by LJ Swallow
Two places alternate in mine: one filled with men shouting and crying in agony. The other: me, doing the same.
I’m worried that one day the veil will lift, and I’ll see what’s happening and where I am.
I’m terrified I’ll see blood on my hands.
"Are you okay?”
I blink back to reality, surprised by Seth’s concern. "Yeah. Impatient. As usual.”
Seth gives a wry smile. "I want answers as much as you do. I always knew something was wrong with the world. But this...”
Seth. I want to trust him. I need to trust him, and he’s cooperated with everything so far. Am I too harsh, unable to see past my suspicion to his attack and the death sentence over his head? But there’s something weird about him I can’t place my finger on. He’s too quiet. I don’t know what’s really going on with him.
I sure as hell want that laptop back from Seth and him kept off the internet in case he leads anybody to us.
The door opens, and the Collector reappears with Joss and Vee. They remain standing in the doorway. I’m happy to see Joss more animated; he’s been odd recently. Is Vee putting pressure on him that he doesn’t want? Something isn’t right, and I need to talk to him later. Normally, I would’ve quizzed him, especially after the incident at the storage place, but everything has been non-stop crazy. At least nothing hurt him when we were there.
"Well?” I ask. "What did you discover?”
The Collector crosses to sit in his chair and holds up a small book. "Your rune is in here.”
I sit upright. "What does it mean? Can you help us find whoever cast it?”
"This isn't fae, or demon, or even witch. This predates us all... Whoever used this rune on Taron is more powerful than any entity I’m aware of.” He flicks through the pages. "I can’t read every word in this language so I have no clear idea how to cast this spell, I'm afraid, but I can understand enough to know basically how it works.
"How?" I ask.
The Collector places the book down. "The spell works like a time bomb. The magic from the rune spreads like wires through the victim's body, ready to detonate and is painless until activated. The text explains a predetermined action will trigger it, as if setting something to self-destruct."
"So Taron was a weapon?" asks Heath.
"Or somebody wanted him dead after he fulfilled his role." The Collector snaps the book closed. "What happened to trigger the spell?"
"We were questioning Taron about who employed him."
"And the spell stopped him answering. That was the trigger."
Joss reaches out for the book but the Collector moves it out of his reach. "What energy does the rune use to focus the magic? If you can't, who could? Demons?"
"No. I told you, this is primordial. Whoever created this book existed before any of us." He pushes the book closed. "And whoever did this to Taron has access to magic thought to be trapped in other realms."
Joss takes a sharp breath. "Are you saying someone passed through a portal into this world recently?"
"Or has been well hidden for some time." He steals a glance at Vee, and his mouth curves into a smile. "As you were, Verity."
"I don't know magic!" she protests. "And I certainly didn't attack my friend."
"I was not implying such a thing.” He turns to Seth. "Why does somebody want to kill you?"
"Because of my hobby.” I frown at his strange answer.
"Is that so? A dangerous one it seems." He turns his attention back to Xander. "As the humans like to say, you have your work cut out."
Ewan sits forward. "We bloody know that. What we want is to know if you can help us?"
"If you can find a cipher to translate the full text or name the runes, you’ll be a step closer to pinpointing how far back this magic goes. I’m afraid I don’t know where to find anything connected to this. I focus on collecting fae items.”
"Could Syv find it?” asks Vee.
"Possibly.” He laces his fingers together on his lap. "She has some interesting skills and usually locates items quickly. The problem is, you don’t know what you’re looking for.”
"For fuck’s sake,” mutters Heath. "Here we go again.”
Seth clears his throat. "May I look at the book, please?”
The Collectors mouth curves into amusement at his overpoliteness. "Why? Do you speak an ancient language?”
"No. But I have come across people sharing symbols recently.” He glances at Ewan. "On the message boards.”
"Why didn’t you say?” snaps Ewan. "I never saw them!”
"You didn’t ask. All you asked for was Nova Pharm info.”
Ewan’s face darkens, but he doesn’t respond.
The Collector leans forward and passes the small book to Seth, who opens it and leafs through as if the pages might tear. Seth pauses on some pages, and flicks back and forth, pushing his glasses up where they slide along his nose.
His mouth parts and cheeks redden as he points at a page with a shaking finger. "This one. I’ve seen this one.”
Resisting temptation to snatch the book off him, I peer over his shoulder. A symbol very different to the one we saw marked on Taron is written on the page with the archaic language beneath. This one is a series of lines that create a sideways triangle with interconnected squares arranged inside.
"Somebody pass me their phone.” Seth holds out a palm. "Quick. Let me show you this.”
I’ve never seen the guy this animated; and the room falls silent as Seth locates something online. Smiling in triumph, he shoves the phone at me. "Look at this site for a new charity foundation. It’s linked to Nova Pharm because one of the board members founded it. We’re not sure of the link between the two yet. That’s one thing we were getting close to when figuring out all their hidden projects.”
The symbol onscreen is the same as on his page. Hidden in the centre of the logo representing the Myriad Foundation black against the blue, is a runic message to anybody who recognises the magic.
I break into a smile to match Seth’s. "Fuck, yeah.” Taking back the phone, I then pass it to Ewan. Each of us studies the symbol; Ewan brightens and Vee smiles, but Joss blinks and passes it to Heath with no response.
What the hell is with him?
Heath stands and waves the phone. "Take some photos of what’s in the book and we get onto this. Xander?”
For the first time in days, the fog clears and a new optimism steps forward.
A connection.
A direction.
We’re going to end this.
21
VEE
A buoyant Xander lifts everybody else’s mood, and he leaves the Collector’s house with renewed determination. Seth finally agrees to move more items from his place to the guys’ house, and Xander and Heath leave with him in Heath’s car.
But not before dark mutterings about "trusting the bastard” from a pissed off Ewan, easily heard by us all. Joss is keen to get home, and I’d rather spend time resting, so the three of us head back to the house in Joss’s car.
Joss heads straight upstairs when we arrive, without a word. His behaviour worries me, but he refuses to talk.
Tired and hungry, I head to find something to eat. I’ll check on him later.
With Joss upstairs, and the other three guys out, I finally find time alone with Ewan. Or I could if he’d detach himself from his laptop for ten minutes.
I walk up behind him and wrap my arms around his neck. Placing my head on Ewan’s shoulder, I inhale the woody scent of his cologne, evoking memories of last time we were alone at this kitchen table.
On this kitchen table.
"Take a break, Ewan. I want to talk to you.”
He shrugs me away as I nip his earlobe. "I’m busy.”
Wow. Okay. "You're at Xander level on the grumpy scale today. What’s wrong?"
"This shit worries me." He gestures at his laptop. "Seth told me where to find the info on the charity foundation, and I’m digging around their site and connections
to find any fae or demon links to it.”
I sit beside him. "Have you found anything?”
Ewan nods. "The board member’s name is Alasdair Faulkner. He’s been on the Alpha Pharm board for a couple of years, and the charity foundation was set up several months ago. I can’t 100% figure out what the charity does. Something community based. They have a launch coming up soon and will reveal everything then, apparently.”
“Hmm. We need to look into attending that.”
“Yeah. I’ve also found some evidence of payments from Alpha Pharm to the Myriad Foundation, but they’re trying to keep the connection secret. I can’t figure out why.”
"And is he human?”
"I’m unsure. I think so, I can’t find links to anybody on our watch list and his human background looks legit.”
"Well, if there’s a magic symbol on the foundation’s logo, somebody is using it as a front, whether the guy is human or not.”
"Yeah. So we need to talk to Syv too and ask if she’s been sent to find anything that could link to this type of magic.”
"Do you think she has?”
Ewan chews his bottom lip. "She might have an assignment to look for something already. I hope she does because then we can discover what we need.”
"So we have the next items on Xander’s ‘to do’ list?” I smile but Ewan doesn’t. "He’ll be happy you confirmed what Seth thought.”
"Yeah.” He taps a pen on the table. "Xander can come up with the finer details. We’ll figure out a way to get closer to the guy running the foundation, and I expect he’ll line up another meeting with Syv too.”
Why doesn’t Ewan sound happier we’ve found a way forward and some solid leads? I close the lid to his laptop, keeping my hand on the top. Ewan frowns at me. He's sullen, the old Ewan from early days. What did I do?
"Can I ask you something? Why did you tell Xander about the night at the Warehouse?"
"I didn't. I don't know who told him," he says gruffly.
I straighten. "Do all four of you know now?"
"Yep. I'd apologise to you, but I didn't tell them."
"Xander wasn't happy with me, and we argued. Whoever told him put trouble between us we could’ve avoided."
Ewan sighs. "Yeah, he certainly let me know that too. Heath wasn't much happier."
"And Joss?"
"He didn't comment. Ask him yourself.” He pushes my hand away and flips the laptop lid back open.
Whoa. I push it closed again. "Ewan. What's wrong with you?” Is this about Xander? Does he know? I always worried one guy might be jealous, or not cope with the idea I sleep with them all, but never Ewan.
"Do you want to go out somewhere, sometime?” he asks.
"Now you’re confusing me. You’re behaving like you’re pissed off with me, now you’re asking me out on a date? Are you asking me out?”
He taps the laptop lid. "I thought maybe we could do some ordinary shit. A meal. Movies. I dunno, whatever people do when they’re not trying to prevent an apocalypse.”
There’s a hint of a smile, but this isn’t him. He avoids the real world. "What is this attitude really about?"
Ewan runs both hands down his face and leans back in his chair. "I thought it might help if you spent time around people, not just us. I'm worried about you, Vee. We all stay connected to our human side, but you're determined to be rid of it. Why?"
My stomach flips over. "Has Joss spoken to you?"
"Yes. Vee, imagine what the five of us would be like, if we all let go of our humanity. Don't you think our ability to connect to humans is what makes us who we are? Without that, we're no better than any of the creatures we fight."
"Maybe you'll find we're stronger if we're more distant from humans, especially if something worse than you've faced before is coming. I don't mean that I want to lose my humanity, Ewan. I just can't cope with human emotions. I refuse to be the girl falling apart because she's freaked out by death. I'm a Horseman. I'm one of you, and I need those weaker emotions gone."
"Wow. I can't believe this is you talking. You're not the girl I first met, not anymore."
"That's the whole point. I'm not, and I never will be. Not since that moment I killed the incubus. You know that."
He shakes his head and turns back to his laptop. I stare at the side of his head, at the messy hair dipping into his eyes and his pursed lips. Anger rises at him ignoring me.
I shove my chair back and stand. "Why are you being so bloody rude?”
No response. If I stay here, this building anger could lead to words I don’t want to say. The suddenness of the reaction surprises me, as if I’m gripped by more than the annoyance he’s not affectionate tonight.
Deep inside, buried in the centre of who I am, is a need for Ewan. I have to connect with him; he can’t hold back.
This is pointless. As I leave, I hear his chair scrape too and pause at the kitchen door.
"I don’t know what to say to you. You’re not listening to me.”
He approaches and closes the door, resting his hand against the wood so I can’t leave. "You want to be a killing machine and nothing else? You want sex to be about satisfaction and not love? That’s what emotionless means."
I blink at his words. "No."
"A hard heart won't have room for us, Vee.”
The hidden Ewan revealed himself over the last few minutes, the one keeping his distance but worrying about me more deeply than the others. They must all have discussed my thoughts and situation, but none had words like Ewan’s tonight.
In his eyes, I see the same as the last time we hid away with each other. Ewan shares his deepest feelings through the unhidden deep affection in them, and for the first time, I realise what my desire to lose my emotions means.
I might lose the ability to love them. Is that the darkness? The part inside my soul that wants those emotions gone because they’re inconvenient. Who is she? Ewan’s right, that Vee isn’t who I am.
"You don't trust me, do you?" I ask.
"Of course I do."
"Then why are you holding back from me? I thought we were getting closer and then 'bam' barriers up. You don't touch me anymore."
"Because I'm not sure it's a good idea for us to take this further."
"Because you think I'll hurt you? That I'll drain your powers if we have sex?"
"That's not why, Vee." He places a hand on my face. The other guys are tall and muscular, but Ewan's heavyset build extends to the hand that all but encompasses one side of my face. "I'm worried about what might happen."
His touch rushes through me, my desire for him surging. "About what?"
"I'm the last, aren't I?" He withdraws his hand and shoves both into his jeans pockets. "I don't know what will happen once you've had sex with all of us."
What the hell is he saying? "Nothing will happen apart from I'll have the closeness to you all that I want, Ewan. I want to be with the Ewan who opened up to me, who made me feel the way I did."
He stares at his feet. "But you want to let go of the Vee who made me feel the way I did. She’s who I want to connect with, and I already feel her retreating. "
"That’s not true.”
"My powers, Vee. I know when you have sex with the others something between you joins and intensifies their powers. Xander’s strength, Joss’s empathy, and Heath’s ability to give life.” He looks back up, eyes glittering. "What do I offer the world? Disease. Do you think I want my expression of how I feel about you to create pain? Can you imagine how horrific that idea is?"
"That wouldn’t happen, I’m sure. Maybe there's more inside that you haven't discovered yet and that will trigger? You hang back when you fight, and don't use your powers much. Why?"
He fixes me with an unwavering look. "Because I hate them.”
Heath complains about his role, but accepts his powers. They all struggle to an extent, but I’ve never seen any look as lost as Ewan right now. "Ewan...”
"Don’t look at me like that.” Ewan takes my shirt
collar and pulls me towards him, his mouth close to mine. The desire immediately dizzies, the need to kiss him pushing away our conversation from my mind. Ewan slides his hand into my hair, thumb circling the nape and sending a shiver through.
"I care about you on a level I don't want to. I love Vee, the girl who walked into our lives and surprised the hell out of me." He digs his hand deeper into my hair. "In the beginning, I swore whoever this Truth girl is, she wouldn't affect me, but you walked into the pub that day with Heath and tore away that resolve. Now, the girl who teased my feelings out of me, who took away my self-control because I wanted her so badly, wants to lose herself. And I'm scared I'll be the one to make that happen.”
I brush my mouth against his, his stubble scraping against my cheek. "You won't."
He places his thumb to my jaw and steadies my face with his large hand. He inhales sharply before he responds with the kiss I've ached for. Ewan kisses me deeper and harder than before, the type of kiss that turns the world into a dream and snatches away thoughts of anything but being in this moment with him.
Lacing my fingers into his hair, I hold Ewan's face to mine, wanting to kiss away the worry holding him back. He can't push me away, not this time.
Ewan breaks the kiss, then touches my lips and looks at me with pure, plain desire. "What if who I am destroys the human inside you?"
Is this why I react with this new intensity to cross the line with Ewan? Because something within me needs him to fulfill who I am? And now he knows what I asked of Joss, is this why he avoids me?
"But the human was to disguise me. You all have to accept she'll go, but I'll be stronger."
"And that's the problem," he whispers. "We don't know what that means. The Vee I met would never want to lose part of who she is.
The desire and anger mingle with my need to have the guys do what I ask. "I’m still the Vee you met. I might not be the vulnerable girl from the night you saved me, but I still hold you in my heart. That won’t change.” I push my lips against Ewan's, holding his face to mine. The hesitation isn't there as he roughly kisses me back, wrapping his arms around my waist and holding me close. However gentle Ewan can be, the strength in the muscles surrounding me isn't.