“May I kiss you?” he asks with an expectant expression.
“You can’t be serious,” I laugh. “First you have sex with me and then you ask me if you can kiss me?”
“Yes,” he nods. “Exactly that.”
I’m amused. Alex really is an unusual man.
“So? May I kiss you?” he asks again.
“I’d say I owe you that much, don’t I?” I reply.
“You don’t owe me anything,” he says. “But I would love a kiss. I find kissing far more intimate than sex.”
I don’t quite agree with him. In my view sex is about as intimate as it gets. But if Alex wants a kiss – I gladly oblige.
“Sure,” I wink at him. “But just the one.”
“Thank you,” Alex smiles and pats his lap with his hand. “Sit down so.”
What a strange guy. First he presents me with one of the best orgasms I ever had and then he makes such a big deal about a single kiss.
I slightly raise my skirt and sit down on his lap.
Alex pulls me really close to his chest. One of his hands tenderly strokes my back; the other rests on my sternum.
“Close your eyes,” he whispers.
I do what he says and close my eyes. I can feel his warm body through my blouse. I deeply inhale his pleasant scent and enjoy the tender caresses of his fingers.
Alex’s kiss is just as gentle as his touch. Loving and sensitive.
His tenderness and my earlier intense climax kindle a veritable emotional rollercoaster inside me. Alex’s way of kissing touches my soul against my will. It’s the way one should be kissed by a man who loves you from the bottom of his heart. I think of Andrew and feel the tears running down my cheeks.
I struggle to swallow the frog in my throat and suppress my tears.
“One can’t always be strong,” Alex whispers and keeps stroking my back. “If you don’t face your feelings, you’ll eventually die emotionally. I know from experience.”
My intellect takes over and I abruptly move away from him. I’ve just realized what he’s trying to do. He wants me to open my soul to him.
But it doesn’t work that way.
I won’t do it!
It’s enough that my body reacts so intensely to the three men. My feelings are nobody’s business, my roomies included. I’ve decided to enjoy the next few weeks and have fun. That doesn’t work if I get emotionally involved.
Alex appears to play people as well as he plays the piano. It makes him far more dangerous than Liam or Marcus.
But he is right after all: a kiss can be far more intimate than sex.
“Let us leave now, please,” I say while I dry my face with the back of my hand.
“As you wish,” Alex agrees with such a poker face, I’ve really no idea what he’s thinking right now.
Damn it! Why did he have to do that to me?
29
We drive back to the apartment without a word. I sit beside Alex in the back of the limo and stare out the window.
“Listen, Kate,” he interrupts the silence. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Then stop it,” I say.
“I still believe you shouldn’t suppress your feelings. It’s completely natural that you pine over your ex.”
“And what good would that do?” I’m stressed out. “Do you want me to run around your apartment all in pieces? That’s sure to really turn Liam and Marcus on.”
“Okay, it’s your decision,” Alex lifts up his hands placatingly. “But should you ever feel the need to talk, I’ll gladly be there for you. I just want you to know that I’m also just as much interested in our women’s personalities as in their physique.”
“That’s great,” I reply, looking straight into his eyes. “I noticed that you three are also really open about your feelings. I take it you can’t tell me either why you’re part of this whole setup, or can you? Oh, Kate, I don’t talk about that. No, Kate, this is not the place for it!“ I ape Marcus and Liam’s words.
“I can, actually,” Alex says surprisingly.
I’m stunned. It’s not what I had expected. Could Alex actually be more open then his two friends?
“So, why then?” I quickly press him before he may remember that he doesn’t want to talk about it after all.
“I met Karen at one of my engagements,” Alex starts. “She was confident, intelligent and attractive. I fell in love with her right away. We spent a lot of time together and I was over the moon when one day she told me that she was pregnant. I hadn’t necessarily planned becoming a dad, but to start a family with Karen felt wonderful. Mia’s birth was the most incredible moment of my life. For a whole year I watched her grow up. I’ve never loved anyone as unconditionally as that little person. The rude awakening came on Mia’s first birthday. In tears, Karen confessed that Mia wasn’t my daughter. I may still have dealt with it all, but Karen decided to leave me and move in with her ex, Mia’s real father. She wanted to make a fresh start and stopped me from seeing Mia again. I did everything Karen wanted and never did meet the little girl after that. I thought it was best for her. But my whole world had collapsed. Marcus and Liam were there for me then and at some stage I joined their commune. The idea of spending time with nice women without any strings attached very much appealed to me. I didn’t want to commit again.”
I don’t know what shocks me more – Alex’s openness or his tragic story. It must be devastating no longer being allowed to see the child one loves. Having to completely erase it from one’s life. What Alex had to go through is definitely far worse than what I experienced with Andrew.
“I’m so terribly sorry,” I say and put my hand on his arm.
He shrugs his shoulders. “Now you know why I’m part of the commune.”
“How old is Mia now?” I quickly ask. Who knows how long Alex will still be willing to talk.
“She’s going on five,” he tells me.
I nod. “That means you’ve lived in the apartment for nearly four years?”
“Three and a half,” he replies. “And I’ve got to know some very nice and adventurous ladies there.”
“And what about Liam and Marcus? Why did they start the whole thing?” I jump at the opportunity and ask the question foremost on my mind.
“You’ll have to ask them yourself,” Alex says and ends the subject.
So much about embracing your feelings, I think.
Alex told me his story in a few short sentences and doesn’t want to discuss it anymore either. Dealing with one’s problems is quite differen
t in my opinion. But at least I know a little more about him. It’s a start. I’ll try and find out more as soon as the opportunity presents itself.
“Here we are,” says Alex soon after and points to the gate of the underground carpark.
I get out of the limo with mixed feelings and step into the elevator. My date with Alex was exciting and soulful, but also unnerving. Now I’m glad that I have my own room. I badly need some peace and quiet.
“I would really like to rest for a while,” I say when we leave the elevator. “Is that okay?”
“Sure. Do that. I hope you enjoyed our date at least a little,” Alex replies, looking at me expectantly.
“Of course, I did,” I reassure him with a smile. “Thank you for the lovely lunch. If you would excuse me now...” I quickly kiss his cheek and try to leave, but Alex keeps a hold of my wrist.
“I enjoyed our time together very much,” he says and gazes right into my eyes.
That look! I think. It really shouldn’t be allowed. He looks at me like the little puppy one wants to adopt on the spot. I believe only brown-eyed people can do that. I simply have to hug him again.
“Thank you so much,” I say.
Alex hugs me back. Then he lifts up my chin so I have to look him in the eyes. Damn it! That puppy dog thing!
Although I hadn’t planned on kissing him again for a while, I don’t resist when his lips approach mine.
Earlier on he had kissed me so very tenderly; now he kisses me very, very passionately. I can feel the goosebumps reappearing. I remember the way he touched me in the dark and change my mind. I don’t actually want to rest anymore.
“Your date obviously worked out!”
The voice behind my back makes me turn around. There’s Liam, less than two yards away, watching us with amusement.
“Would you ever stop creeping up on me like that?” I growl and disengage myself from Alex’s embrace. “Sooner or later you’ll give me a heart attack!”
“You’ll get used to it. Don’t worry,” he says with a dismissive gesture. “I absolutely adore creeping around. I also love watching you. You should know that by now!”
Yeah, I’ve noticed alright, I think. But it irritates me. I’m not used to constant surveillance.
“Hi, Liam,” Alex greets his friend. “You’re home early.”
Unlike me, Alex doesn’t appear bothered at all. To him being watched seems totally normal and it apparently doesn’t particularly annoy him either.
Freaks, I think indignantly and shake my head.
“The meeting didn’t take as long as expected,” Liam replies. “Hey, Kate, where’s my welcome home kiss?” he continues and looks at me eagerly.
I sigh. It’s actually a tad strenuous to be just one woman catering for three men. Let’s see how our little commune develops.
“So?” Liam arches his eyebrows.
In passing, I give him a little kiss on the cheek. “That will have to do for now,” I state and quickly disappear into my room.
“See you later, angel. I’m looking forward this evening,” he shouts after me.
I’m convinced that Liam will follow me to demand a proper kiss. But he doesn’t. He’s apparently noticed that I need some rest. And he presumably wants to spare me a little so I’ll survive their ominous ritual later on. What will they do? Better not to think about it.
Exhausted, I lie down on the bed. My head’s still filled with Alex’s sad story. I’m sure he would have made a great dad, is my last thought before falling into a deep sleep.
30
“Kate? Wake up, angel!”
Sleepily, I squint my eyes. Where am I? I just dreamt that I was heavily pregnant with triplets and Andrew told me he wants to break up and I have to look for another apartment...
What a horrible nightmare!
Fortunately it’s not Andrew I’m facing and I’m not pregnant either. Liam’s sitting at the edge of my bed, pushes a stray hair from my forehead and looks at me with concern. “Are you okay, angel? You were whimpering in your sleep!”
“I’m okay now,” I tell him and stretch my tired limbs. “I just had a bad dream. What time is it?”
“Nearly seven. You slept for more than three hours.”
“What? Really? Why didn’t you wake me?” I sit up and yawn heartily.
“We thought you could do with a little rest,” Liam says and strokes my back. “Marcus is home, too, and we’ve already prepared everything. Just change your clothes and we can start.”
I’m confused and frown. “Start what?”
“Your initiation!” He informs me with a grin.
All of a sudden, I’m wide awake. Liam’s words trigger a little adrenalin kick surging right through my body. My heart’s pounding like mad with excitement.
“Wha... what do you wa... want me to wear?” I stutter in such a panic that I’ve developed a speech impediment.
Of course, I knew that the strange ritual was awaiting me this evening. But now, when it’s imminent, my stomach feels all queasy. I can cope with one of the men by himself, I can even just about manage two of them, but all three? Do they all want to sleep with me? Oh, my God!
“I’ll gladly help you choose an outfit,” Liam grins. He opens the closet and, after a quick search, extracts something from one of the drawers. “Here,” he says and holds up a small cellophane bag with a black nothing inside it. “Wear this!” He throws me the bag.
“Is that all?” I pant and take the black garter and matching black lace stockings out of the bag. “Not even panties or a bra at least?”
“Nope,” he replies, amused. “This is enough. You don’t need a bra and panties would just be in the way!”
I gulp.
“Come on, Kate. Don’t drive yourself crazy. You’ll have fun, believe me.”
I nod and hope he’s right.
“This morning you said that we could agree on a safe word...” I start.
“Sure, of course. If you want!”
“Um.”
“Right. Think of something. We’re expecting you in the lounge,” he says and leaves.
Thanks a bunch for the great fashion advice, I think and nervously bite my lips.
I really have to get on top of my nerves. But it’s not that easy.
The thought that my roomies are expecting me practically naked in the sitting room sends shivers down my spine. I haven’t been this excited since the oral exams for my high school diploma. And that was quite some time ago. On a tension scale from one to ten, I’m a definite ten plus.
I take off my skirt, the blouse and the slip and carefully roll up the lace stockings. It’s been forever since I’ve worn garters. Attaching the stockings to the garters is a pretty tricky job with my trembling hands.
I ask myself what the men see in a getup like this. Do they think that garter-wearing women are more willing? Or do they simply find stockinged legs more attractive?
I scrutinize the result of my efforts in the large wall mirror. Um, not bad. Very sleazy without a bra or panties. I run my fingers through my hair and stick out my tongue at my mirror image.
It’s your own fault, Kate. You wanted this. Nobody forced you to sign the contract, my intellect pipes up.
So what? You’ll hardly ever experience something as erotic as this again in your life. Enjoy, the woman inside me retorts and floods my womb with desire. I feel myself getting a teensy bit wet.
Jesus, this is madness!
But I won’t make my grand entrance as exposed as this. Forget it, boys. They will have to take their clothes off first. If I read the contract correctly, it didn’t mention a dress code. It also didn’t mention that the men had to initiate the action. I’ll also contribute to the rules, I decide. Once the men have taken their clothes off, I’ll do the same. It’s as simple as that!
I slip into my blouse and button it up to my cleavage. It just about covers my fanny. The garters are visible underneath.
You look pretty darn sexy, I think, satisfied. I also d
on’t feel so naked and exposed.
Should I wear high heels?
I slip into a pair and glance at the mirror again.
Perfect!
One last, deep breath and I’m on my way to the lounge.
31
Alcohol, I think. I’m badly in need of a drink!
The setting that awaits me when I enter the lounge puts me so much off my stride, I’m inwardly screaming for an alcoholic beverage to nebulize my senses.
All the curtains are drawn and the room is bathed in the warm glow of candles. That’s fine, so far. But the thing dangling from the ceiling troubles me.
What the hell is that?
“Didn’t I tell you what to wear?” Visibly annoyed, Liam points to my concealed upper body. “Why are you wearing a top?”
“And didn’t I repeatedly tell you that I don’t always do what you tell me?” I retaliate, trying to sound firm. I don’t quite succeed. I sound a little scared.
“As sassy as ever,” Marcus laughs. “That’s how we love you. I like your top and the stockings are class. I can’t wait to see you in this.” He points to the contraption hanging from the ceiling and grins lewdly.
“You okay, Kate?“ Alex looks at me anxiously.
At least one of them has a little empathy, I think and shake my head. “No, I’m not okay! Would you ever tell me what you’re planning?”
“First you take your top off and we help you into the love swing. Then we can start your initiation.”
I doubtfully stare at the swing. Dangling from the ceiling in it, I will be helplessly at the men’s mercy. “But I won’t be able to move in that thing!” I say.
“Exactly! That’s the idea.” Marcus remarks.
Oh, my God, I think.
And if I don’t like something, I can say the safe word?” I ask.